According to one of Polish sayings, "wszedzie dobrze gdzie nas nie ma" (which can be loosely translated as "everywhere else is better than here"). Seeing what active immigrants my countrymen are at the moment, obviously it is a true statement. Over the course of time, and while meeting many people of many nationalities, however, I have seen how many of them seemed to share, or even truly believe, that it really is true � the place (town, country, part of the world) we live in is (almost) always worse than any other place in the world. For us, the modified, the main factor here is a level of tolerance we encounter on daily basis and how comfortable in a given setting we feel. I dare to think that it is not the place that is wrong but our attitude, the way we approach various issues and questions, our perspective if you will.
At A Glance Author Ania Contact [email protected] IAM deadly pale When N/A Location Poland I am a renegade � I have never learned English in a proper way; I have quite eccentric an education and I have had plenty of time and opportunities to see that my opinions and points of view pretty often differ from those shared by majority. I do want, however, to be clear and easy to understand here. To achieve this goal I decided to follow a piece of advice I found in the only book on proper writing I have ever read.
To convince others to my point of view, or at least to try to achieve this task of mine, I will divide my thoughts in three parts. Since the text is supposed to deal with (our) perspective, I am going to focus first on general, broad perspective, then I will move to our, (as a group), perspective (taking examples from conversations I had with my IAM-friends or just random IAM-ers over the span of two years I am here); finally I will try to show you my personal perspective, the way I used to see things and the way I perceive them now. It will be followed by a few conclusions to reiterate my point in this text.
General perspective
I was born in 1976. For some of you it is almost like a hundred years ago while for others it is still not that long ago as you are older than me. It is, however, not my age that matters but the time itself. 1976 was a good year � Sex Pistols were just about to shake the British music scene, punk rock was soon to develop into a kind of philosophy and lifestyle, most of you (by "you" I mean both North Americans and Western Europeans) had a colorful life decorated with Kellog's cornflakes, lots of candy and cool clothes. For others, like me and both my countrymen and people from Eastern Europe, life was not that colorful. Polish punk rock bands would be created only at the beginning of the 80', instead of eating candy and throwing away its wrappings many of us used to collect them (along with empty drink cans) only because this stuff was so damn colorful while everything around us was so awfully grey and deprived of all other colors (as one of Polish sociologists pointed out, people from this part of Europe treasured something that for others was just trash!). You had your Kellog's, we had empty shelves in grocery stores; you had walkmen, we had our Kasprzak brand (not really sophisticated brand of electronic devices down here in Poland); you already had shopping centers and sales, did you not?, we had longs lines in front of all shops and, at one point that I still remember, coupons for food.
Being born in the middle of the 70's, however, does not mean only complaining about missing/lacking so many things you took and still take for granted. Being 30 at the moment means that I was un/lucky enough to live in two worlds. I was un/fortunate enough to live my first years in the communistic country with all its "bright" sides and "advantages" � I do remember standing in a long line for a few bottles of hair shampoo and my mother spending many nights in front of a clothing shop, among other women and men, and hoping to be lucky enough to bring us some nice, new clothes. These times was grey and morose but I do not write about it here to make all of you feel sorry for me and my country. I am far from it. What I want to do here is to set a background to help you realize that after so many years (since 1945) people lived in fear, poverty and hypocrisy, so there is no wonder that they have finally had enough of it and decided to change everything, or at least try to change everything for better. Probably it is not wise and easy to deal with a bunch of mad Poles because we actually succeeded and managed to get rid of communism. We are still mentally scarred and we still suffer from a serious inferiority complex when we compare ourselves to you (i.e. North Americans and Western Europeans) but everything changed both for better and for worse.
My really conscious teenage years were in the 90's. We seemed to catch up with everything � we still had punk rock bands and you still could see punks on the streets but you can also see them now, on streets in every other part of the world, can't you? The 90's meant "grunge", Nirvana, Seattle sound and many other things and, thanks to changes in my country, I could be as grunge a kid as it was humanly possible for me. I could go to a music store and buy records of Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots and many many others. I was not so awfully out-of-date anymore. Things that moved/touched/excited you, did the same to me as well. Both American, Western European and Eastern European bands sang about hypocrisy and condemned capitalism and corporate, inhuman world. We were the same (and to some degree we were the same even during the Cold War � we feared the same things, we despised the same sins and praised the same virtues; the difference was conditions we lived in back then).
The world caught up with us (or we caught up with the "first world" to some degree � it all depends on a chosen point of view). There was only this one thing that still gave us many doubts down here � tolerance. Since Poland is such a homogenic country (there are some ethnic and religious minorities here but not as many as in other countries) we were attached to a certain view of the world quite strongly. In the late medieval ages and the early modern era we used to be thought of as a very tolerant, open and hospitable people. We accepted so-called heretics, gave shelter to people persecuted in other parts of Europe, we were proud that our witch hunts were never as overwhelming as these in Germany and other places of Western Europe. History was cruel to us, though, and eventually we found ourselves the way we used to think about our society in the late 20th century � "everywhere else better than here" because people here were, allegedly, intolerant, close-minded, rude, overall bad. Fed on American movies and fairy tales brought to us by these chosen ones who were lucky enough to see the colorful "first world" we were brought to believe that every other country is more tolerant, open-minded and welcoming than our own.
As a grunge, self-pierced kid I got to experience the truth of such statements about people from my country. I did hear people talking behind my back that I looked as if I just escaped from a ZOO or that I was an idiot to pierce my ears so many times. I had to listen to my mother complaining about the way I looked and hear remarks of my classmates that I looked as if I just emerged from a trash can. Yes, it made me feel sad at times but then again, I loved the way I looked; I loved the way I could show off my personality (yes, I am kind of leftist and always loved old clothes with holes in � is there anything wrong with that?). I was always this weird kid, though, so I could not really relate to punks/other alternative folks � they thought at first that I was one of them; after all I looked almost like them but, at the same time, we could not relate on other levels. For them anarchy was mainly just a cool logo they could sport on their clothes; for this weirdo kid of me anarchy was something more and I tried to read (and about) Kropotkin and Bakunin as much as possible. I became an outsider among the outsiders, an outlaw among the outlaws and, surprisingly, also among them I could acutely feel I was not welcome.
Time passed by, however, and many things changed. My parents could not go abroad whenever they wanted while people from my and younger generations can go almost anywhere with no problem at all. Older people still can remember how they had to give back their passports right after getting back home; I have my passport stashed somewhere in my stuff and I do not even really need it if I want to visit any other place in the European Union. The world opened to us and we opened to the world. This weird, grunge kid got a relatively good education, knows two foreign languages, saw some cool places in the world and changed the way she looks.
There is no multiple ear piercings in my ears now although I still have so many holes in my ears as a sort of physical souvenir from these old times. I am not into anarchy anymore and I do not wear ragged clothes now (at least not too often that is!). I am tattooed now and damn proud of it � whispers behind my back do not change anything!
My piercer told me an interesting story during one of our first mutual piercing adventures. When my tattoo artist, my piercer's brother, got interested in tattooing, people did not know too much about it and tended to associate tattoos only with prison, inmates and crime. When Slawek tattooed his arms, to practice on his way to become an excellent tattoo artist he is now, he did not have an easy life. As Jacek told me, people used to leave train compartments when Slawek entered them only because they were so afraid of a tattooed guy. Even if there is some exaggeration in this (and I do not know it for sure), it is still sad but also very human � people are always and everywhere afraid of the Others and for them the Others means, a.o., us, the modified.
Like I mentioned above, my generation was lucky enough to be able to travel more or less freely which opened us to the different, allegedly better world. I visited many European countries and for a year I could live in the United States, a Promised Land for many people from many different parts of the world. I was told many many times that only my country is so terribly close-minded and conservative; I was told that only my people, Poles, are so intolerant and kind of limited and I dreamt of this better world with all my grunge, anarchistic soul. What were my impressions? The USA � stares and questions of various kinds, both polite and these quite rude ones; France � the same; Germany � sure enough, I could count on similar reactions etc. My conclusion then, and it is still valid now, was that it does NOT matter where you live, being it NYC, London, Warsaw, Gothenburg, Bucharest or a small village in the middle of nowhere. People are always and everywhere the same and you can meet a great, open-minded person in the middle of nowhere and a real asshole in Big Apple. People are afraid of the Others; you and I are the Others and it is up to us to change their perspective on us � anywhere, anytime! We have already witnessed how the times changed and we still do!
Our (IAM) perspective
IAM is like microcosmos, a counterpart of the outside world in a digital pill. There are thousands of us on here, with various life experiences, from different places of the world, with many likes, passions, disappointments and joys. I think I will say a true thing if I state that if my travels let me see the world and notice how the times change, BME/IAM let me, sharper than ever before, observe people from various places of the world.
All of us know why we like or even love IAM � this place has many purposes for all of us. We can treat it differently, depending on our goals and ways of perceiving it. Since we all are so different, we have an opportunity to meet many other, seemingly different from us, people. We can exchange our experiences, knowledge, share our joys of a new mod, talk, get some support from friends or just have fun. It is up to us how to use IAM and if we want to give it something back.
No matter, however, where we live and who we are, sooner or later each and everyone of us comes to get to know the taste of intolerance. It might be "plainskins" who do not understand our points of view and our easthetics. Sometimes, which is worse, it is one of us, IAM-ers, who suddenly starts acting up and ridiculing others or playing "I-know-it-so-much-better-than-you" game.
There are people on IAM I am talking very often to and it is not a fleeting online acquaintance that lives for a few messages only but something that went through months of both good and bad things. These are conversations on many topics and about many things � sometimes it is just a game and sometimes it is an opportunity to get to think about something more profound. All of us, regardless of location, experience prejudice, intolerance, the sense of injustice.
And there are also those with whom you get to talk only a few times but despite this fleetingness you still have an opportunity to gain some insight into their lives. Great careers or dead-end jobs, lives in big cities or real holes-in-the-wall of places you have never heard of . If you are a reviewer, you can get a very similar insight thanks to reading people's experiences.
I used to think I am the most wretched creature on the face of this planet � with such bad luck that it is almost scary to list examples for it. And then, when I came across IAM, suddenly I saw that in some cases things I perceived as personal catastrophes were just a trifle or that they happened also to other people and they also wanted to claim the title of the most wretched one. We might be all different, if you wish, but we are all also very alike � it is our problems that are the biggest ones; it is us that have to copy with adversities and tackle social intolerance. And you come to think that "if I only lived in [insert the name of the place you dream of], everything would be different and so much better!"
Is there something I really treasure about IAM people I know? Yes, there are many things. Their positive energy, their good thoughts or small gifts sent my way, their being out there to play silly word games with me or just their mental patting me on the back and saying "that's a great mod you just got done!" I can admire, and indeed I do, their determination to be people they want to be, their passion for body modification and many other things. There is, however, one thing that keeps striking me over and over again. No matter how freakish we might be thought of or how weird we, ourselves, want to seem to others, most of us are so wonderfully normal. It does not matter whether you are fully aware of this fact or you live in a bliss of ignorance, many of us mastered something that is normal but rare at the same time � we all have our sacred and profane spheres and we know how to move in-between them and how, now and then, make them one thing.
We have our jobs, our everyday problems and joys; we do grocery shopping and rent DVD's; we practice sports or prefer to be couch-potatoes just like millions of other people around the world every single day. And yet, at the same time, now and then we are able to enter this sacred sphere of ours, the world of body (and mind, IMHO) modification to learn something about ourselves or just to feel better. It is our choice!
It is our choice but with pleasure comes the price. We must face others (for whom we are the Others) and their view of our actions. Again, IAM shows clearly that no matter where you live, being it American Bible Belt, Eastern Europe, Asia or any other place in the world, you come across and have to tackle intolerance. Is it only Polish thing? I do not think so! Is it only a phenomenon you can encounter in Idaho? Certainly not. Are only people in rural areas of Asia so afraid of such experiments with human body and mind? Highly doubtful! Again, it is a general thing because people are the same everywhere.
But how do we grow, mature, gain some wisdom and experience? It is possible only by means of meeting other people. Their facial expressions, reactions, words teach us or show us what is good for them or what is wrong or, at least, inappropriate in their eyes. Their reactions on us, the modified, teach us about their little worlds and their personal or social values. This is a double-edged sword, though. When "plainskins" meet us, they also learn something from us. Their experiences can be really broad, both great and really unpleasant but they do learn new things every time they meet us, even if they are not aware of this fact. Thus, every day, in every place of the world, we have a chance to change not only ourselves but also other people and their opinions.
My personal perspective
I stated once why I write my own BME experiences. I believe, just like Stephen King, that by means of writing one can organize one's thoughts and open the door to those mental layers of one's consciousness that one did not even suspect to exist. Speaking does not seem to give such broad possibilities to articulate and express our feelings.
All my BME experiences are a sort of my personal diary; this diary is focused on my body but also reflects changes that my mind undergoes; or maybe not as much my mind as my way of perceiving the world.
When three years ago I experienced the biggest disaster of my life ever (and even in my personal diary I refer to it only by means of various euphemisms because I want to keep it suppressed and under my relative control!) my whole world, as I knew it, collapsed (and I do not play with words here; I really felt and still feel it this way). It was the only time in my life when I reached for scalpels and used cutting as a way to deal with my mental stress, believing that sometimes it is necessary to get hurt physically to start healing mentally. Body modification (or maybe mutilation because at first it was hard to find this thin line!) helped and I managed to rebuilt, or rather create, my own world again.
Three years later I am still not able to look back with no tears and a threat of emotional break-down but I feel I am stronger. When I look at my IAM page, with this quite long list of my own mod experiences I can see what a long way is behind me and what a great new way of self-acceptance and personal growth is ahead of me.
And who would actually suspect? I do not live in a big city and certainly I do not live in a country with a leading bod mod industry in the world. Does it mean that I should sit here and break my head over schemes how to get out of here and start my life anew in a much better place? I am two hours away from my regular shop and I am a person who is certainly the most heavily modified in the area I live. Do I meet people's stares and not that pleasant reactions? Certainly but, as I mentioned above, I experienced the same things in many other places, big cities and villages, both in my country and other places abroad. It is not the place that counts the most, it is all about me and my abilities to defend and present in a reasonable way choices I made!
Conclusions
I, and many others, was blessed to being able to live and experience two entirely different worlds, the grey world of communism and the overwhelming and seemingly very open world of capitalism. There are others, from other parts of the world, who live in-between the modern and traditional worlds. And there are also us, people somehow, one way or the other, connected to BME, who also live in two worlds � this everyday one, to which we refer as RL (real life), and this online one in which we either can really be us (BME!) or sometimes pretend to be people we want to be. The online world is pretty vague in this and many other regards.
Being so immersed in the modern world as all of us are, however, we all are able to at least notice and, perhaps, also acknowledge that the world around us keeps changing. Time flies by and most of us are able to notice, even if only on this shallow, conversational level that times change and along with them this broad, social way of perceiving various elements of our culture, body modification included, changes as well. By means of meeting other people we can come to realize that both the others' attitudes and points of view (i.e. perspectives on various subjects) have some influence on us but we also should be aware that all such social meetings change something on the other side, too. By means of both everyday and extraordinary experiences we are both influenced and influential at the same time! This way people change and along with them our (as a group) perspective. And there are, finally, us as individuals, with our personal fears, doubts, failures, joys, excitements and many other, hard to define, things of which consist our everyday lives and our own, personal opinions. It is really up to us what kind of life we will have. We can long for a mythical place where there is no verbal nor physical (Gawd forbid!) abuse, where others do not perceive us as the Others and where we can live in peace and happiness ever after. But we can also, at least try to, change things in our own lives for better. A simple smile, a small act of kindness, being good at things we do at work, readiness to help your plainskinned neighbor (and many other countless possibilities) can change our situation for better and make people overlook not our mods but their stereotypes.
Like many of us, I used to think that "everywhere else is better than here" but now, somehow, I would like to change my perspective and try something new for once � instead of perceiving only negative things around me I want to focus on these positive ones! After all not only the world changes me but also I change the world!