My name is Claudia, I am 21 and heavily modified, at least from a parent's (and my parents') point of view. I have tattoos, all very visible on my arms, back and chest; I have piercings, including a large gauge septum tunnel; I have surgical mods, self-sculpted labia and a tongue-web that's just been cut by an oral surgeon (for aesthetics reasons). I am also, and this isn't supposed to be told because I want to show off, but rather because it is necessary to make my point, that I am a straight As student at college, graduating before everybody else in my course, who wins merit-based scholarships abroad and who works two jobs. I don't drink and don't do drugs. I'm not a bigot -I'm just not interested.
At A Glance Author strawberry Contact [email protected] IAM strawberry When N/A
Over the years I have not been an easy child. I have suffered from eating disorders, I'm depressed and severely OC, I have been in abusive relationships. My dad is an abusive alcoholic. To my mom's eyes, I'm a massive disappointment, and my mods are the reason behind it, and the rest does not really matter. While teachers, then professors, and now bosses, too, praise my abilities and hard-working attitude, and my mates rely on me for support, mods are enough to make me a bad person at home. Is that really enough?
It does upset me incredibly and I suffer beyond belief for not having a loving, supporting family, as I've never been one of those kids who "just don't care" about what their parents think. But caring doesn't mean doing exactly what they like, unfortunately. There is a moment when kids start making their own choices and start their path towards becoming adults -discovering mods was one my choices, certainly not the only one, but one that matters to me, along with all the rest. Disapproval is part of growing up, too, but I wish that in this case it had been built on stronger foundations.
Sometimes people ask me why I don't stop if my parents hate it so much: this is good point. I don't stop because I am my own individual, pursing her own ideals of happiness, beauty and ultimately, lifestyle, and I don't belive that trying to shape myself into something or someone I am not would make my life better. If anything, body modification has made me a happier girl. More confident, less obsessed about food, stronger and more outgoing. It is not a mask, I don't hide behind my tattoos and piercings -I wear them with pride enjoying every minute of them, but I am myself like this. This is me.
When I was a teenager, I wish someone had stopped me from overdieting, because I have a very difficult relationship with food even now. I wish I had a "normal" father, instead of having to look for a father figure in every 50 year old man that walked into my life. It would have been nice to have someone listen to me for my cries of help when depression hit badly. But none of this happened. Instead I have been shouted at for my navel piercing and tattoos, and that was the end of it. I had to get myself together on my own: it's been tough, but I'm proud of what I have achieved. Body modifications have come later. They have not been the cure, nor the solution, nor the way out. But they've made me smile, eat better, and stand up for my own self. I have proved my mom wrong, too, because they've never go "in the way" of school, work, relationships (the healthy ones) like she predicted, and they have contributed to making me the person I am and the persona I can be when I get a job, or write an essay, or listen to my friends' worries.
Dear parents, you may have your views, and your tastes, and be sure I respect all of them. I may disagree, but my respect is all yours. A modified kid is not a bad kid in the same way that a non-modified kid is necessarily a good kid. Sometimes mods are "just a phase", sometimes they are for keeps, but they are part of what your child is, and an expression of his individuality, creativity and way of being. Repression is bad. Full stop. Talking and discussing is good. Kids do what they want anyway, and sometimes achieving "what they want anyway" means going to weird, unsafe studios in back rooms or to dirty locations when no ID is needed and no attention is paid to risks and safety. Listen to your kids, do not disapprove of them as a matter of principle. Draw the line where you think it is, but make it a reasoned choice. And, whereas you may think that mods imply getting together "with a bad lot", doing drugs and similar practices, it is not a rule. It could be, but it could be the other way round, too. There's no black and white but there are many areas of gray instead in the modified world: and maybe even in a shade you may like, when you get used to it.
Further reading:
What parents need to know.
Dealing With Anti-Mod Parents and General Public.
The Reactions of Children vs. Society.
Note to Parents, or How BM saved my Life.
What I wish I could tell my parents.
I am happy: an open letter about self-mutilation.