This is What Happens When You Bang Your Implant

So … that’s unpleasant. A cautionary tale:

Well this is a lesson learned: Never fight if you have implants. I banged my arm on a wall during a fight and this was the result. It started off as a small graze and over a week the pressure opened the hole right up. The implant is clearly visible and it got infected; obviously, it had to be removed.

Guhhh. See? A life of nonviolence, among the many other benefits, will probably keep your implants from rotting out of your goddamn arm. At any rate, we wish this fella the best of luck in healing.

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Stretched Lobes and Frostbite: A Cautionary Tale

Be warned: This is a pretty grisly story, and the photos after the jump are not pretty. We’ll let the gentleman pictured above take it away:

“It’s a chilly Saturday morning and snowboarding sounded like precisely what the day needed. Unfortunatly, the closest New Hampshire mountain was a bone chilling -14 degrees with a 30 mph wind chill. But did this stop me? Nahhh. I packed up and a friend and I headed up to good ole NH for some morning/afternoon shredding.

“After approximately five or six hours of being blasted in the face with negative-degree weather, I thought not feeling my ears was a side effect of just being a bit under-dressed for the occasion — no big deal …

“VERY BIG DEAL. Getting home, I noticed my lobes — or whatever skin I had from my 1 1/4″ stretched lobes — was frozen solid. Literally, to the touch, frozen, and to make it better? The bottom skin was black. So I, being the smart person I am, decided to just go sleep and let them defrost. Wrong again. I woke up a few hours later and noticed some bleeding, some liquid discharge, and some ripping. Forcing the plug out was no easy task, by any means; they were basically frozen to my skin. Finally, after getting them both off, I popped a seemingly gross mid-sized bubble of liquidy stuff and the skin just peeled off like a grape … revealing fresh, bare, bleeding skin.

“Noticing a pattern here, I decided to go to the ER and try to get Medicare, because in this situation, of course, I don’t have any insurance. That’d be ridiculous, right? All the nurses were shocked my earlobes were still attached, as if they would’ve just fallen right off my face for some reason. Basically, the worst day ever. I am not allowed to wear any earrings for about three months to see if anything heals itself or if they have to re-construct or just cut the lobe off.

Don’t go outside and risk life and — literally — limb. Be cautious. That’s my moral for this story.

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Holy Holy Holy

Fellas, I don’t know about you, but just looking at these photos of Sean’s swollen member four days after receiving some genital beads really “makes my penis hurt,” if you know what I mean.

Sean, of course, is no stranger to extreme bruising. Says the man himself of his genital beading: “It looks like it has been shut in a car door.” That’s about right. The shot above is four days after the initial procedure; for the grislier two-day-post-implant shot, take a peek past the jump. If you dare.

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