Fun and/or Dumb!

The Punchline This probably rates as the all-time stupidest letterr I've received to date: Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1998 From: Mike Sigler       <[email protected]> Subject: Use of term ToothArt Dear Sirs, I have noted your use of the term "Tooth Art" in connection with your web site. The use of this phrase is reserved for the use of our company, ToothArt, Inc. and is protected by by a U.S. Trademark issued in 1998. Please cease immediately, or I will have my attorney take action. Sincerely, Michael Sigler, DDS, Treasurer ToothArt, Inc. Outside of the obvious absurdity of trying to claim international rights to a common term (why don't I trademark "Body Art"?), I have used this term on BME for years before their company existed, as have several other companies, museums, scrimshaw dealers, etc.!!!

It's funny -- when BME first started it took a year and a half for me to get enough strange mail to put together one of these. It seems that now I can build one every month, what with the popularity of BME and the propegation of the Net via WebTV and AOL. This is only a very small percentage of these...

I'll start with a bizarre email conversation I had with [email protected] ("Cindy Black"). I received:

ARE you male or female shannon?

My reply was a simple single line -- I really don't feel that it's relevant, and certainly anyone who spends any time on BME is perfectly aware of my gender and identity:

Yes, i AM
    Shannon

The flurry of six responses I got was truly bizarre, and showed me that I was dealing with a deeply deranged individual:

Shannon why so evasive? I am full blooded male. STRAIGHT male just asking for future reference. show me your tatt's I'll show you mine. IT"S YOUR MOVE SHANNNON!.

come on Shannon it's your call no TITS no BALLS what? I use my girlfriends email address...
lay your cards down!

Shannon tell me is there anyone left ! that belive in respect . loyalty. honor. friends forever ! no matter what!
Sincerely Craig M

Yes you are what?

SILENCE ! bullshitt shannon .

come clean shannon?

Wow... Here's a few strange ones that I got, you try and decode them -- I certainly haven't been able to figure out exactly what they mean.

From: [email protected]
Subject: (no subject)
WHAT ABOUT HELMET?

From: "orbo"
Dudde yor webpagis rock!
I wana be like you SATAN
when I get oldr
    love orbo

From: "Hoyte Fowler" <[email protected]>
Subject: cunts
(no message)

From: [email protected] (Jeffrey Fishel)
Subject: penis
my cock is very peirced andhard.

Here's a funny question I got. I just assumed the person was joking, since the answer seems so obvious (I know it's a stereotype, but that's what you get with AOL):

From: [email protected]
Subject: ??
if you have a tongue ring can you kiss someone who has one too....or will something happen where it would like get attached to theirs??

My response was essentially -- "think about it" -- assuming that the person would realize that there is no way that two tongue barbells can possibly get stuck together. They responed:

From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: ??
so in other words...yes?

Oh... My... God...!

It always amazes me that people sign up (which I can confirm by IP tracking), and then freak out and pretend that they didn't just to try and get their money back -- If you want to spend the night masturbating over piercing pictures, at least have the decency to not try and deny it in the morning:

I do not have a subscription to your trash. Don't you ever email me again about this crap.
If a charge shows up for this on my credit card it will be because someone stole it from a safe harbor and you will be in deep trouble.
I am reporting you to the national credit card fraud centerfor online service abuse.

Similarly, the following person signed up in the past for a BME/world account. When I emailed them to let them know that the server had moved and they'd have to check their mail differently, I got the following response:

Remove me from your email list you arsehole.

ACK!!! One of the ideas that BME is built around is that all body modifications are to some extent the same. However, some readers don't quite understand this (yet?) and are as prejudiced against others heavier mods as the unmodded are toward them.

Sender: Janet <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Pic
Saw a pic you posted in User Groups, Pictures, Body Art. I saw it in Aol. Like to talk to him. I think the file name was snpshot. The bottom of his penis was sliced open. Can't believe he mutilated himself like that. Like to know if he's married or a homo. Why he did it.

Mutilated? Married or a homo? As I said before: Oh... My... God...! The following mail falls into the "fun" category. I got a good laugh out of it:

From: (a new reader)
Subject: navel project
I have a strange girlfriend. She's 16 and wants a navel ring. [snip]

No... You have a normal girlfriend!!!

Dumb mail is never complete without the sleazebags:

From: [email protected] (kevin brown)
Subject: i love the steel
I am into the whole erotic female piercing thing. Could you send me some hard core pics of womens steel

Subject: Information
Have you photos of female infibulation?
If is it possible you can send me one or two explicits photos?
Thank

Later all, I'm sure you'll see this again soon! Keep the mail coming!