In my first article, The Root Of All My Mods, I described the motivations I had for starting to resculpt my body not through "traditional" mods such as tattoos and piercings, but through weight loss and possible cosmetic surgery. This article is in effect a continuation of the first, and update if you will, on the process that I have undertaken.
At A Glance Author Meagan Kreiner Contact [email protected] IAM serpenttitties When N/A I began my "diet" on November 9, 2004. I had an estimated starting weight of 275 pounds, and my measurements were as follows:
over bust- 48 inches
under bust- 43 inches
true waist- 44 inches
hips- 57 inches
My initial goal was to reduce my daily caloric intake to about 1200 calories daily, where as I was used to taking in 3000 or more a day. With this plan, weight loss was essentially guaranteed, and I was also going to adopt a moderate exercise routine.
My first day, I blew it. I took in 1641 calories, irritating myself. I thought that I would be able to concentrate and overpower my cravings much easier, and I was wrong. I then realised that this was going to be difficult, and that I needed to have some sort of support system. I joined an online diet journal group, and had to post everything I ate daily, and it made me focus on what I was doing. I was binging all day, and by binging on low calorie things, I was cheating none the less.
The second day I brought it down a bit, and by the end of the week I was keeping myself under 1200 calories daily. I felt good mentally, and I was feeling far more energetic. Eating large amounts was becoming difficult, and I was measuring all my portions carefully, eating only about 6 cups of food daily.
By the second week, I found myself trimming extra calories, driven to keep up the change I was beginning to see in myself. I was staying under 1100 calories, and on my second week I re-measured myself, and discovered that indeed I was changing. I lost 2 inches from my bust, 2 inches from my waist, and about 1-1/2 from my hips! I was finally changing, and it reflected not only physically, but my whole outlook was better. I felt happy. I could look in the mirror and not see my mother, or hear her telling me what a shit heel I was. I could admire myself. I started wearing make up and fixed my hair, something I had not had interest in for quite some time. I dressed better, and my school work even improved. I was more open, and less self conscious, and I had only begun!
The next two weeks passed, and my obsession had grown. I was just about counting the calories in the air I was breathing. I got sick to my stomach and couldn't make myself eat. I vomited often for about 5 days when I did eat, and I am not convinced that it was just a "stomach thing". I think I was pushing myself a bit too much, and so my mind decided to play ball, tricking my body into being sickened by food. I could not enjoy the taste of anything. Everything tasted like cardboard. I would go the whole day with only drinking juice, and when my sugar would get too low, I would sleep off the sickness. I stopped feeling good, I had no energy. I bought vitamins, and still felt awful. Thanksgiving came and I allowed myself to eat like a "normal" person, and I felt really good.
I realised that I was taking things too far, and began eating about 1400 calories a day, but immediately felt guilty and knocked it back to 1000, then back up to 1200. Finally, I said screw it, and stopped counting. I gained a few pounds back, but I felt healthier. But I was unhappy. I had let myself down, so through meditation, I found my answer...periods of diet, periods of "normal" eating, and so far I am doing much better. As of today, Christmas Day, I have maintained the small amount of weight loss from the first two week measurements, plus some. I can look at myself and smile, knowing that I am changing, morphing into the person I want to be. I can see her, and she is lovely. She is about 200 pounds, with dreads, and tattoos. Her throat is tattooed, as is her face, and so are her hands and arms. Her ears are stretched, and her labret is about a half inch. Her nostrils are punched ,and she has a transdermal implant in her forehead. She smiles. And she is the person who she wants to be.
It's funny, I am closer to that image than I ever thought I would be, and this is the main road to reaching her.