My parents are very conservative. Be it political or cultural, my parents have always stuck to the tried and true. Both my siblings are essentially 'normal', sporting little more than a small navel stud and a tiny nose ring. While I love my parents dearly, neither of them have ever been able to come to terms with my desire to modify my body. Despite being a legal adult, I have hidden my tattoos, worn clothing to cover up mods, and worn my hair down over a pair of 20mm lobes for the last four years of my life.
At A Glance Author Medellia Juin Contact Medellia [email protected] IAM erynnelisabeth When N/A 'We're just not comfortable with the way you look'. 'We don't like having attention drawn to our family'. I am not heavily modified... Yet. I don't sport prominent tattoos, implants, or even 'rare' piercings. I have drawn-on eyebrows, a shaved undercut, and black hair. I can look reasonably normal if I wish to, but it's never enough. My parents are from a different time, from a different culture, where sticking to the norm has always been rewarded. I realize that it is difficult for them to understand why I would want to stand out, to be my own person, an individual.
As with most teenagers, I battled depression and low self-esteem (mainly because I hated my nose and thought myself ugly). When I felt no control over anything in my life: my education, my sexuality, my friendships, the only thing I had, and knew was mine for good, was my body. Modifying my body seemed the only way for me to truly grasp hold of something and have control. It started with small things- a navel ring, and so on. Gradually I progressed on to more 'eccentric' modifications. While piercing myself never got rid of my depression, it helped my self-esteem, and once in my life, I considered myself beautiful, unique, and special.
Having mixed heritage I was blessed with a strong nose. I've always hated it. My mother once told me 'the one thing that stops you from being really gorgeous is your nose'. From the age of about ten, I've wanted a nose job. I've researched it for years, contacted plastic surgeons, and so on. I was serious. After all, plastic surgery (be it mainstream or not) is just another modification. A lot of modified people tend to look down on plastic surgery (or any modification which is very mainstream), but I feel that if you are modifying yourself for healthy reasons, and it will make you a more confident, happier person, then you should do it. Even if it's just a tiny 'normal' navel ring or a pair of breast implants.
After speaking with surgeons this year, I was afraid to tell my parents that I was considering it, since a lot of people claimed I would be 'erasing my ethnicity'. Nobody in my immediate family has undergone plastic surgery, and neither of my sisters inherited the family nose. I debated it for such a long time, and I realized it was a healthy decision, and my friends supported me. I just wanted the support of my parents.
After much consideration I brought it up to my parents, expecting them to talk me out of it. My father seemed unconcerned. My mother thought it was okay. The same parents who had hated my piercings and tattoos, hated me changing my 'natural' body, were telling me that it was okay to have a nose job. They'd freaked out about my tongue piercing, claiming it was dangerous, when going under anesthesia is about 10,000 times more likely to kill me than any piercing. Then came the killer. They agreed to pay for it. Under one condition; that I removed all of my mods. Under the condition that I took out all my facial piercings, removed my 20mm earplugs, let my hair grow back in- eyebrows and all, and stop putting in dread/braid extensions. Forever.
I won't lie. I definitely considered it. After all, this was the modification I'd wanted all my life! Free! I could do it and then put them back in! No. I would always be under the cloud of anger that my parents had paid all that money to fix my nose and I went back on my word and 'ruined it' by piercing myself. I loved my mods. I didn't want to lose them. I decided, through all of this, even with $14,000 worth of student loans to pay off, that I would wait. I would wait until I could afford the surgery myself. I would keep my modifications and work until I could afford the one major modification I really wanted.
I'll never be beautiful in my parents' eyes. I'll always be the child who strayed, the black sheep, but if it means that I'll be happy, that my life is now worth living, that for once I really am beautiful, I can live with that. Maybe someday they'll understand. Maybe they won't. They're my parents- they'll love me, even if I am strange and even if this 'phase' has lasted over a decade. I am a happier person because I have the ability to be who I want to be- who I truly am; and that's worth a lot more than a simple five thousand dollar surgery.