At A Glance Author Michelle D. Contact Michelle [email protected] IAM Flutterfly When N/A Dear Brain,
I'd like to think that you make rational decisions and help to guide my life in a positive direction. Without you I would not have graduated high school, or made it to my 3rd year of University where I am now. Without you I would not have become interested in body modifications years ago. Becoming interested in piercings and tattoos is a good thing, right?
I've never really regretted any of my piercings. Sure, there have been moments where I've cursed myself for getting a particular piercing when it was tender, crusty, had a bump or was still not healed almost a year later. However, when weighing the pros and cons I always felt that the pros to each of these body modifications have outweighed the cons associated with them � no matter how many additional sea salt soaks I've had to do for irritated piercings and regardless of the number of weeks I haven't been able to sleep on a particular side, due to a new ear piercing.
About 16 months ago I got my first tattoo. I did so when I heard that one of the counter staff, Lizzie, at a local piercing/tattoo studio was beginning her tattoo apprenticeship and needed people willing to let her work on them, while she was learning. She knew me, through me being a frequent customer of the studio, and I knew her enough that you, brain, decided to let her 'practice' on me. Less than a week later I had my first tattoo � a little fuscia and black star near my bikini/hip area. Initially you were beyond happy.
After I had gotten home with my first tattoo you helped me to research a variety of aftercare methods. Once it had been settled that the instructions given by the studio were widely agreed upon by other professionals, you ensured that I followed the aftercare instructions completely.
Not too long afterwards, brain, I started to let you get the best of me. Suddenly I found myself questioning whether or not my star tattoo was 'good enough'. Yes, an apprentice tattooed me and it was pretty damn good for her first tattoo on the stomach area, but you wondered if the top 'point' was slightly misshapen or if 'something' looked a little off. The outcome was, brain, that you decided I needed 2 more star tattoos to complete this tattoo and make it look better. You wanted to satisfy yourself and you appeared to have succeeded.
Fast forward 3 months... the satisfaction of entering into a new realm of body modification had started to wear off. Tell me what was going on in there � were my dopamine levels too low? Perhaps, they were. After all, you wanted more of the type of pleasure that only comes from getting tattooed. I then found myself knocking at Lizzie's door. Okay, not literally, but I found myself hearing the familiar buzz of the tattoo machine and suddenly you were telling me that something was different than usual. My pain receptors were activated. This tattoo wasn't small. According to you it was huge and huge meant that it was awesome. After the first session you were having trouble making decisions about what colours my tattoo would be. "This part should be blue. Wait! No, it should be green... or should it?" This sounds familiar to you, doesn't it?
Brain, sometimes I want to scream "What the fuck were you thinking?" Sometimes I question whether your decisions are rational or whether they are impulsive instead. I'm in Social Work. I will not be bringing in a 6 figure salary when I graduate. That means that my tattoos will be permanent. Laser removal is out of the question. Most of the time I love my tattoos, but sometimes I see them and inside my head I hear you saying things such as "Oh shit... what did I do?", "Wow, that sure is huge!", "What if I had this part coloured in with the first colour that had popped into my mind?" and "Today I'm not such a fan of this tattoo, but tomorrow I will feel differently". Geeze, I don't even know what to say to you about those comments.
Hey brain, do you know what really gets me? That you are telling me to go out and further add on to my first tattoo. You think I should consider adding some shading, or surrounding the stars with a cute little design, or... do you see something strange, here? You don't know what the hell you want added! Okay, so forget adding on to a tattoo, right? You think I should go and get another tattoo all together. This idea has been floating around for a while. It's getting stronger and I am beginning to get concerned. Oh, you know my comment at the beginning of this letter... the one about you making rational decisions? Yeah, well, I think I take that back.
Sincerely,
Michelle