Writing is an illness and its cure, an older friend told me when I was still at high school and was going to her to show her my poems and messy teenage streams of consciousness. And she was right. Writing is possibly one the things I like the most and, like many people, I find it therapeutic and relaxing. Until recently, I have never given much consideration to the reasons why I write, the buzz it gives me and what I like about it.
At A Glance Author strawberry Contact [email protected] IAM strawberry When N/A I have written for money -columns, articles, semi-coherent and semi-ironic, sent to obscure newspapers and magazines. I have written to boost my CV -even more boring and only slightly scientific articles, sent to journals about Linguistics, Chemistry, Pharmacology, my fields of interest and study. I have even written to seduce -letters, cards, but not I couldn't really fool myself into liking it. I went as far as to write porn -something I never particulary liked but apparently something I was good, fast and productive at, which paid my fees at uni for quite a bit.
What I had lost, for quite a few years, was the interest in writing about myself. Not in a narcissistic, self-obsessed kind of way, although both narcissism and self-obsession are needed in small amounts to do so. When I discovered BME and IAM, a few years ago, it occurred to me that I could go back writing about myself, or rather about an aspect of my life which has always been important to me and that I had never been able to discuss properly elsewhere. Yes, I make end meet piercing part-time at my local studio, but that doesn't count.
So I tried. I wrote an experience about my piercings -navel, VCH and other- then about my attempts at tongue splitting, about more mods, and articles and editorials about topics of personal interest, like genital piercing, tattoo-unfriendly bosses, and more stuff on BME Hard, me being a porn writer more than anything. I have never been a top contributor -lack of experience, time and dedications are a bad combo- but I have always loved sharing my experiences on BME and IAM.
It's a nice feeling when you "help" the community you feel part of; it's brilliant to get coupons and membership credit; it's always a rush of pride when I see my name on the main page or on the experience page, under the different sections. But they are not the main reason why I write about what happens to me mod-wise (or at least in my mod-filled erotic fantasy).
It's taken me a while to realize it, but ultimately it's sink in.
I write because I have a weak memory, and because I'm young. I have loved the modified world for as long as I can remember and I have been part of it ever since I have been able to. All of my experiences have taken me where I am and although some of them were dangerous, unfortunate or simple the result of a stupid or rushed decision, they are all important in their own way. I like to think that I can prevent people from doing my mistakes, or at least make them aware about risks that aren't worth taking. But at the end of the day I'm less illuminated than that. I write because so I can record my experiences, in order not to lose them in the chaos of time and growing up, secretely hoping to go through them again in 2, 20, 40 years time, when I'm old and when a fond memory is what will keep me going. Yes, I'm narcissistic, and yes I do obsess about myself. But this indulgence is therapy and fun, and a great way to get to know friends, so at the end of the day that can't hurt.
People, if you are reading this, write, too. It's not an appeal to help BME (although helping what keeps us all going is vital) -it's an appeal to keep your memories alive. A diary isn't the same as being part of the community. A piece of paper just doesn't seem to do the trick. I write because I love my mods and I love the feeling when I get them -writing takes only short amounts of times, but that feeling, lived again through your own words, well, that is absolutely priceless.
Ultimately we are our experiences, and I am myself through much of what's written here. I'm not defined by it only, but it's me, a large junk of my life. Writing about my mods can be boring sometimes, can be a painful process of just an uneasy one, but over the years it's like a photograph, only with dialogues, sounds and characters. I'm happy about what I have written, I'm happy about having written in in the first place, and I'm glad I have made the effort. BME is, among many other things,our personal album -and our pictures (drawn by our words or taken by our cameras) make it ours, more and more so every day.
This is why I write experiences. For selfish reasons. But mostly for love.