At A Glance
Author	myndphuct
Contact	[email protected]
IAM	mmcneill
When	N/A
Location	Central virginia, USA

I am by no means a veteran in the modded community, I've been actively involved in mods for only about 4 years now, but I can honestly say that discovering mods has changed my life for the better. I used to have terrible self esteem, couldn't see anything attractive in myself, never trusted a woman who found me attractive. Then I got pierced, jst an eyebrow piercing, but it was something that changed me totally, I now felt pride in my body, it was MINE, to do with as i pleased. I had finally seen that I was not ugly, I was unique. Since then I have gotten many more piercings, and gotten through nearly every issue I was dealing with.

I can now say that I am honestly a very stable, confident, and beautiful human being. I cannot stress enough the positive changes that have occured in my life, all of which i attribute to that first, seemingly insignificant piercing, however there is always the bad to go with the good. Having become visibly modded, not even extremely so, has taught me much about that ignorance and intollerance of the human race. I'm a young white male, but I've certainly had a taste of what many minorities have to suffer through their entire lives, and they don't have a choice in their appearance. I've been turned down for numerous jobs that I'm MORE than qualified to do. Treated poorly at those that I HAVE gotten. I get questioned on the street by total strangers. What is it that makes a person think that it is acceptable to start questioning a total stranger about their sexuality, or even worse details about their genitals?

As a result of this I've developed a rather negative view of the human race. That view has been lightened recently by, of all people, my best friends two year old daughter. I have few friends, but those i have are very close and very dear to me. When Albert's girlfriend Jennifer gave birth to their daughter, Cinimon, I have to less I wasn't really thrilled with the news. I couldn't see raising a child in this world. As luck would have it, two years later I wound up without a home (I was thrown out of a house i helped my girlfriend buy and move into, she decided that i could no longer keep her happy), so Albert offered me a room in his home. Cinimon was never very fond of me, I can understand that, I wasn't really around that often, I'm not average, 6'3", 250lbs, with lots of piercings and facial hair, I was scary because I was different. Now that I'm living in the sme house and she's gotten to know me she is no longer afraid of me, even more so she loves hanging out in my room and talking to me (and this kid talks and talks and talks....hehe). The point is, she knows who i am and no longer cares what i look like. This has given me some hope, and moreover some enlightenment toward the world, at least for the future.

I was stopped by a guy at work the other day, a redneck type, none too bright, but a nice guy all the same so i thought. And he asked me, "What are you gonna tell your kids when they start asking you why you have those big goddamned holes in your ears boy?" I couldn't come up with an answer, at the time i simply told him that I'd cross that bridge when i got to it. It was later that day, as i was sitting at my computer, reading BME and watching Cinimon playing with my plush Tux penguin (I'm a linux geek :).....), that i realized something. My children will grow up around me, and around my friends, who are far from fitting into any mold. My children will be subjected to a wide variety of people, different races, different sizes, different looks. And when it comes to my ears, or anything, they won't be asking me why I DO have big lobes, they'll be asking why others don't, that is if it ever even becomes and issue that they question. I hope that Cinimon, due to my presence i n her life, will grow up unafraid of modded people.

Perhaps there is some hope for this world. Thinking back to my own childhood I never questioned peoples differences, at least not until my parents taught me to do so, something which I eventually realized was wrong. I remember starting in school, and seeing children of different races, it was amazing, exciting, I was fascinated to see people who were not like me. It was my parents who later taught me words amd characterizations such as ni**er, and ch**k. When you are a child you don't question your parents, and those things become ingrained, and are very hard to forget. I have since stricken such words from my vocabulary, and such generalizations from my consciousness. People, if you are modded, you know how it feels, i don't have to tell you how much the word FREAK hurts, don't allow your children to learn such things, don't poison the minds of your children with hate. and perhaps we can change this world for the better.