If you were to ask me how I feel about body modification, I could honestly say that I do not have a clear answer. I do, however, know that I love my tattoos and piercings, and am profoundly interested in the culture, but would hardly consider myself as "modified" as other members on bmezine. Like countless other stories on this site, mine begins with the clich� tale of trying to stand out in a crowd of people in order to feel assured about my individuality. Of course, in the long run, I've learned that there are many ways one can reach a sense of individuality, without having to be comparative of others.
At A Glance Author Addicted2Pain Contact [email protected] When N/A Studio Devine Location Calgary, Canada Two years ago my journey of stretching my ear lobes began on a cold winter day like any other, and ended in a feeling of slight self-difference from others (I was quite na�ve to think that a small pair of earrings was going to satisfy this desire, but it helped). Whilst doing a variety of seasonal gift shopping, I found myself walking past a small piercing studio downtown, that for one reason or another, I had never really noticed before. After discussing the possible decision of getting my ear's pierced for a total of approximately two minutes, I quickly headed into the warm refuge of the parlor.
After small-talk with the piercing artist, I was quickly shuffled across the room into a stainless steel chair and asked: "are you going to stretch your piercings?" Having no desire, nor knowledge to stretch my pair of piercings, I simply replied "no" and expressed my desire to have them as symmetrical as possible (just-in-case). With a flicker of a ball-point pen, the holes that would soon become a major part of my life were prepared for arrival.
The piercing artist briefly discussed what she planned on doing to my ear lobes and went over what she wanted me to do in return (sit there and breathe calmly). After the formalities were out of the way, the piercing began. I can honestly say that there was no real sensation of pain and only the feeling of constant warmth both during and after she had pierced my ear lobes. I feel that simply getting my ears pierced warrants no excess explanation on the process, but more-so the lasting effects of the decision. After the process smiles and money were exchanged and I continued on with my day, using every mirror I passed to critique something that I knew nothing about.
You might be wondering why somebody who knows perfectly well what a pierced ear is speaks as if he was completely uneducated and in-coherent of the subject? Well, as some of you may or may not be able to relate upon reading this, at one point or another my mind took a more pessimistic approach to physical choices I thought to be absolute with my body at the time.
I am not going to say that I had played witness to stretched ear lobes when I was younger, nor had a profound interest in body modification from an early age. I did not watch National Geographic when I was younger or had any real exposure to things that most of western society considers abnormal until a later period in my life. My complete and utter conditioned thought process (I attended Catholic schools until graduation and my family was quite conservative) had taught me to believe that a simple pair of earrings was as rebellious as it gets. To say the least, I was mistaken.
Getting my ears pierced was something that I believed would offer me a sense of individuality, but sadly, looking back I see that the decision I made was done in a comparative state of mind. Walking into that parlor that day was possibly done with a sub-conscious agenda in check, but I'm glad that I did now. As you will soon read, I have gained completely new outlooks on individuality and what it means to do something for yourself and not others. Although many may argue that modifying one's body is a completely physical ritual, I believe that there is much more to it than that. A simple ear lobe piercing or a series of surgical implants for example, can have very deep meanings to separate individuals in different ways. I will spare you the details of the other modifications I have done to my body since for the time being, but I will say that I know now altering your body is a very individual decision.
After writing several chapters in my life, developing my mind, and meeting completely new types of people, I saw that there were many things a person could do to a standard piercing. Needless to say, I was intrigued and fascinated with the idea of making a part of my body exaggerated at my own natural expense. I felt that though the decision to get my ears pierced was done hastily and under un-educated terms, it is something that opened many personal doors for me in the long run. Simply taking holes in my body and enlarging them has become a continuous display of mental/physical accomplishment over my insecurities of being an individual and gives me a sensation of physical existence in a cluttered society of prejudice and judgment. I am not sure how large I want my ear lobes to become, but I feel no need to set a specific size due to my continuing development of perspective on both physical aspects of being human, and the thought process I have developed over the years.
Like anything in life, you must make many decisions based solely on what it is you want, and not what your family, friends or society requests/expects of you. In all fairness, it is the very things I despise about humanity and society in general that has helped me to become a better person and open my mind to new and optimistic ways of thinking. The choices I want to make with my body vary, and I often find myself wondering which choices will offer more than mere physical changes, but a chance to develop new and exciting views on intangible assets we carry that clothes could never hide. Comparing yourself and choices you've made with your body and mind to other's views and personal choices accomplishes nothing; every small modification to every extreme modification on bmezine and elsewhere is beautiful in its own way and carries with it a personal experience. I felt at one time that my 20 gauge earrings were the end-all be-all of body modification, but it was all subjective when looking back. Perhaps these are all recycled words to most of you, but I still feel that they ring true.