Most of the mail that I get is pretty much what you'd expect. People asking for various advices, submitting articles and pictures, etc... But I also get some "other stuff". Some of it is angry, some of it is stupid, and some of it is just confusing... The only thing that seems to universally identify them is their inability to spell or form a sentence.

This first letter is from an AOL user (yeah, I know...). Outside of fitting the stereotype of not understanding how the CAPS LOCK key works, he's yet another that thinks that his $19.95 to AOL pays for the Internet. It costs many thousands of dollars a month to pay for BME's bandwidth and server, and EXTREME and HARD pay for all of that. It's strange that people don't expect print magazines for free, but do expect online ones for free. There's a lot of good information online, on every subject, but sometimes one does have to help out to access it.

From: [email protected]
Subject: tHIS

iS BULLSHIT
yOUR PAGE USED TO BE ALOT BETTER WHEN IT WAS FREE TO LOOK AT ANY OF THE PIERCINGS
yOU'VE LOWERED BODY ALTERATIONS TO THE LEVEL OF A CHEAP PORNO PAGE
gET A LIFE EVERYTHIGN ISN'T ABOUT MONEY OR GETTING ANOTHER PIC FROM SOMEONE BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM ACCESS TO THE "EXTREME" STUFF
mOST WOULD PROBABLY GLADLY CONTRIBUTE WITHOUT BEING BROWBEATEN INTO IT
gET A LIFE

Sometimes letters just make me smile. I don't know if this next one is a joke or not, but I did enjoy it:

From: J K
Subject: [email protected]

Dear [email protected],
Do you know of anyone or anyplace or any books that I can dig into, to do research on HOW TO MAKE FUNNY FACES in real life?? I am doing research for a boss that wants to learn how to do weird facial contortions.

Dunno about this angry person. Not quite sure what they mean, but they sure can't spell!

From: adam <[email protected]>
Subject: the 20 yo momma owes me bitch

eat up on the unholy you peodaphile

Here's a scarier-than-thou person. And I'm sure they've got a real big dick. Too bad they've got trouble with grammer.

From: june young <[email protected]>
Subject: your page

what, are you 15, this is the worst collection of shit, i've had better stuff covered up and will tell no one about your lame pages,unless it's a joke. have you no pride. and i am 32, 11 tatts, 15 piercings, and a branding and yes i know what i'm talking about. have you seen darkimages.com that "scary" and real.

Rock-n-roll, dude!

I've got to admit that I got a laugh from the next one. You'll see when you read the last sentance. If anyone can figure out how to reply without necessitating the need for reading, be my guest!

From: Bob Moutzikoglou <[email protected]>
Subject: Pain?

I was wonmdering. I don't really care to know why these people wanted to do this to themselves (personally I wouldn't mind sewing a horses cock between my legs. Jerking off would be a lot more fun.) but what about the pain? How do they overcome the pain without going to sleep? and where did that guy get a second cock? Tell me in short, brief answers. I'm too lazy to read.

No big surprise that this next one came from a Christian source?

From: "Lutheran High School" <[email protected]>
Subject: assnut

this shit is gay

This next one is of course a joke, but I almost peed myself when I got it:

Subject: dog-bite penectomy

This isn't really what you're after in terms of motive, but I recently got a penectomy from my dog. YES, IT'S EVERY BIT AS RIDICULOUS AS IT SOUNDS. I was throat fucking my greyhound, who is usually not completely opposed, when I guess I got a little too deep because the next thing you know she gagged real hard and bit down on me with unbelievable force. The bleeding has stopped now, and though I'm not really happy about it, I suppose it's God's way of showing me just how sick I am. Thanks for listening.

It's funny. People send mail, and in the text they claim to be someone else, and don't figure out that there's a reply address. I guess it goes along with typing in all caps:

From: Kastelic Andrej <[email protected]>
Subject: RE MY NO COCK

MY NAME IS METOD TROBEC I AM IN THE PREASON RIGHT NOW BECAUCE SCREWING AND KILLING FEW PERSONS .I HAVE TO FINISH BECAUSE THEY CAME FOR ME.I HAD A CHANCE TO MAIL CAUSE I AM AT THE PREASONS HOSPITAL . I CUT OFF MY DICK THE OTHER DAY. I LIKE IT.

VECNO Z VAMI METOD

You can never go wrong with AOL:

From: AMGINE123 <[email protected]>
Subject: rules

did you change the rules? i made some nominations so you changed the rules!your a bunch of faggots, punks &body modification, maple syrup sucking, jerkoffs!!!
thanks,
carlo

p.s. your mother is moose cock sucking mountie

At least they seem to know about Canada.

Other people just don't seem to get it. Of course, they're pretty sure that they do, and are more than willing to prove it. "I've got more piercings than you." "I've been doing this longer than you." Again, "my dick is bigger than yours."

From: [email protected]
Subject: love letter

Hi shannon,
The art of piercing is not new and do not make a claim for it.Don't give the crap that you have found new form of art in piercing.The Indians have been involved since the early beginning civilisation.You guys should stop claiming in having to find new ways in expression body art such as kavadi. I have been involved in this form of ritual since childhood.The is a difference between ritual and art making.If you guys don't understand the langauge.Stop making fool of yourselfs.

Well, I don't understand the language, but I think it's primarily because of the total inability to form a coherant sentence!

Finally, this last person (who I didn't know) sent me an EXE file, and naturally I responded that I couldn't run an emailed EXE file for obvious security reasons. Even with Norton AV or other product, not even close to a majority of viruses can be detected. Judging by their response, I guess its good that I was careful. Not that it was a virus -- more that they were a psycho!

From: "Michael Anderson" <[email protected]
Subject: Re: membership submission

Dear Shannon:

Well, you're perfectly right to do so of course. After all, I just searched live virus sites until I found one that my Norton AV didn't react to, then passed it on to you, you sick, twisted, pathological little motherfucker. Do us all a favour and smoke a pistol, and the same to all your alien species.

yer pal - Mike.

Keep those letters coming! They liven up my otherwise dull day.

Shannon
[email protected]

PS. Most of the mail I get is really nice though. This stuff is the exception...