Stop contributing to BME please

At A Glance Author Ben Contact [email protected]

Note: That was the title of this article, and definitely not a request from BME!!!

First of all, I know this is long. Yes, you can just scroll down and read the last paragraph and get my point. However, if you want to question my logic you have to read the entire thing. The history behind it shows why I think I have a point you should hear, and why I think I'm qualified to make that statement. If you are heavily modified, this probably isn't for you. But maybe it is.......it all depends on whether you would listen to a non-heavily modified person's opinion or not. Second of all, this really should have been entitled "A lesson in Humility" but I didn't think as many people would read it with such a boring title.

Who I am:

19-year-old male, Heterosexual, American, from Texas. Sophomore in college, Music major, Christian, generally conservative politically, virgin. My favorite bands are Deftones, and the Peter Erskine trio. I like pie.

My "modifications":

Left rook, 2ga earlobes, and one 6"x4" cross tattooed on my lower back. I change my hair color every once in a while. (I use the word "modifications" in parentheses because that's the only word I can think of to describe both piercing and tattoos. But I really don't consider myself "modified" at all. You'll read about that in a minute.)

Why I'm writing:

I'm writing partially to give the view of a non-heavily "modified" person who isn't a 14 year-old skater punk who stretched their ears while hiding from their mom in the bathroom and ripped them to the point of profuse bleeding, and isn't a sorority girl with nothing more to talk about than their cool new tongue and/or navel (that being the only piercing they have), and why they love "body modification." Not that these people can't have their opinion, but as one who isn't really "modified" either, I'm offended by their ignorance in a way. Because being a one who isn't really modified I'm lumped into the same group as they are and it's assumed by others that I'm just as ignorant. But I'm also writing this partially to make myself think of why I'm doing what I'm doing to my body. (Once again, I want to stress that I realize just how little I've done.) I had a girl ask me why I wanted to stretch my ears. She asked me (like everyone else) if I was going to regret this when I was fifty. Everyone asks these questions, especially adults, and definitely my adult family members. But her (a total stranger) asking me really struck me. Not because she was someone special, but when I'm talking to family members or the like, they aren't really asking me why I've got big holes in my ears; they're asking why I don't take them out so I can get a job when I'm older, and not have people stare at me, etc. (In my humble opinion that's the way they ask. Not all of my family is like that, but for the most part they are.) This girl however honestly couldn't figure out why anyone would want to stretch their ears. I can definitely relate. A year ago I thought anything above a 14ga was just stinkin' huge. Basically, she put things into perspective for me by making me remember where I come from. But also, she made me realize that I don't really know how I got here. "Here" not so much being the thought that my ears have "such a huge hole," but rather thinking "such a huge hole" is actually beautiful. As well as "here" being that I want to have these holes even bigger. My tattoo also defines "here," but that will be discussed later.

How I got "here": (wherever that may be)

The more I think about it, the more stupid I feel in a way. My ears got this big mostly because I was simply being competitive. I always wanted my ears pierced, and on my 18th birthday I got them pierced with a gun at Claire's. (That biotch the clerk jacked up my left ear too. It was crooked, and it never healed.) I had to take them out. My brother, who had gotten a nipple piercing during the time between me getting them and taking them out, suggested that I let them heal up well and then get them needled. He's a paramedic and the person who did his nipple was a good friend of his doing their apprenticeship at the time. His friend hyped him up about how terrible guns were for anything, and in turn he hyped me up about the same. I agree now after having had both that (for me at least) needled piercings heal better. But at the time I just wanted to try something different.

Meanwhile back at the ranch a friend of mine got a tattoo. She is a fellow music major and she got an iddy-biddy treble clef on her back. Me and friends had always talked about tattoos, but it was always one of those things that you just throw out as a "Man, wouldn't it be cool if......" type idea. Ironically she wasn't one of those people that I talked about tattoos with, but for some reason me being without one while talking to her made me feel somehow that I needed one. (I was being competitive.) I started the process of finding a shop and getting a tattoo. Eventually I got one. I wish I would have waited a little longer to look around, but then again hindsight is always 20/20. Right?

(From this point on I'm trying to explain how all of my experiences relate to BME, and specifically the "mainstream" reader of BME.)

During my search for a tattoo shop I found BME. It was interesting, but really more disgusting than anything. Go to the main page photo archives. Look at the pics from around August of '99. That stuff scared me. But there was information on this web site. There wasn't this much info anywhere else I knew of, and eventually the pictures on the front got less disgusting. Seeing all the photos of people with huge stretches, and strange piercings and huge tattoos made me realize how untouched my body was. (For tattoos sake, I wish I had realized the value of a clean slate, and thought more about what I wanted before I got it. I like the tat I have now, but it's placement gets in the way of other plans. That could have been avoided with a little more thought.) This did two things for me. One, it allowed me to rationalize anything I had ever thought of with the notion that there was always going to be somebody with something bigger or badder. Two, it brought out that competitiveness again. When I had first decided to get my ears needled, I hadn't even thought of a gauge size. In fact, I was just thinking small because I thought that getting them done with a needle would hurt more. I began to change my mind. I began to change my mind because BME put all the other people with larger gauge earrings I'd seen into perspective. I thought that the few people I'd seen with tattoos or 8ga earrings or the like were just a few random freaks. I began to realize just how "normal" they were.

In the beginning, from the time before I even got them done with a gun I wanted earrings because I saw that most people don't have them. I wanted to be different. (I felt that while my personality was unique, I needed something that visually set me apart from others as well.) So maybe in a sense I wanted earrings from a competitive point of view, but it wasn't (in my opinion) and unhealthy competitive. After seeing BME, I realized just how "normal" piercings done with a gun. I needed something more, and while I had already decided to needle my ears, it pumped me up more, and helped me decide that I needed to do it with the biggest gauge I could find somebody to do. I pierced them with a 10ga. I thought I was so cool.

Continuing to read BME, visiting more and more often at this point I realized how small a gauge I had. For some reason I began to want to compete with every other ear stretcher that ever sent a picture or wrote a story. I knew I wouldn't ever be the biggest, but I definitely wouldn't something that even piercers would think was just astronomical. (I also didn't realize at the time just how big that would have to be.) But stretching takes time. In those lulls between stretches I needed more stuff to satisfy my want to stand out. I got my tongue pierced. (with an 8ga) More downtime. In steps the rook. I actually like the rook a lot. I think that was the one piercing I got that I didn't get for the wrong reasons. I like the fact that it kind of hides behind part of my ear. More stretching. Stretched the tongue to a 6ga. A few months down the line I'm here.

So now that I'm "here":

I've come to a resting point. You want to know why, don't you? We're back now at the girl that asked me about why I would want to stretch my ears. Every other person that asked me I've just kind of blown off and given an answer like "it's cool" or "because" or something like that. Essentially I gave her what was the same answer because I had no other one prepared. But afterwards, I really had to reflect on it because I didn't have a good answer prepared for someone who was asking a serious question. The more I thought about it, the more that I realized my family's concerns weren't without good reasoning. Some jobs won't hire me now. Some professors might judge me as a slacker just because I have the ears of a slacker in their mind. My girlfriend hates my piercings. HATES them. Society in general doesn't like what I've done (even if it is just a little bit) and probably never will.

It's not that these things can't and/or shouldn't be gotten over. However, in my opinion it is wrong in the worst way to get over these things just by ignoring them.

So in an effort to prove to my girlfriend that I actually do care about her opinion, I took out my tongue ring. It's still kind of a weird situation, because my ears are still there, but the tongue ring was the one she hated the most. I'm in the middle of trying to find a good equilibrium of not pushing away the people that I care about by doing something they hate, while maintaining the activity. I don't know if that is possible. I haven't even had any of my stuff for a year yet. But I do think that is a very stupid thing to think that what everyone else thinks doesn't affect you and shouldn't. That is not true in our society. In fact, in our society (maybe it's different in other countries, I don't know) you have to work harder for people to accept you if you are different. However, I don't look at that as a bad thing. I like it actually. I look at it as a way to keep my ego in check. I have to strive harder to be a good person in other people's eyes, and that's good for me. It may be wrong of them to judge me, but there is nothing for me to do about that but try and make it beneficial to my character. Hopefully, they will view me for something other than just what they can see.

It's not that you can't like these things. I have come to really enjoy having big holes in my ears. That's why they're still there. After getting (yes, I realize I should have done this before) my tattoo I started to try and learn all I could about tattooing. I really have become obsessed with tattooing. I have big plans for tattoos. I'm going to continue to stretch my ears. But all of these things are being done with a completely different mindset.

One thing that I love about my ears is that even as small as they are in comparison to a lot of people; they are still big enough to set me apart from the majority of people in the world. I love the fact that they are right there in plain view of everyone and the main statement that they make is "I'm different." I don't think that is a wrong reason for having them in my ears. I don't think that is a wrong reason for keeping them in my ears. However, I do think that there is a very fine line between wanting big ears (or a big tongue, or septum, or tattoo, or scar or whatever) because they say "I'm different" and wanting them to say "I'm better." If you're stretching your ear........if you're getting a tattoo...........if you're getting your navel pierced.......if you're writing an experience about how you bought some tapers from Hot Topic and ripped your ears and your friends think you're soooo cool now........... and ESPECIALLY if you're under age, ask yourself which of these is the reason that you're doing it. And I recommend that not only because it will make you understand yourself better, but it will keep you from coming off an egotistical moron who is just trying to have something to brag about. If you really are doing something that you love, (even if you have to hide it from your mom) then I doubt you will regret it later down the line. However, if you're doing it just to be cool, or because you think it gives you bragging rights, then I think the chances of you regretting something you do are much greater. However, in my opinion the absolute worst thing that you can do, in my opinion, is to do something for the wrong reasons, realize you're doing it for the wrong reasons, and then continue to do it anyhow. That's called immaturity. Even if you think you like it. If you really like it, don't assume that that particular fact alone means you're doing it for the right reasons. I love my tattoo, but I got it for the wrong reason. It's possible.

As for myself and my final thoughts:

I'm taking a little hiatus from stretching my ears and/or getting any more piercings/tattoos/whatever for a while. Right now I think that I will continue to at least stretch my ears some later on, but I need to take time before I go any further to decide whether I'm committed to this for life or not. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to really know if I'm doing something for the right reasons is to wait. That's the other big piece of advice I have. TAKE YOUR TIME. 1) It lets you question yourself. 2) It shows others who might be skeptical as to the rationality and/or maturity of your decision (your parents, your friends, your mate......) that there was some rational thought behind the process.

If you're fifteen or twelve or nineteen (like me) or twenty-three and new to this stuff, this web site can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Don't assume that because you want to get your tongue pierced (or your eyebrow, or your dick, it doesn't really matter) that you're on the same level as some of the people in the extreme sections. You may like piercing. It may be cool. The fad of your actions will fade, and those people you compare yourself with aren't in it to be cool. So please, for my sake as a person on the fringe right along with you, (This is assuming I'm not just in this as a transient thing. Like I said I'm taking a hiatus to reevaluate my reasoning.) don't write an experience about how you love body modification. You may later. But you don't know whether you do or not right now.

PS

Now I've read through this a couple times and rewritten some parts, I realize that it's entirely possible to think that I'm saying that people shouldn't experiment. You should experiment, in my opinion. I think you learn a lot. I however, don't agree with Shannon when he says that "The claim of "piercing isn't for me" and its equivilents is WRONG." ("Still Independent" by Shannon Larratt. Check BME/news if you want to read it.) Those claims when made without experimentation may very well be wrong. But I do think that these sorts of things are for certain people. (Piercing and tattooing in general, I mean. He was talking about all forms of body modification including body building, etc. I totally agree with him that everyone should find something to experiment with but I think that something which society is so overtly against should be taken with a little more thought than lifting weights or getting a boob job.) I do agree with him that experimentation does make you reevaluate everything. (I just wrote a four and a half page essay on how it did that to me.) I agree with him that reevaluation is good, and that it makes you learn about yourself and those around you. But don't assume that because something is good for me, or is good for someone else that it is right for you. It may be and that's why you have to experiment to find out what is and isn't. But in general, the things talked about on this web site are PERMANENT. Think before you act.