Where do I begin? Well I am 20 years old and I have a very strong desire to become a nullo. Preferably a genital nullo, which means Removal of the genitals and relocation of the uretha. Leaving a smooth surface. some people refer to people who have genital nullo as "smoothies"! This desire started when I was a child and only progressed when I went into my teen years. I remember perfectly when I was about 8, how I would look at my penis and testicles and pretend there was nothing there. I never thought about cutting it off or a prefered term, surgical removal. Because at age 8, I just pretended that it wasn't there. Several years pass and I turn 13. By then I have hit puberty and I am getting normal erections.
At A Glance Author anonymous Contact [email protected] When N/A
Like any other teen I would masterbate, but to me it just didnt feel right. My genitals that is! I always felt like they never belonged there, even when I masterbated......it just didn't feel right. At age 13, I became really uncomfortable with my genitals. Often thinking of what it would be like without my genitals present on my body. I am still 13 and a few months later I watch this program on television, It was a sexual reassignment surgery show. In the show, they have several people who are about to undergo SRS! One already has and it showed the aftermath and the person telling what they went through and the cost. Even thou I didnt desire SRS, it gave me the ideal at 13 that the only way I was getting rid of my genitals is through surgery!
That program hit hard with me. I was only 13 and for 2 more years I carried the thought with me of removing my genitals! By then I was getting into body piercing just at 15. The previous year when I was 14, I had my earlobe pierced and when I was 15 I got my septum pierced at a 14 gauge. Now days I have a tongue split, 2 gauge septum and dermal punched outer conches. Now back to where I was, I am 15 years old and I had just got the internet. I learned about piercings through a friend and the names that came along with it. I also learned about a website titled BME: Body Modification Ezine. Before I went to the website I was expecting to find piercings ofcourse, but never what I truly desired, Genital Nullo. At the time I didn't know the term for what I wanted was genital nullo, I just knew it as and as blunt as this sounds, "cock and balls removal"!
I can remember it like it was yesterday......I came across several penectomy photos and then I saw a series of full Genital Nullo procedure photo's! They were dated Sept 10, 1998. Ofcourse at the time what I didn't know was, this man was getting his removed by a "Cutter"! Look up "Cutter" in the BME Encyclopedia to learn what a "cutter" is! Later on I would have a chance to speak to the man in the photo through a yahoo penectomy and eunuch group but for now I was just new to it. What I saw in those pics changed my life! I would recommend anyone interested or just curious to buy an extreme BME membership and see for yourselves! 2 years pass and by then I learned it was a "cutter" who did the man in the photo's. I learned what a "cutter" was and how they would operate. I also knew even if I turned 18, 19 or even my late 20s that a "cutter" may reject me due to my age. I guess thats body mod polotics.....but I understood. I was 17 at the time when I started looking for a "cutte r"!
I searched until I was 19, asking questions to anyone I could and learning alot. At age 18 I even went on chemical castration to get the effects I wanted. Which really helped me further embrace the ideal of me getting genital nullo. I stayed on chemical castrated until I was 19, I stopped for a month or so and then went back on. I guess it was a test to myself. The test was to see if I would then like my erections coming back.....and I didn't! So I went back on chemical castration. Like I said above I searched until I was 19, asking questions, learning things and even looking for a "cutter". I could never find this mysterious "cutter" so I gave up on that. I then learned some surgeons were and will preform this operation. Preferably SRS surgeons may do it and many will not. I met a man on IAM name Smooth or his real name Tom.
VERY NICE MAN! He was a genital nullo who has his nullification done in 1988 by a reputable surgeon and the results were just amazing! Very beautiful and well done....I was still 19 and from that day on......I told myself......I am going with a surgeon all the way! I guess my first question to Tom was I wanted to know the surgeon who did his.....sadly his surgeon passed away and Tom could not recommend a surgeon for full nullo since he didn't know any. So on I went, this time, searching for a surgeon. It was difficult but not as difficult as finding a "cutter". I had some lucky breaks and through some contacts I learned of a surgeon in Mexico who would do it.....but I was still abit iffy on that......I then learned of a Surgeon in Flroida who would do it but required two letters from shrinks!
Lucky for me I was already seeing a shrink about me wanting genital nullo. I was 18 and I have been seeing him for a year and a half when I found out about the surgeons. When I found the surgeon in Florida I told my shrink and he said he would prefer to see me until I was 20 years old before he would write a recommendation letter. He knew I was on chemical castration and knew that before I was sexually active with partners, but I wasnt preforming interocurse, I was using other ways of pleasing my partners but anyway he knew this. He knew how much I thought about this and wanted me to wait to make sure. So I waited. I waited until I turned 20.
Months pass by and I turned 20. My shrink finally said he would give me the letter of approval and my home town doctor would throw in a letter from her side if I needed it. Things were going good and all I needed was the money. I decided to come out to my friends about me wanting nullo, I explained it all and why I wanted it.....I guess I was looking for support.....but what I found was a very harsh nature from them! Some of them acted like I had robbed a bank or beat up a senior citizen! They were shocked! Appauled and I never seen that out of my friends. I lost most of my friends. It put me in a very sad and dark place. But I met people who did support me and I met people who didn't but still wanted to be my friend.
Even in the modified community, I was met with STRONG disapproval and some supported me and some didn't. It hasn't affected my decision, I am still getting nullo. But I have decided to wait for a while before I do just to make sure I want this. Because once you go nullo.......there is NO TURNING BACK! Once it is gone, it's gone! I met a lot of great eunuch's (men without testicles) I met two great genital nullos and I met alot of people who wanted it but were super nice to me and my desires! Even now with my approval letters, the modification community still looks at me and people like me like we are going to far. These are the same people who split their genitals, split their tongue, get implants and they say we're going to far.
I never understood mod polotics. I never could truly grasp it. But from what I saw, I wasnt expecting everyone to say "Hey, Go for it!" But I certainly wasn't expecting people to say that nullos and people like me are "Crazy nuts" or "Stupid people" and even more harsh sayings! Im just like you, I desire mods as well, it just so happens to be that genital nullo is the ultimate personal image I have for myself.....just like some have with piercings, implants, tattoos and tongue splitting and so forth. Some people say people like me want genital nullo for attention and Im thinking......if you wear pants everyday outside....how can that be for attention? I mean really! I know for me personally.....I am getting it because I felt like I was born to be genderless, because I need this so I can match the self image I always had within myself. Thats it. I spoke my mind and now I settle, take care everybody.
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