At A Glance Author Anonymous Contact [email protected] When A month ago Artist Dr. Marc Duperé Studio Toronto East General Hospital Location Toronto, Ontario For as long as I can remember I have had a birthmark. Those reading this are probably thinking "So what? I have a birthmark too!" Yes, many people have birthmarks/moles. However, I had one birthmark in particular that I hated. I hated it with a passion and I was extremely self-conscious about it. I'm probably painting a picture of a huge mark that was visible to the public that lead to me being ridiculed on a daily basis. Allow me to correct this image – my birthmark was small. It was probably about the size of a pencil eraser. Also, it was not located on my face, nor was it anywhere on my body that was visible to the public. Have you figured out where I'm heading? My birthmark was located in my genital region. My birthmark was located on my labia majora.
I had the birthmark for as long as I could remember. I assumed that I had had it since I was a baby; that it was something I was born with. Growing up I have heard a lot about skin cancer – in school, the media, and due to my interest in anything medically related. For years I knew the importance of keeping an eye on birthmarks and making sure that they didn't change. My birthmark never changed colour or shape. On the other hand, I had always heard that birthmarks should be symmetrical, that you should be able to 'cut' the birthmark in half and have it look the same on both sides. Wait a minute – this wasn't the case with my birthmark... mine was oddly shaped. I knew I should probably have it looked at, but I was scared to go to the doctor about it because I was self-conscious.
Not only was I too self-conscious to go to a medical professional, but I was self-conscious when it came to relationships. Looking back, I think that a lot of my nervousness with guys stemmed from my insecurity with my body. It was amazing how such a small mark could have such an effect on my life. Nobody knew I had it except for me. Oh boy did I know that I had it – it seemed like I couldn't escape the reminder – it was there when I peed, it was there when I showered... all I had to do was take a little peek and there it was. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have taken all of those little peeks.
I've been in a serious relationship for the last year - this it my first boyfriend and sexual partner. When things started to get physical with us, I worried about what my boyfriend would think of my birthmark. A lot of my worrying was unfounded, because he barely even noticed it. He knew about it, because I told him that I was embarassed of it. He thought it was no big deal and reassured me time and time again that I shouldn't give it much thought, but I did.
I hated that damn birthmark so much that I wished that I could have it removed. But having my birthmark removed would involve a doctor examining my genital region – something that would be uncomfortable, not physically, but psychologically/emotionally, for me. When a person is sexually active they need to be responsible for their health. Women in general, sexually active or not, need to be responsible for their health too. Back in May I decided that it was time for me to put my discomfort aside and be responsible – I had my first full physical, which, as you know, includes an internal exam and Pap test.
Just as the doctor was about to perform the exam I told her that I had birthmark "down there" and explained that I hated it and wanted it removed. She asked me questions about the birthmark, such as how long had it been there, had it changed colour/appearance, etc. After I answered the questions she told me that she could write me a referral. I jumped at the opportunity but told her that I was concerned, because my sister had a birthmark removed and it looked like she had been butchered – the scar was big, the skin was discoloured and it generally looked like shit – as if it had been dug out with a fork or something. The doctor explained that she could refer me to a plastic surgeon, but warned me that there would most likely be a fee for me to have it removed. I said that I didn't really care about the cost; I wanted to take this step.
A few days later I received a call from the doctor, stating that I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon on June 30th. The surgeon's name was Dr. Marc DuPeré, whose office, The Visage Clinic, is located in the Fashion District of downtown Toronto. Before my consultation I visited the clinic's website, read Dr. DuPeré's biography, looked at his credentials and browsed through before and after photos for various procedures. It was clear that Dr. DuPeré was skilled.
My consultation went very well. I was examined (which was embarrassing) and Dr. DuPeré said that he could remove my birthmark without a problem – that it would take a mere 10 minutes or so. Dr. DuPeré explained that if I wanted to have the birthmark removed it would be done at Toronto East General Hospital. I was informed that I wouldn't be 'put out', that I'd receive a local anesthetic, which would numb the area completely. In regards to scarring, I was told that areas with thin tissue, such as oral and genital regions heal well and the scars are less visible than other areas of the body. He said that within a year I shouldn't even see a scar. I was then asked if I wanted to go through with the procedure. I didn't want to pay more than $1,000 to have the procedure, but had no idea how much something like this would cost. When I asked how much I could be paying, Dr. DuPeré said that he'd make me a deal – that if I'd let him sent the tissue away to Pathology, that he'd do it for free. I was surprised and booked my appointment.
The first appointment that I could get was August 12th, which was over a month away. I was excited and wanted to have the birthmark removed right away, but that wasn't possible. As August 12th was approaching I got a weekend off of work and was planning on going to my boyfriend's cottage. The weekend off just so happened to be the day after my scheduled procedure. I knew I wouldn't be able to swim for a while, so I had to postpone my surgery. I was re-scheduled for August 16th. When I got back from vacation I found out that my surgery would have to be postponed again – because Dr. DuPeré had to clear all of the appointments for August 16th, to do major surgery. I was really disappointed and because I was the first appointment of the day, and was told that the procedure would only take 10 minutes.
As I waited for August 26th something odd happened – I was watching the TV show 'Skin Deep' and saw a gender reassignment being performed... the surgeon was Dr. DuPeré! At that point any little worries that I had vanished. I thought "If he can do that complex surgery so well, this really is nothing to him!"
Finally things happened on August 26th. I headed to Toronto East General Hospital and checked myself in at the Admissions desk. From there I headed to Day Surgery. Dr. DuPeré's nurse had me fill out a consent form and then I changed into a gown. When it was time I headed into the operating room and sat on the table. I wasn't nervous for the pain, but rather for exposing myself and being in such a vulnerable position. It wasn't exactly comfortable for me to be spread eagle on an operating table that didn't have stirrups. The nurse had to help hold my legs. The area was cleaned and Dr. DuPeré froze me and boy did it burn. My vagina felt like it was on fire. Dr. DuPeré waited a few minutes for the freezing to kick in and then re-cleaned the area. I said "Are you sure that I'm not going to be able to feel anything?" and was told yes. As soon as the scalpel touched the area I thought "Holy shit, I can feel it!" I told Dr. DuPeré and he said "Do you just feel pressure?" and I told him that no, I felt the scalpel cutting my labia. I said not to worry, that I could handle it, having 15 piercings and 2 tattoos, but Dr. DuPeré gave me another injection of freezing anyways.
When I was finished the nurse told me that she would get me a "sanitary napkin" incase I bled. When the nurse handed me the pad I was thinking "What the hell is this?" It looked like she handed me a brick – the pad was so thick I couldn't believe it – I thought it resembled an incontinence pad or something that would be used following an abortion. It was my only option though, so I waddled out, hands covering my bum, convinced that everyone who saw me thought I was wearing a diaper.
When I got home the first thing I did was look at my stitches. I was shocked – I had 8 stitches and a huge incision. I couldn't understand why the wound was so long. Despite 8 stitches in my labia I felt great – I knew that I would feel so much better about my body. I bled a little for 2 days, which I was told was normal. What wasn't normal was that my stitches kept getting caught on my underwear. The stitches were durable dissolvable stitches. They weren't flexible material. They felt like a cactus prickle (odd reference, I know)... you touch it and it kind of pops back into place. There were times that every step I took my stitches would get caught and pull. It hurt and it started to affect the healing. I actually contemplated trimming the stitches myself. After days of nonsense I finally called the surgeon and they had me come in and make sure that the area wasn't getting infected – it wasn't. I was told it was healing normally. Two weeks after surgery my stitches were all out except for 2. It didn't take long for these to fall out.
Two weeks ago I saw the Dr. DuPeré for another follow-up. He came into the room and said "Good news, pathology turned up nothing... (pause)... that surprised me!" and I immediately thought "What? That surprised you?" He told me that he didn't like how the birth mark had looked and pretty much told me that he thought that it was cancerous. He continued by saying that he was glad that he removed it, and wished that I had it done sooner. I was shocked. I had that damn thing since I can remember and it was small. It had never changed appearance so the possibility of cancer didn't even cross my mind. Things make sense now - why I had a big incision and 8 stitches for such a small birth mark. He was probably making sure he got as much tissue around the mark as possible, to be tested and if anything was positive we'd have hopefully removed it. I'm glad he never mentioned that he was concerned about the appearance of the birthmark... or I'd have been sitting here for weeks wondering if I had skin cancer.
Today is has been almost 5 weeks since my minor surgical procedure. I do have a little bit of a scar, but it is hardly visible... I have to look closely to see it. This procedure has made such a big difference for me. Sure, I didn't have breast augmentation, rhinoplasty or any major procedure. I only had a tiny birthmark removed, but I am less self-conscious about my body and feel like my body image has been improved greatly. This experience has reinforced that fact that something (including piercings or tattoos) may seem trivial, but turn out to have a large impact on someone's life.