I have been trying to write this for a long time: what does body modification do for me? I sit down, I gather relevant quotes, and attempt to tackle it the same way I would tackle a difficult school assignment. However, I can never write this in that manner because this is not something that can be explained with properly cited sources, or facts, or even logic.
At A Glance Author Brittany Viesca Contact [email protected] When N/A So, I start and I scratch my head a lot and then I give up because I find it upsetting that I cannot explain something that is so important to me. It is difficult because I lack the language and because there are so many different aspects to the topic of body modification. And it is difficult because I'm forced to articulate conclusions even as I am just figuring them out.
I'm trying once again because it's been coming up a bit lately. The first two incidents happened with my cousin, who is 9 years old. I make it a point to never under any circumstances wear my tunnels around this particular part of my family (I know they do not have positive views of my modifications and do not feel that it is my place to expose their child to them). Imagine my surprise when a few weeks ago this kid inspected my earlobes and said "I thought you had big and ugly ears!?" (I was wearing my plugs, as I always did around him, which can pass for normal earrings). The question, the fact that he didn't realize that my earlobes were 'big' and 'ugly' with my usual jewelry, and the knowledge that kids make judgments based on what they are taught leads me to believe that one of his parents said something about it. After that I was a bit less careful about switching my jewelry before I saw them. They had already passed judgment and passed that judgment to their chil d, so what did it matter whether I wore obvious jewelry or not? The last time I saw my cousin I was wearing my tunnels. He stared at my ears for a while and then asked all cute with wide-eyed wonder, "Brittany, it looks like you have big holes in your ears?" I told him that there were holes in my ears, but they weren't that big. Then he asked me "But, Brittany, why do you have holes in your ears?" I told him that I put them there and that I liked the holes. He just shook his head and started laughing and said "Brittany, they're holes! In your ears!" and then proceeded to make me play 'guess which scene of Zelda: Ocarina this song is from' some more.
As a reasonable (but still naive) 17 year old, I have to ask: why are people so against this kind of modification? His mom has her ears pierced, she dyes her hair, she wants lasik eye surgery and discusses getting cosmetic surgery done. The heart of the matter is that we are both taking our bodies' natural appearance and changing it, so why is it that her modifications are considered acceptable and even beautiful, but mine are not? Is it simply a learned discrimination passed on through the media? If so, why is it so hard to change? My cousin thought my ears were 'big and ugly' because he heard them called big and ugly. When he had a chance to see them for himself he did not declare them ugly, he just thought they were silly-looking. He didn't demand further explanation and he didn't attempt to lecture - he just accepted it. I think it just comes down to the fact that he realizes even though his cousin has big holes in her ears, she still plays with him and that 's all that matters, right?
Then, I had a job interview. It makes me sad to admit that I made it a point not to redye my crayon red hair before the interview so it appeared to be a faded, more 'natural' shade of red. It makes me even sadder to admit that I took out my tunnels and put in my plugs. These things (along with the fact that I would switch my jewelry for some family as well) may lead some people to say "If these things are really you, why do you hide them? Are you ashamed of your self? You shouldn't have done it in the first place if you can't handle the consequences. You are obviously too young." To them I say that I would love to live in a world where visible modifications are as much a deciding factor in employment as eyelash length. But, until that time comes I accept the world and understand that I am the unskilled 17 year old seeking employment, and need to present myself in a manner that does not make my future employers uncomfortable.
Yes, I'm 17. So of course I have to address the age and parent issues. By now the age bit has been ranted and raved and rambled about by tons of people, and there are not a lot of new things that can be said, but I have to say a few things anyway. Yes, I am a teenager, and as a teenager I've had some pretty stupid ideas (both in general and about body modification). Ideas that first appeared complete with a cartoon light bulb and a thought bubble that said "Hey! That's a GOOD idea!" Some of those good ideas were filed under 'stupid' because of logic and knowledge; some weren't filed until after I attempted it. But even a 45 y/o can have the same 'brilliant' ideas when they first discover body modification. Logically, a person knows that they cannot suspend from their shower rod using safety pins and fishing line. Through education a person can learn why they shouldn't attempt to pierce themselves. (I have to point out that I never attempted those two things!) Whether a person is 15 or 105 they will have stupid ideas; and a reckless and rash person at 15 may still be reckless and rash at 105, so the person rather than their age should be the deciding factor of modifications. But, a 15 year old is not as worldly as a 105 year old, and that will always be a factor until the world is a little different. Although I am a bit of a child still, I know the way the world works (even if I don't understand it). So, I will never put myself in the position where I cannot hide a modification if it is necessary. Every time I get a larger gauge of 'show jewelry' I will buy a larger gauge of 'could-be-normal jewelry' (for the latter I *love* woodbodyjewelry.com. I dig my plugs anyway, it's just a happy side effect that they're useful for passing as normal earrings).
Parents. Well, mine are in conflict. My dad agrees with Burt Holloway (a character in the movie the Secretary, I'm not sure where the quote is originally from): "You come from me. But you are not me. Your soul and your body are your own, and yours to do with as you wish." He voices the same concern for all my modifications (from shaving my head to dyeing my hair red to stretching my earlobes to 00g to everything else). He simply wants me to understand that I will face discrimination, that people will have preconceived notions about who I am and what kind of person I am - but that it has nothing to do with the real me. He doesn't want to see me hurt by the things that I'll have to face. My mom, she has very negative views about the body modification and the people within the community (myself included). But, I get both my stubbornness and my 'Who cares what they think? This is what I want to do and this is what I'm doing regardless of others' opinions' att itude from her. So, we talk about things and we make boundaries and we make compromises. My parents understand that they cannot make decisions for me, but they can help guide me by showing me their points of views and by bringing up points I may not have considered.
So, what does body modification do for me, the realistic 17 year old? It lets me explore who I am, what I think is beautiful, and what I want to show to the world. It teaches me lessons about my body and my soul and my self and other people. It allows me to look at all the kinds of people in the world and see the beauty they have - natural and modified. Most importantly, it lets me see my insides. It's a long slow process that I hope will never end. Every day I am able to look inside myself and get to know my self. Every day I work on figuring out how to project that image to the outside so that other people can see that too. Basically, body modification lets me fuse the different aspects of myself together visually and emotionally and kinesthetically.
And I hope that one day my modifications will act as tools to show people that the stereotypes against the modified are just as silly as any others.