Fun Mail
Part IV: The Customer is Always WRONG
YOU PEOPLE HAVE VERY SERIOUS PROBLEMS, YOU NEED ALOOOOT OF HELP, AND UR VERY SICK IN THE HEADIn the ancient past BME was only open to those who helped out by contributing photos or stories. About a year ago credit card payment was made an option, and with it came the lowest common denominator of viewer. I'll reprint a couple here! It's only something like 0.1% of customers that are unhappy, which is a very good record, but the ones that are upset make me wish it was the old days again where I only dealt with people who were "into it" firsthand.
It always amazes me that people have absolutely no idea what they've gotten for free and what they've paid for:
Here's another. This person was concerned that I had billed them $29.95 a few times and they didn't get a membership for it. It was of course not from BME, both the amount and company are different. This is a surprisingly common email, it's surprising that people don't know what they pay for.
Well, first of all, I joined this page yesterday for free, and tonight I had to pay 9.95 and then my server says the page doesn't exist. What's up?
My last creditcard bill showed that i payed 2*29,95 $ for internet billing co. for your company!
So what will we do?
1. The transaction failed and i don't used your services because i don't get any password, username or transaction number???
2. i will quit your services but it's not possible because i had no transaction number???
3. what about the payed 49,90$ ???
Waiting for answerThis next person is a bit of a nut. I have absolutely no idea WHAT they were talking about, since they had access to everything. But they sure were mad! I really don't know what other site they were expecting access to... Perhaps they thought getting a BME password would get them access to every adult site on the Internet. Occasionally people think crazy things like that! The other funny thing is this guy called me "Shawn" and "Shannon" all in one letter (and I think "Sharron" in another). If they can't remember my name from one paragraph to the next, I can't expect them to know what they've signed up for!
Shawn: I purchased a membership for which you were to give me Full Access to all sites. This membership you sold to me was restricted and DID NOT ALLOW access to all sites during the period that I paid for. You arbitrarily changed the passcode to another passcode which was EVEN MORE RESTRICTIVE to the sites in addition to the fact YOU said this was a GUEST SUBSCRIPTION when it was infact a paid subscription. Why and whom ARE YOU TRYING TO DECEIVE?
Now Shannon- the paper records and evidence by email IS ALL THERE...word for word what you said.
Oh, by the way.."Slander and Libel " laws do not apply WHERE THERE IS SUFFICIENT PROOF that WHAT I WILL SAY IS TRUE AND FACTUAL.
YOU have no idea of how upset I am with YOU in the way you have treated me.
Yours truly,
S.T.P.S. I can be very forgiving but 'only when the offense has been rectified and proper compensation made with the right attitude'. This would certainly please me if it should happen. Only YOU can decide what your going to do! At this VERY POINT in time, I have NOT disclosed this matter to anyone and perhaps If YOU wish to rectify this problem to MY satisfaction, then I would of course feel NO FURTHER NEED TO PROCEED FURTHER. So, again, it is entirely up to YOU Shawn..based on your actions YOU now take.
Sometimes people who I can only assume have beads of masturbatory sweat pouring down their forehead sign up for BME. Then when morning comes, they realize what they've done and write me claiming that they didn't actually sign up. They don't realize that the combination of IP tracking and the confidential data means that either they signed up, or someone broke into their house and signed up from their computer, using their ID! I get these all the time:
I don't know who you are; but I received the following email quoting this address for customer services/billing questions.
Please note that I have not authorized subscription to your services and if a charge is made, I will report the transaction to the relevant services.Because the credit card processing is done by a third party, I only have minimal control over it. When someone wants to cancel their account, I send them an email letting them know how to cancel by going to the OFS web page. That's what happened in this case, except the person didn't bother to read the email I sent them (I know it got to them because they forwarded it back with this reply!) and assumed I cancelled them. The funny thing is they sent this long before their card was due for rebilling.
Last September 29, 1998 I gave you instructions to cancel my membership immediately. A copy of that e-mail is attached. You received and acknowledged that cancellation.
YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY TO CONTINUE TO CHARGE MY CREDIT CARD. A copy of this e-mail and attachements will be forwarded to the Department of Consumer Affairs and the Federal Bureau of Investigation if corrective action on your part is not taken.This next psycho was upset that I was billing in US dollars, not Canadian dollars. The reason that I bill in US dollars is that there are no online credit card user management systems that bill in Canadian dollars. When I told him that, he went ballistic!
Please can your bogus explanations...you remind me of Clinton..like f off jerk!! I really fucking hate liars...I feel they are beneath me. So ...you are a liar and that is that!! You are simply making hay while the sunshines... you are getting on my nerves.....DO NOT ANSWER THIS LETTER!!!! OK Got it??? NO OK DO NOT ANSWER THIS LETTER Why don't you at least be decent enough to tell the truth and admit that you want to make a gain on the exchange by passing yourself off as a U.S. company? I find honest greed more palatible than outright fucking lying.
Ok, enough of that bitching. Now some funny stuff. It's amazing how many people read BME, but don't know what it is!
I would like to receive more info on body piercing and your location in Toronto, also how much time required before an appointment could be made?
what book stores carry your zine?? This person sent me a horrible picture of a woman sacrificed on a stake. The obviously had NO idea what BME is about...
Het there :-) I found this while surfin' the net. Although I realize this submission cannot be submitted as an original entry, I feel that the pic does warrant the qualities to be viewed here...Enjoy :-)
"I want free stuff" emails are always funny.
A more traditional free stuff email, desperate to masturbate as always:
hi there .. i was wondering what it would take just to recieve free membership without contributing anything .. My reply:
To get a free membership you have to contribute something!hmm .. well if i were to contribute something i would just feel like shit .. so .. forget your site ..
please send me email on female and male piercing to:
[email protected] & [email protected]
And now, my favorite. People take things WAY too seriously. The story they're talking about in this email is a FANTASY written about in the Eunuch Archive.
Dear Parents of Greg, As a Christian and follower of Christ, I found your story very disturbing. I have studied college level theology for a number of years and I was shocked by 'your' decision to have your son, Greg, castrated. As a God Fearing Man, I do agree 100% that what your son did to the little girl was wrong. However, teenagers are still children, and they don't fully understand the new and confusing sexual feelings and curiosities which are taking place during puberty. From an Old Testament standpoint, perhaps an 'angry God' would have demanded 'an eye for an eye.' But glory be to God that he sent his son, Jesus, in order for us to learn about and practice forgiveness, compassion, and love. There are no greater gifts which we can give our young people than forgiveness, compassion and love. By no stretch of the imagination can we or should we judge our young people by adult standards. This is not appropriate in any situation.
I take to issue the following quote from your internet story:
"We found out that the operation is quick and painless".....
For who? For you because it had to be 'his decision?' How convenient to wipe the blood from your hands! How could you tell him that "it wouldn't be painful at all?" Physical pain and emotional/mental pain are not the same and should not be confused. No child, whether 10 or 17, should be made to make such a life altering decision such as castration. It is impossible for your son or any other child to fully understand the ramifications of such an operation. Futhermore, it is a total cop-out on your parts as parents. Did you ever read the story of Abraham and Sara in the Old Testament? They were so fortunate and grateful to have a son that they offered him (Isaac) as a sacrifice to God. Was it necessary for 'you' to sacrifice your son's testicles, sex life, and chance to have a loving family of his own some day -- just so you didn't have to be responsible parents? Did you ever talk to your son about sex? About puberty? I feel sorry for Greg. I truly do. Someday he will see other men enjoying their families, having a fulfilling sex life, and seeing their reflection through their children's eyes -- only to look back upon a foolish and selfish mistake 'made by their parents' when he was too young to fully understand and resist their ultra-synical views and values. As for the doctor who performed the operation, I hope he spends the money he made on the operationon on an air conditioner, because he's going to need one where he ends up.....hell. What you and the good doctor did paralells the events which took place at Auschwitz and other Nazi concentration camps during the Second World War. May God forgive you and have mercy on your souls.
I welcome your reply.
Lansing, Michigan
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