What Am I, A Farmer?

Look, all I’m saying is, I appreciate Fyrezice‘s commitment to time-honored sartorial traditions like the bow-tie and the mustache. Mix that with the cigarette, and this is truly the Mad Men of self-done penectomies. All that’s missing is an 11 a.m. glass of Scotch.

(Disclaimer: This, of course, is not to be glib or to make light of this experience, which was, to be sure, not an endeavor to be taken lightly at all. Lucky for us, he has written down, in great detail, the entire process from start to finish, including not just descriptions of what physically took place, but lengthy discussions of his motivations and his life following the procedure. This is a truly fascinating account—we’d love to interview him, if not for the fact that he’s already gone into so much detail about everything. Eh, maybe we’ll still try. As well, his BME/Hard gallery can be found here.)

BME Shop is holding a 20-percent-off sale on most items this week until midnight on Thursday, July 16! Click here for details.

The Milk’s Gone Bad

“But why?” you ask. “Why would someone get a tattoo of a palm tree built out of a hilarious dick and balls?” Who knows? Maybe the wearer is from the islands—nude islands. Maybe she asked for three simple stars to be tattooed, then fell asleep and woke up with this. Maybe it’s some sort of dick-in-palm masturbation joke, of which I would approve entirely. The truth is, we may never know why. But, there is a question we can answer: Not why a person would get this tattoo, but where? The answer, my friends, is beyond the click-through.

(Tattoo by Lazlow at Altered Images in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.)

Off the Rails

Oh, hello there, ModBloggers! Hope the solstice treated you well. Our week begins with one of the great minds of our time, Myke, having one of his patented “Eureka!” moments, but will we ever know what’s going on inside that head? An idea for a renewable energy source? A way to save newspapers…through song? Hamburger earmuffs that effectively deal with the complexities of the Pickle Matrix? I’m sure we’ll find out when the time is right.

Welcome back, folks, but don’t get any big ideas.

(Tattoo done at Blue Lotus Tattoo and The Piercing Lounge on a rainy Saturday in Madison, Wisconsin.)

Lurid, Untamed Philth

Hey kids, it’s (almost) summer, and you know what that means, right? Casual Fridays are back! That’s our friendly neighborhood giant up there, hangin’ around, stretching out (in more ways than one), maybe getting ready to catch a little sun. That’s gonna leave one hell of a tan line, buddy. (Of course, click through to de-Phil.

Woo, it’s Friday. Time to fly.

See more in Scrotal Stretching (Genital Stretching) (members only)

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 11, 2009)

[Shutdown Corner] Well, here’s the biggest tattoo-related non-story of the day. Chad Ochocinco, the Cincinnati Bengals safety formerly known as Chad Johnson, is, for those unfamiliar with the NFL, one of the bigger clowns in the league. (See: Legally changing his last name to a mangled Spanish translation of his jersey number.) Anyway! Mr. Ochocinco, like so many athletes, has wandered into the land of Twitteronia, and made this startling announcement yesterday:

Yall might not believe me but my tatoo guy is here and i getting my face done, looks cool to, dont be mad just accept the Ocho please

The tattoo, as you can see, is of America’s wang, the state of Florida. Has your world been turned upside down? Well, keep your head on, folks: It was just a gag! Yep, this prankster just had someone Photoshop a smudge onto his mug. Ha ha, hilarious…?

The entire twitt world and media outlets got punked, that was my twitt joke from yesterday, they follow I’ll have fun with it.

My grandma would kill me if I had damn facial tatts!!! Fun while it lasted, back to normal, I felt different to.

In conclusion, you are never getting those five minutes or wasted brain cells back.

[The Globe and Mail] Whoa ho, what’s this? Actual good legal news about tattoos? It is! Nadine Bélisle, a daycare worker in Quebec, has been embroiled in a legal battle for five years now over whether or not she should be allowed to display the tattoo on her shoulder while on the job. Well, the results are in, and a Quebec Superior Court judge has decided that the policy that forced her to cover up was, in fact, a violation of her rights. Hot damn.

“Five years of frustrations have collapsed. I’m thrilled,” Ms. Bélisle, 35, said in an interview yesterday from her home in Saguenay. “This is a question of human rights, of freedom of expression.”

The May 27 ruling brings legal heft to the murky question of what’s appropriate to wear in the workplace, at a time of relaxing attitudes to dress codes. While body piercings and dressing down seem to be gaining acceptance, there are signs that more employers are drawing the line. This week, University of Montreal hospitals adopted dress codes for employees that prohibit jeans, short skirts and tattoos deemed to be in bad taste.

For Ms. Bélisle’s union, the visible-tattoo ban by the CPE La Pirouette, one of Quebec’s publicly funded daycares, went too far.

“Publicly funded” being the operative term there, I believe. I’m not sure whether or not this sort of ruling would apply to private businesses, and whether or not private enterprises should be beholden to the same standards of personnel decisions as public businesses is another matter altogether. As far as this case is concerned, the daycare’s position was that, while some tattoos are surely inoffensive, some may not be appropriate for the environment, and so a blanket ban was, for them, preferable to having to decide what was acceptable on a case-by-case basis. The ban, however, was determined to be prejudicial in nature, and that while violent or vulgar tattoos will still have to be covered, the majority will be free for display:

“Tattooing nowadays is a phenomenon that cuts across all levels of society,” [Judge Jean Bouchard] wrote. “If it was once associated with delinquents, that’s no longer the case.”

The daycare’s policy forced an employee with a tattoo of a butterfly or flower on her forearm or calf to wear pants or a long-sleeved shirt, even while working under a hot summertime sun, he wrote.

“This is, in the opinion of the court, ridiculous and outrageous.”

The daycare will still have the right to prohibit inappropriate tattoos including those expressing violence.

And that, well, that’s a fine precedent to set.

[Jason Dunn] And finally, Jason Dunn, a techie fella from Calgary, was vacationing in Japan when he came across this tattoo studio, bearing what he thinks may just be the worst (or at least the funniest) name for a tattoo studio possible. Oh, comical translations. We’ll let FailBlog decide.

Oh, You Men

Oh look, it’s Lucas! We feature his lovely wife, Anna, on here so frequently that it’s easy to forget that she’s just one half of one hell of a good-looking couple. In this photo, he’s sporting a set of skin-divers in his forehead just recently put in place by the aforementioned Anna. Hey, you know what they say about the couple that plays together.

After the jump, continuing on with yesterday’s BME Hollywood Exclusive featuring the Twilight gang, we have a never before seen still from the currently in-production Kevin Smith film, A Couple of Dicks. Excited? Get excited.

Skillful Caresses

Well, folks, let’s end things today the way all things eventually end—with the sweet, merciful release of death. This toe tag, as you can see, belongs to Tavis Hall, and my powers of deduction lead me to believe it may have been applied by Kevin Marr at Godspeed Tattoo. Just call it a hunch!

Stay alive, ModBloggers. We’ll see you tomorrow.

One in a Million, Doc

Well, this seems like as good a time as any for a good old-fashioned caption contest! I’ll try to kick things off:

“Coming soon to BME Shop: Chasstity Bars.”

You can do better than that, ModBloggers. And just to sweeten the deal, the best caption wins YOUR VERY OWN CAR MANUFACTURING PLANT! Get crackin’!

(“Just for fun” piercings by Joshua Becraft at Blue Horseshoe Tattoo in Virginia Beach.)

See more in Body Surface Piercing: Body (Surface & Unusual Piercing)

The Penis Mightier

Well, I mean, if you can think of a better place to keep your pens, I’d love to hear it.

(That’d be Nuder Than Nude, playing with his new above-the-scrotum urethral reroute. There’s actually a really great discussion going on in the comments of the last urethral reroute post, with Nuder Than Nude at the center of it. Highly recommended reading.)

Door to Door and Right on Time

Look, if you’ve been reading BME for a while, you know there are all sorts of good reasons to get genital piercings. They look good. They feel good. You can hide candy in the holes. They make your junk breathable on hot summer days. They open up your sonic options immensely when you’re playing the spoons (*ping*). They’re conversation-starters at urinals. They render keychains useless, thereby saving you untold thousands of dollars every year. BUT, did you know they can also be valuable tools for self-defense? It’s true! At least, that’s ostensibly what M. up there is going for with his line of large-gauge scrotal piercings, stretched to be worn as an organic knuckle-duster. Wouldn’t want to get punched with one of those!

A close-up of this vicious weaponry, after the jump.