During the Raleigh BME BBQ this April I was dressed to the height of punk fashion: collar, kitty ears, a black skirt with a few dozen D-rings, silver lipstick, henna like paint on my face hands and chest, and due to the fact that I don't own a open back shirt � no top, just a nice black bra so that the hooks could be placed in my back. I enjoy dressing like this for special occasions, but this is the first time I had ever dressed up like this in a public park, in the midst of dozens of April family picnics.
At A Glance Author Uberkitty IAM Uberkitty When N/A At first a few people at the BBQ, including myself, worried if I could really get away with even dressing that way in public, let alone running around with fish hooks in my back. I knew I was going to get weird looks from pretty much everyone and worried what the reactions of the children and parents would be (and if they would all be negative.) But as I wondered around the park and observed everyone I noticed something: there was a very large discrepancy in how very young children reacted to me and how their parents did. Children were no less than utterly delighted at my appearance. The first girl I encountered screamed "Mommy mommy she looks like a cat!" while smiling and pointing at me. Her mother, however, was less than happy. She looked at me with confusion and a bit of fear and only said very low "yes...she looks like a cat..." before trailing off and easing her daughter in the opposite direction.
It's interesting to note that this girl (and a few other children) didn't even see my modifications. The fact I had hooks in my back and a "bull ring" in my nose was a non issue to them because they liked other aspects of my appearance better. Other children focused on my mods themselves. At least three happily announced "She has hooks in her back!" (one parent hadn't even seen me yet and just dismissed it as impossible, until she saw me too...she then waited for me to walk away before talking about "the weird things people do to themselves" to her friend)
The most polar case of child versus parent reaction was very late in the day. As I walked by a little boy dropped his mothers hand and tried to run up to me. She promptly ran after him, grabbed him and screamed "Get away for her!" while pulling him away.
It's wonderful when children have exposure to modified people, or any minority, "self made" or otherwise. Not only does it expose them to diversity but they really seem to enjoy it. But that alone will no nothing. Children are by default nonjudgmental, in fact they are most often fascinated by anything different and will want to investigate it. Simply exposing them to it isn't going to change their opinions of anything since they really haven't developed any yet; this can set them up to later reflect and dismiss stereotypes but the best option would be to do away with the stereotypes to start with. The fact is children will learn from their parents and other influential adults in their lives, even if that means learning intolerance. They will gradually pick up on the subtle (or not so subtle) negative reactions of these people. I could see this so easily that day. While the younger children loved the way I looked as they got older they reacted more and more like their parents. The 6-7 year olds would look at me with confusion and most of the older ones looked at me in outright fear or disgust.
The only way to really change this is to change the attitudes of adults. Be an upstanding individual. Be kind, be successful, make a deference. Be everything they think you aren't and sooner or later they will have to confront their biases and admit that there is nothing "wrong" with you. For the last 5 years I've worked with the public schools in my very conservative hometown. I've become very close friends with many teachers. They know I'm a good person, they've seen me work with the kids and they noticed my abilities haven't changed as I've gotten more modifications over the years. While having a second set of ear piercings was grounds for firing a teacher when I started this, now it's a non issue and some teachers even have visible tattoos. I know this isn't due only to me of course, but I'm happy that I've been at least a small part in the change. With the help of other modified people you can certainly change many people's minds but unless it is something we all work on together individual modified people will simply be considered an exception (much like "she's a good girl even though she has piercings" - someone saying this will still consider most people with piercings are "bad.") A single person cannot disprove a stereotype, it's something the entire community must work towards. And when you help change the views of the people that have so much influence on children you have done even more good that it at first seems.