FunMail 16...

You suck...

So many people insist on telling me this... I don't really know why they bother hanging out at the page. And if BME bothers them, I wonder... do they spend all their free time hurling insults at various pages? BME is far from the most upsetting thing online. I wonder how they handle "BME people" in real life?

From:	GREENHORNY69@XXXXX.com
Subject:	gosh
that is scary why do u do that =(::::

I even get email from ten-year olds. BME is not for kids!

From:	[email protected] (Klaus Dieter Eisenbarth)
Subject:	greetings to the greatest ass i've ever seen
hey,motherfucker!what the hell 's that?take a pumpgun 'nd set yourself free!piss of ! i never seen such a bullshit before, 'nd tell me-how insane is our world that such cunts like ya already live? hate to ya !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woah... Seriously, can you imagine living your life with this level of anger? If this guy doesn't mellow out he'll die of a heart attack at thirty-two.

From:	"Chris Iozzio" <[email protected]>
Subject:	why you suck
You suck because you should not be showing people how to make any kind of jewelry. This is why so many people walk around with fucked up piercings with crappy jewelry. If your going to tell people how to make a barbell you should also tell them they should invest in a tumbler to take out all the imperfections,and the tumbling media they should use.

People are walking around with inferior jewelry and piercings because they are not educated. No matter how much I show how quality jewelry is made, there will still be cheap stuff on the market. However, the more that CLIENTS read about stuff like this, the better they'll be able to protect themselves, by being able to identify right and wrong in this industry. Only through articles like this can this be accomplished. Oh, and a tumbler, while it makes the workload less, is not required if the jewelry has been properly buffed.

From:	"Cathy" <cathyrowe@XXXXX.net>
Subject:	(none)
I have to say that what you have online has got to be the most sickening thing I have ever seen. I was searching for hamsters for my daughter and found your disturbing site. I work in the mental health field, and I am real disturbed about the whole thing here. I was actually sick to my stomach. I am very sorry that the people here at your site didn't get proper help for their mental illness. You certainly are not helping them either. Your company is the worst thing I have ever seen advertised......ever!

Well, I have no idea how a search on hamsters could possibly lead to BME... nonetheless, I should point out that the things on BME, no matter how disturbing they may be to you, make the people doing them happy. Who are you to tell people they shouldn't do them?

From:	LauraLynn75@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Picture
The picture of the upside down naked chick was MUCH more attractive than the one of the girl w/ 2 fingers through her tongue. Ick.

"You are a very fine person, Ms. LauraLynn75, and I am very fond of you; but you are only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all!" There are lots of different sorts of things on BME. You might not be into all of them. Just keep an open mind, and let other people do what makes them happy as they allow you to do the same.

This next email came from a person who had forgotten the password to their personals -- which I have no regular access to, since it's a self-contained system. I told them there was nothing that I could do and got the following response:

From:	xBRaiN@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Re: please help!
Well then fuck you, uer mag sux newayz.

"xBrain".... Well chosen email address.

From:	CWi2441501@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Where are the pics?
To whom this may concern I was very disapointed to find nothing of interest at your site.

Yeah, BME is soooooo boring.

From:	XXXXX@caramail.com
Subject:	Your renewed subscription at BME: Body Modification Ezine
Hello Thanks for your reply. When I do this site, the reply is : Page blocked - content unsuitable

OK, so this person doesn't hate BME... Someone up the line from them does. Either they are attempting to access BME through a firewall that has blocking software installed, or they'll have to ask their parent's permission to visit BME.

From:	Straitedgx@XXXXX.com
Subject:	disgraceful.....
how in the world can u have a picture of such vulgarity and distaste on your site??!!!?! the man posing with his 2 arms full of swastikas on your misc. non net tat page is crazy...for a man to live in such turmoil and hatred for himself and not be ale to love but hate due to ones race is his own sick way of living but to promote this on your page made me do a complete 360 on your site i was telling friends about it and saying how great it was and i thought it was the best until i saw this man so until u stop promotion of hate crimes on your page i am black mailing u to all my friends and spreading the word of what is going on.....i ask for my picture to be taken off your site because i will not be a part of such blatant disregard for humanity please take note of this letter and my requests.

This is of course in reference to ManWoman and his mission to "purify" the Swastika. To put it in brief, the swastika is NOT a hate symbol, although it was used temporarily used by the Nazis. The Swastika is one of humankind's most ancient luck symbols, and is still in use as a central symbol of many religions (Hindu, etc.). It doesn't mean hate any more than "XXX" means porn to a straightedge kid.

Questions, questions

Ok, some of these questions aren't stupid, but I do get them enough that I thought they should be answered in a public forum.

From:	BlinkGs@XXXXX.com
Subject:	(no subject)
Hi I'm Going to get my *tragus* pierced and I was wondering would it hurt more with a gun or witha a needle ? ?

The hepatis you might get from a gun, which can not be properly sterilized will not be particularly enjoyable. In addition, an ear piercing gun is not designed to be hammered through cartilage. Don't even vaguely consider having any part of your body pierced by a gun. Always have a professional piercer (not a hair dresser or mall troll) do the procedure using a needle or other appropriate sterile tool.

From:	chrsnsam@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Viruses at Bme chat ??
I think I got one, from the BME Xoom Chatroom. Have you heard anything bout it?? Any help you have on removing them would be greatly appreciated !!

A couple people have said this, and as far as I can tell it's a bug in some anti-viral software. To the best of my knowledge you CAN NOT get a virus from a Java applet. So don't worry!

From:	procyshyn@XXXXX.com
Subject:	[Fwd: subscribe listname]
HUH????? WHAT"S WRONG WHIT YOU ROBOT ??? CAN"T YOU READ ????? THAT'S WHERE I DID PUT THE MESSAGE !!!!! Error! Your email to [email protected] was not properly parsed.

I'm sure you couldn't find the "any" key either.

If you are trying to subscribe to the Picture of the Day mailing list, don't send a message with the subject "subscribe listname". Listname needs to be the name of the list you want to subscribe to. That means, if you want to subscribe to male genital piercing, the subject would read "subscribe malegen"!

From:	GigetGein@XXXXX.com
Subject:	I NEED some help please
can you tell me what the best way to hide a labret is (if any) this is really important to me so please respond if you can thanx alot

There is no way to totally hide any piercing, be it a labret, or even a tongue. You might be able to make it a bit more discrete by using bits of nylon fishing line, or specially shaped or coloured jewelry.... but you will not be able to totally hide it. So if you're operating under the delusion that your parents won't notice, you are 100% wrong.

From:	nippleman69@XXXXX.com
Subject:	diagramof tongue
Could you possibly send me a diagram of the nerves and veins in the tongue? My friend says i have a weird tongue and i should get a diagram of the tongue so he doesnt mess up.

Admittedly it's hard to do any serious damage via piercing, but if you have a friend that tells you he can pierce you if you give him a diagram, stay far, far, away from him any time he has a needle. Piercing is not like building a piece of IKEA furniture. Everyone's anatomy is different. Anatomical diagrams are rough guides only.

From:	KINBOROUGH@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Want a tattoo
Hi. I'm a 17 year old female, soon to be 18 in May. I want a tattoo that hopefully won't costs much. I want to live my mom's memory by getting her face on my arm and say the words RIP Mom and have her face. But i was wondering the cost to get something like that. if you can , can you send me some information or getting a tattoo like that and maybe the cost. Also the perfect person to do it !Thankyou

This is a bad idea for so many reasons. I'm all for getting memorial tattoos if you think that's right for you, but do you reallly think that searching for the cheapest possible tattoo is a good way to memorialize your mother? Think about it -- you'll have a jailhouse portrait of your mother with "RIP MOM" scratched underneath it... People will think you murdered your mother!

From:	[email protected]
Subject:	IDEAS PLEASE
ANY?

Can anyone help out? Here's a totally blank slate.

From:	XXXXX@worldnet.att.net
Subject:	piercing position
I think I may have screwed up my last message so I am going to try again. I am seeking a classaified section to hire a new piercer. Are your personals strictly personal? If so, how about adding a classified section?

OK, I'm sure this person figured this out right after sending the email and felt silly. But there have been classifieds on BME for ages. On the very main page of BME, right next to "Personals" is a link titled "Classifieds". Guess where that takes you!

From:	barby_12@XXXXX.com
Subject:	(no subject)
I was looking for info about tongue piercing, about the procedure and some pics , i have accesed before but now i can't.. so that's all please e-mail me back thanx

Oh, BME doesn't have any tongue piercing information, does it?

From:	XXXXX@aol.com
Subject:	guests use vs paid use
whats the difference ? how do i find out which one i have been using?,

Ok, here's a hint. If you're paying for it, it's PAID ACCESS. If you're not paying for it, it's GUEST ACCESS.

It's free, dammit!!!

From:	ryanjesse@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Re: BME Picture of the Day: Female Genital Piercing
I was wondering if you could send larger pictures. the ones that are send now are small, and the space used in the colorful border seems to be wasted, you could enlarge the picture and get rid of the border. let me know if my idea is off the wall thanks

Seriously, what do you want for free? Why does everyone expect that they should be given everything online without either helping out or chipping in somehow? If you want to see the fullsize images, get a membership. I'm not going to pay for your wanking.

Wierdos

From:	stairs2jump@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Re: genital piercing picture for full membership
i think i know my ownself. why dont u think its me? I intend to live forever, so far so good.

This person had sent me a picture from BME (with the logo edited off), claiming that it was them. Of course it wasn't, and I told them that. The above was their bizarre reply. I can't believe that someone would continue to make the claim after I've made it clear that their bluff is called... And the second line... I have no idea what to make of that!

From:	t1mayberry@XXXXX.com
Subject:	hi
who are you? i have no idea, so please write and tell me.

Yeah, I'm going to respond to this...

From:	bagusbob@XXXXX.com.au
Subject:	(no subject)
what does it cost?  please

What does what cost? You would'nt believe how many people send me these one line totally unreferenced emails, expecting that I can read their mind.

From:	KrryJhnsn@XXXXX[email protected]
Subject:	Body Modifications
Do you have any material on lactating women?

This person was desperate for this material -- they sent several messages like this to various email accounts on BME. And no, I don't have material on lactating women... I do have a little on lactating men though!

From:	Boomszakalaka@XXXXX.pl
Subject:	(no subject)
interested in submission

Um... The [email protected] account is for sending submissions (photos, etc.) to, not for volunteering to be my slave!

Don't be an mean!

From:	rjkdds@XXXXX.net
Subject:	update bme already, its been 11 days
when are u going to update bme from dec. 17 to today. so far its been 11 days.

I had a notice posted, saing that I was going out of town for the holidays. Even so, Robert the Dentist here thinks that I don't work hard enough and "owe him" an update. Naturally, this person has never even contributed a single photo or experience to BME, but insist that they get free stuff.

From:	Johnisson@XXXXX.com
Subject:	phone
would like your phone number thank you.

Of course I'm not going to send my phone number to some random emailer, and naturally I told them just that.

From:	Johnisson@XXXXX.com
Subject:	Re: phone
i sent email and asked for a phone number to place my orders and got a bad respond does this mean you do not want my biz or should i shop at another shop i hope to get a phone number this time to place a order thank you.

I only do online sales. I offer the items in my toolstore at a very minimal markup (barely even enough to make it worth it). I do this to make difficult to get items available to a community that I care about. If you want to complain or be an ass, go ahead and try and find these items elsewhere.

Follow-up

From:	[email protected]
Subject:	regarding a letter from the funmail15
Hey what's up. This is a comment on the funmail that talks about the person that is wanting the facial scar from final fantasy 8 game. First of all, it is revealed at the beginning of the game how the scar was made on Squall, the main character, and does not have to be found from the previous games. Furthermore, the scar is formed in a fight and is done with a GUNBLADE. I'm sure that they could not get a hold of a gunblade to do this to themselves, which is probably good, but that is probably why they asked how they should do it. Okay, that was really dumb, but I just couldn't let this one fly.

Ha! Well, there you go!

Fakers

All it takes to get a free membership to BME is sending a photo of your own body modifications to BME -- You can't just send someone else's picture that you've stolen from another website or a newsgroup. Even stil, every single day I get a handful of people sending in photos that are not their own (even though it's always claimed to be "their girlfriend"). Anyone that does this (that I catch) is permanently banned from BME.

From:	boon lap <[email protected]>
Subject:	sending a pic
To BME I would like to apply for a membership by sending you a pic.

This (or another from the series) is often sent to me. It's from a Max Candy photo shoot... Many web sites license this set of images, so it's often floating around.

From:	"Bruno Sparefroh"
Subject:	free membership
Please send me a free mebership

Yeah, right, some S/M series scanned from an old magazine... Probably lifted from an S/M newsgroup. It's so obvious that these are not personal photos, I don't know why people bother...

From:	"emmet hayde" <[email protected]>
Subject:	pictures for free membership
Hello, I would like to forward you some pictures of my girlfriend and I in exchange for free membership/password thanking you.

And this! My god! First, I'd never publish anything like this on BME, it doesn't have anything to do with BME. On top of that, this image has been floating around for fifteen years, since the old BBS days.

From:	Eric Weihe <[email protected]>
Subject:	tattoo
tattoo
From:	"Andr Wagner" <[email protected]>
Subject:	free membership
please give me freemembership

I get sent this picture more than anything else. This girl must really get around, because I have a list of a hundred guys, each claiming that this is their girlfriend (and in many cases their wife).

From:	Hendrik R�hrig <[email protected]>
Subject:	i would like to get a free mwmbership
please give me a login and a password

This person downloaded this photo off of toddbertrang.com -- as you can see, they didn't even bother removing the logo! I told them that of course I was not about to give them a membership for this stolen image, and they replied:

From:	Hendrik R�hrig <[email protected]>
Subject:	Re: i would like to get a free mwmbership
look at your pictures...!! you already have toddbertrang.com pictures !!! sorry i just tried because it already worked for other people...

Did it ever occur to you that the photos on my website labelled as Todd's were mailed to me by Todd himself? I'm the one that put the "toddbertrang.com" label on them!

From:	"pat loro" <[email protected]>
Subject:	subject
please find attached a tattoo photo

This person kept sending me tired old photos from the alt.binaries.pictures.bodyart newsgroup. The punchline, is that the photos that they stole wouldn't even get them a full membership! If you're going to be a liar, at least try not to be a stupid liar...

From:	"EDUARDO" <[email protected]>
Subject:	My self cutting.
Dear B.M.E This piece of bodyart started as a desire to reclaim a scar I gashed in my left forearm with a broken bottle in a moment of inwardly-turned anger around my 21st birthday - it did leave a nice raised white scar. Around my 24th birthday I inked the black crescent moons (really two overlapping circles). This year, prior to my 25th birthday, I inked the green trails. The green ink has faded more than I expected, but there are some raised areas from the cutting. These photos were taken in process. Please send me my membership to : [email protected]

One of the more elaborate fakers. This picture of course is stolen from Anne Greenblatt's Piercing Exquisite web page. It doesn't belong to Eduardo.

Quality!

From:	[email protected]
Subject:	tounge pierciing
oh come on please put that picture up...i really want to be on the tounge site!!! its really a good picture just put it up fro now ant i promise ill send you a better one..aight peace...jason

Under no circumstances will I publish a photo so outrageously blurry, unless there's something really, really special about it. By the way, it's spelled "tongue".

Keep the mail coming!