Date: Fri, 07 Feb 1997 01:55:34 -0600
From: Benjamin Ensor, [email protected]
Organization: Team Bensor
Subject: This is a response to "Am I Crazy?" Wahoo.

I've had various lengthy discussions with a friend of mine who has as many facial piercings as I do about why we do it. It fluctuates daily... the whys. Her main reasoning was that if you make your outside obvious enough and different enough, people won't try to get inside you... won't get close enough to find out that your inside is (as she fears) as "freaky" as your outside. To me, this explanation betrays a certain vulnerability, something that "mainstream" thinking and culture would never understand, having been stopped at the nose-ring, at the labret. She's protecting herself.

Me... well, initially I got into piercing as an alternative to suicide. Tattooing was the spiritual thing for me, not piercing. But after a while, my metal became more and more important to me. For me, it's almost a historical take on my friend's reasons: Rings were placed in the left ear in england and parts of europe because it was believed that evil spirits entered the body there. Piercing protected us by placing something infinitely interesting in or in front of or next to our most vulnerable openings. Tattooing also had (and has) similar uses. My face is pierced to keep evil away. God, that sounds so grandiose. But it's still true. I keep away people with insecurities and people I don't want to waste my time on. I am pierced to protect myself. Even my genital piercing is for protection. (Talk about areas prone to contact with evil!)

So am I crazy? Are we crazy? According to what standards? Are the transparent uninterested masses sane? Is the religious right? The middle class? What is sane? If you can survive this life and be happy or feel safe or loved or OK... you're doing fine. Me, I've always believed that the rest of the world was insane and that only a few of us are really OK. Some days I'm crazy. Some days I'm not. Whatever I am, I'm me. Do I feel self-conscious about my body modifications? Well, YEAH. Especially when I'm only in my boxers and the UPS guy is delivering a package from Gauntlet International. (To tell the truth, though... I felt MORE self-conscious before the modifications when I was just wearing my boxers.... Interesting. Or not.) Sometimes I look in the mirror and think "I feel cluttered...." But I like how the modifications make me look. And 40 years down the road, the only person I'm guaranteed to still be dealing with on a daily basis is me.

Some days it's easier to buck the system than others. Some days it's easier to be different than others. But when people have problems with how I look, when people presume to have the right to not only muddle through their lives but also my own... I can't help but wonder, "Isn't there something more important for you people to be worrying about? Like your breast implants or your neuroses-inspired crash diet? How about your teeth? Are they as white as can be?" Socially accepted body modifications are much weirder than anything I've done to myself.

Am I crazy? No. Am I sane? Nope. I'm just me.

benjamin.

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