Hey, look, it’s an article that combines some of my favorite things: Booze, random sex and scarification. But not in a good way! All Wayne Robinson, 24, of Fleetwood, Lancashire, wanted was a late-night drunken summer hook-up, like so many other 20-somethings. Unfortunately, he called up local idiot Dominique Fisher, who decided that once her suitor had nodded off for the night (with some help from noted sleeping aids vodka and Valium), she, uh, sliced him up for some reason? Seriously?

Mr Robinson woke to find his body decorated with a star on his back, ‘Dominique’ written on his upper right arm, and numerous slash marks on his left arm and shoulder.

[…] he was not awake during the incident on the night of June 14 last year.

Mr Robinson said he panicked when he woke up and took a taxi back to his home in Fleetwood, Lancashire.

He said: ‘I went to her place for sex, not to be tattooed. I can’t believe she did this to me and I hate her.

‘When I woke I was covered in blood. Dominique was snoring. I just had to get out of there. I didn’t even wake her to ask what she’d done.’

‘I’m scarred for life,’ he told The Sun. ‘I wish I’d never met her.’

Good grief. Look, everyone knows that it’s perfectly acceptable to tattoo people when they’re asleep — hilarious! — but this is really crossing a line. It’s a dangerous world out there, and really, if we can’t get shitfaced and pass out at the homes of strange ass, well, where can we take refuge?

Fisher was convicted of unlawful wounding, which sounds slightly worse than a traffic violation, and will be sentenced at the end of February. The article did mention, however, that she perpetrated the attack with a Stanley knife, a.k.a a box-cutter, therefore, she is a terrorist, throw her in a secret C.I.A. prison, the end.

One-night stand man wakes to find lover has carved her name into his arm [Daily Mail — more pictures here, too]