Hi,
At A Glance Author witte Contact [email protected] When N/A this is not a traditional experience, but rather a collection of thoughts about underage piercing based on my own experiences.
I'm 33 at the moment. I don't have any children. But I've had a short relation with some one who had a child to look after. His name was Tim. A bright kid, but very troubled by what happened to his parents (I'm not going into detail here what happened, but let's say a very bad divorce). The relation was short, it just happened because we both were at a difficult part of our live, and we needed someone. We split up as good friends a few months later. But Tim, the son of my 4-month partner, became a friend. I first thought he came over to my place to use my fast computer with fast internet connection, and to get free drinks. But I soon found out he was depressed, and was looking for some support. He came over about twice a week for a few hours. I could ofcourse try and help him, but because I was starting a new relation with someone, spending time with an underage son of an ex partner seemed a bit complicated to me. But on the other hand he seemed to need the support, so I tr ied to get things organised (I also had a busy job !).
Maybe it was the divorce, maybe it was the neighbourhood he lived in, but I had the impression Tim was a "wise" and mature person. He had need for emotional support, but from an organisational, intellectual point of view he was doing just fine.
Tim knew I was into bodypiercing. He had seen my septum and nipple piercings, and holiday photographs showing other piercings I once had. He didn't have any himself. And at first didn't speak about it. That was fine for me, because legally he was underage, and I definitely was not responsible for him. But when both parents are virtually away, I had to do something when one day he "announced" he was going to get pierced. He didn't ask, no he announced. I phoned his parents, who said asked me politely to inform Tim (they trusted me), and also told me that when Tim "announces" things, it's too late to change his mind. They were in theory against him getting pierced, but had no plans to actively make him change his mind. They both said about the same thing, as if they had spoken about it (but they didn't ofcourse, still being in a cat/dog situation).
If you see a 15 year old with decent grades at school, well fed and tall, who seems to be capable to manage difficult problems, then it is difficult to "refuse" something that is in fact "less important".
But I wanted to avoid trouble, so I gave him a long and detailed lecture against underage piercing, explaining all possible risks, and stressing the fact that the body and soul need some maturity before getting into piercing. I sounded much more serious then I intended. You should know that I appreciated Tim as a person, but he was not my friend. He listened to my arguments, without really interupting me. I knew that some of the arguments were not very strong, or not really applicable to him. But at first he didn't say anything, but when I was finished, he started replying, taking every point I made, even in about the same order, and defended his point of view. I was amased by his eloquence. This was what his parents had warned me about ...
Well, he left, and didn't come back for about 2 weeks (at that time living with his mother an hour away). When I got home from work one day, exhausted, he phoned me. He had made up his mind about his piercing plans, but it went further then that : he wanted a new quite special haircut, and even other clothes. Money absolutely not being the problem in his family, the clothes were the easy part. I tried to tell him that I had in fact nothing to do with his story, but apparently he needed someone to "agree" that his plans were OK, and since his parents were a bit indifferent, it was up to me to "give my opinion". In fact he wanted a whole list of piercings, definitely going too far for his age. To my surprise, he agreed, and said that the "project" would need some time, and he just wanted my "advice" for the first part.
Overhere there are no specific laws regulating piercing (not yet anyway). Most shops have policy that ear, nose piercings are done on minors (14-18) without consent from the parents, and that for "all other" everything is possible from the age of 18, and between 16 and 18 if the parents agree. But it is possible to find shops that offer technically decent piercings, but that don't really respect this "policy". So I figured out that Tim would get done what he wanted, even if he needed to go to some people working from their garage rather then having a real piercing shop. Because that's what happens if you close access to safe shops : minors will find unsafe shops to get done what they want ... or they'll do it themselves, which might be even worse. So from a pragmatic point of view, it might be better to "give in" and get it done profesionally.
So I send him back to his parents. The problem is that they don't really know the piercing world, and didn't even realize what Tim wanted to get done. Tim did write on my computer a text saying that his father allows the piercings (he included a list). He printed this page on a sheet of paper on which he had already photocopied his own and his fathers identity card. He presented this page to his father, who ... signed. Armed with this document I tried to charter me as taxidriver to bring him to the piercing shop. Well, I already felt uncomfortable because all what happened before, but this was going to get me in even a more difficult situation. Mainly because I started to appreciate Tim, including his courage. Refusing would have meant another blow to him, and he had everything worked out now. So I agreed, without further comments, without phoning his parents. Meanwhile Tim was almost 16 (2 weeks to go). We didn't wait 2 weeks : 3 days later we went to 4 different shops on t he same day, to discuss 'technical aspects". Tim let me do all the talking. I never told them his age, but if they wanted to know it, it was clearly visible on the photocopy of his identity card. My usual piercing shop wanted to do his planned eyebrow piercing, but refused tongue, labret, nipple. In other shops they were less formal, but made it clear that they would prefer not do it. While driving home, Tim asked me which shop would technically be the best (hygiene, experience, jewelry availability, ...). I told him which one, and he got out of the car. I informed his father about his "choice" by email. No reply followed.
Spread over a 6 month period Tim had 2 radical haircuts, including dramatic changes in colour. He got all planned piercings, he did buy all clothes. He was happy. Technically everything went fine with the piercings. I helped with interpretation of aftercare instructions. He ended his schoolyear as the 4th out of 24 pupils. His parents let it all happen. Tim was happy again (not only because of the freedom he got, but also because he was gradually coming to terms with his family situation). He still had his days of depression and of rebellion, but my help and support were apparently no longer needed. He is almost 17 now, and when I phoned him to ask him how he's doing, he expressed gratitude, and he had one long "good news" story about the aftercare. I now think I did take the right decisions last year.