Recently I had an interview for a job as a teaching assistant in a local Church of England primary school (written about here). During the interview I was asked, if offered the job, if I would remove my facial piercings because the children, seeing them, would want to copy me. I agreed, began work a few weeks ago and took out my facial piercings, with the exception of my nose (it is an acceptable modification) and my bridge piercing (which I replaced with a transparent PTFE bar; it is still new and healing). The piercings I removed were both eyebrow piercings and my labret stud. I also put plugs in my ears rather than wearing flesh tunnels. Over the first few days however the children noticed that I had holes in my face from where my piercings were and asked me about them. They also asked me about my tattoos. When I told my family this their immediate reaction was 'you didn't tell them anything did you?' and when I answered yes they were surprised and disapproving.
At A Glance Author wolfbane Contact [email protected] IAM wolfbane When N/A The point I am trying to make here is that my family and employer believed that if I kept my piercings in or talked to the children about them and my other modifications I was being a bad role model. This is what I want to discuss in this essay, and I want to look at the following things; what is a role model, the difference between a positive and negative role model, whether we should be acting as role models to children and whether, as modified people, we need to act twice as well in order to be considered a positive role model.
Firstly, what is a role model? The common consensus is that a role model is someone who serves as an example of positive, or good, behaviour: "n. a person looked to by others as an example to be imitated." One example would be the young man who helps an elderly lady carry her shopping to her house; another, a teacher speaking politely to a child instead of shouting. Both of these illustrate positive examples of behaviour which society would like us to emulate. In contrast a negative role model is someone whose behaviour is deemed unacceptable and shouldn't be emulated; the group of teenagers who spray graffiti onto walls; the girl who lies to her mother in order to go drinking underage. These kinds of role models are not wanted.
What you can see from the above examples is that the key concept in being a role model is behaviour, rather than appearance. Being polite, respecting other people's property, not swearing, not lying, not being promiscuous are all example of positive behaviour, yet a modified person is judged on appearance. To mainstream society a person with many piercings, tattoos or more extreme modifications is someone to be wary of. The insinuation is that there must be something wrong with is and we therefore can't be trusted as much as a 'normal' person. Modified people in position of authority have to cover up or remove their modifications and dress in a way which may be different to how they normally would. Talking about their modifications is sometimes frowned upon, and mentioning them to children is a definite no. But why?
Referring to my first paragraph, my family, who know me, trust me and believe me to be intelligent, believed that I would not be a positive role model to children because of my appearance. Even though I am polite, respect the children, am honest with them and have earned their trust my appearance, which as I mentioned earlier shouldn't come into the discussion when looking at what defines a role model, stands in the way of me being accepted as a positive role model. When questioning them about this the main comment that comes up time and time again is that the children will want to copy me, but saying that implies that there is something inherently wrong in being modified. It's not that the children will want to copy me but are too young to understand the consequences and so might endanger themselves, it's that they will want to copy me and will perpetuate an appearance which society deems still taboo. It seems that no one I talk to can give me an unbiased opinion as to why I can't be a positive role model while still being modified.
I believe that it will be a long time before mainstream society accepts piercings and tattoos in jobs such as teaching, law, the police force, etc. so I am going to leave my argument rest on that subject for the moment and look at whether we should even be role models for children.
The argument goes that children learn from their elders and they will emulate people they like or think are cool, regardless of whether those people act out positive or negative behaviours. Society would like children to choose positive role models, those people who (as outlined above) respect others, are polite, helpful and considerate. Society wants these positive role models as opposed to the negative ones so that the status quo can be maintained as much as possible; that there won't be hundreds of teenagers dropping out of school, graffiti-ing shop walls and swearing at old ladies. Positive role models help society as a whole to run more smoothly. From that point of view then everyone is a role model whether they like it or not. If you have a child; a niece, nephew, next-door neighbour, who looks up to you then you are that child's role model. You may even have heard them say 'I want to be like you when I grow up'. But should we be willing to take on this role, or actively set out to portray ourselves as role models? My answer is somewhat of a compromise; I believe that we should be willing to take on these roles, and to some extent actively portray ourselves as role models because we will be looked up to and possibly copied whether we like it or not. If we know that somewhere along the line we'll have a 9 year old come up to us and tell us that when they're older they're going to have tattoos just like us then we may as well take advantage of that to educate the child about finding a good artist, choosing a design they like, not getting tattoos underage because they're impatient. Of course they're not going to take it all in, and maybe they won't remember our advice 10 years down the line, but in listening to them, respecting their ideas and actively conversing with them we are showing them the respect they deserve and hopefully teaching them to pass that respect onto others.
On the other hand, however, I do not believe in changing ourselves or our opinions in adhering to what society believes is a good role model. I will be honest with the children I teach even if the school doesn't approve of my piercings. When I am asked why I have a cut under my eyebrow I tell them that it's the holes for my eyebrow piercings. When I am asked how they pierced my bridge I will tell them exactly what happened, not glorifying nor exaggerating it. The same goes for my beliefs. Though I work in a Church of England school I do not believe in God and will tell the children that if they ask me. Just because I don't believe in God doesn't make me any less of a good person and the children respect that I am being honest with them.
So the answer to the question of should we be role models is, I believe, yes. Albeit a yes with a but attached. As for whether we, as modified people, need to work twice as hard in order to become good role models, I believe this needs a bit more examining.
As I mentioned earlier there are still many stereotypes surrounding the modified person in relation to modern society; the belief that we are all criminals, that we are freaks, that there is something wrong with us. First impressions, even if they are wrong, still count for a lot in today's society so to prove that we are just as sane as the next person we do have to work twice as hard. Imagine that you are working in a supermarket on a check out. You have facial piercings and a chest tattoo, part of which can be seen underneath your shirt. Every day you come into contact with elderly ladies, young children, business men and women, stay at home dads. Everybody looks at, or comments on, your modifications and not all of those comments are complimentary. In that situation you could adopt one of two behaviours; you could smile, be polite and friendly and prove that not all modified people are escaped criminals, thus converting perhaps one or two of your customers, or you could look grumpy and snap at those who look or comment, thus earning no respect and perhaps even losing some.
Now alter that scenario slightly and imagine you work in a primary school. You still have facial piercings and a chest tattoo, part of which can be seen underneath the tops you wear to work. You deal with children from the ages of 5-11 every day, as well as teachers, school governors, kitchen staff, parents and other visitors to the school. You get lots of questions from the children about your modifications, and lots of looks from the adults around you. In this situation there is really only one way you can proceed; you have to be polite and friendly. You have to show that underneath the modifications you are a respectful, funny, friendly, honest and trustworthy person. Is it hard. Yes, of course it is � you have years of pre-conceptions to break though. Is it possible? Yes. Slowly, but it is possible.
The best way I have found of getting people to see past their preconceptions is to be myself, but with a bit more politeness and friendliness tacked on. It might get annoying answering the same questions day in day out, but slowly it will prove to the people around you that you are willing to listen to them, to answer them in a well thought out way, and that actually you can be a good role model for children. It is something I try to do every day at work, and slowly I think I'm succeeding.