At A Glance Author TankGirl Contact [email protected] IAM TankGirl213 When It just happened My mother and I had a strange conversation last night. When I originally told her I was interested in suspension she claimed she would disown me. She once (and only once) asked me to cover up my tattoos if I was going to go out to lunch in public with her. She tells me it's not the tattoos or piercings themselves that bother her but the thought of the needles. Okay, I can understand that, my mum is absolutely terrified of needles. She's cried every time she's had to get a shot or blood drawn that I can recall. And she doesn't even have her ears pierced. In fact when I was 9 and she took me to get my ears pierced for the first time (with a piercing gun in a shopping mall, no less) she cried and I didn't. I can see where she's coming from in that respect but I'm not accustomed to my mom being so close-minded to something I have chosen to do or be interested in.
I know there are a lot of people out there who's parents completely do not support their body modifications, but it's strange for me. I came home with a green mohawk as a preteen and my mom hardly batted an eyelash. I wore too much black and had a really bad attitude and my mom bought me black eyeliner and band t-shirts. She's always said that she doesn't see that there is anything to gain by alienating your children because they choose to be different. Because of her perspective for the most part even when I was a teenager we had an open, honest and up front relationship. So I attempted to have a conversation about suspension with her (she's a nurse and I would love her opinion and feedback) and she completely shut down and refused to even discuss it. How odd.
Last night we finally came to the understanding that she just won't acknowledge my body mods either way. Thus, if she can't say something nice, she can't say anything at all. I don't like it, but it seems like the only way my mom wants to deal with it. I think she is going to find it difficult in the coming months to be completely oblivious but we shall see.
Like all other things in my family (I am the oldest of six children) I am the first to be modified. My brother has a couple of tattoos, but they're easily hidden (for now at least, he's as passionate about future mods as I am). My younger siblings accuse me of "ruining" it for them, because I was such a wild child they aren't allowed to do anything. Somewhere in there I think my mom is afraid by being so open minded and taking me to get my ears pierced that first time she somehow created a monster. (As an aside: I think considering my interests even as a child, and my exposure to my dad's tattooed biker friends I would have chosen to be modified no matter what).
My mother's other issue with my modification does of course address the issue of employment. How am I supposed to get a "good" job with my hands and arms covered in tattoos? I say to this, first and foremost, although I am hopeful that modification becomes so widely accepted that I could if I wanted to, I don't want to be an attorney or a physician or a corporate executive. I pretty much clinched that with my first tattoo. For what I am pursuing career-wise it doesn't make a bit of difference, and I've always felt doing what makes me happy is far more important than making money.
The most difficult thing in all of this is defining the boundary between respecting my mom and being myself. She doesn't expect me to keep them completely covered up, but I shouldn't be overly blatant about them either. (Look ma, I got a new tattoo!) It's hard not to want to tease her a little about it (hey look at this great picture of my septum ring) because ultimately I think her insisting on denying I have tattoos or piercings at all is a little unreasonable.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I am thinking that it is just going to take showing her that I am serious about it (i.e. just continue to get the mods I want). My mom may be accepting about most other things, but that doesn't mean she's instantaneous about it. It took her 6 years to acknowledge that I am actually a vegetarian and it wasn't just a "thing" I was going through. So maybe in 10 years she'll finally say, "Alright fine, I guess you have tattoos, and I guess they're not so bad".
In my limited knowledge and perspective it seems parents are more accepting (and by accepting I don't mean they think it's great just that they accept it's part of you) of heavy modifications rather than just a couple of tattoos or piercings. I think it's for that very reason; you cannot avoid acknowledging that just maybe someone is serious about body modification when they are covered head to toe (never mind the fact that this takes years so they have some time for it to grow on them). This isn't a reason to get more tattoos, but rather a possible side effect.
I'm hopeful that in time, my mom will treat it as casually as she does everything else I'm passionate about. Until then, we'll have to find an uneasy middle ground and go from there.