I recently underwent a major change, while not changing at all. I guess the best way to put it is through self-realization, I have gone into a state of absolute euphoria. This euphoria does not exist in the physical manner, but rather a mental one. Here is my story---
At A Glance Author Max Alfano Contact [email protected] When N/A Artist myself Studio mirror Location Eugene
We all turn to body modification for one reason or another, whether it be spiritual, a source of comfort, beauty, or sometimes just for the friggin cool look of it. Whatever it may be, we do it none the less.
I have nine piercings. I have stretched lobes, a tragus, a punched conch, (7/16ths and healing well) nose ring, tongue ring, two hafadas and a frenum. Each one has its own story and place in my life. I also have a half sleeve.
I am really insecure, and by taking part in the body modding community, I have grown to except who I am as a person and live life to its fullest. Im never going to turn back. It is with me for life, and hope one day it will do for others what it has done for me. All this I thought was true until I faced moving away from my very loving family.
Right before I went to college I was going through a tough time in my life. I was scared of moving out and being alone. I turned to drinking for a more socialable life. I had no idea who my friends were, and if I had any at that. I was moving to a town where I knew no one. Right before I left I was really starting to hate how I looked. I no longer saw beauty whilst gazing into my own eyes.
I absolutely love my tattoos, so it wasn't my sleeve, it was my piercings. My lobes were to small, my tragus was irritated, and I just wasn't sure what I was standing for anymore. I had no idea what I wanted to be in this world of ours. I once again found myself in that oh-so-revealing mirror of mine. I was starting to take a look at what I was becoming, im not that extreme, but I was traveling down a path that was all to unsure of to be walking on.
I take out all my piercings. (Except for the conch for it was not punched yet, I only have my right side) I instantly wanted to vomit, seriously I actually wanted to puke.
After me sulking in this not familiar self, I come to realize that its not the piercings that make me sick, it's the lack of them. I realized that it wasnt my lobes or my nose that made me sad. All of these adornments actually made me look and feel good.
I then discovered what it was that was bothering me. It was my WHOLE self, I was an unfinished painting if you will, a rusty old car, a house with no windows, so you cannot see the beauty inside. I simply am not complete, I am an unfinished project, waiting to be completed. You see, with me, less is more. I looked at myself and realized that I was missing pieces to myself. For one, I was missing a large conch plug sitting in my right ear, I was missing a 5/8ths hollow in my left flat, my ears were not yet big enough to fit my face well. My sleeve incomplete, my body nothing but a canvas, with tiny splotches of silver and color.
I got another tattoo the week I moved out. I was happy again. The next week I got my conch punched. I also bought the most beautiful glass plugs. (One inch)
After this took place I found myself in front of a new mirror this time, I was finally the prettiest of them all. I was that much closer to being done. The path to self righteousness was beginning to become a little more clear and open.
I recently have decided to take my piercing knowledge to the next step. I asked my mother how she would feel if I chose a different route and became a professional body piercer. She gave me the best answer I could have ever expected from her, (shes not a big fan of my piercings, but loves tattoos) she said as long as I was happy and could provide a living for my far future family, and if I didn't do any drugs, that she would be with me every step of the way. I love my mom and want nothing but to make her proud. So this is my plan.
I have more to come too. Like I mentioned earlier, a very large flat punching is on its way, along with extensive tattoo work to be sough out. I also will step up my ears another quarter inch I think.
I guess the whole point of all of this is that for me, body modification is art. I am art, I am beautiful, and I am confident. I now look in the mirror and see a much more focused Max. My body is my temple, and I will bring gifts to it until the end.