What good will it do?

At A Glance Author azryale Contact [email protected]

I was sitting in my freshmen-level political science class, and i noticed that the young man sitting next to me had been sneezing and sniffling for going on 15 minutes. Thinking it was an appropriate gesture, I offered him a Kleenex, and he looked at me for only a second then recoiled and scooted as far over as his chair would allow. I doubt it was the Kleenex that caused him to draw back, as it was in an unopened travel-size pack. What he looked over and saw was a well-groomed soft-spoken girl that was roughly half his size with a nostril piercing, a labret piercing, and a couple "normal" (*ack* read: pierced in mall with a gun) ear piercings, offering him a tissue that he was in desperate need of as his sleeves were no longer doing the trick. I will never know why this young man was frighten by my gesture of kindness, but judging by the reactions of the door greeters at Wal-Mart, the lady at the perfume counter in the local department store and the hundreds of stangers i pass everyday as i walk to school ans work, I have developed a fair guess.

Being as how I am far from being "heavily" pierced (tongue, nostril, labret, two holes in each ear, both nipples and navel)(my grandma like to say that I look like every other kid that jumped of the bridge), I never really expected these reactions from the general public. I am not trying to complain, as I was na�ve to think that no one would notice, or treat me differently because of my piercings. For as long as i can remember, I tried to go out of my way, to do kind things for random strangers just so they would think that "people like me" could be nice. I helped change a tire on the side of the road in the mid-day July heat in Texas, put quarters in an arcade game that a child was staring at sadly and told him to play while the people I assumed were his parents argued loudly on the other side of the restaurant; I've donated both money and time to both homeless and animal shelters; I've helped elderly men and women by carrying parcels, groceries, ect; I held open doors.

I once opened a door for a lady who looked at me as though I were not fit to lick her dog's toenails or suitable to be fertilizer for her lawn, then she proceeded to hold the door for herself, as though I were not to be trusted to hold the door for her. I would like to pretend that that has only happened once. I would like to pretend that it doesn't happen as often as it does. I would really like to believe that my efforts are making an impact, but each and everyday it only seems worse than the day before. So I give up. From this day forward, I am just going to behave like the "normal" people that go out of their way to make me feel inferior to them.

I will complain loudly about how the cashier must be retarded the next time I am in a slow moving line at the grocery store. I will remain seated the next time a pregnant lady or elderly person steps onto a full bus; I will merely stare off into space and act as if they weren't there. I will scream and cuss at my waiter the next time my order isn't exactly as I asked. I will cut off ambulances and go out of my way to splash pedestrians while I am driving. I will tell homeless people to take baths and get jobs. I will carry myself as though I were the center of the universe; and I will conduct my daily activities as though this was true also; and I will definitely not open or hold doors for anyone, ever again, for as long as I live.

I am lying; I could never behave that way. I will gladly remain "inferior" to these people, and I will match their hateful glares with kind words and a smile. I once wondered what good I was doing and if my actions were worth anything; every once in awhile I still do, but I have come to the realization that treating other people with dignity, respect, and kindness, regardless of what I look like or whether or not they treat me the same, is everyone's responsibility as a human being. I hope that I am affecting some people in a positive way, but even if I never do, I will not give up being myself so that I can be their "equal".