The First Glance
At A Glance Author Jay Lee Contact [email protected] When N/A
At first glance, you see nothing.
I am a ghost. Made invisible by my private school uniform and a face made generic by my Chinese heritage, I pass unseen on the streets, a phantom of the mundane. I am a stereotype, the Asian scholar with a 90% academic average and a steady job in an electronics store, who plays piano and Dance Dance Revolution in her spare time. Such is the nature of a first impression.
Yet I hide a smile. For you know nothing.
During the summer of 2006 a 16-gauge needle passed through my septum, my first and only facial piercing. Since that time it has undergone much � hiding from a parent, finding by a parent, hiding once more, and stretching. Many a time when I wear it visibly, people stare, pause and ask me why I'd "mutilate" myself like that. Even friends denounce it as "looking like a stupid bull". Few bother to consider that such comments insult and hurt, bother to consider that such a piercing may hold more than simple aesthetic value to me. It is a symbol of my faith, a representative of virtues that I value most, and a constant reminder of my personal strength.
Symbol of Faith
In 2004 I converted to Christianity after many years of being an atheist. Since childhood, I had been dragged to Church by a mother whose idea of preaching the faith was only to tell me not to question anything, and that if I didn't believe in God I'd go to Hell. As a result the only connection I had to religion was to be unwillingly brought to Church; to sit in resentment at the time wasted being bored out of my skull. I'd dabble in the occult from time to time. It wasn't until halfway through high school that God found me in His own way and I was Confirmed in the faith. Since then I've striven to dedicate myself all the more to God.
Since discovering my faith, I have always admired St. John the Apostle. Out of the 12 Apostles, he was the only one who did not abandon Christ at the hour of His Passion. Known as "the Beloved Apostle", he was made the guardian of Mary and was the first to recognise the risen Lord. John is the kind of disciple I strive to be � one who faces death and danger with courage and faith, steadfast with the heart to recognise the presence of Christ. What does this have to do with anything? Well, St. John is often symbolised as the Bull. The connection struck me when I entered the world of mods and first saw the septum piercing. So strong is the connection to the person I admire, that for every day that passes, this piercing is my greatest physical symbol of the Apostle I admire the most, and the faith I strive for. Not such a "mutilation" after all.
Representative of Virtues
Continuing with the bull imagery, I often fail to understand why to bear likeness to a bull is such a horrible thing, something to look down upon. Bulls are such powerful animals � bullfighting, plough-pulling and bull-riding are all testament to the strength of this animal. However in each situation the powerful bull is made to suffer pain, ridicule and humiliation in some way (perhaps this is why bulls are thought to be stupid). This imagery, however, is extremely profound to me. A powerful animal, brought down to serve. This, in its own way, is how I wish to live my life � to recognise that I have my own strengths and gifts, but still have the humility to use them to help other people.
Once again my septum is a representative of something true to me. Aside from reminding me to try to be selfless and humble, and to try and help others, it is also a source for physical pain (the initial piercing as well as consequent stretches) as well as ridicule from my peers. I see this pain and ridicule as a challenge � not as a challenge to retaliate, but like Mahatma Ghandi, a challenge to commit myself to non-violence, and to passively resist peer pressure. It is my way of challenging myself to not stoop to the level of those who play childish games of insults and put-downs. Not such a "stupid bull" after all.
Reminder of Personal Strength
As I have said before, pain and ridicule are inextricably linked with the septum piercing � it simply comes with the territory. Each time I have stretched the piercing, I feel as though I am being pierced again, agonisingly slowly, with ten times the pain. Out of the seven times it has been stretched, only once have I ever gotten it done by someone else. To stretch a septum is excruciating, and many times I have been halfway through, in pain-induced tears, on the verge of giving up, but have found the strength to persevere. Healing each stretch takes even more patience and willpower than the stretch itself. Each stretch, though insignificant to others, holds the pride I have at having the will to overcome physical pain to meet a goal. Emotional pain, too, comes with the territory. The aforementioned verbal attacks that I receive daily, as well as behind-the-back slander, are more hurtful than people know, or even bother to consider. My ability to let these insults roll off my back, instead of trying to get even, bears witness to my true emotional strength.
Verbal abuse is not the only thing that brings me emotional pain. My septum piercing constantly reminds me of different events in my life that I have had the strength to overcome. One of the most significant of these was a relationship that lasted over a year and a half, in which I underwent depression and emotional abuse. I finally found the courage to end it in the summer of 2005. The year that was to follow harboured the emotional and spiritual growth that enabled me to rediscover who I was. The summer of 2006, a year later, was when I got my piercing. Though I've said my septum represents being able to serve others with my gifts, it also reminds me that I am master of myself, and that I have the personal strength to persevere in adversity. So much more than simply "aesthetic".
One Last Look
My septum piercing is the most meaningful and richly symbolic piercing I have. It testifies to what I strive for in my faith, the virtues that I live by, and the personal strength I have to overcome all. It is simply not fair to write it off as a "mutilation" or a subject for reproach, and it is not some strange metal entity in my body. It has become a part of me that goes beyond being simply skin deep, but an extension of myself and what I hold true to me. It goes past trying to be different or "looking like a stupid bull".
The greatest message is to think before you speak, and this goes out to all those who would attack the dignity of a person based on appearance alone. A piercing, tattoo, certain hairstyle, way of dress or ethnic background will not make someone a "bad" person, or make them any less deserving of the respect that all people deserve. Don't get me wrong � I know that some people, even after reading this, will still judge on face value, as people always have and always will. Body modification will always have a certain stigma, and some people will never completely be able to get over making unfounded blanket statements, based only on what they see. But when I remember all that my piercing symbolises and represents, I can cast aside all these external judgements to remember who I truly am, and what my piercing means to me.
And I smile.