To everyone who has approached me about my mods:
At A Glance Author Espviper Contact [email protected] Artist Article Studio Article Location Article I regret having gotten these tattoos...
Thanks to the valuable information you gave me without my asking I now realize that they are permanent. You have saved me years and years of fruitless attempts at scrubbing the ink off of my body with a dishrag in the shower. When you said things to me like, "Ya know those are permanent?" or "Those are gonna be on your body the rest of your life..." it was a major wake-up call for me. I also regret them, because thanks to you, I now realize that they will be on my body even when I am an old man. I am quite furious with myself right now over this particular subject � however I am still glad you brought this matter to my immediate attention.
I regret having had only my right earlobe pierced...
thanks to you for informing me that such a piercing made me gay, I saved lots of time wondering why I felt the overpowering urge to have sex with other men. The urge was so strong that anyone who I even made brief physical contact with (i.e. someone brushing up against me) suddenly also felt the need to make love to a member of their own sex. I do not know what I possibly would have done without you here to tell me that I was now homosexual because of the piercing's location.
I regret having stretched my ears...
now that I know it makes me look like one of those "guys in those tribes you see in National Geographic" I wish I had never done it. Thanks for clueing me in on that one � you saved me a lot of future embarrassment. I also did not realize that I had huge holes in my ears until you confronted me. I did not even know you and you had a kind enough heart to tell me that they were there. I had been noticing something different about myself but could not quite pinpoint it. I am undoubtedly indebted to you.
I regret having paid so much for my tattoos...
I had not even thought about how I might have paid too much until your eyes widened after I told you the price. I feel like a real sap now. Here you are with those fancy, expensive name-brand shoes that only cost you twice as much as my tattoo and that you can remove at any time...and here I am with this stupid tattoo that refuses to wash off in the shower. I wish you had told me about the place that did your tattoo for really cheap before I went and got mine done. And wow, part of yours looks like it has already washed off. I sure missed the bus on that one. And I am really not sure at all why I paid so much for a tattoo, but thanks for asking.
Well it happened again...
first, I took the jewelry out of my right ear, and my craving for sex with men disappeared. Now, only a few weeks later, with the jewelry still out the craving suddenly returned with little warning. But thanks to you and your infinite wisdom, I discovered that my new navel piercing is the cause of the "problem". I had no idea that males with their bellybuttons pierced instantly turned into "fags". There is another interesting little side-effect caused by the navel piercing I failed to notice until you told me about it. Apparently, with this particular piercing, if the wearer is a male, he instantly becomes a "pussy" and/or a "pansy". I used to be able to bench press all kinds of weight, but, thanks to this new piercing's effect on my masculinity, I cannot even easily move the mouse around the mouse pad I have become so weak and "sissy". I also have been wearing women's underwear regularly and it burns my eyes to watch manly sports such as football and hockey, all thanks to having a navel piercing and being male. Luckily, a quick removal of the navel jewelry will solve the problem. I still need to be careful however, I've heard that nipple piercings or even genital piercings can turn a guy into a "fairy" and a "queer"!
I regret having had my nasal septum pierced...
I was entirely unaware that it made me look like a bull. I have never felt so disgusted with myself in my entire life. To think, that I had that much in common with a filthy, disgusting beast of burden � and that I did it with the idiotic notion in mind that it would make me look good. As usual, you were right on the ball when you told me about that one.
I regret having tried to look different than you and your friends... little did I know, trying to look different is just plain wrong. I am very glad you told everyone about my newest modification and made comments to many people about how "weird" and "gross" it was. Thank you for keeping me in line. What a true life saver you really are.
What a jerk I felt like when I found out that Tupac Shakur also has a stomach tattoo...
here I was completely ignorant of this undeniably important tidbit of information, when you came up and enlightened me. The greatest thing about this is that I did not even have to ask you, you just blurted it out with the blind hope that I would give a damn! You also told me about your ex-boyfriend's sister's best friend's cousin who had a stomach tattoo. What amazes me, is that I have never met your ex-boyfriend's sister's best friend's cousin even though (thanks to the comparison you made between the two of us) we obviously have so much in common. You've saved me countless sleepless nights of sitting up and wondering if there are any others in the world with stomach tattoos.
I really regret not having used the aftercare method that you recommended to me...
I mean, if it was something your dad used seventeen years ago to heal a tattoo while he was in the army, then it would definitely have worked for me. I am quite sure you saw the other nicely healed tattoos on my body and assumed that they were also healed using methods complete strangers presented to me, and that I obviously had no clear perception of what I was doing trying to heal another. It is funny...twelve other people offered advice to me, what a kind and caring society. I did not even have to ask and I was getting advice shoved in my face from all directions. I also enjoyed how you scoffed at the notion that a certain brand of moisturizer would work well, what an idiot I was to assume that because you have no tattoos you would not know how to heal one. Obviously, hearsay is the safest and most proven method of aftercare. Because honestly, if it you heard from someone that the method worked, then it must be tried and true for everyone. Thank you for more wonderful input.
I cannot help but regret each and every last one of my modifications...
without your wise incites I never would have known that they "must have hurt". What could I possibly have been thinking when I decided to get them done despite the fact that they caused pain? I am also horribly grateful to you for having asked me if they hurt time and time again, especially since the answer is such a difficult one to arrive at using one's own intuition. To be quite honest, I forgot if they hurt or not, that sort of thing just doesn't stick in someone's memory at all. And I also know that such a question is an important one for people to ask. By dwelling on the issue of pain, hopefully many people will never get modified. I think it would be a favor for humanity if more people made important decisions about their body based solely on the pain factor. It is also a fact of life that if something hurts or makes obtaining it a challenge then it really is not even worth bothering with.
Nathan
Any question or comments? [email protected]