Your Piercing or Your Life
At A Glance Author Hannah Contact [email protected] IAM poesy When It just happened Location Gorleston, UK I'm the good kid, the kid they never imagined would amount to much, but who tried and tried and worked hard. I did what they wanted me to do and never answered back. I was quiet and respectful.
They say it's always the quiet ones, is that right? I know I was never quiet because I wanted to be, but because my mental state hushed me. My whole life, pitted against social anxiety disorder and depression, not a day went past when I didn't want to die.
In January 2005, they finally prescribed me Prozac. And I finally became alive, in the truest sense of the word. I had friends, I had fun, and life was good. My schoolwork had slumped the last year due to physical illness relating to my depression, so teachers were already somewhat sick of me. So when I began to stand up for myself for the first time ever, I inadvertently destroyed any lingering respect they had for me.
My school days were a haze of bunking and laughter, turning up late to lessons and being just like everyone else. For the first time, I melded into the crowd, and to be honest with you, was all I'd ever wanted.
My friend Lisa pierced my ears in February with a 'sterilised' sewing needle. I began stretching them a month afterwards. I am blessed with, it seems, an amazing immune system, for all my piercings heal quickly, and indeed, my ears must, for they are now at 0g (8mm).
But the real point of this story is my septum piercing. I got it pierced in April, I believe, during a half term holiday. I had a CBR through it, my feelings behind it being "what's the point in it being pierced if I can't see it?" I've always had a dislike of retainers, and certainly didn't want it pierced with one.
I had allowed a two week healing period, which in retrospect, was idiotic of me. I had planned to stick a retainer in to go back to school with.
Alas, no, for it felt to me as though I had been repeatedly punched in the face for those next few weeks. So I left the CBR in, and crossing my fingers, hoped for the best on the first day of school.
I survived all of ten minutes before being suspended "until [I] take it out". At that point, I decided, I'm keeping this piercing. I argued that so many people had navel piercings and nostril piercings, even monroes � why was I singled out? I was put on study leave, as it was five weeks until the GCSE exams were due to start.
The school forbid me from going to the prom. That's what hurt the most.
I decided to write a letter to the local newspaper, a plea if you will, explaining my situation:
"For my entire school career, since First School, I have suffered from anxiety, and more recently, since starting High School, depression. This made it immensely difficult for me to be at school, as I felt so awful, suffering such symptoms as nausea, dizziness, faintness, loss of concentration and stomach pains. I have even had a couple of panic-attacks in school, which not only were glossed over, but I wasn't even allowed to go home afterwards. I was, in fact, sent back to maths, eyeliner smeared down my face where I'd been crying, and knees buckling beneath me.
[...]
During the Easter holidays, I got my septum (middle of the nose) pierced. It was again a symbol of strength, of something that would have been impossible for me even months ago. I didn't want to hide it with a retainer, I wanted people to see it, and admire it.
I went back to school, feeling happier than ever, not showing a single symptom of nerves. I got to registration, I was told I'd won a poetry competition, and was awarded �20. Then, the teacher noticed my septum ring.
[...]
... Saturday, 14th May, when an envelope plopped through the letterbox addressed to my parents. It was from the school, telling me I was not allowed to go to the prom because of my 'attitude' towards school. That the prom was a 'privilege' I had to 'earn'."
Yet now they hang my life on the line.
Since being suspended, I've developed an incredible phobia of school. I cannot go in to do my GCSEs, because I get all kinds of physical symptoms, such as nausea and fainting. Thus, my psychiatrist agreed to write a letter to the school, seeking alternatives.
Today my parents returned from the school, ashen faced.
They explained that there was no alternative, and without my GCSEs I could do nothing. I would be jobless forever more. Whereas before it was no-one's fault, it now appeared to be mine, through and through.
I wept, what more could I do? The school was holding my future hostage just because on one glitch on a four year record.
I don't know what to do.
I was going to get my lip pierced this week, but now my parents forbid it.
I hate to repeat the typical teenage roar of "it's not fair!" but it's truly not.
I'm a good kid in had circumstances.