When I was a wee teenager, on the weekends my father and I would often go to the video store to rent movies. One warm summer evening in the San Fernando Valley, a suburb of Los Angeles, dad and I were in line at the local video store (Music+) waiting patiently to rent a couple of newly released movies. The man in front of us turned, saw my dad's 4-character kanji tattoo on his arm and asked, "what's your tattoo say?" I cringed and stepped back, as my dad looked him straight in the eye and responded in a booming voice for all to hear, "none of your damn business!" The man flinched as if he'd been slapped across the face, and quickly turned away. That's typical of the effect my dad has on people.
At A Glance Author muuttaa Contact [email protected] IAM muuttaa When N/A My father is one of those "do as I say or else" kinds of fathers. The kind that want children to be seen and not heard. I grew up in fear of him and his wrath. He's always been a distant figure, always farther away than arm's reach. I knew better than to ask my Dad what his tattoo said. Occasionally at the dinner table, his tattoo would come up in conversation, and someone would meekly ask again what it said. If they received any answer at all, it was always something like, "you'll know when you read my will," which is a fairly effective way of quieting any more questions.
We're not sure if his tattoo is Japanese or Chinese, when he got it, or what it means to him. Nobody seems to know anything about the tattoo at all. Not my aunts or uncles, nor any of his friends. My mother isn't even sure if he told her the truth about it. Will he ever tell anyone at all? This family mystery frustrates my two brothers and I to no end.
There's a side to my father that he intentionally hides from everyone, as if he's embarrassed by his decision to get tattooed, by the meaning or message of it, or the circumstances surrounding it. He gets quite angry when anyone mentions it. Was he drunk when he got it? Is it some terrible regret he has? Could it be a tribute to another girl, other than my mother? Is he in some super-secret society? My brothers and I strongly suspect he got it during his tenure in the Marine Corps in the early 60's, since that's a time in his life that he also refuses to talk about. Does it say Semper Fidelis or United States Marine Corp? We can't know for sure. As a devious child, I concocted schemes to clandestinely photograph Dad's tattoo, planning to take the resulting picture to a language professor to see what it might mean or say, but I never have, as it seemed wrong to do it.
As I knew better than to comment on my Dad's tattoo, my father has also never once commented on my body modifications. Through my helix, tongue, septum, clitoral hood and earlobe, he never made a peep about my mods. He just let me be me, as I did for him and his secret tattoo. One day a couple of years ago I was visiting my family, and my dad meekly asked me about ear piercing and where he should get it done. My tattooed father came to me, his pierced daughter, for advice! My shock was due to the fact that my dad doesn't ask for advice from anyone, preferring to research things on his own. This was the very first time I had the opportunity to give my father advice. I took it.
Totally flabbergasted, to say the least, I sat down with him, and explained that piercing guns were out of the question, what to look for in a shop, what to expect when he gets it done, and how to care for it. My mother was amused that my father, as his age, wanted to get his ear pierced. I wasn't about to let him get it done at the mall, so I told him everything I knew to prepare him for the experience. He thanked me for the information, and then went out on his own journey to get his new mod. He visited several shops, found the one that he liked, got it done, proclaimed proudly, "it didn't even hurt!" and got through aftercare and healing like a champ.
My dad and I now have a connection, as he has his left earlobe pierced, and so do I. We both had it done for the same reason too: beauty. It's a connection we finally share as adults, as before we were separated by his hardness, his aloofness, his secret, but now we're brought together by a common modification. Old dogs, new tricks, for both of us. Not surprisingly, I'm planning on getting several tattoos, some of which may include kanji. When the time comes I'll hit up my dad for some tattoo advice.
Back in the video store all those years ago, I half expected my 6'3" 200lb ultra-athletic dad to punch that guy in the jaw. Now, dad's mellowed a bit with age and retirement. At 66 years old, dad's a California State and National Champion bicycle racer, he has a gold CBR in his left ear lobe, and he still sports a secret tattoo on his upper arm.