My reasons behind my modifications are based in a need for ritual and escape. Before I found this amazing outlet I had made many changes in my life. I had quit drugs and alcohol, and I had started creating a relationship with my parents. Before this change happened I was continually looking for a new and more intense high: be it from frequent sexual encounters, or through drugs. Body modification offered me a new high. Endorphins allowed me to reclaim my dignity and self-respect while still providing exhilaration: exhilaration, which I could only find in otherwise potentially damaging activities.
At A Glance Author doberuman Contact [email protected] IAM doberuman When N/A My step away from drugs and alcohol occurred in the winter of 2002. My dad was in the hospital recovering from a stroke. Prior to his stroke our relationship was strained. It was quite common for his temper to flare after excruciatingly long hours of work, and I was a "wild child" who could not be tamed, or so I thought. That winter, I had distanced myself from the boy who broke my heart, but not before binging and an emotional breakdown. I had done just about everything you could find in the little town I lived in. When I woke up on the floor next to a strange man in a strange house, I made the conscious decision to straighten my life up.
I stopped all drugs, and, shortly after conquering those, I stopped drinking. I put a distance between myself and all the people that I knew would drag me back into the downward spiral. To my surprise, my grades started to get better. I had always had good grades, due to test marks, but now my grades were excellent. Things were looking up.
A couple months after I made my life altering decision, my dad came home. It was hard to deal with taking care of my dad, but I could not have done it if I continued on the track I was heading. My dad and I became very close. We were together a lot now, because my dad was not working. We talked, and we got to know each other, and in this time I got to know myself. I had never really known who I was. I struggled for years trying to find me, but in the end it took a bout of humility and a caring father to see the person I was inside.
Despite all the good in my life, something was missing. At this point I was single, and I knew that I didn't want any other person disrupting my self-discovery. The void, therefore, couldn't have been filled by anyone. I don't know when I realized what the void was caused by; I'm sure it must have been a slow revelation. The void was caused by the lack of exhilaration and excitement that I had felt on those nights where getting high was the only thing on my agenda. I was scared by this thought, but I was also scared by the fact that I may have to live with this void for the rest of my life.
One day, while walking downtown, Ritual Tattoo caught my eye. I walked up the steps, and heard the sound of tattoo machines. I knew that I didn't want a tattoo just yet: I wasn't ready. Passed the entrance to the tattoo shop was the entrance to the piercing section. I walked in, and introduced myself to Noel. He was an excellent guy, and I decided to get an industrial.
The process of the industrial is described in an experience, but the affect that the endorphins had on me was immense in the grand scheme of my existence. The needles went through my skin and I felt warmth and a rush that I hadn't felt since I quit all addictive substances. I looked in the mirror and fell in love with the two new holes. Not only had I filled the void in my soul, but I had something pretty to show for it. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between stainless steel and myself.
Through the past couple years, I've found a way to intensify endorphin rushes. Through breathing and muscle relaxation I can achieve an intense high that rivals morphine. It can be a simple piercing, such as a standard tongue piercing, or it can be something a little more intense. like implants. By focusing on the pain and the sensory overload from body modification, I have found a new way to achieve my lost exhilaration.
I believe that body modification is a more fun and rewarding way for youth and adults alike to achieve altered states of time and place without the risk of disease and addiction. This is true of course only in cases when the parties are open-minded and in a meticulously clean environment. My view of body modification is that it is first and foremost good for my soul, and secondly it's good for my looks.