Door to Door and Right on Time

Look, if you’ve been reading BME for a while, you know there are all sorts of good reasons to get genital piercings. They look good. They feel good. You can hide candy in the holes. They make your junk breathable on hot summer days. They open up your sonic options immensely when you’re playing the spoons (*ping*). They’re conversation-starters at urinals. They render keychains useless, thereby saving you untold thousands of dollars every year. BUT, did you know they can also be valuable tools for self-defense? It’s true! At least, that’s ostensibly what M. up there is going for with his line of large-gauge scrotal piercings, stretched to be worn as an organic knuckle-duster. Wouldn’t want to get punched with one of those!

A close-up of this vicious weaponry, after the jump.

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Further Proof That Twitter is Trying to Destroy Us All

Well, it was bound to happen. Apparently, actor Steve Buscemi has become a Twitter demon, like so many others, and desperately wants people to know it. It seems that he put out a call for those following him to get the word out, and, well, the staff of Let’s Buzz in Bergen, Norway, took it to heart, beating and tying up one of their own, scrawling the graven image on poor Kenneth there, and documenting the entire process for the twisted Buscemi’s spank bank.

And all for what? For a little bit of Twitter fame. There’s more to life than a little Twitter fame, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here you are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well…I just don’t understand it.

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I’m Gonna Drill You, Sucker

Good afternoon, ModBloggers! Here is a tragic photo of black tea, Wesley Wolfpup and totalxliberation, taken shortly after their spacecraft crash-landed on the blue planet, Neptune, where they are quickly running out of oxygen, hence their harried Total Recall-esque expressions. This chilling image was captured by grudges, who was safely ensconced in an oxygen bubble.

Memorable Coming Up

And now here is some grotesque pornography, starring the gentleman on the left, whose name I am prohibited by law to display in print, and Mike, on the right, who just got his first tattoos—the two of whom are celebrating this momentous occasion with a bottle of vodka. And grab-ass, apparently. Hooray!

(Swallows by Chris Bell.)

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The Earth Beneath

It should come as no surprise that Steve, John and Wayde are the suppliers of (and inspirations for) these most graven of images. On Easter Monday, no less!

Says Steve:

Mr. Wayde Dunn-Dee himself did this amazing scar portrait on a friend of ours. We were hoping to find a fourth person she would agree to add on so he could do a Mt. Rushmore of Awesomeness, but sadly that didn’t work out.

I have to be honest—I’m a little surprised she went this far in the first place. That said though, we haven’t seen a ton of scarification portraits yet, but…these are pretty well executed. More photos, after the jump.

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“Money Talks, Bullshit Walks”

Loyal reader Steve writes in:

This was done by George Campise at Seventh Son Tattoo in San Francisco, California. It’s on the back of my knees, didn’t really hurt that much. I broke up with a girl around the time and she left me because I didn’t make enough money for her to stay with me, even though I had my own dream job (I test video games for a living). So I decided to get the money talks/bullshit walks pieces. Everyone loves the turd and if you look closely to his right, there is a bull looking backwards thinking “WTF?” And I love the shit-eating grin the turd has and the very matter-of-fact look of the money. These are two of my favorites in my collection.

Close-ups of each piece after the jump.

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What Would You Do For An Apprenticeship?

Sean Philips is quite the taskmaster:

Mr. Atlanta/Alan, an applicant for an apprenticeship with Sean Philips, got this “What Would Sean Do?” My Little Pony tattoo done by Sean’s wife, Rianne. This type of ass kissing goes a long way.

Mercifully, Alan got the apprenticeship. And a good thing, too, otherwise we might have been hearing about this story on the local news.

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