More Fun Email!

Send me free stuff! Me too!

Anyone who's been around the net for a while has probably seen the "me too" email lists of people asking for free pornography in the various newsgroups. I get huge amounts of mail from people asking for me to send them various free items -- even though 99% of the time these items are available for free if they just go to the effort of browsing the BME web page!

From: ***@aol.com could u send me the pictures From: "firdaus masta" ***@hotmail.com Subject: ask 1.where can i get free movie of big clit. From: ***@webtv.net send me stuff From: ***@bfeurope.com Subject: Free JAZZ request! I have been given your address as I have been told you can excite me in the way nobody else can! Please send me some video's (samples) From: ***@aol.com Subject: about your site hi i am facinated with body piercing and modification. I was just wondering if you guys hade a magazine or a catalog you could send me, i would be more than likely to give you my mailing address. Please respond. From: ***@webtv.net send me any new pics of piercings if u can thanx. From: ***@microtec.net Subject: Membership. Dear Sharron, My name is Nicolas and I would like to have a BME membership, could you send me one at ***@microtec.net ? Thanx! From: ***@aol.com Subject: need good pictures hey bro would you please send me the nastiest castration photo you have? please From: ***@freeserve.co.uk Subject: nipple pain i would like to see nipple enjoyment From: ***@mtinter.net i liked your web page better a week ago because i did not have to have a password but now i do, so thanks a lot gotta go From: ***@aol.com Subject: please send me your [email protected] (no message body) From: ***@aol.com hi pleas send me info's over piercing's incl. Pic's !!! From: ***@aol.com Subject: what I was looking for a piercing web site

Some notes: First, calling me Sharron is not going to get you a free membership -- if you want one, help out! Second, BME's password configuration hasn't changed in years. Third, if you want stuff, work for it. It's there for the taking. Finally, to the last one: huh??? By the way, notice the prominence of AOL?

Error! Error!

A lot of people email me telling me about things in the page that don't work right, or access problems, and things like that. I admit that there are plenty of things that don't work perfectly -- it's to be expected with a page this big (tens of thousands of files) -- however, overall it works pretty well.

From: ***@aol.com Subject: error hi !! whats teh problem ?? i can't visit your homepage . From: ***@aol.com Subject: hey whats up? I was looking for tattoos of dragons..and the web pointed me in your direction. I got here but nothing was up. If your having trouble setting up a page, I might be able to help. I actaully am trying to start doing them for people professionally. From: ***@bmi.net hey man your page is fucked up i just wanted to tell u that so other pepole can see your work. From: ***@aol.com Subject: hi hi i want to look at pictures but this sides not exist can you write me back and give a pair of adresses for piercing pictures?? thank you From: ***@gbc.edu Subject: Philnews.com I have been trying to get information from this site for over a month now with hardly any success. Please, could you tell me when the construction isgoing to be finished so i can resume my studies. http://www.bme.freeq.com/pierce/09-male/ampal-5.jpg is the exact location that I'm trying to locate.

Alright. Responses in order: (1) If you can't spell "the", I suspect that you're mistyping a URL. (2) If you aspire to be a professional, I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding the URL for dragon tattoos. It's not that hard! (3) I have never understood how people can find my email address, but don't clue in that they will see piercing pictures if they click on "PIERCING" on the opening page. (4) This is the problem with old indexes in search engines -- they point at files that don't exist. What amazes me is that people often don't figure out to just use BME's indexes instead!!!

You're SICK!

I actually get very few of these. But they do come. Sometimes it's an overt insult, sometimes it's a threat, and often it's a misguided "I'm open minded, but this is too much!"

From: ***@erols.com absolutely fucking gross - u need HELP From: ***@home.com It's one thing to be into bizarre shit, thats fine. It's another to put it on the net (nothing new there). It's another to post all kinds of free shit that the public can get at (not fine). Do the responsible thing, make your site pay only, keep this shit away from the public and teenaged kids. I'm into free speech and all that. I also think you have the right to put whatever you want on your site. But I do think you have a responsibility to make it a lot less accessable. From: ***@aol.com Subject: FREEQ REQUESTING ALL OF THIS NASTY LOOKING SHIT From: ***@webtv.net (Walter K***) Thank You - A friend was saying he wanted to get his *****pierced, after seeing this I`m sure he`ll change his mind. -Scott From: [email protected] you are a sick fucking individual

Dumb Questions and Comments?

From: ***@pris.bc.ca Subject: I'm not sure I'm not sure that it is safe to send money to you because there are alot of scams going arond. However I realy like your stuf and I would like to see more so if there is any way yoy can reasure me I would be greatful. Tomorow I am thinking of getting my nipple pearsed. so please email me because I love your site. I also have alot of freinds wanting member ships so if it works for me you will get alot of buisnes.

Ok. Yes, it's a good idea to be careful on the Internet. But -- being suspicious of BME is like being suspicious of Amazon.com!!!! I've been around a long time and have a lot of happy members. However, all the nipple piercing stuff is free, so you don't even need a membership. Oh, and what's the last part? A bribe???

From: ***@cyberus.ca Subject: Improvements to Web site I find that most of the images have poor resolution. Not sure if you have plans to improve in this area or to make better resolution available only to a "higher grade" membership.

Um.... First BME has some of the highest resolution images around. Most of what gets sent I don't accept for this reason. Perhaps you haven't realized -- the little images you're looking at are thumbnails. Click on them to get a full size version!

From: ***@hotmail.com Subject: membership wanted desperately Please shannon can you supply me with a user name and passowrd fo bme extreme. I am very interested in extreme modification and have had some experience with it. I have sent you my story. THE BICYCLE ACCIDENT I was riding my road racing bike down ... [snip]

I'm not totally clueless. If you send me an experience copied off of the Eunuch Archive I'm going to know you didn't write it! Same goes for things copied off of BME and other sites as well. Lies do NOT get a membership!

From: ***@usa.net Subject: my but tattoo i am sending you a photo of my but tattoo please give me a free membership to bme hard my e-mail is ***@usa.net thanks in advance Jane

First of all, it's easy to recognize when something is scanned from a magazine, so don't bother scanning something out of a tattoo magazine and trying to tell me it's your photo. If it's yours, you'd scan the original. But this one above boggled my mind. It's one thing being stupid enough to scan something out of a magazine, but (1) at least pick a decent tattoo, and (2) don't scan the edge of the magazine so I can tell where you got it!!!

From: ***@aol.com Subject: navel piercing I was wondering if there is any risk of a navel piercing ruining my chances of having children? Some people have mentioned it and I don't really know anything about that! Could you please let me know ASAP?

Remember what they told Phoebe on Friends? Before you say anything, say it quietly to yourself first and see how it sounds. Come on!!! Use some common sense!!! And, no, you can't get pregnant from oral sex either.

Nohand

You may have read the interview with "NoHand", a man who voluntarily removed his own hand and some other body parts. Email could be forwarded to him care of BME. I don't know which of the following is worse, the idiot, or the missionary?

From: ***@Backroads.net Hello NoHands!!!! How are you? I am fine. I can't understand why you would want to take off some of your body parts that God gave to you? How did you take your hand off? Didn't it hurt? Do you miss your hand now that it is gone? I was just wondering. How about your toes? How did you take these off as well? Why would you want to get rid of your man hood? Answer only if you like. I hope to hear from you. From: ***@crossclub.com Hi, I'm sure you've heard it all, seen it all, experienced (ing) it all, yet I just felt compelled to write. No judgement, no condemnation, that is not my place. Therefore if you're up for a read, my own hope (past tense) of being hunted, stalked and abducted by radical skins who wouldnt't think twice of cashing in on my eroto-deathwish, either by way of video or selling me is detailed at www.crossclub.com. I feverishly set out to be raped and tortured, the bride of left wing sadists scat and snuff (a Magnum in my mouth and a 12 gauge jammed up my manhole). Why am I sharing this? Today I'm a kid-Christian and my entire intent is to show you, using my own life as an example, the infinite mercies of Christ. Understand, my writing is actually intended for those men who are living out the S&M excesses that I was (whether more or less). All I can do is be a witness to both sides! I do know that God could use your own mind-boggling story in a POWERFUL WAY!!! If you gave HIM the chance you'd end up touching countless numbers. --- Take Care!

The Fake Twins

Another recent "story" was the fake body modification twins, published as an April Fools prank. It fooled a lot of people, but this one was one of the funniest:

Hey, my name is ***, I'm GWM, 31, a horny landscaper from Mass. I've recently developed a fascination/fetish about castrations and amputations. Always been intrigued by twins, too.  You're lucky to have each other, I'm sure you know that. How do you guys like to get off? Do you have the same sexual orientation or desires? I'd like to know/see/witness more about the genital stuff.

I replied, "APRIL FOOLS", and signed my name (Shannon).

Who are Ryan and Dave? Are they cute and horny? Who is Shannon? Is she cute and horny? Can we have a party?

It was clear they weren't getting it. I replied, "Clue in -- The whole thing is a fabrication. Those pictures are fake! It was an April Fools joke!"

Duh hello - I didn't get any pictures.

Is it possible for a person to be this dumb? I replied, "The pictures in the interview."

Duh - what interview? And how did you know what my landscaper wrote in a supposedly confidential room at 2:30 in the morning? Just curious.

Ok. Now it was becoming apparent that this person had written from a shared email address, so I replied, "I don't know who gets this mail. Is it a business or is it a company? Someone sent a bunch of sleazy mail to me from it, that's all I know."

When the answer came, it was clear that someone was going to have some explaining to do to their boyfriend... Although I suspect they don't get it any more either, so I just gave up on them.

This is a private home occupied by two gay men. I don't know who the twins are, and I'm very interested to know how you, or they, knew something said in a private setting. And I can assure you that we don't send sleazy mail to anyone. If you have received sleazy messages from this email address, I would greatly appreciate it if you would notify me immediately. And if your name is Shannon why are you listed as Ryan and Dave?

And the weird stuff...

This first batch is the "just learning to use email" bunch:

From: ***@aol.com Subject: hi ?? From: ***@aol.com Subject: im just checkin it out what u want ...from me to see what u got From: ***@adegi.es Subject: to see hay!      and ten minutes later: From: ***@adegi.es Subject: to see 10 min hey!

Anyone know what this next one means?

From: ***@webtv.net Subject: LUCKY ;I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW.

FINALLY. This next one is NOT the right way to ask your parents for a piercing. It is however the right way to get yourself committed!

From: ***@kih.net Subject: Stubborn Mom I am fourteen years old. I have wanted an eyebrow piercing for about six months now. My mom is so hard-headed, and she said the only way I could get my eyebrow pierced is if "I go live with my dad" who is a drunk and I really don't want to live with him, or just "move out of the house" which I don't want to do either. Just today I made a contract in which I swore to God that I would go along with any circumstances that she could think of and I signed it in Blood, alot of it too. I really don't know what else to do, and I really want to get my eyebrow pierced. Please help me find some way for me to get her to let me get my eyebrow pierced without me moving out of the house!

Keep that mail coming!

Shannon
[email protected]

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