Of all the questions I get asked by the people around me because of my body mods, the one I am most likely to answer with honesty and enthusiasm is simply, "Why?"
At A Glance Author spikeyannie Contact [email protected] IAM SpikeyAnnie When N/A This is not, mind you, the same thing as "Why would you do that to yourself?" or "Why would a pretty girl like you destroy your body?" or any other accusation. This is just, "Why?" Maybe that's why I find it so easy to answer. I don't trip over my own words as they stumble their way out of my pierced mouth. I don't hesitate. I simply explain as best I can, that this is something I feel I need to do, in part because it makes me happy, and in part because I find it to be a spiritual experience, just as others may go to church, pray, or read the bible.
I don't think any stranger on the street who has ever asked me about my mods, can really understand that answer. This used to make me feel almost ashamed, as if I didn't deserve to have an answer that was anything more than, "because," or, "It looks cool," or, "I like it." But gradually over the past year, I've become more secure in being this honest with people who simply ask why, whether they are my family, friends, or people I don't even know at all.
I remember once when I was in Florida, I was standing on the dock with my brother and my parents and I saw a man with a prosthetic leg. I guess his prosthetic leg started to get uncomfortable because he had taken it off and casually placed it next to him, like somebody taking off a sweatshirt and putting it on the chair beside them. I remember feeling not a sense of pity, but a sense of awe at how gracefully resigned this man was to the fact that he only had one leg.
Somehow in the span of five minutes, I got the distinct impression that he was ten times more comfortable with his own body and spirit, than your average two-legged person would ever be. I could of course be terribly wrong. However, it got me thinking about the power of the human spirit and how often we ignore that power when it comes to the connection our spirits have with our own bodies.
It's ironic how nowadays, cosmetic surgery such as tummy tucks and even electrolysis, are becoming accepted in mainstream society as something that's "ok". I say this because I find myself wondering how many people feel spiritually rejuvenated after getting liposuction. Women enlarge their breasts or shrink their stomachs because they want to be liberated from the burden of imperfection in that area. They want to be able to look in the mirror without saying, "I don't like this."
Is this any different from somebody deciding to get a tattoo to mark an important event in their life and knowing in their heart that they must have it? More importantly, is it, as a rationale or justification, any healthier? How is it that magazines can try to sell you magical ways to lose 10 pounds in 2 days and it's perfectly ok for them to do that, and yet I can't go to the convenience store to buy a soda without hearing, "Did that hurt?" or "Why would you do that?" Well gosh, I don't know. Why would Cosmo try to get perfectly healthy young women hooked on diet drinks? Why are plastic surgeons raking in the cash up in the Hollywood hills? You tell me. When people criticize or gawk at my mods, I honestly feel that half the problem is the context in which these people are looking at said mods.
After all, I don't get pierced or tattooed to improve any part of myself. I see it as an enhancement, an addition so necessary that once it has been done, I feel incomplete without it. Even the piercings that I eventually retired, were necessary to me at one point in my life. Like I said, I used to feel awkward explaining this mentality to strangers or even my family and friends. However, it has now become such an engrained belief in my mind and my heart, that there's simply no other way to say it. When my dad asked me about the chaos symbols on my wrists and why I got them, I explained what they symbolized and what that meant to me personally, and then I simply said, "I need them." For me, that settled the matter as much as possible.
And essentially, it always does. So many times, when you visualize a modification so strongly that it becomes a basic need for you, there is no "What if I regret it?" in the end. There is no "What if someone else has the same tattoo/jewelry/piercing?" There is no "What will (insert person or people) think?" There is simply that nod as you check the placement of the little purple dot or the tattoo transfer one last time and acknowledge to your artist that you are good to go. Sometimes body modification rises above common sense and practicality, despite agonizing over color, placement, jewelry choice, gauge, all those aesthetics.
Sometimes when I am asked a stupid question by a stranger, I wish they would make it easier on themselves and just ask why, because then I would be able to tell them this, and perhaps it would open their eyes just a little bit. After all, I see my mods as an art form. And as an artist, I strive not only to create my own vision as I like it, but to perhaps show others along the way. I would like to think that for every stare or annoying question I get, that person goes home feeling some sort of impact from their encounter with me, brief as it may have been.