At A Glance
Author	strawberry
Contact	[email protected]
IAM	strawberry
When	It just happened

Dear fellow IAMer,

I don't know about you, but I feel weird without IAM.

Today it's April the 29th. 2 days ago I (we) read from Shannon's blog and clicking on the IAM link from the BME main page that IAM had suffered from a failure in its DIAL arrays -now, I don't know what it means exactly, as my computer knowledge stretches only so far, but it sounds serious, messy and evil.
I realized something was wrong on April the 27th, when I was at university, trying get connected and update my diary, and after a number of failed attempts I gave up, blaming the poor internet service provided to students and all that. When I went home that night I tried again, with no success, but didn't exactly worry, as sometimes connection is slow and troubled in our area.
The following day I checked again, and found Shannon's message -the rest is history, at least for us IAMers. Here we are, waiting for something good to happen, still uncertain about when things will get back to normal.

Since I joined, first as inkking, three and a half years ago, then as strawberry, IAM has played an important role in my life. I had fun building my page, I build a small but tight network of friends, I had two lovely relationships with 2 Italian IAM members that, although they're history, have turned into a great friendship. I got to know new piercings, I explored different looks prompter by IAM, I got ideas, inspiration and it's taken me where I am now, a more creative individual, with a personal style that, even though many could disagree, suits me and works for me and, ultimately, makes me happy.
IAM forums have been important, too. Although I'm not a huge poster, nor my own forums attract lots of traffic, I have enjoyed immensely IAM:Science Nerd, IAM:College, IAM:A Linguist and Short Girls rule. I check them all regulary, contribute when I feel it's helpful, relevant or simply nice for other people to read, but also check out other people's entries, advices, emotions and stories. A forum less famous, but brilliant nonetheless, run by gothicphoenixx for cancer support and awareness has been a last refuge for me when I felt completely lost.
My diary has been the ultimate experience. Writing in it, but making it a space to communicate to new people and old friends, a place, a moment where I could really express my own emotions, or simply write about my new haircut, or pair of shoes, or school exam, without the need to be politically correct, or fake, has been liberating.
My friends are special. My IAM friends are just as special as the ones I have coffee or lectures with, or the ones I see every Saturday. I don't drop names, but I can say that these people have kept me going for such a long amount of time. Of course it's a different kind of relationship than I have with my neighbours or university mates, but it's beautiful and strong and fun.

Now all this has gone. I know it's temporary and at some point, maybe as soon as tomorrow, we will have IAM back. I'm sad for what has happened, and grateful to Shannon, Jon and everybody else who's running IAM and fixing its problems for the wonderful job they do every day. To be honest, I didn't expect to miss IAM as much as I do now. I have gone without it when I go on holiday sometimes, and I have little or no access to it when very busy with school or work, and when I don't have a computer at home. I would have had the desire to write something, or at least IM a couple of friends, but I guess that knowing I could do it at any given time has prevented me from feeling lost, trapped without it.
There is a IAM-shaped hole in my life. I log in in the morning and want to check my messages, or update my diary, and I cannot do it. At lunchtime, my usual "reading" time, I cannot see new posts in my favourite forums, or in my friends' diaries and see how they are doing. What has striken me, is that IAM has become part of my routine, like lectures, like work, like drinks with my friends. And even if I take it for granted (not updating, not writing back as soon as I can, not posting new pictures) when it's there, the moment it's gone I feel like losing a firm point has vanished. It's only been two days, but it's like it's been gone forever.

I've also realized that I don't have my other ways to contact the people I have grown to love so much. Some email addresses, a couple of phone numbers, but not much more. I'd never imagined I'd need this, as IM are fast and safe and IAM it's always there. Now I've made a mental note to ask everybody I care about for their alternative contacts, just in case.

What am I up to in the meanwhile? I try to make the most out of my newly-acquired free time and contribute to the community as well and as much as I can. I write experiences for BME, I take pictures, edit and post them for the archive. I have ordered also a couple of BME t-shirts, just because sometimes you cannot beat some good retail therapy. I have lingered over other people's columns and stories, and have leart new things, trying to use the time to get more inspiration for my own writing and to educate myself.

But, to be honest, I'm counting the days. Okay, the hours, actually, until I get IAM back on track so that I will be able to send everybody an IM full of joy and relief, like a phone call made after a disaster, to make sure your beloved are safe.
This IAM failure is no hurricane, I know, and I expect to find everybody doing fine when we all get back online, but if anything the fear of losing makes one appreciate more what (s)he has. And until today I hadn't realized how much IAM and its community means to me.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon,
All my love,
Claudia