You keep asking for it, so here it is again. Some of the funniest and strangest letters to the editor I've gotten over the last month.
You're Sick
From: [email protected] This web site is the grossest I have ever seen. Iclooked all the way through it and everything made me want to puke. Where oh where do you find these people? Anyhow I think it is a least worth a little knowing that you make alot of money from these demented low life sick individuals.
Thank You
Violeta
however I kinda enjoyed being compleatly disgusted
From: "Lawlors Property Services" <[email protected]> You r all a bunch of fucking weirdo's!
From: Lethargic Butcher <[email protected]> Hey guy! Don't you know that:
NO BALLS NO GLORY!!!!We're four french people in front of our Macintosh, and we can't help thinking that you're absolutly stupid!!! Sex is the only sane thing in our sick world, and if there is something that should'nt be cutted, it's cock, he he!
So guy, go fuck yourself with your cutted penis, if you can, and think about it: why don't cut also your anus, it would also be fuckin good!
Sam
Fran�ois
William
Pat
From: [email protected] you are sick. I think that someone should cut off your balls.
From: "AMMI" <[email protected]> SOME ONES GONNA GET WHACKED
From: [email protected] You sound like a sick freak!!!!! I sincerely hope that you stay away from women and children!!!! In particular my children.
Hey buddy!!! I did not have a movie made about me[Silence of the Lambs].Perhaps in your basement you have a few skinned female torsos. Fruity-booty!!!!!
You sir are a fruitcake.I would like to take this time to respectfully request that you stay away from women and children,since one never knows what you might do!!!Hell,you do not even know what you might do!!!!!SHEESH!! Thank-you.
"Pick-Up" Emails (I think)
From: "Don C Mammarello" <[email protected]>
Subject: love to do the jobHello Tommie, Don here . I'm a Italian American who will make you feel small while I'm with your wife or girlfriend, write me [email protected]
From: [email protected] HI MY NAME IS CASSANDRA IM A 28 YEAR OLD WOMEN HISPANIC I LIVE IN MIAMI N ALL I REALLY ANT 2 SAY IS THAT I HAVE THE SAME IN TRESY ASS U N IF U WOULD LIKE 2 TALK 2 ME IN THE FUTUTE E MAIL ME PLEASE AT [email protected] GET BACK 2 ME PLEASE
From: "steve jarvis" <[email protected]> ha babby you want to fucf or just get your pussy licked
From: [email protected] HEY SHANNON, I REALLY WANT TO FUCK YOU BAD E-MAIL ME BACK WITH YOUR ANSWER PLEAS
HEY SHANNON R U A FOXY BABE
I'm not a tattoo studio DAMMIT.
From: Carmelo How much was that Jesus fish tatoo going for???
From: AngelZero could yuo please send me pics of dragon fly tattoos? it would be greatlly appriciated. thanx
From: Faery it would be great if you'd be able to send me few photos of samoa's tatoo, especially of buttocks...thanks a lot
Funny Questions
I actually get most of these a lot -- so maybe they're not dumb questions, but once you've been into this for a while, it sure is funny.
From: Vanessa Hi! I wanna to know if a tatto can only last 4 years, because a friend of mine did one and the person who did it told her taht it was a temporary tatto (for 4 years). is it true? please anwser me! thanks U I've answered this a million times -- there is no such thing as a temporary tattoo. Doing it "shallow" won't make it last just a few years. The only temporary tattoo is the one that's done so badly that after four years of saving money you have it laser removed. If a friend tells you about these tattoos, kick them in the butt. If a tattoo artist tells you, report them.
From: Mr. X i want to do y own tattoo . i wanna make one for bout 30 buks i used to make tattoo machines and give tattoos with em. they do good work. its bee a while so i was looking to see if theres any blueprints out there. thats all. im not paying over 30 buck for my tattoo. the one i want cost 250. and i wont pay it when i can do it myself. Making your own tattoo machine and/or doing your own tattoo is generally a really bad idea. Trust me, it'll look like it was done in jail. Consider the fact that a tattoo is an investment spread over life. A $250 tattoo works out to something like $0.01 per day -- surely getting quality work is worth that?
From: Tory I am so set on getting my first tattoo and i already know what i want. My boyfriend told me i should import the ink from Europe because then 5 years from now I can still have that done two weeks ago look.I was just wondering how I go about importing ink. At least this person wants the best. However, unlike chocolate, Europe doesn't make ink any better than anywhere else. Almost every tattoo studio in the world is using modern inks that should look good for a lifetime.
From: PEANUTBUTTER i want to find a book that teaches body piercing. Where can I get one? Piercing isn't really that complicated, but it's not something you can learn from a book. There are a few places offering excellent seminars to get you started (Fakir Musafar, Gotham, etc.), but even after that you need to be apprenticed. The easiest way to do this is getting to know the best piercers in your area, and letting them know what you want. Over time, your sincerity will become apparent, and with luck they'll decide to train you.
From: RAYMOND
Subject: PIERCED POPSTARSHI
IM LOOKING FOR PICTURES/TEXT FROM THE MUSIC DIRECTION
CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THIS??????
THE INFORMATION I NEED FOR MY EXAMOZ
MUCH APPRECIATED
Folks -- I answer a lot of email. If you have a question for me, please try and word it legibly so that I am able to answer me. (If you're wondering, this was a request for information on music celebrities and piercings).
From: Ken Please cancel the deduction of $16.95 for my subscription to the eunuch archive. My name is K*** ** ****. It was done on my American Express card. The last 5 digits are ****. If you are not the right person to help me with this, please let me know by return email. Thank you. Woah! This is an odd one. First of all the Eunuch Archive does not require a membership, and nowhere does it charge its readers -- it's totally free. OK, so maybe they're asking about BME/extreme...? No, $16.95 is not a number that BME would ever charge... So what are they subscribed to? I don't know, and neither do they. It's surprising how often I get emails like that -- especially online, you must be careful who you give your credit card number to, and who is charging it on a continual basis!
FREAK-OUT!
I received the following email:
Subject: bullshit for brains Hey where is my money for the photos of my back you unsolicious dog?????
Hey fuck head. eat shit you spineless piece of filth.
Where did you get the idea you had the right to print a picture of my back on your shit-ass website????
You consumate asshole.
You present yourself as if you are up front and have some genuine purpose in life, but you are nothing more than a dismal piece of shit, who should be skinned and sent to live with the dogs your mother was raised by.
Fuck you.
Why don't you wriete as public apology to all of the individuals who you are trying to take credit for their work when you didn't have the balls to ask if you could photograph them, let alone print them?
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!I had no idea who this person was, or what picture they were talking about. So, I politely replied to them asking them which picture was theirs, so that I could remove it and find out how it got online. The following reply was received.
Subject: Re: bullshit for brains Hey fuck head. YOU eat shit you spineless piece of filth.
Take all of them off until you have the consents. A far as I know there six which are not apporpiate. You and all of these other bastrds walk around taking photos as if it is up to you to take what you want and then set up 'rights to privacy nonsense' Take all of them off and get he right consents, not some mindless promise from a shit for brainsI replied that obviously I was not about to take the entire tattoo section offline because of his rants, and that if it was a convention photo that was taken by a BME representative (either Shawn Porter or Erik / SpiderGod) he would have been informed as to what the photo was for. Again, I asked him to tell me which photo was him. At about the same time I got a slightly more sane letter from someone sharing the same last name as him.
Subject: Just curious I was just wondering who some of the tattoos belonged to that are shown on your website. When you go to the 5th section and you view the 2nd and 3rd picture in the top row, I was just wondering what you records say those are..... Your website tells viewers like me to report copyright violations to this address and so that is what I am doing. I do not recall that you had the consent from this person to show their work on your website...and that would be illegal, if you didnt know that.
Just wondering what you plan to do about it and what will be done to correct this illegality and make things kosher and legal.
Ok, a little bit easier to handle -- however, they still didn't tell me which photos they meant, since there are lots of different tattoo sections. I then got another mail from the original person.
Subject: Re: bullshit for brains I am certain anyone you work with lives under a rock. Maybe I will get to visit withyou this weekend at the convention. Then you can show me your "CONSENTS'.
Goobye.And then he send me following message about forty times (I don't care, I have a cable modem):
Subject: piracy and dishonesty Thesearae the ones I want tyou to take off. They are not flash; no clown has ANY CONSENT , WRITTEN OR VERBAL; and you need to be honest and ethical. (picture URL finally specified)
Thnak you.
I am sincerly disapppointed in your operation.
It reeks of lies and dishonesty.HURRY, HURRY, HURRY!!!
These are the ones... Do it now........these are the ones. DO IT NOW.OK!! Now I knew who he was. The tattoos in question were photographed at Mad Hatter's by Shawn Porter. Not only had he informed the person where they were going and handed him a business card, but he'd also chatted with him about the tattoos! I removed the photos of him, but reminded him of the events that had transpired, hoping for an apology as the recollection occurred...
Subject: Yourself and S.Porter Sharron,
Please note:
Niether Shawn Porter nor you had any consent from me, written or verbal, to run photos on any internet website Additionally, neither Shawn nor you were open about the photos he took; or the purpose; or the reasoning behind his/your actions.; and you made no attempt to provide any recognition of th artists on your website
In the future, my work may appear in publications at some time. If it does, I am sure you will be reminded of what true ethics and consents are. Fortunately, these types of publications also allow the artist(s) to be acknowledged for what they do, and how they have changed over the years, both in skill, and in technique. Again, your method is void in these areas. I have had my tattoo work done by individuals in the tattoo world who are not only professional, but ACT IN A PROFESSIONAL MANNER.
Sadly, I can only conclude from your behavior and devious associations you have not risen to either this level of honesty or professionalism. Possibly you will come to understand honesty and ethics as a major part of living well, but until you do, please stay away from me, and my tattoos,and do not use my tattoos without genuuine, WRITTEN consent, not verbal referencews, or recollections someone named Shawn Porter.
If Mr. Porter can provide documenatation of my consent, I would love to see it (them). Knowingly, he can't. Also, I would never use the word 'whatever'. It pales me to think of it..
Please do not contact me again at this time in our correspondence.
Terminally yours.
Goddammit my name is SHANNON and I have provided you with documentation of that at least.
Damn AOL
I have two big complaints about AOL. First of all, they've recently instituted an image attachment system that is incompatible with anything other than AOL. Secondly, their "spam blocking" system means that half the time when I reply to a new user, I get the following back:
From: Mail Delivery Subsystem *** ATTENTION *** Your e-mail is being returned to you because there was a problem with its delivery. The AOL address which was undeliverable is listed in the section labeled: "----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----".
>>> RCPT To:<****@aol.com>
<<< 550 **** IS NOT ACCEPTING MAIL FROM THIS SENDERSo... If you have an AOL address, and you're not getting replies from me, maybe this is why.
It's not ALL real
While BME, and BME/extreme are all real, large parts of BME/HARD are just fantasy, and that includes mockup photos.
From: Dillan I suppose everyone has their own standards of what is OK and what is NOT OK. Clearly your interests are on the far far far extreme end of things. Personally, I don't even like to see tattoos or even pierced ears. Everyone has got to have their limits though. I was quite disturbed to see a 4 part picture with your BME logo on it of a guy with a sewn up crotch, severed penis on a paper plate, and penis then boiling away in a pot of water.
I don't want to debate whether or not the guy involved had that done voluntarily or whether it is part of a snuff film or whether the guy should be locked away in an asylum.
What concerns me is that by posting images like that, someone else might get inspired and copy that act or do something similar.
I suppose it could be compared to being circumcised (which I am), or to having an abortion, but to offer up such butchery done in someone's kitchen and cooking the removed tissue as some kind of macabre entertainment is going over the line.
Maybe you should seek out a psychiatrist or neurologist and get a cat scan or MRI (magnetic resonance image) of your brain. I myself have slightly abnormal bone structure and severely abnormal eyes. Maybe you have something wrong with your brain (tumor, disease, or other damage). By all reports, former President Reagan is now an incoherent zombie due to the degeneration of the neurons in his brain.
Since you are undergoing "surgical" procedures to make yourself different from everyone else, why not undergo a brain scan to be sure you aren't just a victim of a brain disorder?
I let him know that the picture that he was referring to was a fake. However, I did let him know that there were a number with analogous subjects that were real -- but that they did make the people in them happy, and who am I (or he) to question that?
mmm... this looked pretty REAL. you seem to be rational and intelligent... I've seen some pretty rough pics (people crapping in other people's mouths, people playing with severed head of ex husband and stuffing his other body parts in various poses). My main concern was that you don't go posting EVERYTHING that people send in. I suspect that some of the roughest stuff is actually sent in by law enforcement zealots who then turn around and nail you with the criminally extreme sicko stuff.
There are some limits you should look for.
Why should I look for limits?
I suppose the LIMITS to look for are things that are irreversible and likely to be regretted later and definitely things that involve involuntary actions. I'm sure you've heard of or seen the 3 minute full color full audio movie of a state legislator named "Bud" Dwyer who blew his brains out on live T.V. after being caught embezzling money. I knew a cop (who later stole several thousand dollars from me) who got that video and thought it was funny! I should have realized then that Mr. Cop was someone to avoid. To be concise, I'd suggest it would be a good idea to purge any pics that look like the subjects are possibly corpses or torture victims or seriously disturbed self-destructive people or anything that looks like cruelty was involved.
I can't imagine the benefits of inflating one's scrotum to the size of a basketball, or splitting one's penis in half, or bobbitting off one's testicles is. Maybe you should present these pictures with an explanation that certain acts are often regretted and are dangerous and may lead to infections, blood clots, death, etc.
Some of this stuff is reminiscent of Van Gogh chopping off his ear, or Indian women chopping off fingers as an expression of grief. Maybe you should remind people of the consequences of stuff like that. For instance, chopping off fingers makes it real tough to pick a nose. Maybe you could discourage people from making the same mistakes.
Good natured, but just doesn't get it...
Greedy, greedy, greedy
Subject: hi do you have some pict of men geting torture in there briefs. If so will you pless e mail me them at nhl04@aol thanks
From: Jack
Subject: titie percinghey i wont that pitcher folks. send to jason
Thanks, I like BME (I think)
From: WeCard wath do u got thats unusual and rare i ran into the jackpot here and i want some good stuff
From: Charles
Subject: Your WebsiteI was impressed by your writings. On a first reading I see a great deal of energy but seemingly so confused. Or perhaps that's what you seek to convey It's like finding treasure. I will read more.
Regards, Charlie.
Please put me in fun mail!
I swear, some people are just BEGGING to be put in this category...
From: [email protected] I would like to chop off my nuts, and get a cats head grafted on where my nuts used to be. That away when my girlfriend pets my dick it will purr. Do you think this is a good idea? I also yhave a friend who got his dick cought in a blender. Do you think that you can send him one of your spare dicks so he can be a man again?
Thanks all, keep sending me email!
[email protected]