I was raised in a very conservative household and started rebelling at the
age of twelve. By fifteen I got my first tattoo -- a red rose with barbed
wire that I designed and had inked inside my bikini line. The rose and
barbed wire represented myself: youthful, feminine, in bloom but also
dangerous and untouchable. My next tattoo, at seventeen was a large black
and gray dragon with wings extending over my right thigh and batting the
rose on my groin. This dragon represents my aggressive, masculine side
rebelling against my socialization into the cultural ideology of "feminine
beauty". In other words, I didn't want to be categorized as this "babe" or
"cute chick".I got heavily involved in the tattoo scene at that point. I started working at a tattoo shop. I got to know a few artists and I started to appreciate the differences in the quality of tattoo art and artists. I met Junior from Brazil and he tattooed my left thigh. I decided that I would not control the artist -- I would take a leap of faith and let him ink a piece of his heart into my skin. I didn't pre-approve any image, he just started tattooing. He ended after seven hours and left another black an gray dragon on my left thigh holding the decapitated head of the other dragon on my right thigh. This dragon, to me, represents the way Junior saw me now compared with how I used to be -- more balance between my masculine and feminine sides. For me, this tattooed marked the recovery from cocaine abuse. I've been clean and sober for over two years.
Daemon of Urban Primitive tattooed my upper body, from my left shoulder across my chest and embracing the dragon on my right side. Before I met Daemon in Berlin, I never liked tribal-style tattoos. When I saw his work, it inspired me to get one of his pieces. It was a similar situation as I had with Junior. I gave Daemon all my trust and he tattooed his love, his art into my skin. The only limitations I made was it had to be an abstracted dragon and one claw had to grab my left nipple the sensation of having my nipple tattooed. Once again, the artist was tattooing his impressions of how he saw me -- and it was less aggressive, more feminine, yet strong and powerful.
My next tattoo was a hand-done piece on my foot.
I ran into performance artist and tattooist Zed Le Head on a plane flying
from Am'dam to Berlin. I wanted to experience a hand tattoo. This time, I
had to place a limitation on the tattooist because he wanted to ink a
swastika on my foot. We settled for Arabic calligraphy. My next tattoo
will be an extension of this pice on my foot; Daemon will hand tattoo one
of his designs to make the piece more flowing and less decal-like. This
tattoo marks another personal transformation that was influenced by my trip
to Toronto: working at Urban Primitive, meeting new people and changing my
attitude and outlook in many aspects.
All my friends had tattoos. Once I got tattooed, I became interested in other forms of body modification, particularly piercing. I first heard about body piercing at sixteen and I got my nipples and navel pierced at seventeen, on the same day that I got my tattoo -- I just started branching into tattooing. I took the opportunity to work at Urban Primitive so that I could be exposed to excellent tattooing, branding and scarification methods. I plan to continue my association with Urban Primitve and my investigation into these forms of body modification. I am also very interested in the more advanced modifications, but it is important to me that I learn and understand the limitations and risks of such procedures by experienced people.
I completed an apprenticeship as a veterinary assistant before I passed my exams and became enrolled in the veterinary sciences program. During my apprenticeship, my instructor was so impressed with my professional attitude and commitment that she taught me how to perform surgery (castrations and others) on animals. Direct experience with tissues, organs, blood, needles, anaesthetics, sutures etc. stimulated my interest. I also gained a great understanding of anatomy and excellent technical skills with needles, clamps, etc. I do not intend to leave body modification for a veterinary career because it is such a large part of my lifestyle. Also I have invested a lot of my energy into learning and practicing body modification and I continue to do so.
Anyway, I was studying veterinary sciences at the University of Berlin and, among other reasons, I needed to find a way to support myself. I became involved with a number of tattooing and body piercing shops in Berlin. I learned very quickly and soon started promoting piercing shows at different clubs and fetish nights around town where I gave seminars on piercing safety, including post-piercing play (for SMers) and I did both permanent and play piercings on stage to demonstrate my abilities and promote piercing safety. Two years later, I opened my own studio, and trained another piercer who is running it for me while I travel.
My tattoos signified not only my personal identity, but my ongoing transformation and growth as a human being. For me they were particularly important markers because I experienced sexual abuse when I was a child. The placement of my piercings and tattoos relate to the sexual areas of my body that were abused. My piercings and my tattoos affirm my courage, power and strength as a woman and reclaim that vulnerable child body. The permanence of the tattoos signifies that no one will EVER have the right to abuse my vulnerable child and body again. My dragons warn people not to mess with me, but bacause they are also symbols of wisdom, they signify the wisdom that l have gained from my life experiences.
One of the costs of affirming my Self with tattoos and piercings has been that the Persian side of my family feel that I have dishonoured and betrayed them. They refuse to see me or have anything to do with me. This sometimes makes me feel alone.
Many people with similar or parallel issues as my own (sexual abuse, drug addiction, etc.) use tattooing, piercing and scarification to affirm their sense of Self, raise their self-esteem and therefore, transform their lives.
I see my role as a midwife trying to prepare the person for their journey
and their transformation. I try to find out my client's motivations for
getting the piercing, whether it is aesthetic, fashion, shock value, the
ecstatic rush or a spiritual transformation. To avoid being intrusive, I
often begin by sharing my personal experiences. If a client's motivation
is sexual reclaimation, for example, I try to prepare him or her for the
intense flood of emotions and flashbacks that often accompany the piercing
of a part of the body that has been abused. I remind them to breathe
through the emotions and encourage them to release the shame and sorrow
without feeling embarassed. If they are prepared for this possibility
ahead of time, it gives them the opportunity to get over the inital shock
and use the energy raised by the piercing to release the negativity, gain
power over their powerlessness, and raise their self esteem. In these
cases, I take extra time before and after the actual piercing to ensure
that they are feeling centered, and are ready to face the world. Often
an intense spiritual experience creates a bonding between the client and
piercer because of the shared piercing experience and the shared life
experiences.
With my own piercings, I lost my shame for my genitals. After I got my labia and clit hood piercings was the first time that I was able to look at my genitals in a mirror and play with them. And my nipple piercings changed the way that I look at my body, it is now a woman's body not a juvenile body.
It is important to note that attitude affects healing. It has to do with the body/mind/soul connection and the energy raised during such an intense experience. Emotions can be see as measurable, physiological responses to certain situations. For example, the experience of fear stimulates, among other things, the adrenal glands to release hormones into the bloodstream. These hormones create all kinds of bodily responses to the situation, for example, fight or flight. Thoughts are energy. When thoughts accompany the bodily response and a trauma occurs, this can create a neural pathway or imprint wherein the thought becomes enmeshed with the response to create a body memory. (For more detailed information you can read the introductory chapters to Raven's online book). Your state of mind before, during AND after the experience affects how your body responds to the piercing. For example, Raven got pierced by someone whom she later felt betrayed by. Although her piercings were several years old and healed, they started to reject and get really infected -- the holes actually became ulcerated and bleeding, like stigmata. I had never seen anything that extreme before, but if you knew how angry she felt toward her piercer, you can understand how her body rejected anything that had to do with that person. She eventually removed every single piercing that she had by that piercer - four in all.
To my knowledge, there have not been any scientific investigations into this
specific area, but there should be. I have heard, however, that scientists
at the University of British Columbia are investigating the effects of Reiki
and Therapeutic Touch on patients' healing and this highlights that
body/mind/soul connection that I am talking about.
It is great being a woman in this profession. Women generally feel more comfortable getting pierced by a woman because of abuse issues, modesty or because some male piercers forget their professional behaviour and treat some female clients like sex objects. For example, the male piercer who pierced my nipples offered to pierce them for free because he fancied my breasts. I would have turned him down except that I had already paid for them in advance and I was in the chair. I also didn't know anybody else and seven years ago I didn't know of any female piercers. If I had had the choice, I would have preferred being pierced by a woman.
Many men prefer being pierced by a woman because: they feel homophobic; where genital piercing are concerned they may feel inadequate or competitive with a male piercer; they may find it erotically stimulating to be pierced by an attractive woman; and they may also feel that they get more nurturing or mothering by a female piercer.
I don't feel uncomfortable if a man beomes aroused during the piercing -- it is an understandable response, and they usually are feeling ashamed so I have to reassure them that I am not offended. But if someone comes in with the intention to show off his erect dick, I throw him out of the shop. But as I have a better understanding of male nature, I can usually tell before.
Sometimes clients fall in love with me, as patients with doctors --
It happens all the time. Two clients offered to renovate my farmhouse. A
few even offered to become my slaves.
I pretty good friends with the boys who offered the renovations. They will
probably do it when I go back since I have known them for one and a half
years. I had a house slave to clean my house but he was unreliable so I
got rid of him.
In Europe, more and more piercers are switching over to the indwelling
cannula method. It is faster and less traumatic because the needles come
laser sharp and sterile right from the manufacturers. An ultra sharp
needle minmizes trauma to the tissue because it glides through the tissue
with hardly any resistance -- like a hot knife through butter. Once
pierced, the needle is withdrawn and a very soft, very flexible sheath
remains in place. Once indwelling, the sheath softens further and conforms
to the body. This makes follow-through with the jewelry faster, easier and
less traumatic. I know of some piercers in Toronto who buy hypodermic
needles, cut and rework them. This extra handling increases the risk of
microscopic barbs and nicks on the needles. They also bend the needles
with pliers which further increases this risk. I know that some piercers
in Toronto tried using the cannula method with little success, but that was
because they got the wrong needles. There are many kinds of indwelling
cannulas -- the correct one is critical for this method. I also abhor the
use of corks -- they can interfere with the placement and I was disgusted to
hear that some piercers try to re-use the corks. I personally prefer the European method. I believe that it is more hygenic, less traumatic and more advanced. This is the reason why the more innovative piercers in Europe are changing over. This is also why Urban Primitive hired me to introduce the European Method to Canada. The positive responses I get from piercing clients at Urban Primitive, who already have had other piercings using the North American method, affirm that my method is superior. Since a greater number of clients in Toronto get genital piercings, the added comfort of the European Method eas anxiety over the procedure.
