Ever since I was little, I was facinated with decorating my body. I'd cover myself in doodles, and I convinced my mom to pierce my ears when I was five. I had never actually seen somebody with a piercing or tattoo at that age, I just knew I wanted my drawings to be permenant in my skin, and I loved how my earrings looked, and I wanted them elsewhere.
At A Glance Author Linnea Location colorado About 5 years later I had to convince my mom to let me get a second hole in my ears. She wanted to know "who else has two holes in their ears?" At that age, I had never seen a double piercing, I just knew I wanted one. Mom finally gave in, and let me get the second hole.
In middle school, I remember getting sent down to the social worker for trying to give myself a tattoo with a needle and ink. He thought I was trying to self-mutilate, or something, and all I was trying to do was to decorate my skin. Later that year, I found a spot in my wrist where I could put a safety pin in about 2 inches deep, and I couldn't feel it. I thought this was the neatest thing, so I wore the safety pin to school one day. Yep, another trip to the social worker. Throughout middle school, I became more aware of the world around me, and I saw pictures of piercings and tattoos, and scars and stretchings in back-issues of national geographic. I was completely transfixed. I loved how these people had feathers in their noses, flowers through their ears, and best of all, they didn't seem out of place to me. Before middle school was over, I had pierced my navel, and taken it out, and pierced my nose.
When I got to highschool, I started hanging out in the park with a group of stoners. This was the real "alternative" crowd, in my school. Many of them had barbells through their tongues, rings through their eyebrows, and small tattoos that they had gotten from friends, or scratchers. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I thought it was pretty neat. In october of my freshman year, I pierced my nipples. It didn't matter that nobody could see them, it just meant a lot to me that I had the metal in me.
A few months later, I started skipping school, and hanging out in this real "earthy" coffeeshop. I noticed all sorts of piercings I had never seen in real life - just on bme - madisons, and medusas, and napes, and I was so excited the first time I saw somebody come into the coffee shop with stretched ears - over an inch! Around that time, I pierced my tongue, and started seriously considering getting some tattoos I had planned out for the past few years.
Never did I think that anything that I was doing or seeing was abnormal. Never did I think body modification was "sick" or "differant" - It just came naturally to me.
I've started stretching my ears up a bit - when my dad saw them, he got mad and started yelling at me "you look like some weird guy from africa!" Sure, some tribes stretch their ears, but I don't see how a 2 gauge hole makes me, a pale white girl look like an somebody from an african tribe.
Everytime Dad comes over, he has to cough up some anecdote "I saw some guy with big ears today. It looked so goofy." or "I saw some guy with tattoos all down his arms today. Only sickos do that."
I know some people don't think the way I do, but he doesn't realise how much these modifications mean to me. And he doesn't really get how much it hurts when he calls something I am completely in love with "goofy."
Mom, however, is sort of supportive. She took me to get my tongue pierced for my birthday, and she did my navel for me. But I was asking her if I could get some piercing, or another, she just looked at me and asked "Why is this so important to you? Why do you spend so much time learning and reading about piercings? Why?"
Why? - Now that is a good question, that I never really thought about. I suppose there's so many differant answers, and yet, there is none. I love piercings for so many reasons.
I love the way the metal looks in my skin. I think that piercings can make an already attractive person more beautiful, but they can also make an uglier person look worse.
I love how the metal feels in my skin, how it increases sensitivity, and how it gives me something to play with, in the case of my tongue piercing. As somebody on BME said (something along these lines) "it feels like the needle is fucking my skin, in a newly created orafice." I completely agree with them. Piercing is completely erotic.
I'm not, however modifying myself, to fit in, to be trendy, or to stick out. If everybody had mods, so would I. But if I was the only person I knew of, I think I'd still be doing this to myself.
Tattoos, if done well, can enhance the muscle, and perfect the body. And even implants, and scars can make the body look more perfect.
I know some people will pierce, tattoo and scar themselves for the pain. I can't say I do it for the pain, but I can't say I mind it, either. Its something I put up with, and sometimes seek out to get the end result.
Some people will modify themselves for spiritual experiances. I know things like suspensions and other rituals will produce altered states, and some mods will give a minor adrenaline rush. Its sort of like an extreme sport - you get the excitement, and on top of that, you get a little "badge" of honor, whether its a ring, a barbell, a scar, or ink.
I almost wonder if there's some sort of instinct to modify. I know i started to modify myself even before I knew what I was doing. Maybe there is something in the modern primitave theory.
So why do I do this to myself? Even though I've offered many options, they're all sort of why I do this, but none of them explain it thourougly. Why? I can't tell you, its just there, its just burned into my mind. I'm not trying to be trendy, I'm not trying to distance myself from society, or the mainstream, I'm not trying to hurt myself, I just want to be beautiful. And I've found how to be beautiful - By changing my skin.