[YouTube] Ha ha, so, you guys are all familiar with vampiric fashionista Christian Audigier and his fancy line of premium Ed Hardy T-shirts/underpants/bed sheets/catheters/crack pipes/etc., yes? These tattoo-culture-appropriating items haven’t been particularly popular among some of the, shall we say, more thoughtful fans of body modification, but finally, there is a trio of men brave enough to stand up to this corporate nightmare, via an old-fashioned rap diss track. Hooray! Andy Milonakis, Dirt Nasty and Rich Hill have joined forces to craft this masterpiece of the modern age, succinctly titled, “Fuck Ed Hardy.” We were kind of hoping this would have been the straw to break the camel’s back and sent Audigier on trip inside his psyche, questioning his motives and finally renouncing the dumb clothes he’s been making a mint off of, but apparently he just chuckled and then went about his day, unfortunately. Oh well. Even still, this is worth it just for the line, “It looks like a dragon threw up on your dick.” Oh yeah, NSFW, etc.

[WSMV] Look, we don’t know how many times we have to tell you that, above all else, BME is for the children—we are saying it constantly, in auditoriums and bodegas around the country, basically to anybody who will listen, and still our advice goes ignored, time and time again. So let us just say this one more time: temporary tattoos are trying to kill your children. Remember? Remember? This has happened at least three times now: Some innocent kid gets some low-grade henna at the mall or something and it ends up burning the shit out of them, permanently, and only once did the kid’s parents have the foresight to give him the bad-ass name “Cannon Cribb.” These other youngsters? Shit outta luck. Here’s the latest tale, straight out of Nashville:

An 11-year-old girl who recently received a temporary tattoo at an Opry Mills mall kiosk was left with painful and permanent scars.

The child’s mother said it was meant to be a simple symbol of softball team spirit, but her daughter was left scarred and burned.

[...]

“Each time a blister would bust, another one would form,” said the child’s mother, Tammy.

[...]

[The family's attorney] believes the girl’s injuries point to a type of henna known as black henna. It’s a chemical the FDA won’t allow for the temporary tattoos because it can cause this type of reaction.

[...]

“She has a lot of kids that’ll ask her, ‘Oh, you got a tattoo.’ And she has to go and explain, ‘No, I don’t. This is what happened to me,’” said Tammy. “I don’t want any more kids to get hurt.”

How many more children will automatically become the coolest kids in their school before this menace is stopped? Seriously though, whoever the mutants are who are just painting kids with this poison willy-nilly, you are worse than Mecha-Hitler.

[Twitter] And finally, the Meghan McCain Reality Tour keeps on truckin’! The almost-first-daughter of yesteryear has been known to display something of an “independence streak,” often talking about how much she loves the ol’ counter-culture, which is probably very troubling to her poor family. Below is a recent “tweet” missive of hers, in which she does nothing to dissuade us of the theory that her Twitter account is ghost-written by Marisa from Needles and Sins. (Kidding! Kidding! Love you, Marisa!)

Tattoo Hollywood, BME’s first tattoo convention, is coming to Los Angeles from August 21-23, featuring contests, prizes and some of the best artists from around the world! Click here for more information.

By the start of this summer, Conley’s health had deteriorated so much, it didn’t matter. He made an appointment with a Seattle tattoo artist.

He kept the design a secret. A few days before his appointment, he climbed in his truck and made the drive to downtown Seattle to pick up a rendering of the design.

A few hours later, Conley arrived home gasping for breath. He staggered up the stairs of their townhome and planted the design facedown on his bedroom dresser, and headed straight for bed. Charity called the hospice nurse.

Patrick Conley died the next morning on July 16. His wife sat by his side through the night, heard his last words, held his head as he drew his last breath.

In the emotional tumult, no one gave much thought to Conley’s only unfulfilled wish.

Except the hospice nurse. And she knew just who to call.

I’d rather not spoil the end, but you may be able to see where this is going. Either way, this is something we actually like and well worth the read.

[Metro] Ha ha, this is more like it! Who needs “feelings” and junk when you can have headlines like, “Tattooed Gangster Forced to Look Like Tom Selleck”? Classic, right? So, the story goes, some alleged hoodlum had a gang tattoo on his upper lip and, after being chased by police, just got booted right in the kisser by a cop, apparently because this tattoo identified him as some sort of undesirable. He is now suing for $5 million, and his lawyer has made some excellent suggestions:

Pachecho has filed a $5 million legal claim against the city on behalf of the 24-year-old for alleged assault.

He claims that his client now suffers from headaches and blurred vision among other symptoms. Pacheco feared jurors would judge Rodriguez on his ‘Flores’ gang tattoo, inked on his lip.

So he has issued a digitally altered picture of his client “looking like [actor] Tom Selleck”, complete with bushy moustache - which he has positioned next to Rodriguez’s original police mugshot.

He will also grow hair to cover the tattoos on his shaved head. And he’ll wear a smart suit.

“People get past looks when you put on a suit and your hair is grown,” Pacheco said.

Honestly, they could have just said, “Grow a mustache,” but for some reason—to make the jobs of people me easier, I suppose—they went full-tilt with the Tom Selleck comparisons, and you know what? I thank them for that.

[Post Chronicle] And finally, the Chris Brown Public Image Rehabilitation Campaign continues with him, huh, trying to one-up the ex-girlfriend he beat the holy shit out of? Sounds like a solid plan. As I’m sure you all remember, last month, Rihanna made headlines everywhere with her daring attempts at becoming a tattoo artist, or something, and then caused some controversy because she was not licensed and therefore got tattooing banned in the state of New York. Well, her erstwhile shit-bag romantic consort is trying his hand at the ol’ needle and ink, too! Very exciting.

The ‘Run It’ singer has decided to mimic his ex-girlfriend – who he pleaded guilty
to assaulting earlier this year – by inking a design on celebrity tattoo artist Bang Bang.

‘Umbrella’ hitmaker Rihanna recently left a lasting impression on the artist – real name Keith McCurdy - by drawing an umbrella with an ‘R’ underneath it on his leg.

However, Chris, 20, has outdone his former girlfriend by creating his own design – a cartoon face with the word ‘Bang’ above it.

[...]

“He did a great job too. He’s a natural, which is funny because I said the same thing about Rihanna. She was really good the first time, but he was better.”

Without a hint of hyperbole or sarcasm, this is probably the most important news story of the last ten years.

Tattoo Hollywood, BME’s first tattoo convention, is coming to Los Angeles from August 21-23, featuring contests, prizes and some of the best artists from around the world! Click here for more information.

As everybody knows, celebrities have been dying constantly lately, because they are probably under attack or particularly susceptible to some sort of terrible monster flu that we lesser folks are not important enough to be murdered by or something along those lines. BME has been doing its best to keep tabs on these doomed creatures and the grotesque memorial tattoos that follow, but holy smokes did we just hit the mother lode, as Jeremiah at Good Life Tattoos & Piercings in Akron, Ohio, just wrote in to inform us that Brian McFadden, also of Good Life, has just done a series of portraits of our favorite recently deceased famous people, and, sure enough…he has, indeed.

First up is noted auto-erotic asphyxiation-enthusiast David Carradine, seen above as a grasshopper, because, hey, why the hell not, with a conveniently placed rope in case you didn’t get the joke already.

[Kijiji] I’m warning you all right now, this is going to be an extra-stupid edition of our beloved news roundup. Like, seriously. There is nary a redeeming quality to be found among today’s record of idiocy, whether it’s the subjects of the stories or the fact that the stories themselves even exist in the first place. Let’s start with this Kijiji posting, beckoning one and all to contribute to this citizen’s tattoo portfolio by submitting to a full-facial tattoo. It is very important that this person pad his or her portfolio with a very impressive full-facial tattoo—so important, in fact, that it will be done nearly practically free! As long as you don’t want any tribal, of course. Tribal is for assholes.

[Help Me Sue] Oh Jesus Christ, if you are eating your celebratory (and mandatory, damn it) Independence Day fried chicken, you may want to put it down (or eat it extremely quickly) before clicking that link. First of all, there is actually a web site called “Help Me Sue,” which is just tremendous, and it evidently exists to help people wronged by The Man (or various men) find a lawyer appropriate for one’s respective situation. Well, someone is having some problems with a tattoo, from the looks of things (all [sic]‘d):

Myself and two other co-workers went to a new local tattoo parlor in Morgan Hill, California. We all got the same tattoo and we all got bad infections. Within the two days our ankles swelled three times the size and was oozing all the color and green stuff. We let it ride because we understood that the foot area was very painful in regards to healing. We went back to the tat shop to find the owner and his wife and showed him our feet. His first response was “Oh shit, he went way too deep, that artist is out of here. Don’t worry, he won’t be back!” At that point we told him that we were pissed and we were going to seek medical attention because our legs had became so sore that we had to miss work and the crust from our tattoo kept cracking and seaping. My friend was the first to go seek medical advice then myself. It was confirmed that it appeared we both had Staf infections and were given antibiotics for severl weeks. The artist finally cared enough to contact us and even admitted he may have went to deep and that he would only refund our money and fix it. He then told us that we would fix it at the shop where we got it beacuse he still worked there! We then decided to run in their business lic because they had one on the wall in the shop. It happens that they do not have a license but rather one is pending because the Enviromental Health Dept. still hadn’t inspected their facility.

And wouldn’t you know it, it’s actually a lot grosser than it sounds! There’s a nice little area of necrotic tissue pictured, which, as we all know, is the primary symptom of…a tattoo artist going too deep? What? Hey, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure you don’t pick up a necrotizing Staph infection because your artist has a heavy hand. Anyway, folks, best of luck in your lawsuit. Care to make it class-action lawsuit? Eh? Eh? C’monnn.

[NJ Star-Ledger] So here’s a fun game to play: Go to Google News, type “Bagelhead” into the query field, look at the results, and then punch yourself in the dick/balls/ovaries/whatever hard enough that you will never, ever breed, thus saving your potential offspring from the horrid fate of having to share a planet with the reporters responsible for this new “BRAND NEW FAD” non-story. Apparently, some Japanese youths have started experimenting with inflating their foreheads with saline solution (as our old friends Jerome, Ryoichi and others have been photographed doing in the past), and of course, since something need only exist for it to become a fad, this is now a fad sweeping the sleepy fishing village of Japan. Oh, and apparently the people who are doing this are being called “Bagelheads,” because what would a dumb non-story be without the most outrageously stupid moniker imaginable attached to it? Hooray.

[Popcrunch] And finally, famous singer person Rihanna is going to jail, forever, for giving someone a tattoo. Apparently she thought it’d be a real hoot to pick up a tattoo machine while hanging out in New York and give some folks some little umbrella tattoos, except those photos were published (by the MEDIA), and now it’s been revealed that she was not properly licensed to be a tattoo artist, or something, so she will be put to death, the end.

[Twitter/Meghan McCain] Oh well look at that, important political daughter Meghan McCain is all up in the Twitters, talking about getting tattooed! As we know, she used to joke about getting tattooed when her pops, John McCain, was running for President, hoping that it would give him flashbacks or something. But now that her father has retired from the presidency, she is free to get all the tattoos she pleases while he naps. At least, judging by this recent “tweet,” she has good taste in artists. That said, it’s refreshing to know that not even government tattoo snobs like the McCains can jump the line with Paul Booth. Vote Paul Booth in 2012!

[First Amendment Center] A few months back, we covered this sordid tale of some murdering shitbag who had all sorts of demonic tattoos that lawyers tried to use against him in court, and we were generally bummed out by everyone involved in the situation being so distasteful and unsympathetic. To recap:

Martin Robles and his shit-demon accomplice were indicted for breaking into a home in 2002 and killing two men, crimes for which Robles was sentenced to death in Texas. He lost an appeal, then made a last-ditch effort to file a petition for a writ of habeas corpus, claiming, among other things, that his First Amendment rights were violated during the trial. [...] [He argued] that his religious-liberty rights were violated when the state placed into evidence his tattoo of a religious figure. As described in trial proceedings, the tattoo depicted “Jesus with a demon devouring his brains.”

Now, I’m not an attorney, but I usually catch about 25 minutes of Law & Order: SVU a night, so I understand the importance of legal precedence in cases like this. In the quoted case, much was made of a 1992 trial, Dawson v. Delaware, in which tattoos were of central importance:

[U.S. District Judge Janis Graham Jack] distinguished Robles’ case from the 1992 case Dawson v. Delaware, in which the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a defendant’s First Amendment associational rights were violated when prosecutors introduced into evidence his membership in a white supremacist group when such association had nothing to do with the underlying crime. [...] However, the Court in Dawson pointed out that “elements of racial hatred were … not involved in the killing.”

Well boy howdy, another case just rolled through that’s invoking Dawson yet again! And…it’s even dumber than the one with the Jesus-eating zombie thing.

A trial court did not violate the First Amendment rights of a criminal defendant when it allowed a prosecutor to comment, and a county sheriff to testify, on a defendant’s “Lying Eyes” tattoos during closing arguments, a Texas appeals court ruled recently.

A jury had convicted Michael Lee Wood of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for brutally beating a convenience store clerk with a sharp object in Haskell, Texas. During the punishment phase of the trial, the prosecutor elicited testimony from Haskell County Sheriff David Halliburton. The sheriff testified that Wood had a tattoo on each eyelid. One tattoo read “Lying” and the other read “Eyes.” Wood’s attorney contended such evidence was irrelevant. The prosecutor countered that the “Lying Eyes” tattoos showed Wood’s lack of respect for society.

This, apparently, was not a violation of his First Amendment rights due to the fact that his eyelid tattoos were supposedly evidence of a lack of moral character, and not some manner of gang affiliation. Again, I really, really hate to be put into a position to offer any sort of defense on the behalf of goons like this, but this seems like a bad precedent to set. The Jesus brain thing? Sure, that probably wouldn’t play well with conservative/religious folks, but “Lying Eyes” on someone’s eyelids? What, are we just going to start locking up people who get shitty puns tattooed on them?

Actually, when you put it that way….

[Norwich Bulletin] Oh baby, so we were all just waiting to see how those jackals in the “mainstream media” would react to, uh whatshername, the girl with all the stars tattooed on her face? Well, here go! This sack of garbage disguised as a column is honestly the most paint-by-numbers, thoughtless pablum I’ve seen in quite some time. But don’t take my word for it! Let’s hear what you have to say, Sharma Howard!

There’s one thing I know for sure I don’t want to see on my sons:

The roof of your house! A burning car! A murderous lion!

tattoos.

That’s the “one thing [you] know for sure” you don’t want to see on your songs? No offense, lady, but my answers are way deadlier.

When I was growing up, tattoos were for the fringe of society — and the two adults I knew that had them always kept them covered up in embarrassment.

Now, tattoos adorn movie stars such as Angelina Jolie, who makes for an odd sight in an evening gown and lines of Oriental writing marching up her neck. It’s jolting, to be sure.

“Oriental” is not the preferred nomenclature, dude! Anyway, yes, Angelina Jolie should pretty much be ashamed of herself, at all times. That’s where you were going with that, right?

Now, 36 percent of 18-25 year-olds have tattoos, inching towards the 50/50 mark that would make having a tattoo almost blase.

“Blase” is kind of a poor word choice in this instance but whatever, sure. Now, get ready for the reappearance of our old friend Starface!

I watched in horror when the young teen from Belgium claimed in the news the 56 black stars that now blanket her face like a constellation were the result of a tattoo artist gone wild as she slept. The story had many people skeptical, but one look at the tattoo artist, who had his own face covered in tattoos and had stretched his skin with heavy piercings stirred sympathy for the 18-year old.

Look, we’re not necessarily going to defend the artist’s somewhat poor judgment in this case, but we don’t recall there being a ton of sympathy for Starface. We will grant you, however, that seeing Rouslan in an evening gown can be a jolting experience. I would quote more from this chumbucket but once I got to the seventh paragraph I fell asleep for a hundred years. “Enjoy” it on your own, if you must.

[Goldcoast] As we’ve discussed in the past, henna is, above most other things, an insidious plot by any number of shadowy poison syndicates to horrifically mangle and mutilate your young children. Don’t believe it? Well listen, then, to the tale of young Cannon Cribb:

The five-year-old recently returned from Bali where locals painted a dragon on his arm with what his parents now realise was a substance containing para-phenylenediamine (PPD).

All was fine until the tattoo wore off completely and the entire area welted into the shape of the original image, some two weeks after it was first put on.

The family now fear Cannon will be left with a life-long scar.

First of all, this kid’s name is Cannon. How awesome is that? Even money that he’s already the most popular in his class just because of that, and now he’s got a dragon on his arm? Look, it’s terrible in a lot of ways and something clearly has to be done about the shitbags who keep using this low-grade junk (it’s actually the additive PPD and not henna itself that causes this reaction, and the boy’s mother makes a very valid point: “‘What if a little girl got a butterfly on her face?”), but holy crap this kid is going to get so much ass. I mean, not as a five-year-old. Oh, God, no. We don’t support that. Plus, it’s not really physiologically possible. Hopefully. Who knows what kinda mutant hormones they’re draining into milk these days.

[Showbiz Spy] So hey, here is a very important article about popular sex actress Megan Fox, who, as it turns out, is just like everyone else out there who was mildly overbearing parents! Megan was all, “Hey I want to get tattooed,” and her mom was all, “But you’re so pretty already,” and Megan was all, “But I really really want a sleeve,” and her mom was all, “There’ll be none of that under my roof, young lady,” and Megan was all, “I’M A GROWN WOMAN I CAN DO WHAT I WANT,” and her mom was all, “RAAAAAAR NO YOU WON’T, NOW EAT YOUR BRUSSELS SPROUTS,” and so Megan ran to her room and slammed the door and cried herself to sleep, the end.

Megan Fox’s mother, Darlene, hates it when her superstar daughter gets a new tattoo.

Darlene is apparently furious at the Transformers star’s plans to cover her entire right arm in a tattoo “sleeve.”

“Her mom has never understood why her daughter would want to cover her gorgeous body with tattoos,” said an insider. “After each new tattoo, Darlene pleaded with Megan not to get more.

“Darlene believes that when Megan is a 40-year-old woman wanting to play more mature roles, people won’t want to hire her because it will be too hard to cover her tattoos.”

God it must really suck to be Megan Fox these days.

[NBA FanHouse] And finally, in celebration of tonight’s game three of everyone’s favorite NBA Finals between the Lakers and Magic, here is another heartbreaking tale of authoritarian power trying to limit the expression of tattooed people, except instead of parents it’s a multi-billion dollar clothing company, and instead of Megan Fox it’s a seven-foot-tall Polish man. Practically the same thing. Anyway, Marcin Gortat, back-up center for Orlando, has been a pleasant surprise for anybody betting on the Magic these playoffs, but apparently his sponsor, Reebok, is none too pleased with the way he’s chosen to adorn himself with terrible inky idolatry:

[Gortat] received an uncomfortable phone call last weekend from Reebok, with whom he has a shoe contract. Representatives of the company were not happy to see a picture of him from Game 1 in a Polish newspaper that prominently displayed his Michael Jordan/Nike logo tattoo on his lower right leg.

Reebok asked him either to wear higher socks tonight to cover up the tattoo, or to apply makeup so it will not be noticed through the rest of the NBA Finals.

“They called and said I had to do something about it, but that ain’t going to happen,” Gortat said after Tuesday morning’s workout.

“I’ve been wearing it 4-5 years now, and it helped me get to the NBA,” said Gortat. “They didn’t say anything about it when I signed the contract, so it’s not going anywhere. I don’t think they are paying me enough to take it off.”

[Gizmodo] We’ve written previously about some gent who got a BlackBerry tattoo in exchange for one of the then-new Storm devices, which, hey—the economy’s in the shitter, so you do what you’ve gotta do to get your gadgets, I guess. Well, today my friend Adam over at Gizmodo checked in with a similar story (via PreCentral) of a man so desperate for a free Palm Pre that he got it tattooed on his shoulder. Success!

This isn’t some guy who’s covered in tattoos already, either. This is Lou’s very first and only tattoo, a bit ugly Palm Pre right on his shoulder. He will get his precious smartphone courtesy of PreCentral.net, but you’ve gotta wonder how long it’ll be before he starts trying to get a different website to pay for the laser removal. I mean, for chrissakes, the free phone is only worth $199! Come on, Lou, you could have gotten so much more for an equally embarrassing tattoo if you only knew how to market yourself.

Frucci makes a valid point. I’d be willing to bet a GM logo covering your back would net you an entire fleet of Pontiac vehicles that were otherwise destined to be melted down and used for, I don’t know, soup cans? Segways? Whatever.

[National Ledger] Megan Fox and her tattoos have found their way onto here before, and because she is in the news every day, several times a day, talking about all the WILD and CRAZY and REBELLIOUS stuff she constantly does (did you know she is a bisexual cage-fighting lion-taming astronaut? It’s probably true!), well, let’s just check in with her latest tattoo-related news, just because:

he sexy Transformers star already has seven tattoos - including one of movie icon Marilyn Monroe on her right arm.

Fox said: “I’m going to sleeve my arm.” Fox has previously told how she doesn’t care what other people think of her tattoos - and even threatened to quit Hollywood if they cost her a movie role. She said: “Every time I get a tattoo, it’s a little f***-you to anyone who tells me not to. I like the way getting a tattoo feels.”

I have to say, I’m a fan of the idea of one of the most popular young actors with a full sleeve, and getting it ostensibly because she really loves tattoos (as manufactured as much of her personality may very well be.) She then goes on to lie about going to work at Costco if she ever lost a movie role because of her tattoos, which, hey, that’s sweet.

[ABC Local] And hey, let’s finish up with a legitimately positive and heartwarming story. Chicago’s got a problem with gangs as bad as anywhere, and even once gang members try to get on with their lives, their tattoos may lead people to believe they’re still immersed in that sort of violent culture. Well, Eric Dean Spruth of South Side Tattoos in Chicago is the director of a program called Sacred Transformations, which will cover-up and modify any former gang member’s gang tattoos, free of charge.

“We allow people to empower themselves through identifying a new mark, a new horizon in their life, something they can be proud of,” said Spruth.

[...]

For [Luis] Corral, the new tattoos mean a new chance at life.

“Now I can go anywhere I want, and not worry about, hey, if I die today, it ain’t because of my tattoos, you know what I’m saying, it ain’t because I got gang tattoos on me,” said Corral.

Great stuff. Check out the video below.

Hey, remember this past weekend, when we showed you some pictures from Canvas LA’s sexy swingers party, An Evening with Horiyoshi III? Well, there are plenty more fun photos where those came from! Like that one up there, with teevee star “Rachel from BME” hanging out with Benji Madden!

After the jump, Benji finds himself in a compromising position (!) and other goodies.

[The Celebrity Cafe] Well well well, guess who’s too good for his tattoos all of a sudden? That chump over on the right, Mister Fancy Hip Hop Producer Pharrell, who you may remember from occasionally whistling and snapping his fingers in the background of Snoop Dogg songs. (OK, he did a fine job on that last Clipse album, too.) Anyway, Johnny Jackerson there used to have all kinds of tattoos, but that era has come to an end! Because he is an adult.

Although Pharrell would not give exact numbers, he did say that regardless of the price he plans to go ahead with the surgery.

“It’s going to be pricey, but worth it,” he says. “I got fire on my arms! I’m a grown man!”

Some vicious Internet rumors, however, have suggested that he is just going to fill his arms right back up with the devil’s ink, and this was just a means to start with a blank canvas. Although this was a laser procedure, that wasn’t always the plan! At first, Pharrell was looking into some experimental grafting process in which the tattoos wouldn’t actually be removed at all, but would have instead been covered with brand new skin, grown on some horrific eugenics flesh farm.

[He] is trying a revolutionary new tattoo removal procedure, which involves applying replicated skin over old body art.

“It’s basically like getting a skin graft, but you’re not taking skin from your ass or your legs. These guys actually grow the skin for you,” he explained to Vogue. “First you have to give them a sample of your skin, which they then replicate. Once that’s been done, they sew it on - and it’s seamless.”

On his blog, however, he wrote, “Laser treatment bitches! Extra crispy. See, no skin graft here, just pure laser pain. This is our own version of Mythbusters! Laser is the new primer.” See, Rob? Some people absolutely do Twitter from the emergency room.

[KMPH] And this just isn’t funny at all. Local Fresno, California, shitbag Enrique Gonzalez, a Bulldog gang member, held down his seven-year-old son while some other fool tattooed a paw print onto the kid’s stomach.

Police discovered the tattooed child on Monday, and soon after arrested the man responsible for the tattoo; 20-year-old Travis Gorman of Fresno. Gorman, a parolee, was arrested on Tuesday, and booked into the Fresno County Jail after he was positively identified by the child as the man who tattooed him. Tattoo paraphernalia was also discovered during his arrest.

Admittedly, everything I know about California gangs I learned from watching The Shield, but that show sure made it seem like gangs down there just willy-nilly tattoo people they consider their property. Whatever happened to just wearing distinctive colors? I miss the ’90s sometimes.

[Guardian] Finally, we’ve mentioned former Palin-child-beau Levi Johnston and his ring-finger tattoo commemorating his love for the former vice-presidential candidate’s daughter, Bristol, but the happy pair of teenagers have called it quits! Now Levi is doing a press tour, showing up anywhere that will have him, trying to squeeze some money out of the situation. Well, last night, he and his clan were on CNN’s Larry King Live, finally answering the question all of America was waiting for: Why’d you get that tattoo instead of wearing a ring, fella?

During a bizarre exchange, King asked to see the “Bristol” tattoo on Johnston’s finger. King asked Johnston why he got the tattoo: “You know, I was - I was hunting again and I lost the ring that she gave me. And it was bad so I figured … this way I wouldn’t lose it and it would get me out of a bind, you know,” Johnston said.

We all know the jury is perpetually out on whether it’s a good idea to get the name of a sexytime partner tattooed on you, but there are many compelling cases to be made for doing that sort of thing. This may not be one of them.