We've all had to do it from time to time. We rarely want to, it's often a question of need. When one retires a piercing, it's often accompanied by feelings of regret or worse. Recently I made the decision to retire three of my favourite piercings. I intend to outline the thought process that I went through, how it made me feel, and my thoughts on the future.
At A Glance Author Purpendicular Contact [email protected] IAM Dewey Finn When Six months ago Some background on me, first. I am a 32 year old male who has been into body modification since high school, in the late 80's. It has always been something I have felt drawn to. By the time I had turned 31, I proudly sported two tattoos, and many piercings: tragus, nostril, nipples, labret, septum, a stretched center tongue and both lobes, also stretched.
I have struggled with acceptance at work. My boss has always made his loathing of piercings obvious, but never asked me to take any out until early in 2004. I am a manager in retail, and the early 2000's had been a time of slump for us. My boss felt that my labret stud was a detriment to my work. He felt that I had been scaring customers away with my image. He asked me to remove the labret stud. I complied. I am a homeowner with a mortgage, and I make pretty decent money. In the short-term, I felt like I had no choice.
As it turned out, I discovered something quite exciting: After having that labret stud for only a year or so, it had healed to the point where I could remove the jewelry whenever I wanted and the hole wouldn't close. I've left it open for as long as a week with no consequences. I didn't have to sacrifice my piercing at all. Crisis averted.
Since that time, work had only gotten worse. I will not detail the problems I and the store had gone through, but by the end of 2004 the stress was starting to effect me personally. Job security was no longer guaranteed. I could find myself unemployed at any moment. I made the difficult decision to leave as soon as possible. I had been with the company for more than a decade, and I would be leaving an excellent source of income for an uncertain future.
My family consists entirely of bankers: My mom met my dad in the bank, my uncle met my aunt in the bank. My other aunt managed a branch, my sister and my cousin both had full time bank jobs. My sister made excellent money. As I said earlier, I have a mortgage. Granted, if I did find myself unemployed I could sell my home, but to me this is a method of last resort. I love my home very much and I am very happy here. I therefore had some difficult choices to make.
I revamped my resume, and began putting in applications to banks and other financial institutions. I started out slow, because I knew that if I were totally serious about working in a bank, there would be some things I would have to change. Occasionally I had seen girls with nose studs working at banks, but I had never seen a guy with anything other than a simple earring. As far as visible piercings went, my labret could be taken out whenever I wished. My tragus might be inoffensive to the average interviewer, and my tongue piercing is fairly invisible despite its size of 4ga. I wear a black retainer in my septum as well. What could cause a problem were my 2ga earlobes, and my nostril piercing.
Some people suggested wearing a retainer for my nostril as well. I checked out that possibility, but still found it too visible up close. The last thing I wanted was a conservative interviewer wondering what that was, stuck to my nose. I was determined to let nothing get in the way of my job hunt. I made a decision to prioritize my job hunt over my piercings.
My main concern was my mortgage. I needed to find a new job with a fairly high income in order to continue paying my mortgage, and I could never expect to find that by starting out in a new retail job. I set my sights on the bank jobs, and took a deep breath.
I decided that on New Year's Day, 2005, I would retire my nostril piercing and both lobes.
Then a funny thing happened. I told all my friends that, if they were going to be home on New Year's, to tune into my web cam at midnight for I would be retiring these piercings live on cam. It was an attempt to turn something negative into something fun. However, when midnight rolled around, my web cam was off, and my piercings stayed in.
No big deal, I said to myself. I can do this tomorrow. I'll just tell everyone that I was too drunk to start taking piercings out (like that was actually an excuse). Clearly, though, there was tremendous reluctance to take out those piercings. When the clock struck twelve, I just could not do it.
New Year's Day I sat around my home, delaying. I was experiencing a tremendous amount of anguish over this simple act. I'd take some pliers out of the tool closet, lay them on the table, and leave them there. I just could not do it. For almost a week I went through the same routine. I'd wake up, decide that yes, today was the day! Then as the hours went by, I'd do nothing about it. The few people I'd told about it were wondering why I hadn't taken them out yet. It was hard to explain the anguish I felt. Even now as I write this, I can't put into words how difficult the simple action of removing three piercings was for me.
As things at work steadily got worse, I felt the need to get out of there pressing down upon me. Finally, on Wednesday, January 5th 2005, a friend came over to my house for emotional support, and I took out the piercings. The lobes went first, followed by the nostril.
The first thing I noticed was the lack of weight in my ears. I swung my head back and forth. The familiar feeling of the rings tugging on my lobes as I moved was gone. I found myself reaching up to rub my nose all the time, only to find nothing there. It was a difficult adjustment, it was uncomfortable. Emotionally, it was a sad time. I think many people who retire facial piercings feel like they suddenly are less unique. I certainly felt this way. I don't think that my modifications are the only things that make me unique, but certainly that day I felt very bland, very boring, and not like myself.
Strangely enough, very few friends and coworkers noticed the change. I had to point it out to many of them. My family was supportive of my decision, and not just because they didn't like the piercings. They could sense how difficult the decision was, and were glad that I was taking steps to find a better job where I'd be happier and financially more secure.
The reaction from my modded friends was somewhat different. Some supported my decision. I broke the news to my piercer gently, and she was disappointed, but also understood. A small minority of friends were very negative. One had implied that I had "sold out", and others said that I had made the wrong choice. They felt that I should have kept the piercings, and if a potential employer didn't like them, then too bad. These reactions did not make me feel any better about it.
What they did not understand is that I felt that there was no choice about it. I felt that if a potential employer did not like the piercings, and I failed to get a job, I'd be losing an opportunity to make a living and keep my home. And, as I so often rationalized to myself, retiring a piercing is never necessarily a permanent decision.
Do I regret my decision? Although I questioned it many times, the answer is no. In the future, when I'm secure, happy and have some stability, I may be able to pursue more facial modifications. Until then, the job search is not easy, but I will not settle for anything less than what I want.
I hope that any readers out there who may have the same difficult decisions in life are helped by this. I can honestly say that I have adjusted, and from here my future seems bright.