Hey, remember the Working-Class Cyborg article, in which I profiled Rob Spence? Well, we’ve got a fancy video accompaniment now! Many thanks to Chris McMillan (IAM) for all his work behind the camera and editing!

So, if you’ve been around the Internets once or twice, you probably know the lovely Molly McAleer, formerly of Defamer and other various hilarious online ventures. (She even beat Christina Hendricks for “Best Newcomer Boner” on Boner Party! The Internet is a magical place.) Well, now she’s hosting The Molls Show, and wouldn’t you know it, she just had BME’s own Rachel on as a guest to answer a very special question about tattoos. The whole episode is fun, but if it’s just Rachel’s soaring soprano you wish to hear, skip ahead to the 2:00 mark. And then go back and watch the rest of it.

Jose Lopez, from Lowrider Tattoos, has been tattooing for more than 17 years. He has his black and white portrait skills on lock, winning him and his shop awards at world conventions. If you’re in L.A., be sure to stop by his shop:

And here we have Neek, hands tied behind his head and about to be cast off Mt. Olympus by the gods, for the grave transgression of, um, washboard abs, mostly. Hera wanted to keep him around because she so fancied the fine stippling work being done by Alice Newstead in his armpits, but was sadly outvoted. After the jump, startling video of his earthly punishment, which involves hanging by hooks in his forearms, for eternity. Terrible.

Friend of BME, Ary from VIMBY Video, just sent us this new piece profiling a man who needs no introduction, Paul Booth, at his Last Rites studio in New York City. Paul discusses trades he’s made for tattoo work (example: a torture chair), tattooing rock stars, shows off “Skeleton Christ,” and more.

[Joplin Globe] It’s pretty often that we stumble across stories of backwards school boards that have decided students with tattoos and piercings are an affront to the education system and do not even deserve access to the same crippled-by-No-Child-Left-Behind embarrassment programs as all the others, and who cares right? What have stupid kids ever offered society other than scabies and juvenile diabetes? Well, the mavericks on the Joplin R-8 Board of Education in Missouri have turned their discerning eyeballs on the swill merchants who are pushing these ideas of “body” “art” on the little scamps: teachers!

Joplin R-8 Board of Education members Tuesday night gave administrators the OK to change wording in the district’s employment policy to not allow any part of a tattoo to show.

The policy previously instructed teachers to wear clothing that “minimizes” tattoos, but it did not prohibit part or all of the tattoo from showing.

The board also wants to make that policy apply to all district employees, not just teachers.

Superintendent C.J. Huff said he brought the issue to the board because someone had raised concerns about teachers with tattoos. The board members appeared to be in unanimous agreement about tattoos not being appropriate in a professional and, specifically, a classroom setting.

[...] Joplin resident Maurice Filson encouraged the board to adopt a policy that requires teachers to cover their tattoos. He said refusing to do so would be a statement that might speak louder than the body art itself.

“You already know the problems our children are facing, so for the sake of our kids, I hope this can be properly addressed,” Filson said.

Do those problems include low test scores and problems focusing in class? Because I have a feeling that even if the subject matter of these classes isn’t engaging the little ragamuffins, then maybe more interesting individuals at the helm could be of some help. But as I’ve said before, it’s hard to argue with an employer that seeks to enforce a dress code, so … keep up the work, Joplin Board of Education. You are doing a job.

[Greensburg Daily News] So what with it being election season and all, does anybody know when we cast our ballots for mother of the year? Because, even though it’s only October, I have a feeling it’s going to be tough to beat Indiana’s proudest daughter, Jessica Middleton of St. Paul, who had herself a pretty spectacular twenty-second birthday:

According to Greensburg Police Chief Brian Heaton, Jessica L. Middleton, 22, was arrested early Saturday morning on charges of neglect of a dependent, a Class D felony. Heaton said at 10:26 p.m. Friday, the department received a call of a 2-year-old in a car unattended in the city parking lot just off the downtown square. Due to a high call volume taxing the on-duty officers he had at the time, Officer Mike McNealy didn’t arrive immediately. When he did, he found a child being cared for by some friendly passers-by.

[...] Heaton said they may not have found Middleton without thew help of a 16-year-old male who said he was friends with the mother. He told officers Middleton, who turned 22 on Oct. 15, went to Somers’ Ink, a new tattoo parlor downtown, for a tattoo at around 9:30 p.m. Afterwards, Heaton said the teenager informed officers she went to the Tiki Bar for a birthday drink. He identified Middleton to officers, who allowed him access to the bar for the purpose of making their arrest.

Booze and tattoos? Sounds like a pretty sweet birthday to me! Other than the whole borderline-infanticide thing, which really sounds like it was being blown out of proportion. When asked for a comment, Middleton told reporters that she used to babysit herself in the car all the time, eating cigarette butts and strangling herself with the seatbelt, and she turned out pretty well, didn’t she? Middleton then fell down, soiled herself and a rabid coyote ran over and licked her fresh tattoo, thus capping the greatest birthday she or anyone else has ever had.

[YouTube] No snark here, friends: The video that follows is of a ballet performed by a pair of amputees, one male and one female, and it’s about as beautiful as anything you’ll find on these here Internets: