The Breezy Water
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Life is such a daily thing. We humans tend to organize life in ways most comfortable to ourselves — meaning some prefer this mattress while others prefer another, some prefer that automobile, while others prefer a different model, and bread toast should be buttered... or not. The glue that binds us all together is the truism that all humans are distinctly unique and because of that uniqueness we have decided to overlook another's habits we might find distasteful as long as they do not step over a line we call law. This is the Social Contract.
The Social Contract assumes that we will uniformly follow a set of moral standards defined as a group and thus not encroach too far from the defined boundaries and break the law (or piss someone off). Law defines the penalty for breaking the social contract and is a fleeting thing based on time. Time decides our moral standards and hence, change. At one time it was morally acceptable to create a eunuch, but now we have no reason for them culturally or legally. This presents a difficulty to the "volunteer eunuch".
Volunteering to become a eunuch very much breaks our present day moral standards and quite often leads a person to seek the counsel of underground (illegal) cutters who may or may not have the medical expertise to conduct such a procedure outside of a surgical theatre. Some procedures go well, because the cutter has the knowledge to do the castration, but others have life-threatening results. That 50-50 chance is what forces me to tell the world that castration should only be performed by a fully-qualified medical doctor... however, there are many would-be eunuchs out there that are more than willing to take a chance on their well-being for the procedure. Some with tragic results...
The drive to be castrated is so strong that some do not care whether they live or die seeking the procedure. This was not the case of Riverwind, who is the topic of this month's column. He was castrated by a real medical doctor, and is a moderator at the Eunuch Archive Chat room. Riverwind and his ex-wife kindly accepted this interview which we did in mid June, 2003.
Talula:
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Who is the real Riverwind? Can you talk about yourself?
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Riverwind:
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I am 56 years old, divorced, with five kids and six grandkids. I am a eunuch.
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Talula:
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When did the concept of becoming a eunuch come to you?
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Riverwind:
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Wow... I was about eight or nine years old. It has been on my "to-do list" for most of my life.
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Talula:
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What made you decide that course was right for you and when did you start planning?
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Riverwind:
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I guess about seven or eight years ago. After years of abuse to my testicles the only thing left was to remove them. I did read up on how to do it and tried it myself: bad, bad idea. It was one of my more stupid ideas and I am lucky that nothing bad happened after. I cut the sac open and pulled the right nut out but that was as far as I got. It was about six months later that I finally got on the internet and within a day or two found BME. I sent the film of what I had done and a story to Shannon (yes, it's on a video at BME). The next thing I did after reading all the stories and looking at all the pictures was to get an elastrator. I did band my balls a couple of times — if anybody wants to try this, it is very painful. Another bad idea. Then I looked for a cutter. I never found one that I felt I could trust with my life... yet another bad idea. I finally went to a doctor in Philly and had it done. That was last September.
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Talula:
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What was your life like before castration?
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Riverwind:
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That was a lifetime of never being the person I really was. I never felt like I was part of the group and never really understood how other men think. It was a secret that was mine and mine alone. I never told anybody until I found BME and the Eunuch Archive. It was then that I realized that I was not the only person that felt this way. I finally found the brotherhood that I have been looking for my whole life.
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Talula:
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How did you become a eunuch?
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Riverwind:
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I finally decided that becoming a eunuch was what I had to do but there was that tiny doubt, so I went on chemical castration. I used the drug Androcur which I ordered off the net as it's not yet approved in the USA. I decided that I would take it for a year and then decide. As my testosterone levels dropped I started to realize that I was finally becoming who I have always been. I loved the effects so the only thing left was to see a doctor. Dr. Kimmel in Philly is a urologist and does castrations and scrotum removal — I went for both on September 6th, 2002. I remember walking down the hall after surgery to meet my friends and thinking, "I am finally complete."
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Talula:
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Were there any immediate problems with your surgery?
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Riverwind:
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Yes, all of which were my own fault. The doctor had prescribed an antibiotic to fight infection. When I returned home and emptied my backpack the bottle got stuck in the pocket. I had several different pills that I was taking and never missed them. Fourteen days later I was in the hospital for the infection. That had to be the funniest four days of my life. I think about forty different doctors, nurses, interns, and students had to come in to look at the new eunuch. The last morning there was a group of about fourteen that came in at once. Ok, throw back the sheets, pull up the gown and spread your legs. If you can't find humor in life, you can never be truly happy. The infection healed and today I am out of pain and loving everyday as a eunuch.
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Talula:
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Have there been any long term problems because of castration?
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Riverwind:
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I have been under my doctor's care from about March of last year and I told him what I was doing and what my goal was. He ran the usual tests, checking the liver and testosterone levels, along with everything else. Last December I asked him if I could get a bone scan. He agreed and the diagnosis was that I have osteoporosis. This is a common side effect that can be handled by exercise and good diet, of which I was doing neither. Now I take Fosamax, which is a once-a-week tablet. I have increased my calcium intake and I joined the gym. Next x-ray is in December.
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Talula:
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Are you happy with your castration? What is your life like now?
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Riverwind:
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For the first time in my life I feel whole and complete. I have never been happier in my life. It was the right choice for me. Castration is not for everybody but for those of us that have this desire, there is no peace of mind until its done. Becoming a eunuch is the best thing I have ever done for myself.
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Talula:
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Have you told any members of your family and friends?
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Riverwind:
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Other than friends at the Eunuch Archive and BME, I have not told anybody other than my ex-wife. She told the kids — they're all grown and all of them are ok with it. It does get a lot of one liners in reference to balls or the lack of them. We do have a lot of fun with it which I think is good for them and me. I really don't know if I will ever tell local friends... I just don't know.
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Talula:
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Anything you'd like to tell the readers?
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Riverwind:
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In the process of becoming a eunuch I have met the staff of the Eunuch Archive as well as other eunuchs and some that will become one some day. We have become close friends and travel many miles to spend time with each other. We are straight, bi, gay, married, with partner, alone, divorced, young, middle aged, and old. We come from all walks of life; from all over the world. We are a brotherhood and share a common bond that is stronger than anything I have ever found.
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| | Castration is a major surgery. Your body will react to the loss with phantom pains and really objects to having them removed. It's not like having a disk removed or gallbladder surgery (I have had both). If you think castration is right for you, do a lot of research, and talk to guys that are already eunuchs. This is not a fantasy — this is reality. Make sure you understand all the things that will happen to your body with the lack of testosterone. It's more than hot flashes and night sweats or the lack of erections and being horny. Make sure you are 100% sure that this is what you want. Don't rush into it — take your time — four or five years. Make sure that this is what you want for you, not for someone else. Be safe and use a qualified medical professional: a doctor. The best cutters with lots of experience can still have one that doesn't go well and then you find yourself in the emergency room and he finds himself in jail. Use a doctor. Remember, this is not for everyone. If it is right for you, do it safely. If you have any questions for me, my IAM page is Riverwind and my email address is [email protected]... I will answer any and all questions.
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As I mentioned, we also had a chance to talk to "Mrs. ex-Riverwind":
Talula:
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How long were you married to Riverwind?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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We were married in 1977 and divorced in 1991. We lived together for two and a half years before we got married.
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Talula:
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What was he like?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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Well, this is a very vague question... He was a dad, a husband, a friend, a companion, a working man. A pretty normal guy.
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Talula:
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Do you see a difference in him now?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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Yes and no. He has many of the same characteristics with a few new ones thrown in.
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Talula:
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When Riverwind told you about his procedure what was your reaction?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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Concern and worry. I was unsure of what would be the right thing to say and or do. I am not a flighty woman by nature and usually handle things as they come. I suppose I took a back seat for a while on this and just waited to see what would happen.
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Talula:
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In your married life did Riverwind ever talk about his desire for castration? Did he seem different?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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No and no. We had an active sex life and as far as I knew he was happy with it.
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Talula:
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After you found out about Riverwind becoming a eunuch did your thoughts about him change?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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He is the father of our four sons, and that that will not change. He is a friend, and that will not change. I worry about him, but that too hasn't and won't change. He is a person, with all the feelings and foibles people come packaged with.
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Talula:
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Would you say Riverwind's life is better because of castration and why?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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No, I would not say better... different, yes. He is still dealing with this and until that has settled for him, I will not know if it's for the better or not. I can see that he's had to do a lot of adjusting, but that takes time and he's giving himself that time.
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Talula:
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Is there anything you would like to add?
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Mrs. ex-Riverwind:
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I moved here following my grandchildren. I am pleased that Riverwind has chosen to become an active member of the family. I know that the kids and grandkids like and enjoy his company.
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Until next time folks. Next month it would be good to hear of a castration gone bad,
Talula
Talula is, of course, a eunuch, and the co-archivist of the prime eunuch megasite Eunuch.org. You can read an interview with Talula that BME published back in 1998 by clicking here.
Copyright © 2003 BMEZINE.COM. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published July 13, 2003 by BMEZINE.COM in Tweed, Ontario, Canada.
All columns by Talula | Return to BME/News
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