A Children’s Treasury of Dead Celebrity Tattoos


As everybody knows, celebrities have been dying constantly lately, because they are probably under attack or particularly susceptible to some sort of terrible monster flu that we lesser folks are not important enough to be murdered by or something along those lines. BME has been doing its best to keep tabs on these doomed creatures and the grotesque memorial tattoos that follow, but holy smokes did we just hit the mother lode, as Jeremiah at Good Life Tattoos & Piercings in Akron, Ohio, just wrote in to inform us that Brian McFadden, also of Good Life, has just done a series of portraits of our favorite recently deceased famous people, and, sure enough…he has, indeed.

First up is noted auto-erotic asphyxiation-enthusiast David Carradine, seen above as a grasshopper, because, hey, why the hell not, with a conveniently placed rope in case you didn’t get the joke already.

As luck would have it, there is nothing particularly vulgar about this Farrah Fawcett piece, aside from the masturbation insinuation, which…yeah, we guess that is still pretty crude, now that we think about it.

Say hey, Billy Mays! We’re not entirely sure why he’s on a cupcake but at least he isn’t beating off.

As we discussed previously, we think the jury is still out on the acceptability of pieces of art portraying ol’ MJ as a dead person. This would typically be a pretty cut-and-dry case, but seeing as he shot to international fame largely due to a video in which he played a damn godless zombie, well…you can see our dilemma. Whatever, we’ll allow it.

And finally, the dead celebrity who started it all, Academy Award-winner Heath Ledger, seen here as the murderous Joker, albeit crossed, for some reason, with Krusty the Klown, who, as far as we know, is not a murderer (yet?). In conclusion, hopefully this will be the end of the untimely deaths of celebrities, points of light among us to whom we should aspire to be, the end.

BME Shop is holding a 20-percent-off sale on most items this week until midnight on Thursday, July 16! Click here for details.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (July 3, 2009)


[Kijiji] I’m warning you all right now, this is going to be an extra-stupid edition of our beloved news roundup. Like, seriously. There is nary a redeeming quality to be found among today’s record of idiocy, whether it’s the subjects of the stories or the fact that the stories themselves even exist in the first place. Let’s start with this Kijiji posting, beckoning one and all to contribute to this citizen’s tattoo portfolio by submitting to a full-facial tattoo. It is very important that this person pad his or her portfolio with a very impressive full-facial tattoo—so important, in fact, that it will be done nearly practically free! As long as you don’t want any tribal, of course. Tribal is for assholes.

[Help Me Sue] Oh Jesus Christ, if you are eating your celebratory (and mandatory, damn it) Independence Day fried chicken, you may want to put it down (or eat it extremely quickly) before clicking that link. First of all, there is actually a web site called “Help Me Sue,” which is just tremendous, and it evidently exists to help people wronged by The Man (or various men) find a lawyer appropriate for one’s respective situation. Well, someone is having some problems with a tattoo, from the looks of things (all [sic]‘d):

Myself and two other co-workers went to a new local tattoo parlor in Morgan Hill, California. We all got the same tattoo and we all got bad infections. Within the two days our ankles swelled three times the size and was oozing all the color and green stuff. We let it ride because we understood that the foot area was very painful in regards to healing. We went back to the tat shop to find the owner and his wife and showed him our feet. His first response was “Oh shit, he went way too deep, that artist is out of here. Don’t worry, he won’t be back!” At that point we told him that we were pissed and we were going to seek medical attention because our legs had became so sore that we had to miss work and the crust from our tattoo kept cracking and seaping. My friend was the first to go seek medical advice then myself. It was confirmed that it appeared we both had Staf infections and were given antibiotics for severl weeks. The artist finally cared enough to contact us and even admitted he may have went to deep and that he would only refund our money and fix it. He then told us that we would fix it at the shop where we got it beacuse he still worked there! We then decided to run in their business lic because they had one on the wall in the shop. It happens that they do not have a license but rather one is pending because the Enviromental Health Dept. still hadn’t inspected their facility.

And wouldn’t you know it, it’s actually a lot grosser than it sounds! There’s a nice little area of necrotic tissue pictured, which, as we all know, is the primary symptom of…a tattoo artist going too deep? What? Hey, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure you don’t pick up a necrotizing Staph infection because your artist has a heavy hand. Anyway, folks, best of luck in your lawsuit. Care to make it class-action lawsuit? Eh? Eh? C’monnn.

[NJ Star-Ledger] So here’s a fun game to play: Go to Google News, type “Bagelhead” into the query field, look at the results, and then punch yourself in the dick/balls/ovaries/whatever hard enough that you will never, ever breed, thus saving your potential offspring from the horrid fate of having to share a planet with the reporters responsible for this new “BRAND NEW FAD” non-story. Apparently, some Japanese youths have started experimenting with inflating their foreheads with saline solution (as our old friends Jerome, Ryoichi and others have been photographed doing in the past), and of course, since something need only exist for it to become a fad, this is now a fad sweeping the sleepy fishing village of Japan. Oh, and apparently the people who are doing this are being called “Bagelheads,” because what would a dumb non-story be without the most outrageously stupid moniker imaginable attached to it? Hooray.

[Popcrunch] And finally, famous singer person Rihanna is going to jail, forever, for giving someone a tattoo. Apparently she thought it’d be a real hoot to pick up a tattoo machine while hanging out in New York and give some folks some little umbrella tattoos, except those photos were published (by the MEDIA), and now it’s been revealed that she was not properly licensed to be a tattoo artist, or something, so she will be put to death, the end.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 29, 2009)


[Twitter/Meghan McCain] Oh well look at that, important political daughter Meghan McCain is all up in the Twitters, talking about getting tattooed! As we know, she used to joke about getting tattooed when her pops, John McCain, was running for President, hoping that it would give him flashbacks or something. But now that her father has retired from the presidency, she is free to get all the tattoos she pleases while he naps. At least, judging by this recent “tweet,” she has good taste in artists. That said, it’s refreshing to know that not even government tattoo snobs like the McCains can jump the line with Paul Booth. Vote Paul Booth in 2012!

[First Amendment Center] A few months back, we covered this sordid tale of some murdering shitbag who had all sorts of demonic tattoos that lawyers tried to use against him in court, and we were generally bummed out by everyone involved in the situation being so distasteful and unsympathetic. To recap:

Martin Robles and his shit-demon accomplice were indicted for breaking into a home in 2002 and killing two men, crimes for which Robles was sentenced to death in Texas. He lost an appeal, then made a last-ditch effort to file a petition for a writ of habeas corpus, claiming, among other things, that his First Amendment rights were violated during the trial. […] [He argued] that his religious-liberty rights were violated when the state placed into evidence his tattoo of a religious figure. As described in trial proceedings, the tattoo depicted “Jesus with a demon devouring his brains.”

Now, I’m not an attorney, but I usually catch about 25 minutes of Law & Order: SVU a night, so I understand the importance of legal precedence in cases like this. In the quoted case, much was made of a 1992 trial, Dawson v. Delaware, in which tattoos were of central importance:

[U.S. District Judge Janis Graham Jack] distinguished Robles’ case from the 1992 case Dawson v. Delaware, in which the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a defendant’s First Amendment associational rights were violated when prosecutors introduced into evidence his membership in a white supremacist group when such association had nothing to do with the underlying crime. […] However, the Court in Dawson pointed out that “elements of racial hatred were … not involved in the killing.”

Well boy howdy, another case just rolled through that’s invoking Dawson yet again! And…it’s even dumber than the one with the Jesus-eating zombie thing.

A trial court did not violate the First Amendment rights of a criminal defendant when it allowed a prosecutor to comment, and a county sheriff to testify, on a defendant’s “Lying Eyes” tattoos during closing arguments, a Texas appeals court ruled recently.

A jury had convicted Michael Lee Wood of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for brutally beating a convenience store clerk with a sharp object in Haskell, Texas. During the punishment phase of the trial, the prosecutor elicited testimony from Haskell County Sheriff David Halliburton. The sheriff testified that Wood had a tattoo on each eyelid. One tattoo read “Lying” and the other read “Eyes.” Wood’s attorney contended such evidence was irrelevant. The prosecutor countered that the “Lying Eyes” tattoos showed Wood’s lack of respect for society.

This, apparently, was not a violation of his First Amendment rights due to the fact that his eyelid tattoos were supposedly evidence of a lack of moral character, and not some manner of gang affiliation. Again, I really, really hate to be put into a position to offer any sort of defense on the behalf of goons like this, but this seems like a bad precedent to set. The Jesus brain thing? Sure, that probably wouldn’t play well with conservative/religious folks, but “Lying Eyes” on someone’s eyelids? What, are we just going to start locking up people who get shitty puns tattooed on them?

Actually, when you put it that way….

[Norwich Bulletin] Oh baby, so we were all just waiting to see how those jackals in the “mainstream media” would react to, uh whatshername, the girl with all the stars tattooed on her face? Well, here go! This sack of garbage disguised as a column is honestly the most paint-by-numbers, thoughtless pablum I’ve seen in quite some time. But don’t take my word for it! Let’s hear what you have to say, Sharma Howard!

There’s one thing I know for sure I don’t want to see on my sons:

The roof of your house! A burning car! A murderous lion!

tattoos.

That’s the “one thing [you] know for sure” you don’t want to see on your songs? No offense, lady, but my answers are way deadlier.

When I was growing up, tattoos were for the fringe of society — and the two adults I knew that had them always kept them covered up in embarrassment.

Now, tattoos adorn movie stars such as Angelina Jolie, who makes for an odd sight in an evening gown and lines of Oriental writing marching up her neck. It’s jolting, to be sure.

“Oriental” is not the preferred nomenclature, dude! Anyway, yes, Angelina Jolie should pretty much be ashamed of herself, at all times. That’s where you were going with that, right?

Now, 36 percent of 18-25 year-olds have tattoos, inching towards the 50/50 mark that would make having a tattoo almost blase.

“Blase” is kind of a poor word choice in this instance but whatever, sure. Now, get ready for the reappearance of our old friend Starface!

I watched in horror when the young teen from Belgium claimed in the news the 56 black stars that now blanket her face like a constellation were the result of a tattoo artist gone wild as she slept. The story had many people skeptical, but one look at the tattoo artist, who had his own face covered in tattoos and had stretched his skin with heavy piercings stirred sympathy for the 18-year old.

Look, we’re not necessarily going to defend the artist’s somewhat poor judgment in this case, but we don’t recall there being a ton of sympathy for Starface. We will grant you, however, that seeing Rouslan in an evening gown can be a jolting experience. I would quote more from this chumbucket but once I got to the seventh paragraph I fell asleep for a hundred years. “Enjoy” it on your own, if you must.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 9, 2009)

[Goldcoast] As we’ve discussed in the past, henna is, above most other things, an insidious plot by any number of shadowy poison syndicates to horrifically mangle and mutilate your young children. Don’t believe it? Well listen, then, to the tale of young Cannon Cribb:

The five-year-old recently returned from Bali where locals painted a dragon on his arm with what his parents now realise was a substance containing para-phenylenediamine (PPD).

All was fine until the tattoo wore off completely and the entire area welted into the shape of the original image, some two weeks after it was first put on.

The family now fear Cannon will be left with a life-long scar.

First of all, this kid’s name is Cannon. How awesome is that? Even money that he’s already the most popular in his class just because of that, and now he’s got a dragon on his arm? Look, it’s terrible in a lot of ways and something clearly has to be done about the shitbags who keep using this low-grade junk (it’s actually the additive PPD and not henna itself that causes this reaction, and the boy’s mother makes a very valid point: “‘What if a little girl got a butterfly on her face?”), but holy crap this kid is going to get so much ass. I mean, not as a five-year-old. Oh, God, no. We don’t support that. Plus, it’s not really physiologically possible. Hopefully. Who knows what kinda mutant hormones they’re draining into milk these days.

[Showbiz Spy] So hey, here is a very important article about popular sex actress Megan Fox, who, as it turns out, is just like everyone else out there who was mildly overbearing parents! Megan was all, “Hey I want to get tattooed,” and her mom was all, “But you’re so pretty already,” and Megan was all, “But I really really want a sleeve,” and her mom was all, “There’ll be none of that under my roof, young lady,” and Megan was all, “I’M A GROWN WOMAN I CAN DO WHAT I WANT,” and her mom was all, “RAAAAAAR NO YOU WON’T, NOW EAT YOUR BRUSSELS SPROUTS,” and so Megan ran to her room and slammed the door and cried herself to sleep, the end.

Megan Fox’s mother, Darlene, hates it when her superstar daughter gets a new tattoo.

Darlene is apparently furious at the Transformers star’s plans to cover her entire right arm in a tattoo “sleeve.”

“Her mom has never understood why her daughter would want to cover her gorgeous body with tattoos,” said an insider. “After each new tattoo, Darlene pleaded with Megan not to get more.

“Darlene believes that when Megan is a 40-year-old woman wanting to play more mature roles, people won’t want to hire her because it will be too hard to cover her tattoos.”

God it must really suck to be Megan Fox these days.

[NBA FanHouse] And finally, in celebration of tonight’s game three of everyone’s favorite NBA Finals between the Lakers and Magic, here is another heartbreaking tale of authoritarian power trying to limit the expression of tattooed people, except instead of parents it’s a multi-billion dollar clothing company, and instead of Megan Fox it’s a seven-foot-tall Polish man. Practically the same thing. Anyway, Marcin Gortat, back-up center for Orlando, has been a pleasant surprise for anybody betting on the Magic these playoffs, but apparently his sponsor, Reebok, is none too pleased with the way he’s chosen to adorn himself with terrible inky idolatry:

[Gortat] received an uncomfortable phone call last weekend from Reebok, with whom he has a shoe contract. Representatives of the company were not happy to see a picture of him from Game 1 in a Polish newspaper that prominently displayed his Michael Jordan/Nike logo tattoo on his lower right leg.

Reebok asked him either to wear higher socks tonight to cover up the tattoo, or to apply makeup so it will not be noticed through the rest of the NBA Finals.

“They called and said I had to do something about it, but that ain’t going to happen,” Gortat said after Tuesday morning’s workout.

“I’ve been wearing it 4-5 years now, and it helped me get to the NBA,” said Gortat. “They didn’t say anything about it when I signed the contract, so it’s not going anywhere. I don’t think they are paying me enough to take it off.”

This is hardly a first for Reebok. A few years back, San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Nolan decided to forgo the usual NFL coach’s warm-up jacket and track-pants ensemble and wear a suit on the sidelines. Which would have been fine, had Reebok not been the official provider of sideline clothing for the league’s coaches, and so the NFL denied him his suits. Finally, because this was such a stupid story, everyone lightened up and Reebok just designed some suits for him to wear. All of which is to say, we’re all praying for Gortat when he is inevitably captured by Reebok’s thugs and has his little Air Jordan logo covered with a Reebok-approved pump.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 1, 2009)

[Gizmodo] We’ve written previously about some gent who got a BlackBerry tattoo in exchange for one of the then-new Storm devices, which, hey—the economy’s in the shitter, so you do what you’ve gotta do to get your gadgets, I guess. Well, today my friend Adam over at Gizmodo checked in with a similar story (via PreCentral) of a man so desperate for a free Palm Pre that he got it tattooed on his shoulder. Success!

This isn’t some guy who’s covered in tattoos already, either. This is Lou’s very first and only tattoo, a bit ugly Palm Pre right on his shoulder. He will get his precious smartphone courtesy of PreCentral.net, but you’ve gotta wonder how long it’ll be before he starts trying to get a different website to pay for the laser removal. I mean, for chrissakes, the free phone is only worth $199! Come on, Lou, you could have gotten so much more for an equally embarrassing tattoo if you only knew how to market yourself.

Frucci makes a valid point. I’d be willing to bet a GM logo covering your back would net you an entire fleet of Pontiac vehicles that were otherwise destined to be melted down and used for, I don’t know, soup cans? Segways? Whatever.

[National Ledger] Megan Fox and her tattoos have found their way onto here before, and because she is in the news every day, several times a day, talking about all the WILD and CRAZY and REBELLIOUS stuff she constantly does (did you know she is a bisexual cage-fighting lion-taming astronaut? It’s probably true!), well, let’s just check in with her latest tattoo-related news, just because:

he sexy Transformers star already has seven tattoos – including one of movie icon Marilyn Monroe on her right arm.

Fox said: “I’m going to sleeve my arm.” Fox has previously told how she doesn’t care what other people think of her tattoos – and even threatened to quit Hollywood if they cost her a movie role. She said: “Every time I get a tattoo, it’s a little f***-you to anyone who tells me not to. I like the way getting a tattoo feels.”

I have to say, I’m a fan of the idea of one of the most popular young actors with a full sleeve, and getting it ostensibly because she really loves tattoos (as manufactured as much of her personality may very well be.) She then goes on to lie about going to work at Costco if she ever lost a movie role because of her tattoos, which, hey, that’s sweet.

[ABC Local] And hey, let’s finish up with a legitimately positive and heartwarming story. Chicago’s got a problem with gangs as bad as anywhere, and even once gang members try to get on with their lives, their tattoos may lead people to believe they’re still immersed in that sort of violent culture. Well, Eric Dean Spruth of South Side Tattoos in Chicago is the director of a program called Sacred Transformations, which will cover-up and modify any former gang member’s gang tattoos, free of charge.

“We allow people to empower themselves through identifying a new mark, a new horizon in their life, something they can be proud of,” said Spruth.

[…]

For [Luis] Corral, the new tattoos mean a new chance at life.

“Now I can go anywhere I want, and not worry about, hey, if I die today, it ain’t because of my tattoos, you know what I’m saying, it ain’t because I got gang tattoos on me,” said Corral.

Great stuff. Check out the video below.

More Fun From An Evening With Horiyoshi III


Hey, remember this past weekend, when we showed you some pictures from Canvas LA‘s sexy swingers party, An Evening with Horiyoshi III? Well, there are plenty more fun photos where those came from! Like that one up there, with teevee starRachel from BME” hanging out with Benji Madden!

After the jump, Benji finds himself in a compromising position (!) and other goodies.

Rachel, ever the enterprising businessperson, told Madden there was a strict “no shirt” policy at the gallery. Some guys fall for anything.

Alright, Benji, now you’re just showing off.

And here we have Bob Roberts of the world-famous Spotlight Tattoo, lookin’ sharp! He was not so easily swindled into disrobing.

Hey, Bruce Buffer was there too! He and his brother Michael have a blood-pact to never remove any article of clothing in public, so it is impossible to confirm or deny whether or not he’s all tattooed underneath. I can also neither confirm nor deny reports that he brings a microphone with him wherever he goes and prompts random pairings of people to fight to the death. (Oh…we can confirm he doesn’t do that? Well, good.)

D.C.’s Grant Cobb was most surprised indeed to learn that the allegedly “free” Sapporo came with a complimentary goosing.

Oh, and here is L.A. Ink‘s Kim Saigh with the multi-talented Shawn Barber, both of whom have been the subjects of profiles on BME! (Saigh here, Barber here.) Now, hmm, wouldn’t want to make any wild assumptions here, but is it possible they found love, you know…because of BME? (No.)

Photos by Thaddeus Brown.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (April 23, 2008)

[The Celebrity Cafe] Well well well, guess who’s too good for his tattoos all of a sudden? That chump over on the right, Mister Fancy Hip Hop Producer Pharrell, who you may remember from occasionally whistling and snapping his fingers in the background of Snoop Dogg songs. (OK, he did a fine job on that last Clipse album, too.) Anyway, Johnny Jackerson there used to have all kinds of tattoos, but that era has come to an end! Because he is an adult.

Although Pharrell would not give exact numbers, he did say that regardless of the price he plans to go ahead with the surgery.

“It’s going to be pricey, but worth it,” he says. “I got fire on my arms! I’m a grown man!”

Some vicious Internet rumors, however, have suggested that he is just going to fill his arms right back up with the devil’s ink, and this was just a means to start with a blank canvas. Although this was a laser procedure, that wasn’t always the plan! At first, Pharrell was looking into some experimental grafting process in which the tattoos wouldn’t actually be removed at all, but would have instead been covered with brand new skin, grown on some horrific eugenics flesh farm.

[He] is trying a revolutionary new tattoo removal procedure, which involves applying replicated skin over old body art.

“It’s basically like getting a skin graft, but you’re not taking skin from your ass or your legs. These guys actually grow the skin for you,” he explained to Vogue. “First you have to give them a sample of your skin, which they then replicate. Once that’s been done, they sew it on – and it’s seamless.”

On his blog, however, he wrote, “Laser treatment bitches! Extra crispy. See, no skin graft here, just pure laser pain. This is our own version of Mythbusters! Laser is the new primer.” See, Rob? Some people absolutely do Twitter from the emergency room.

[KMPH] And this just isn’t funny at all. Local Fresno, California, shitbag Enrique Gonzalez, a Bulldog gang member, held down his seven-year-old son while some other fool tattooed a paw print onto the kid’s stomach.

Police discovered the tattooed child on Monday, and soon after arrested the man responsible for the tattoo; 20-year-old Travis Gorman of Fresno. Gorman, a parolee, was arrested on Tuesday, and booked into the Fresno County Jail after he was positively identified by the child as the man who tattooed him. Tattoo paraphernalia was also discovered during his arrest.

Admittedly, everything I know about California gangs I learned from watching The Shield, but that show sure made it seem like gangs down there just willy-nilly tattoo people they consider their property. Whatever happened to just wearing distinctive colors? I miss the ’90s sometimes.

[Guardian] Finally, we’ve mentioned former Palin-child-beau Levi Johnston and his ring-finger tattoo commemorating his love for the former vice-presidential candidate’s daughter, Bristol, but the happy pair of teenagers have called it quits! Now Levi is doing a press tour, showing up anywhere that will have him, trying to squeeze some money out of the situation. Well, last night, he and his clan were on CNN’s Larry King Live, finally answering the question all of America was waiting for: Why’d you get that tattoo instead of wearing a ring, fella?

During a bizarre exchange, King asked to see the “Bristol” tattoo on Johnston’s finger. King asked Johnston why he got the tattoo: “You know, I was – I was hunting again and I lost the ring that she gave me. And it was bad so I figured … this way I wouldn’t lose it and it would get me out of a bind, you know,” Johnston said.

We all know the jury is perpetually out on whether it’s a good idea to get the name of a sexytime partner tattooed on you, but there are many compelling cases to be made for doing that sort of thing. This may not be one of them.

Fat City Reprise (Tattooed Musical Beasties)

I was lucky enough to be able to tag along with Tommy Agriodimas while he was doing a photo shoot with Fat City Reprise. After chatting for a while about their tattoos and their Philly origins, I figured I’d video some of it to share on BME. We did a quick interview and I threw together this video in the cab of a 26′ moving truck during the drive from NYC to LA.

[Javascript required to view Flash movie, please turn it on and refresh this page]


DivX download link for BME members: Extreme2 or Full members

Check out Fat City Reprise Thursday nights at House of Blues in Los Angeles.

fatcityreprise.net
myspace.com/fatcityreprise
Photos: Tommy Agriodimas

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (March 6, 2009)


[Whoa, Momma!] So this slutty sex doll, whatshername, Barbie, took a break from getting abortions and giving herself roofies to get some tattoos, just in time for her 50th birthday! This week’s overblown and self-important tattoo-related outrage comes from various people who are VERY OFFENDED that international drug cartel Mattel has released “Totally Stylin’ Tattoo Barbie,” a children’s toy that comes with 40 different temporary tattoos that will keep this bitch from ever getting a job, as well as a “tattoo gun” for the kids to give themselves their own temporary tattoos, which is completely inappropriate, apparently.

Yes, that’s right, a tattoo gun so instead of applying it with a wet wash cloth, 8 year-olds can simulate that milestone in every minor’s life experience of actual needles pumping permanent dye into their growing bodies.

Again, this has nothing to do with tattoos for consenting adults, but everything to do with age-appropriate toys. And in my humble opinion, the age 5 designated on the box is off by about 20 years and a hepatitis C shot.

This piece was squeezed from the mindgrapes of the Suburban Diva herself, Tracey Henry, who is positively aghast that CHILDREN will be using a FAKE TATTOO GUN, which is really just a stamp, essentially, but righteous indignation over stamps doesn’t get you featured on CNN, I guess.

There will be some who disagree, pointing out that Barbie is just keeping up with what’s in style right now and that this is merely a toy that kids can play make-believe like other adult activities.

I counter that bellbottoms and leg-warmers didn’t need to be removed with laser treatments and Barbie’s Dream Wedding gown didn’t come with bottles of Tequila for a pretend open-bar reception.

In conclusion, Tracey Henry was probably paid to write this.

[The Live Feed] Because there aren’t quite enough tattoo-related television shows, it was just announced that A&E will be airing Tattoo Highway, a reality program in which Thomas Pendleton, formerly of A&E’s Inked, will continue to tattoo people on camera, but there’s an important twist:

In “Tattoo Highway,” Pendelton and his wife and business partner, Monica (who also appeared on “Inked”), have transformed a 1970s tour bus into a mobile tattoo parlor. They will travel to cities including Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Phoenix and Salt Lake City, inking customers.

Boom. Nailed it. The bus angle worked wonders for Bret Michaels and his skank-banging, so it should really come as no surprise that others are picking up on this as the next big thing. I see big, big things for the future of reality television—big, bus-related things. The network is clearly thrilled about the prospect:

Executive producer Bob Horowitz said the traveling element will differentiate the show from previous tattoo docusoaps.

“All the other series have been based in tattoo parlors,” he said. “Here the premise is this is the first tattoo parlor on wheels, and he goes where the stories are. Imagine all the things that can happen when you take something like this on the road and all the things that can happen.”

Never mind that Horowitz is shamelessly hyping what is by far the worst part of these tattoos shows—namely, that great tattoos must have some big and important story behind them—but man, how exciting does he think a husband and wife going on a road trip is going to be, vocation notwithstanding? Are they going to be chased by land pirates? Did Dennis Hopper plant a bomb on the bottom of the bus that’ll explode if the speed falls below 50 mph?

“From the creation of the art to the environment that I tattooed in, it has always been about my customers’ experience,” Pendelton said. “In a street shop, it was easy to forget just how personal that experience should be. Rolling up and parking the shop right in the middle of someone’s life, well, there is nothing more personal than that.”

AND THEN THE BUS EXPLODES! No? OK, fine, whatever.

(Hat-tip to Warming Glow, a new teevee blog venture by man’s man Matt Ufford. Go read it.)

[Needles and Sins] Speaking of new blog ventures, fiery redhead and friend of BME, Marisa Kakoulas DiMattia, has escaped the evil (not so evil?) clutches of Needled and has struck out on her own with Needles and Sins, which promises the same lurid, untamed filth we’ve come to expect from her. Today, she offers a thorough review of the iPhone’s new “Tattoo Shop” application, which lets users ruin their perfectly good photos with the demon’s ink. Some of her findings included:

– [T]he biggest problem: the choice of artwork or lack thereof — and I use “artwork” almost facetiously. SonicBoom partnered with flash peddlers TattooJohnny.com but instead of loading up on, say, the cool Bob Tyrrell and Tim Creed commercial designs, the app finds itself heavy on the old Cherry Creek-styled jammies — aka tribal armbands abound and pin-ups with big 80s hair.

[…]

– [T]he leafy panties on the female belly skin is just disturbing. It looks like lettuce is growing from her vulva to her waist. It did make me hungry for a nice Greek salad though. [Ed. note: Gotta say … that description had the opposite effect on me. Thanks, though.]

[…]

– The coolest thing about the app: using your own photos or being able to take one on the spot. I shot my non-tattooed sis to let her see what she’s look like with a Tyson tribal on her face. As the kids say, “Hawt!”

Listen lady, I know you think you’re all hip now that you’re back in New York, but the kids aren’t saying “Hawt!” The kids are riding buses, everywhere, into each others’ lives, and raping each other, with Barbies. Nice blog, though.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (Feb. 17, 2009)


[The Dieline] Surprisingly enough, this is not, in fact, some ass-backwards marketing campaign by foolish opponents of tattoos. No, instead, this is part of an art project by CCA student JuliAnn Miller, who, when given an assignment to design some sort of material for a political or social cause, she chose tattoos, and thus, the “Tattoo Tester” was born.

“This Tattoo Tester is a kit that comes with certain papers so that the user can create custom temporary tattoos (transfer paper and carbon paper). The kit also includes a brochure with information on tattoo statistics and a brief history of tattooing.”

The box is made from light cardboard and all printed material is printed on recycled kraft paper. All typography is in various weights of Myriad Pro.

The statistics are largely based on a poll that supposedly mentioned that most Americans who regret their tattoos do so based on the design and location choice, which, um, why else would someone regret a tattoo, really? At any rate, it’s a pretty slick looking project, and any effort to get people to give healthy consideration to tattoo work before getting it done is probably a step in the right direction.

[Gawker] So apparently there is some person named Peaches Geldof, whose father was Bob Geldof, and she is famous for, I don’t know, existing? Celebrity culture is just swell. Anyway, she was on a beach somewhere and lo and behold, she’s all tattooed! In the real world, this would mean she is a regular 19-year-old girl, but your common gossip vultures had a field day dissecting her tattoos, including the usually respectable-ish Ryan Tate:

– Doves = LOVE. Not to be confused with marrying a dude to his green card.

– Playing cards = good luck. Like being born to the right person.

[…]

– Unicorn eating chain of daisies = ???. WTF, because everything else about Peaches is deep and meaningful, you know?

[…]

– “An open book with a bizarre hangman’s noose hanging over the page” = to symbolize Peaches being “owned” by a metaphor-challenged ex.

Well, that was annoying. You criticize someone for being famous for being famous, and then you proceed to … give them the media coverage you’re criticizing them for craving? Hooray! Everybody wins/loses/dies, the end.

[CrunchGear] Oh what’s this, tattoos that people won’t regret or be made fun of for? What a concept! Some eggheads at the Draper Laboratory in socialist Cambridge, Massachusetts, have developed tattoo ink that will “change colors based on a person’s blood sugar levels,” which is an obvious benefit to people with Diabetes, or people who like to brag about their blood sugar levels.

The nano ink particles are tiny, squishy spheres about 120 nanometers across. Inside the sphere are three parts: the glucose detecting molecule, a color-changing dye, and another molecule that mimics glucose. When the particles are dissolved in water they look like food coloring, says Clark.

The three parts continuously move around the inside the hydrophobic orb. When they approach the surface, the glucose detecting molecule either grabs a molecule of glucose or the mimicking molecule.

If the molecules mostly latch onto glucose, the ink appears yellow. If glucose levels are low, the molecule latches onto the glucose mimic, turning the ink purple. A healthy level of glucose has a “funny orangey,” color, according to Clark. The sampling process repeats itself every few milliseconds.

This sort of immediate access to one’s blood sugar levels would be a major leap forward, although as with any technology, questions regarding the accuracy and reliability of such an invention have already arisen. Lab mice seem to be responding well to the initial experiments, however, and at this rate, it sounds like a human version may be ready within two years. Science, everybody!