Fun Mail, Part 10

You asked for it, so here's another installment!

I feel a little guilty about the first two, half of me thinks that I'm making fun of non-English speakers... but it sure is funny.

Subject: myself as a lover

i am love and as a creature of love i need sex, and i need it to survive. i accept all those that have not ever been sexed over before, i have an amputee for a lover, and a intense love for the weird. i need to know some of you people, and i want to be on the list, i want to find out if what i will do is worth it, i want to amputate, i love my lover, she tells me to amputate my penis, after all i have enough with my anus, i need to know. i need to see. i need to ultrasexmachine.

Subject: Connection

Kind day! You disturbs Stanislav. I live in Russia, in Saint-Petersburg. Casually has got on yours site. Very much has become interested in him (it).

Tattoos

People are always asking me to send them pictures to get tattooed on them. Following are a couple examples:

hi... I am thinking of getting a tattoo of Blue the Blues Clues dog. I would like to have one done on my lower back, with the dog laying down and her tounge hanging out. If you have a picture like this, please e mail it to me i would like to see how it looks.

DEAR TATTOO ARTIST- Iam interested in getting a tattoo on my lower back. However, Iam very cautions of the quality of the design Iam choosing. would you be able to help me in designing a pair of cat's eyes. i got this idea from the movie "Assasins", staring Antonio Bandaras and Sylvester Stallone. Are you familiar with this movie? I want the eyes to be very realistic and feline looking. This will be my first and only tattoo on my body!! Could you be of any assistance to me. I can be reached at 908-730-****, or if you e-mail me back please address it to attn: Stacey in the subject. I live in Northern New Jersey and would like to see some of your work.

If you saw the movie, the character named Curve had a tattoo on his chest/stomach that resembled 2 demons fighting in the shape of a crow... Do you have a picture of that, or do you know where I can get a copy?

do you have any chinese legend animal tatoo?

can you send me a picture of a rose or a butterfly thanks

Those questions aren't particulary stupid, just a bit misguided. I don't know if I'm hoping too much, but the following question really surprised me. It's like asking "how much does a vacation cost?"

Subject: Question....

I have a question.....How much do tattoos cost? I want to get one....a little one. I would just like to know a price range, you know. Does the place where I get it matter in the price? Thankyou so much. Bye. Lover

Maybe it's because people think that I'm a tattoo studio. This next person really thinks I'm a studio!

Subject: Appointment

I just got done checking out the site... very cool! I was in your shop in May (you did an Onch on my back), it turned out great, I really dig it. I made an appt for 6/18 for you a new piece, but I'm low on funds (wisdom teeth are getting pulled), Can I re-schedule for September?

And this guy wants me to hire him (I think):

From: Pablo Subject: tats

i recently colored my brother pj and nephew roger and fernando. i hope to pro soon. call me at 210~932~**** or mail me back.

SPAM

Like everyone, I get spam. Probably more than most, because my email address is so public. I received mail from "Jeremy Kates" advertising his hosting service, and letting me know that if I was unhappy with my current hosting he'd host me -- note that this was bulk mail, and not directed at me. I emailed abuse@ his provider, like I do with all spam. A few days later I got mail from him asking me to email his provider and tell them that I had made a mistake in emailing them! I told him that, no, I wouldn't, because he HAD sent me spam. I received the following, which was also forwarded to his provider:

From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Fwd: spam

Thats fine. If that is the way you see it. I don't need an apology from someone as close minded as yourself. I got 100's of my best customers from doing the same, and will continue to do it. No one else has ever complained. No Shannon you have a need to get those sick tattoos off peoples bodies. I would not host that site anyway. Scarification? Are you kidding me? Your slandering my morals about spam?

I also got the following spam (I think) -- sent from a public access terminal at a library:

Subject: Muder Inc. Returns

Greetings and salutations from The New Improved Murder Inc. bitch. We know where you live. We know where your family lives. One will surely die soon bitch. Love and kisses from "Your Friend" at Murder Inc. Burydablade. :) (: :) (: Killya Later!!

Is it ART?

From: [email protected] Subject: bme art

I am totally shocked and dismayed and angered,you would allow an art pic of a man with a gun in his mouth or an arm pushed into a meat grinder. I am filled with disapointment in you allowing such awful representations of the worst of humanity. I've experienced and seen enough man's inhumanity to man and man's inhumanity to himself and those pics have gone too far.

I replied that art was not just about flowers and bunnies...

Wake up Shannon, that is not Art! Hey would you like to put your hand in a meat grinder? If an intruder broke into you living quarters and put a gun in you mouth, would that be ART? Why even think or visualize life events in those terms? I don't mean this comment to be mean spirited, but why don't you just show the frame of the Mcgruder film when Kennedy got his brains shot out? That's just real graphic. Why don't you show the clips of Vietnam with our guys being gut shot and put in body bags. Why don't you revisit Waco, where the religious zealots plugged themselves and took everyone with them in a funeral pire of flames? What about Okla. city??? And now its Denver, with kids blowing kids away with an automatic weapon. How could you even suggest the event of a gun in the mouth?Life is special. YOU should make it Special Too! There is too much copy cat stuff going on to promote such violent content.Hey those pics are not art!

BME/World

BME/World is a server that provides free accounts for people who are looking for a site that will host their content that is unacceptable to Geocities, etc. -- because of the costs involved, BME/World only accepts members who are body modification affiliated. However, people apply for non-bod-mod sites all the time anyway.

Subject: BME/World Membership Application

Long comment: I belive that you are very nosy, but I will tell you why I require a web page. It is really quite simple. I want to promote my business and others related to mine. It is a non-profit organization that specializes in resurch and development of compter related issues. I have tried Geocities and Tripod but their member pages are cluttered with unwanted ads. If you decide to turn my request down, I would like you to email me and give me the reason. Thank you.

I replied to him that if he went back and read the signup page it would become quite apparent why his application had been denied:

From: "Adam West" <[email protected]>

What kind of reason is that? Are you some kind of ass hole gay mother fucker? Beware, you have angered LowD

You're SICK

I didn't used to get these very much, but as BME/extreme and BME/HARD grow into much larger sites, I get them more and more.

From: Timothy McGuinness <[email protected]> Subject: you have become boring.

i just viewed your celt site. please stop being so lame.... the world is looking for heroes. your site doesn't ask for heroes, but rather asks for victims. and modcom, or is it modcon, i really did not look closely enough, holds no interest to the true believers. you can e@mail me if you can decipher my e@mail moniker. good night

From: Timothy McGuinness <[email protected]> Subject: your lazy habits

you are lazy. you complain that you did not have enough time to meet your deadline. tough. next time, if you want to dazzle me, don't ask me to pay. ps. i am not even thinking about a body mod until i figure out my soul-mod. think about it

From: "Johnny" <[email protected]>

You are the fuckin SICKO!!!

From: S N <[email protected]> Subject: why?

I think that what the people do on your page is really disgusting and I'm wondering why they would do things like that to themselves (specifically the castrations and the various penis torturing exercises)... Are they getting paid to do it or are they insane? Please help me to understand why they do it. Thank you.

From: Mary Marchette <[email protected]> Subject: What the fuck???

Is this shit for REAL??? If so, you got my $$$....

From: "Josh SmiLEs" <[email protected]> Subject: hi

i was looking at the modcon page. that shit is nasty! why do you have your tongue slit? i have my tongue pierced as you know but thats the most id do. why do guys have their penis cut open? mine is screaming thinking about it. i think all that very heavy modification is incredibly stupid. please write back! josh (pierced not cut up)

From: "James"

why would I want my low hanging big balls to be cut off by anyone they make me so horny and want to come every day even in submission

Stupid Questions

If you're going to ask a question, please first think about it and see if common sense answers it. Then, make sure your question isn't answered on the page already. Finally, do your best to word it in a way that doesn't make you appear deranged. I get the feeling some people email me questions mostly because they're looking for a friend!

Subject: me again

What is a eunich?.Why do they get that done and subcision?.do they benefit.

Subject: Male Ear Piercing - Left vs Right Side

Can you tell me which side ear (left or right) men usually have pierced? Is it right side that means you're gay, or have I been misinformed ? I'm thinking about getting a piercing but don't want to have the wrong one done.

Answer: Unless you're living in the early 80's or before, I can't imagine it making any difference!

Subject: is there a way i could!!

HI MY NAME IS GRECCO I'AM 13 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT GETTING MY TOUNGE PIERCED FOR A yEAR NOW AND I WAS WONDERING IF THERE IS A WAY THE GUY COULD MISS AND HIT A NERVE WICH MAKES ME SWALLO MY TOUNGE MY FRIEND SAYS THIS IS TRUE THANKS FOR the hELp

Answer: Not unless they uses a nail-gun to do the piercing.

Subject: Naval Piercing

...There is just one area of naval piercing that I am still confused about. After the healing period, will I beable to remove the naval ring or bar from my stomach and change the jewelry. I have heard that this is possible and I have also heard that you have to get the naval ring surgically removed inorder to take it out. What is the deal? Thanx for your time.

Answer: Seriously, can you imagine a world where all piercing had to be removed by a surgeon?!?! Oh, and it's spelled NAVEL (with an "E").

Subject: I Have a question...

Don't laugh, I have a question. How do you pee when you have a Prince's wand? Matter of fact, how do you pee when you have most of the male piercings? I assume they go through the uretha, wouldn't that block the flow?

Subject: Re: help

>>hi I just got my tongue pierced a day ago. is puss normal >>on the first day????? please help me. >Puss is NOT normal, but it's probably just plaque. I don't know if it's puss or what it's white and sticky. if it is puss what should i do cause i did not get mine done in a parlor? The swelling went down and there is no more pain it's day 3 of having it pierced. Could it be that i have a 14 gauge, and it's 2 inches long, could that be irritating it?

A TWO INCH BARBELL? MY GOD!!!

Send me free stuff!

(The most common type of email I get).

Subject: excited

I'm a big fan of BME/HARD and was wondering if you could send me some pics of your choice(i'm bi so anything goes) Thanx swetty

Subject: sure, send some pics

Sure send some pics, thanks...

Subject: membership please

Hi. we are seniors in a military Boarding school in florida. we resonly discovered DME while we were looking for piercings. Sense we are graduating May 30. we where wondering if we are, or if it is possible to get a free membership just for one week.

any infoabout incarceration in crypts.

A variation on the free-stuff emails is people sending me photos FROM BME and claiming that they are their own piercings!

Dear Shannon, Thanks for the mail This is a recent pic of my clit piercing,if this is acceptable for our membership we will send more contributions Kind regards Dand S

One of the sample pictures from the female piercing gallery was attached. Same thing on the message below -- but they replied when I told them not to bother sending me my own images.

Subject: can I get a membership now? From: "mactep" <[email protected]>

your mamma is Idiot, so as your father, which makes you fucking bitch

Generally Odd Emails

If you click on an email button, you can CLOSE the window. You don't have to send a message:

From: ***@webtv.net

Got here by accadend Please do not e mail me Janet

Subject: cant find the harleys

i have been given this address to look at some motorcycle pictures (harley davidsons) what is the correct address because this did not work. http://www.bme.freeq.com/tattoo/980715/high/jakela.jpg please answer at ***@aol.com

This next person's credit card failed authorization -- their bank denied the charge. I can't imagine what I would have to gain by not charging a card!

From: ***@aol.com Subject: decline

i have never been declined for any purchase i hafe made - is this some sort of scam - there is something wrong here-

Finally, I think this next person was trying to get their message posted here. I'll indulge them:

From: [email protected] Subject: hee hee

i am sending mail to the piercing people.... ummmmm....yes.... i want piercings? can you send me some? like piercings.... not pictures... oh, wait.. yeah ummmm..... bye... me i think some people are eitehr really stupid or completely insane.... like people that say stupid things and do stupid things... not people that get their bodies modified... they are the sanest of all... maybe...