At A Glance Author anonymous Contact [email protected] When A year ago Artist Kaiser Doctor Studio Kaiser Hospital Location California A little over a year ago I had a modification performed that would permanently change the options I had in life. It's not really something I thought that I would ever write about, but after reading several experiences and considering that modifications take many forms, I figured I would put this experience out there. The modification I'm referring to is a vasectomy. First, I'll provide a little bit about the context of the situation and then I'll explain why I thought this applicable to the idea of modification.
I've never really been a kid-person to begin with. I had never fanaticized about being a dad or anything. So when I met the woman (pseudonym: Melissa) that I'm currently with and she already had a son, it was something that I looked at as a positive. My reasoning was that this was perfect because it would let me off the hook. (My ex-girlfriend and I had partially broken up over the kid thing. She wanted a kid and I just wasn't into it.) This turned out to be correct. Melissa had told me from the start that she was content with just one kid. She had, after all, been a mom since the age of 15, which was another benefit because her son was already 12 when we started dating.
Basically, we were both on the same page. We didn't want any more kids. (I had also foolishly thought at the time we got together that the rough part of raising her son was over since he was already 12, this proved to be totally incorrect ... it's really a full-time job that's taken a lot of learning on my part.) After a close call with pregnancy, we decided that either she would go get her tubes tied (tubal ligation) or that I would go get a vasectomy. Since, the procedure for the male takes 5 minutes and is much less complicated and invasive than tubal ligation, we both figured that the vasectomy was our best bet.
The procedure involved going in 3 months in advance for a film, lecture, and discussion forum. I had no questions, I knew that this is what I wanted, so as soon as I was able I signed up for the procedure. It really was simple. I went in, the doc shot me up with a local anesthetic and within 5 minutes I was walking out. I took a sperm test about 3-6 months later and to our contentment, it worked. We could now get Melissa off birth control and would no longer have to worry about condoms. What a great feeling for both of us: regarding birth control and the condoms. Anyway, you have about one year to change your mind before your body starts creating an anti-sperm, which kills off the sperm that is building up in your system. At this point in time that year has passed. And we are both happy with the result.
Now, I would like to get to why I even thought this applicable within the context of so much more externally vivid and interesting modification. Recently, I've been reading about cyborgism and the whole idea that body modification is in many ways a description of the relationship between our bodies and technologies. "Technologies" is used here in its broadest sense to include any type of knowledge or practice applied to the body�a mundane example of technology, as such, is brushing one's teeth (a technology of health and hygiene). In a sense, the vasectomy is a great example of how medical technology has been used to modify or customize my body. It seems that a major theme in literature on body modification and especially in cyborgism is the ability to actually define one self and in the process of self definition play with social norms.
First, this procedure helped me to define myself in a new a way. Just because I was born with testes and healthy sperm with a modest delivery portal the easiest role for me to play is that of a heterosexual male. As such, the most popular social role for me to play is that of a father. Almost without question. But what if I don't want to be a dad. Arguably, there are several ways to go about this. My choice to have a vasectomy is unique in that it is a fairly permanent procedure. What's odd are some of the psychological issues that came with this choice. The whole idea of being impotent. Not that vasectomies make men impotent in the normal use of the word, but essentially I knew that without being able to impregnate a woman that I was no longer potent: essentially im-potent. This was, though, just one minor thought because as all doctors will assure you (and my experience confirms this) everything works just fine afterward (well, you do have to wait a few weeks).
Beyond the thoughts of impotence wrought by my own insecurities and knack for wordplay, there seems to be other barriers: pressure from parents for a grandkid; insecurities about growing old without children; all the joys in life that people say kids bring (as a step parent I'm still waiting); and the list goes on. Even when the modification is something that is completely hidden from the gaze of social norms it seems to force the person getting the modification to struggle with social norms. This makes me really appreciate the courage some people have in taking on highly visible and highly extreme modifications. Not that I think it is necessary in order to prove one has that courage, but I think there are some out there in this community that have gained much insight into social norms by disrupting them, or at least toying with them.
Having this vasectomy has allowed me, too, to disrupt the social norm of male identity and its relation to virility and fathering. There's more to being human than being constricted to certain roles and certain types of identity based off of the genitalia. Now, ironically, I'm still completely caught up in the same roles I feel that I'm attempting to buck. I am a stepfather and I pretty much adhere to sexual and relationship norms. Although, I live in a far different situation than the traditional family; I live much more in a new take on the traditional family called the mixed family (I was raised in one as well). But in my own way, I'm attempting to live out my differences with social and by framing my vasectomy in such a way, I hope that it adds to the many other voices here within the BME community that seek to modify not only themselves, but some of the more stifling social norms.