“If I'm going to sing like someone else, then I don't need to sing at all.”
Do you have a necrophilia, fire, asphyxiation, bathroom or medical fetish? Do corsets turn you on? Feet? BDSM? How about menstruation? Uniforms? Clowns? Allow me to introduce BellaVendetta.com, a place where you can find all of these things and much more. It’s the place for fetishes that no one wants to admit they have. BellaVendetta.com started in late 2003, and has been growing ever since. Bella (IAM:BgirlyPrincapessa), owner of BellaVendetta.com had been watching the “alternative porn” industry grow and was excited to see tattooed and pierced women being more involved with pornography, but she felt there wasn’t enough self-expression happening. Tired of seeing girls with lip rings getting naked in their dorm rooms and other porn clichés, she was interested in seeing the darker side of girls’ sexualities. After much deliberation, she took the plunge into entrepreneurship and BellaVendetta.com was born. It probably won’t come as a surprise, but Bella had a lot of problems launching her site. Primarily, she couldn’t find a billing company that would do business with her because of the content, which meant she couldn’t sell memberships. With help from BME’s own Rachel Larratt (IAM:Rachel), Bella was able to find a cooperative billing company and now the people of BellaVendetta are ready to show themselves to the world. Celebrating with a launch party on October 26, in Brooklyn, NY, and everyone’s invited! One must wonder if the billing company problem is going to be the last of Bella’s problems. Bush’s War on Porn certainly poses a threat to the future of sites like Bella’s. Bush has enlisted the FBI’s help to try to stop pornographers— regular, run-of-the-mill pornographers— the ones who make porn for adults, featuring consenting adults. It’s all over the media, and it’s something to think about and in this case, rebel against. Bella Vendetta offers a safe place for people to explore their kinkier side, and within its pages you’ll find some of the most controversial porn on the market. Let’s all welcome BellaVendetta.com to the industry and wish them the best for the future; and especially with winning the fight against her own government’s goal to close websites like hers.
Although BellaVendetta.com enters into some of the “faux pas” subjects of pornography, it’s always done in a safe and responsible way. All of the models posing are of legal age, and most importantly— they’re doing it because they want to. No one is waving dollar bills in their faces and bribing them to do things that they don’t feel comfortable with. It may push people’s sexual limits, but does it in a harmless way. I wish Bella and her Krew luck and success with avoiding crack downs by the US Government and FBI, and hope they have a long and prosperous future in the real alternative porn industry.
— Gillian Hyde (IAM:typealice) |
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Ryan Ouellette: Lord of the Blade [Guest Column]
Lord of the Blade
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“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want — an adorable pancreas?”- Jean Kerr
There’s something quite profound about scarification that marks it apart from other forms of aesthetic body modification. Whereas tattoos and piercings augment and decorate the body by adding ink or metal, a scar is created merely by interacting with what’s already there, harnessing one of the peculiarities of the skin and channelling it to decorative ends. By using a scalpel, branding iron or cautery pen, it is possible to create intricate patterns in the skin, which, when healed, form distinctive and permanent scars. I really see this as body modification in its purest form — the body itself is producing the artwork, sealing over the inflicted wound and leaving an enduring mark that is actually part of the skin, not an inorganic addition.
Unfortunately, the idiosyncratic nature of an individual’s healing often makes the results of scarification fairly unpredictable, and as such the designs attempted have usually been fairly simplistic. In the West, scarification has tended to be either pieces made up of single line scalpel incisions for fine work or large, heavier scars produced by branding. Over the last few years, however, a number of scarification artists across the globe, feeling artistically constrained by the limited results and narrow range of designs that can be produced by single-line cuttings and the unpredictable and brutal scars left by brands, have begun to experiment with skin removal techniques, using their tools to actually remove areas of the upper layers for skin to produce larger, bolder and more predictable results.
Fresh and healed skin removal by Ryan Ouellette |
Skin-removal really is in its infancy, and this article is in no way intended to be a how-to or instruction manual on the intricacies of this invasive and potentially dangerous procedure. Please do not try this at home. Instead, I hope it will illustrate what it is possible to do with the human body’s largest organ and germinate a few ideas in your head. I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to interview one of this community’s most prominent, prolific and talented scarifiers, and this article is in many ways both a portrait of him and an introduction to his often astonishing work.
Although not the ‘inventor’ of this technique by any means, Ryan Oullette (IAM:The Fog), a twenty-five year old artist working out of Precision Body Arts in Nashua, New Hampshire, is widely regarded by his peers as one of the best scarification artists currently practising skin removal. Photos of his scars were recently showcased in National Geographic magazine, the patterns and motifs he produces are brave and original, and his work — both fresh and healed — is simply stunning. Chatting with other scarification artists, Ryan’s name comes up again and again when they’re asked whose work they particularly admire.
BME: | Where are you from originally, Ryan? |
One of the bigger things that sticks out in my head is reading an interview about Blair and his branding. He talked about how a lot of branders were scared to hit the same line multiple times and he said something along the lines of “work it until you’re satisfied”. And that really influenced my cutting style. Instead of trying to get a perfect line in one pass I hit and re-hit the same multiple times until I got it looking exactly how I wanted it. My cuttings are actually influenced most by Blair’s brandings if that makes any sense.
BME: | Can you talk me through the procedure, from start to finish? | |||
RYAN: |
Well it’s actually pretty similar to a tattoo for set up. The skin is shaved when needed, cleaned (sometimes with iodine, sometimes with Technicare), and then I put on a stencil. After all the prep stuff I usually make a quick pass over the entire design with a #11 blade scalpel. I basically consider it guide-lining. It’s not very deep, and it looks pretty uneven at first. It’s basically just opening up the skin over the whole piece very shallowly; the depth isn’t evened out until the next step.
Next I’ll usually change blades to keep it sharp, and then I’ll go back over the design and slowly even out the depth and width. The depth and width varies depending on the design. If it’s single line I tend to go a bit deeper and wider. If I was doing removal I would go a bit shallower because I’ve learned that if you do flesh removal too deep it tends to blob out and heal unevenly. For removal sections I get my outlining done and then I use some haemostats to basically just pull up a corner. Then I use a #15 blade and slowly separate the tissue up and away while I lift with the clamps. I try to go as even as possible because you obviously want a uniform removed section for good healing. I try to make my removed sections as small as possible because I’ve noticed that if you try to remove too large of an area the center of it tends to be excessively deep. I’ll often split a removed area into smaller sections or strips and remove them individually instead of just on one large hunk. As far as the depth goes I’ve talked to a lot of very good scarification artists and their techniques all vary. Depth is really just whatever works for the individual. Generally you’re going into the tissue below the cutaneous layer but not through the fascia. And I’d say that good flesh removal is typically slightly shallower than single line scarification. You really want to keep it uniform. You don’t want to see pits and valleys because that means different tissue layers, hence different scar production. In terms of blood control, basically I just pat my field with paper towels as I work, again similar to tattooing. I really like to keep my lines clean and as dry as possible. Some people bleed more than others, obviously, so sometimes it’s hard to keep things as clean as I like but I generally don’t like blood to leave my immediate field. I don’t just let it drip all over the place like some people tend to do. It’s partially for contamination control but it’s mostly just so I can clearly see the cut depth and width clearly. The bleeding tends to stop within five minutes of finishing a line. So by the time I move on to a new line my previous ones are usually dry. I’ll occasionally clean the field during the procedure, typically between steps. So maybe once after all the outlining is done, and then again when the piece is completed. I typically clean the field with green soap solution, again like a tattoo. After I’m done I’ll bandage the area with a sterile non-stick dressing. I usually tell the person to keep it bandaged for at least four to six hours. Sometimes, particularly for flesh removal, I’ll just have them keep it bandaged overnight. As for removed skin it’s basically nothing by the time I’m cleaning everything up post-cutting. Without blood supply it shrivels up within just a few minutes. |
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BME: | What are the benefits of skin removal — what can be done, and what are the limitations — what can’t be done? | |||
RYAN: |
I think the main benefit with flesh removal is additional control. With a single line cut you make a cut and basically just widen it out and change the depth. So if you make a slight error all the cuts from that point on are going to have to work around that one mistake or even it out. With flesh removal you can control both the outline and center of all lines and sections. If I want to do a grouping of small tight lines, especially with angles or curves I’ll almost always do it with removal. If you do single line you are basically splitting the skin open so that can sometimes limit what you can do right next to a line. With flesh removal you are going shallower so the skin tends to open less. So I can do tightly compacted lines and feel confident that they’ll heal where I put them. If I tried to do lots of small lines within an eighth of an inch they would tend to scar outward and probably blend together during the healing process. The lines are more straight down and tend to heal in their original location unless they keloid a significant amount.
As far as what can’t be done I guess I would push people away from very large sections of removal. If someone wanted a removed section bigger than maybe two inches wide I would probably try to change their design or flat out turn them down. As far as complexity I’ve never had to turn something down because it’s too complex. I’ve had to rework designs to simplify them slightly in order to be able to cut it into someone. Obviously you can’t do shading, so I have to redraw things to make them bolder, kind of like a solid black tattoo. There are some areas I would prefer to not work on like hands, wrists, necks, and so on. But I’m sure if someone really wanted a piece there I could figure out a way to do it safely. I’d just have to do it a little shallower than average. I did some flesh removal stars on the side of my girlfriend’s hand and it was very difficult. Two little coin-sized sections took me about two hours because I had to be so careful with my depth and remove the tissue at the exact same shallow level. |
BME: | What are the risks? |
RYAN: | Risks are similar to any comparable procedure like tattooing or branding. The biggest risk would be infection but I’ve never had a problem with that. I give very clear aftercare instructions so it hasn’t been an issue. That’s the only thing I would call a risk. There are more complications that could come up like uneven healing and scarring mostly. Occasionally a person can get kind of a rash around the piece, depending on aftercare. It’s usually from wrapping it the wrong way or not cleaning it often enough. |
BME: | What aftercare do you generally recommend? |
RYAN: |
My basic aftercare is that they keep it covered with plastic wrap and Vaseline for about seven to ten days. It keeps the body from forming a scab which makes it heal more from the bottom up instead of from the sides inward. It’s just important with wrapping that you keep the piece clean and somewhat dry. So I tell the person to unwrap and clean it throughout the day. I usually just have them use an antimicrobial soap like Satin or Provon. If they don’t clean it often enough the fluid under the wrap can cause irritation or a rash. The rashes are more frequent if I have to shave the person before the cutting.
I basically just worked out my aftercare with trial and error. I also talk to a lot of other artists about technique so I steal a lot of ideas from them. Sometimes I’ll suggest using a mild irritant like lemon juice mixed with the Vaseline. It can tend to make the body heal with either a darker hypertrophic scar or, with a little luck, raised keloid tissue. |
BME: | How long is the healing period, generally, and what are the stages of healing? |
RYAN: | Complete healing varies on how they take care of it. With the wrap I’d say that the body will form a new layer of skin over the whole design within around two weeks. If they keep it unwrapped the body will scab slowing the healing process to maybe three weeks. If you add in agitation, picking, or scrubbing it could lengthen it out to a month or more. |
2 days old |
5 weeks old |
3.5 months old |
BME: | What kind of results does skin removal produce — what do the resulting scars look like compared to other forms of scarification? |
RYAN: |
With my removal it’s not really making the body heal in a specific way. It’s really just emphasizing the way an individual’s body will heal a cut. I’d say on a whole removals tend to give a better more distinct scar. But it’s very difficult to force the body to heal one way or another. Keloid tissue is more of a raised pinkish tissue. It’s basically what most people hope for with healing but it’s actually not that forthcoming in a lot of pieces. I’ve notice that the body heals more commonly with hypertrophic tissue. This tends to be more of a darker granulated, less raised tissue. What I shoot for with aftercare is either a very dark distinct hypertrophic scar or an evenly raised keloid scar. I never guarantee a certain look though, that would just be impossible.
As for how it looks compared to other scars I’d say flesh removals don’t scar outward as much as some other techniques. Brandings tend to heal outward a lot more due to the heat damaging surrounding tissue. A lot of single line scarification tends to be deeper than removal so the line can heal a little wider due to it having a tendency to heal in more of a V-shape then wide U like some removals. |
BME: | Is there anything else you’d like to add? |
RYAN: |
Yes! It’s really important that people remember that these procedures can be extremely dangerous if not done by a skilled professional with a decent amount of anatomical knowledge and experience working with skin. If not, people could end up in hospital! The difference between single line and removal can be compared to the difference between punch-and-taper piercing and transdermal implants. They might be similar but the latter is a lot more advanced and dangerous. |
If you’re interested in getting work done by Ryan, his shop Precision Body Arts is located at 109 West Pearl Street, Nashua, New Hampshire (or call 603-889-5788). You can also see more of his work in his gallery on BME (and of course you can view other artists working in similar styles in the general scarification galleries as well).
As scarification techniques evolve, designs which previously would not have produced good, clear, dramatic looking scars become possible. The only limits are those of your imagination and of your artist’s skill. Choose wisely.
– Matt Lodder (iam:volatile)
Matt Lodder is a 24 year old native of London England. He wrote his Masters dissertation for the University of Reading on “The Post-Modified Body: Invasive corporeal transformation and its effects on subjective identity”.
Thanks so much to Ryan for agreeing to be interviewed, and for being so eloquent and forthcoming with information. Thanks also to Quentin (iam:kalima) and Vampy (iam:vampy) for their help in answering my questions, and also to Shell (iam:stunt_girl) for her last-minute assistance!
Online presentation copyright © 2005 BMEzine.com LLC. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published online January 7th, 2005 by BMEzine.com LLC from La Paz, Mexico.
Extreme Makeunder? [The Publisher’s Ring]
Extreme Makeunder?
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“We all wear some disguise, make some professions, use some artifice, to set ourselves off as being better than we are; and yet it is not denied that we have some good intentions and praiseworthy qualities at bottom.”– William Hazlitt
Last night on ABC’s hit show Extreme Makeover, Jeanene, a “punk rocker” got what they called an extreme makeunder, promising that with the aid of their surgeons “even a punk can be hot”. The show painted a very sad picture of a woman who’s spent the last half decade pathologically getting body modifications in order to cover up her unhappiness with her body. “This is like my mask,” she says. “Look at my hair not at my chest, look at my ears not at the hair on my chin…”
Jeanene, the “freak” sister, wearing no makeup and, unbeknown to her, showing off her natural beauty and charming smile. |
Erica, her “pretty” sister, wearing plenty of makeup and, unbeknown to her, barely hiding her deeply judgemental nature. |
Now, don’t get me wrong — first, I have no problems with cosmetic surgery. I’ve even had cosmetic surgery myself, as have many people I know. If you’ve got something about your body you don’t like, change it so you do! That’s the wonderful and empowering thing about body modification — including plastic surgery — it lets you be who you want to be; it lets you seek out the ideal you and express yourself as publicly as you want to. Second, if Jeanene is now happy with her new look, she looks great and I’m glad she’s where she wants to be.
“We are so accustomed to wearing a disguise before others that eventually we are unable to recognize ourselves.”– Francois De La Rochefoucauld
But this show really rubbed me the wrong way, because as well as being generally condescending and playing up stereotypes, it showcased a very unfortunate undercurrent that certainly exists among pierced and tattooed people — people who, like Jeanene, got piercings and tattoos and make fashion decisions not because they like them, but because by ostracizing themselves first, they eliminate anyone else’s ability to do it for them, and by making themselves “ugly”, they diffuse outsiders’ ability to level that accusation.
But here’s the problem: stretching your ears doesn’t make you ugly any more than listening to rap music makes you a criminal. Stupid closed-minded outsider bigots might decide you’re a criminal if you listen to rap music, and stupid closed-minded outsider bigots will deny your beauty if you stretch your ears, but the fact is that neither of their false assumptions alters reality. If you’re a white dude wearing a suit driving a minivan to work from the suburbs, listening to rap music isn’t going to hide the fact that you’re Mr. No-Risk Joe Normal. And, like it or not, if there are shortcomings in your appearance, stretching your ears isn’t going to mask them in the public’s eye — it’s going to compound them and make it worse by giving them an easy excuse to kickstart their insults. That said, modifications can just as easily enhance your natural beauty if they’re applied honestly and in a complimentary fashion.
Atypical body modification is a personality amplifier.
“Normal people” say very little in and of themselves. Thus, we initially judge them on their innate characteristics — their weight, the symmetry of their face, their teeth, their facial hair, their fitness, their breasts, and so on. While those are certainly relevant if our sole goal is to become aroused, rape them, and deposit our seed — our biological imperative — the fact is that these characteristics are sorely lacking when it comes to actually describing the character or personality of the individual, or for providing enough information to even base a relationship on.
Jeanene is right when she say that there’s a communications element to modifications; “if people are going to judge me, I want people to judge me on my terms.” A person with body modifications has the opportunity to wear their personality far more “on the outside” than a person who sticks with being a plainskin. However, it’s wrong to think of it as a “mask”… Thinking of body modification as something that can cover up things you’re unhappy with is a mistake, and it won’t work any more than you can hide the fact that you’re listening to bad music by turning it up really, really loud.
Jeanene shortly before the surgery: by some people’s rules freakish, unattractive, and unfit for a happy life. Personally I think she looked great, but I’ve never claimed to love blandness. |
Jeanene suffered from — or at least believed she suffered from — a hook nose, a slight weight problem, asymmetrical breasts, and excess facial hair. Modified or plainskin, these are issues that would bother most people. Jeanene had it worse because her sister — referred to throughout the show as “the pretty sister” — escaped most of these problems. Jeanene said of her, “[we] are night and day with our appearance. My sister is a very beautiful girl and I wouldn’t mind looking like her. It would be cool if I got the same kind of attention as she does.”
Jeanene though was never able to gain the confidence she needed to appreciate that attention, fearing that if she looked “normal”, people might notice her hairy chin or other shortcomings. Gesturing at her bright hair and stretched ears, with her eyes tearing up, she tells the camera, “it’s easier to have a… you know… sorry…” and has to stop there. The problem came when she saw body modification as her escape, when in fact it just allowed her to temporarily avoid facing the things that were upsetting her. At the same time, it lead to a whole new set of problems and hardships which eventually all escalated to a breaking point where she had no choice but to reject body modification publicly, needlessly slandering people with honest and uplifting modification drives. While it’s not Jeanene’s fault that she was pushed to this — the public can be truly brutal — it does unfairly affect others.
“Pretty” Erica talks about how it upsets her to go out in public with her sister because of people’s reactions. |
Jeanene is brought to tears while talking about the abuse she’s afraid to get from the public because of her looks. |
Suspensions & Tensions: Today, Part III – Fakir Rants & Raves
Suspensions & Tensions: Today, Part III |
FAKIR VS. STELARC, THE LISBON FACE-OFF
I was delighted that Shannon was able to catch up with the elusive Stelarc recently at the TransVision 2004 Conference. I was even more thrilled that he was able to make a video interview, and further, that Stelarc remembered our televised Festival Atlantico confrontation in 1997. You see, I had long been a rabid Stelarc fan since I first saw his 1985 book “Obsolete Body Suspensions”. I had tried in vain to contact him first in Japan and later in Australia. I never got a reply to the many questions I had about the “whys” and “wherefores” of his suspensions. To me, they were imaginative and an extreme visual turn-on. And since I had already done a number of my own suspensions (including several O-Kee-Pa’s), I felt his must have taken him somewhere in the unseen worlds. But he never mentioned this in any of his books, films, or writings.
So we were both booked to perform in Lisbon. Now he could not avoid me! The first time we met face-to-face in the festival gallery, Stelarc was charming, funny, and highly respectful of “Fakir”. He had also heard of me. I was in awe of him and he seemed to be in awe of me. The festival director arranged for a lengthy television interview and debate, in English, for the European TV networks. Now I had my chance, on public media, to ask all those old questions!
Well, he dodged and danced claiming all his suspensions were merely “works of art” and did not go to any erotic or esoteric turf. No masochism. No “unseen worlds”. He said they were only one step in his attempt to explore and improve what he thought was a poorly designed machine. His goal was to become a “Cyberman”, part flesh and part machine. A scientifically improved body. On the other hand, I told him that for me body suspensions were part of a greater ritual that allowed me to bridge the gap between spirit and body — and that for me body was already a great and marvelous creation. I suggested that in his suspensions he may have been at the door to “unseen worlds” but perhaps was afraid to go through. He didn’t seem to like that suggestion! So we parted in total disagreement, but friends. If you would like the full story of our confrontation, go to my site and order a copy of BODY PLAY #16.
Stelarc (Mr. Cyberman) and Fakir (Mr. Organic) as they faced-off in Lisbon.
SHAMANIC SUSPENSION RETREAT
This summer I took a ten-day vacation in the magnificent Northern California mountains between the coastal valleys and Pacific Ocean. Luckily, I have a piercing and suspension loving friend who owns 200 acres of isolated prime wilderness there. On this land’s hilltop, in absolute stillness except for nature’s birds and breezes, I had a vision: devotees swinging in the twisted branches of an indigenous oak forest. What an exceptional place for unhurried shamanic rituals, rituals for those who want an organic suspension experience. The vibes of this California hilltop equaled or exceeded any of the traditional ritual locations I have visited in Wyoming, South Dakota, or Southeast Asia. And it is only a three-hour drive from San Francisco! Better yet, it is only a few miles from my favorite hot springs spa which is also owned by friends. My mind started churning.
Over the next few days I scouted the location, asked questions and found that the nearby hot springs had just built an isolated group building to house fourteen to twenty people. It has a private kitchen, dining area, bath and community space used primarily for tantra and yoga classes. Wow! What a great combination this would be for an exclusive Shamanic Suspension Retreat in the summer of 2005. Now, dear adventure seeking friends, those who have expressed a desire for a more organic and nature-driven suspension, would you be interested in participating in such a retreat? Numbers would be limited. The retreat could be anywhere from two to four days. Devotees could participate in teams of three or four. Everyone gets a turn. Shamanic and medical guidance would be available, including the energy of Fakir and several other skilled psychic and physical guides.
If you long for this type of experience, please write me a private email. I have been in touch with a number of you since my last column, especially those few of you who have tried a true O-Kee-Pa style suspension from two chest piercings. Some of you have had mechanical difficulties with it. From your pictures, I have spotted a few problems, chief of which are:
- Chest piercings too high on the chest, too superficial, and in a place where the skin is very thin and not strong enough to bear your weight. Remember, if you weigh 160 pounds, each piercing must bear 80 pounds!
- Piercings not made exactly across the grain of the skin which causes ripping, bleeding, and the entrance of air pockets into the skin as it separates from the extreme weight it must bear.
- Not enough deep tissue in the piercings (lack of enough tissue volume again causes ripping and air pockets). Please note, bigger hooks or other hardware does not compensate for lack of strength in long superficial piercings in the upper chest. My advice: lower the piercings into the breast area where the grain of the skin is more horizontal and you can get a substantial amount of subcutaneous tissue in the piercings by piercing more vertically. See pictures of my O-Kee-Pa suspensions as a guide.
I’ve also been studying lots of BME pictures of horizontal suspensions (some people call them “Coma” and “Superman”). Again, from my own experiences I see several mechanical problems that can create disruptive and unpleasant sensations that interfere with trancing or prolonged suspension. These are:
- Too few hooks and hook location that does not allow uniform distribution of body weight. I try to plan hook location so each hook bears about the same amount of weight (between five and seven pounds).
- Not enough hooks located over the heaviest sections of the body. For example: over the hips, buttocks and upper thighs and over the upper chest. I suppose modesty is preventing some of you from placing hooks in strategic supportive positions. Yes? Forget modesty. Take some cloths off!
- Suspension cords or ropes with lack of “spring” or elasticity that makes your lift-offs very quick, sharp and painful. I find that bungie cord loops permit a gentle lift-off that is easier to adjust to. The worst thing I ever did was try a Sun Dance with steel cables that had no stretch. Not fun.
Indigenous oak forest in Northern California coastal mountains. |
Group lodge at hot springs spa nearby the oak suspension forest. |
Horizontal hook suspension with bungie cords (click to zoom). |
SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS
A Spiritual Suspension in Austin Texas (Reprinted from BODYPLAY #16)
Experience text by Beth Basar
Photographs by Dan McCollum
Long after my return from Lisbon in 1997, I received a letter from my dear shaman friend Bear in Austin, Texas. He told me he had been continuing his practice of facilitating body suspensions for those who sincerely desired the experience of journeying to unseen worlds and inner space. He wrote that he had just completed just such a journey, an outdoors shamanic suspension, with a young woman, Beth Basar.
The whole event was beautifully photographed by Dan McCollum. And even better, afterwards Beth had written about the journey and her subsequent feelings. I have long cherished this account and photographic documentation. It stands out as a prime example of what is available to us if we go about a suspension with integrity and clear intent. Bear, Beth, her husband, and Dan McCollum were kind enough to offer to share this magical event with those who wanted to know more about a spiritually-oriented suspension. In her own words, here is Beth’s account:
Dolphin JourneyOn August 16, I was involved in an outdoor suspension. It was the most incredible journey of my life and this is my story. I had read about suspensions before and had been intrigued by them. Almost a year ago I had the exciting opportunity to actually see a suspension for the first time. Ever since then I knew it was something I would one day do.
It was a perfect night for an outdoor suspension, warm with a gentle breeze and almost full moon. The suspension took place in my backyard on a beautiful old oak tree. It was lit with artificial lighting so everyone involved in the suspension could see what they were doing and so photographs could be taken. Before the suspension everyone present, including myself, was smudged with a sage smudge stick to purify all energies present and take away all negative energies. The oak tree from which I was to be suspended from was also smudged and blessed.
Bear, my guide and piercer, and his assistants were wonderful to me. They would tell me step-by-step what they were doing and why, so that I would not be surprised. After cleansing my body and marking it with ink to show where the piercings would go, they began piercing me, the first step on the way to my journey. One person on each side of me, piercing in tandem.
Once all 20 hooks were in and the clips were in place, they started threading cords through the clips and started tightening them. The first time they lowered the gurney from under me, I felt light-headed as if I were about to pass out. Bear raised the gurney under me again and loosened all of the cords. He then asked me if I wished to continue. I said yes. He started tightening the cords again at a little bit slower pace, letting me get used to the pressure and tightness before tightening them more. Then the moment came to lower the gurney again, little-by-little until I was free from the gurney and suspended only by the cords on the tree and the hooks in my body.
What an incredible feeling, the energy from all my friends watching was enormous. I felt so free and at peace. I would just close my eyes, listen to the music and fly. The breeze would gently sway my back and forth which would heighten all of my sensations.
I felt someone put their hands on mine. I opened my eyes and there kneeling in front of me was my husband George with tears streaming down his face. George knew that being suspended was something I wanted to do for a long time, and I knew it brought joy to him knowing I was doing something I had dreamed of doing for a year now. He sat there for a few moments, told me he loved me and told me to have a wonderful journey; and what a wonderful journey I did have!
One part of my journey led me to swimming with two dolphins, one on each side of me. I should actually say flying with dolphins for there was no water around us. But I could hear water running, like a waterfall somewhere near us, but could not see it. Every so often, Bear would gently sway me back and forth. This was such a surreal feeling it would take me further along my path.
While on my dolphin journey, my “big brother” Sam came up and gently touched my side and told me how beautiful I was and that I was flying with the Gods. My journey with dolphins may be due to receiving two gifts involving dolphins from two separate people right before the suspension. One was a bracelet with a dolphin on it and the other was a dolphin pendant both of which I wore during the suspension. Neither person giving me the gift knew anything of the other person giving me a gift involving a dolphin. So was it coincidence or fate that I should swim with dolphins? I have no idea how long I was on what I call the dolphin journey. I just know it was an amazing journey. During the suspension I had absolutely no concept of time.
After returning from my dolphin journey I returned to my physical plane and opened my eyes. Sitting on the ground in front of me were my two guardians, my husband and my “big brother” Sam. They were both sitting there holding each other looking over me. I motioned for them both to come closer to me. They did, each taking one of my hands. I looked at them and told them what a beautiful experience I was having and how glad I was that I was suspended outside. We all three started shedding tears. For me it was both tears of sadness and joy. There were tears of sadness because I wanted so much for both of them to feel and experience the happiness I was feeling. Yet there were tears of joy because the two men I cared about most were there to witness and support me as I continued my journey. I can’t say if their tears were tears of joy or sadness. Based on the energy being given off, which was very powerful, I would say they were tears of joy. We all three stayed there, connected to each other — smiling, laughing and crying. After they both went back to sit down, I continued my journey.
I closed my eyes, concentrated on the music (playing in the background) and let whatever was going to happen next happen. My next path took me further away into the land of the beyond. I felt I was flying with the Gods. Even through I was in a place far away in an unknown and unfamiliar land, I never felt afraid or worried. Instead, I felt very much at peace and free from all worries. It felt as if there was a protective orb surrounding me; it was very spiritual for me.
When I would open my eyes I would see the ground and it seemed many miles below me. But in reality was only a few feet below me. It was unbelievable, as if I were many miles away looking down on myself and everyone around me. Again I closed my eyes and continued my journey with the Gods. I eventually returned to earth for a bit, and before continuing the journey, all lights used to light the scene were turned off and it was only moon light shinning through the old oak illuminating the ground around me. Once again I closed my eyes and started flying, not as high this time but just as wonderful. With only the moon light caressing the ground, everything seemed more powerful. I was one with all my surroundings; one with the tree I was suspended from. It was an incredible feeling. After slowly coming back to earth I just lay there for a few moments appreciating all of my friends who witnessed my journey and their powerful energies, the beautiful oak tree from which I was suspended, the beauty of being able to be suspended outdoors, the music being played and everything that made that magical night possible.
I then motioned to George to come near me and told him I was ready to come down. Slowly, Bear and his assistants put the gurney underneath me and raised it up to me. They proceeded to remove the cords and clips, then the hooks from my body one-by-one. When I got off the gurney and first attempted to walk on the ground it was a very strange feeling. Gravity and trying to walk on the ground just didn’t feel right after flying so long.
My journey in suspension lasted one and one-half hour and was by far the most powerful, spiritual and beautiful event I have ever experienced. It was truly an experience like no other. I feel like a different person having returned from my journey. I feel I am a stronger person and have more inner peace now. It was truly a wonderful and magical experience for me. I was so charged from the suspension that I did not sleep for almost 36 hours. I will never look at that oak tree standing in my backyard the same again.
Beth A. Basar
In my next column, I will depart for a bit from suspensions and try to acquaint BME devotees with the deeper and more magical aspects of what we have been calling “Energy Pulls”. This is something both Fakir and his partner Cléo have been bringing to cities all over the U.S. and Canada for the past two years in our day-long SPIRIT+FLESH workshops. They loved them in Washington D.C. (twice), Minneapolis (twice), Los Angeles, San Francisco (twice), and next we go to Vancouver B.C. and New Orleans. How about your city?
Yours for safe and enlightened journeys,
Fakir Musafar
fakir at bodyplay dot com
For much more information on Fakir and the subjects discussed in this column, be sure to check out his website at www.bodyplay.com. While you’re there you should consider whipping out your PayPal account and getting yourself a signed copy of his amazing book, SPIRIT AND FLESH (now). Copyright © 2004 BMEzine.com LLC Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published September 29th, 2004 by BMEzine.com LLC in Tweed, Ontario, Canada.
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Lucifire – Queen of “Grotesque Burlesque” [Guest Column]
Queen of “Grotesque Burlesque” by Danielle Clark |
"Creative work is play. It is free speculation using materials of one's chosen form."
– Stephen Nachmanovitch
Sideshows play an important part in body modification culture. They not only give the “common folk” a way to interact with the modified in a positive manner but they also allow people to expand their definition of what a person is and how humans should be able to act. However, they seem to be dominated by males: Tim Cridland (The Torture King), Eric Sprague (The Lizardman), Paul Lawrence (The Enigma), Joseph Hermann (Mr. Lifto), and so on. Today we introduce to you someone you likely haven’t heard of before; a multi-talented sideshow performer, a singer, a fire breathing, scissor masturbating, blood letting, crotch grinding and incredibly captivating female performer — Lucifire.
Working primarily out of the UK, Luci has taken the sideshow world by storm. She offers a fresh look into the darkly entertaining modified stage performer all wrapped up in a stunning package. She offers what can only be described as “Grotesque Burlesque” — a show guaranteed to tantalize.
Danielle/BME: Can you give a little background on you, where you grew up, and your family life?
Lucifire: I grew up in the middle of Scotland, out in the sticks. We moved around a fair bit when I was a kid, we lived in Dundee, then in an artist’s commune in a fishing village on the west coast of Scotland, then a few other places before settling in Carron Valley. It was seven miles to the nearest bus stop and my next-door neighbour on one side was a half a mile away. I guess I had too much time to myself. I didn’t mix much with kids my own age because there weren’t many around. I spent a lot of time in the company of adults and animals. My parents were both very artistic and well educated and encouraged me to be creative and freethinking. I was always the quiet one at the back of the class with my nose buried in a book, a shy retiring wallflower that drew weird pictures and wrote strange stories.
My parents split up when I was five but I’ve always stayed in touch with my dad. I absolutely adore him and respect him as an artist and a human being. I don’t know anyone else with as much integrity. He lives in the Caribbean now with his girlfriend of fifteen years and I love going to see them. He plays music there and helps locals to record their own music.
My mum remarried and her new husband was wonderful too. He treated my half sister (his daughter) and me totally equally and fairly, with a lot of love. I think he wished he had a son though; he bought me my first motorbike when I was twelve and never treated me as a girl. I spent a lot of happy times with him in the garage. Nowadays I spend a lot of happy times with him in the pub.
I see a lot of my sister and although my mum and I don’t see much of each other we get on well. All of my family is very proud of me and support me in what I do.
Danielle/BME: You had an interesting childhood, very open and with great creative influences in your parents and stepparent — in what ways did they help to influence and encourage you to the way you are today and the career path you ultimately chose?
Lucifire: My dad was a community artist, setting up music and arts projects for kids, pensioners, the unemployed and anyone else that was interested. I’ve always been so amazed how my dad seems to know how to build anything. He has a wonderful combination of artistic and mathematical abilities. He bought me a keyboard and a computer when I was very young and taught me a lot about art and science and how they can combine. He showed me how to do graphics on a computer when I was a kid in the early eighties; as well as showing me how to build sculptures and taking me on his band’s gigs. I clearly remember being at gigs and hiding under the piano while he played and dodging his feet as he stomped, keeping time. When I first learned to breathe fire I told him proudly but he said, “Yeah, I used to do that but I can’t anymore because of my beard”. What an anticlimax, I thought he was going to be shocked or amazed. He’s a real big kid at heart. My dad and I both had Mohican haircuts at the same time, and I shaved my head for the first time around at his house with his clippers.
My mother was a photographer that used to dress me up in silly outfits and take pictures. She helped me make lots of amazing fancy dress costumes. Also, because we lived in isolation she would stay up until the middle of the night talking to me about art, politics and humanity.
My step-dad is how I described above.
However, both my parents being artists, they encouraged me not to go into the arts professionally. They could see I had an aptitude for science and encouraged that instead. They wanted me to get a stable career and not have to struggle the way they did. When I finally changed direction and they could see my mind was made up they were totally supportive.
Danielle/BME: It seems that most sideshow performers are well-educated and often quite worldly and willing to experiment and explore different venues. What education have you undertaken and in what areas?
Lucifire: I was always top of my class in school, to such an extent that I was always the unpopular “geek” or brainy swot. I didn’t really study much and even deliberately did worse in some tests in an attempt to make more friends. I wanted to study veterinary medicine so I studied sciences, math, English and Latin at school and upon passing with flying colours was accepted on to a vet med course on condition that I take a year out first (as they thought I was too young).
During my year out I started studying art and dance and was smitten. However I also left home and needed a job so I used my science background to get a chemistry job where I was sent on day release to study a national certificate in chemistry. I left that job when I was accepted to do a foundation dance course in Dundee. After that I had to leave Scotland to pursue dance training at the best institute the UK had to offer (in my opinion at the time) completing a contemporary dance degree at London Contemporary Dance School. Since then I’ve done several bits n’ pieces, including a B-Tec in fireworks and one in pyrotechnics. Oh, and I am a First Aid Medic and qualified Padi Rescue Diver.
Danielle/BME: You are truly well educated for the field you’ve finally chosen. What did you do career-wise before starting to perform?
Lucifire: Well, there was the previously mentioned flirtation with role of research chemist, working for United Distillers. I got to spend every day tinkering with vials of alcohol wearing a white lab coat with my thigh length stiletto boots peeking out the bottom. Hell, I was still a teenager and it made the day more exciting. Before that I even did a YTS (remember them?) at the local museum for a couple of months. I worked in a shop in Camden lacing customers into corsets while I was a student and busked breathing fire on the streets of London.
Danielle/BME: You have had quite a varied work history; though all with an underlying theme it seems. Is there something that people are generally surprised to hear that you have done in your past for instance that you had worked as a research chemist for a time to help fund your way through dance school?
Lucifire: The research chemist is always a bit surprising, but even more surprising I think is that I presented a GSCE chemistry programme for schools. They wanted a presenter that could breathe fire (the programmes were about elements and the periodic table) and when they realised I knew my shit they hired me instantly. Was kinda fun, mostly because I get to think about these teenage kids watching me on the TV at school talking about the periodic table and wondering if they can tell about my secret evil double life. In reality, kid’s TV presenting is probably more of a secret double life than my “normal” one which I hide from no one.
Danielle/BME: You’ve since branched out of “normal” careers and settled into being a sideshow performer and general stage artist. Some of the work you do on stage with your “Grotesque Burlesque” features involves body modification. What was your first exposure to body modification in the personal and entertainment sense?
Lucifire: Well that depends on what you count as body modification. I insisted that I get my ears pierced when I was five. My mum had a total of about nine piercings in her ears and I wanted some. After a nose piercing and countless ear piercings my first proper piercing was a tongue piercing about ten years ago, after I saw a friend’s tongue piercing. I’d never even heard of it before. After that I was hooked. As far as entertainment goes, I think the first body mod show I saw was Genitorturers at torture garden, probably about the same time. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been using piercing etc in my own shows, several years at least.
Danielle/BME: What body modifications do you currently have?
Lucifire: Stock take: piercings: three in my left ear, five in my right ear, one in my nose, a top lip frenulum thingy (which has been there for at least six years by the way), a 4ga tongue bar, a left nipple piercing and two in my right, a navel piercing, two clit hood piercings and one in the clit itself (I’ve have had several more done but taken out for aesthetic or practical reasons).
I have a scarification of my Lucifire logo on my pubic area — done a few times but I don’t keloid as well as I’d like. That was done by Dave at Tusk Tattoo. He is a very talented artist and a wonderful person. I have countless work or fun related burns and scars.
I have no ink! I have had an inkless tattoo done by Katzen the Tiger Lady on a day off on tour but it has disappeared now… lasted a good few months though. I have a drawing of a beautiful octopus tattoo that I’m going to have done very soon…inkless again, done by Dave from Tusk (again). Ink is just not my thing but I quite enjoyed the feeling and the ritual of being tattooed.
Compared to a lot of my friends and colleagues I really am quite mod-free.
Danielle/BME: Though I’m sure it has been a long time, do you recall what your first exposure to performance art, in a similar fashion to what you do, was?
Lucifire: I saw a lot of weird theatre performance stuff when I was studying dance but the first full on performance art piece I really remember seeing was a show by Franko B (see our previous column) about eight years ago in London, in a little space upstairs on Tottenham court road. I remember thinking it was an amazing idea but too slow paced for my own taste. I love Franko’s stuff though but I always want to speed him up. What really got to me was seeing someone bleed slowly in front of me. Blood represents life force to me; it is quite intense to see someone’s life leaking away into a puddle on the floor.
Danielle/BME: That is quite a powerful image. You use a lot of blood in your own acts; I can definitely see the parallel. What made you want to meld the two (body modification and performance art) for your personal acts?
Lucifire: I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie. I’m not afraid of blood and I love its symbolism. I love making shows, especially shows that affect people deeply and strongly. There’s no better praise than a few fainters or vomiters, which means that the combination of reality overload and theatrical elaboration has done its job. I love the adrenaline of performance — couple that with doing scary stuff on stage and you get a double hit… yee-ha!
Danielle/BME: You regularly engage in acts such as play piercing, bloodletting, and the like on stage — do you also enjoy these activities privately or are they only for the show?
Lucifire: I do these things on stage because I have a fascination for them. Blood is a powerful symbol and I like to use it on stage and although I’ve done a fair bit in my personal life, I’m such an exhibitionist that it seems a shame to not share it with an audience. My first suspension was done privately but I did my first public one recently.
Danielle/BME: While doing these more extreme acts such as play piercing, masturbation with scissors, bloodletting, and general blood play are you ever concerned about cross contamination?
Lucifire: I’m absolutely terrified of cross contamination. I always go to extreme lengths to ensure that any real blood used in a show is carefully contained and that no cross contamination occurs. This is especially hard when you have to make it not dictate or spoil the form of a show or it’s narrative. The end result makes it worthwhile though.
All equipment is sterile and we always perform completely sober and straight. The lunacy you see on stage is all natural. Despite all that I still get myself tested regularly. You can’t be too careful. The bugger is that I can’t give blood anymore; they won’t take your blood if you’ve been pierced within the past six months, and I really have no problem with giving some away. Actually I thought about becoming a phlebotomist (person that takes blood) myself, to hone my blood taking skills.
Danielle/BME: You have a world of experience in so many different areas. You are not just a stage performer but also an artist as well. You are in a band, you do photography, and you are naturally a model for your own website and your new project Scarlet Mews. Regarding art and art forms, you recently asked at your online journal, “What is the difference between art, erotica and pornography?” How do you yourself define the differences?
Lucifire: Well, that’s a big ole can of worms. Although there are legal definitions, generally I think it’s quite subjective. British law defines pornography as an erect penis or open vulva. Generally I’d agree with that. I think it also mentions something about “designed specifically to cause sexual arousal”. If there’s more than just that intention then it’s possibly crossing into erotica or art.
For myself I see pornography as being quite obvious, direct and often not very beautiful. My idea of erotica is something less direct where suggestion and sensuality and beauty are the overriding concerns. I would see art as being more concerned with the message or medium rather than arousal. It’s all very muddy and one person’s art may be someone else’s pornography. I think erotica lies somewhere in the middle. I would be happy to show and discuss art or erotica with my parents; I would feel uncomfortable doing the same with pornography.
Danielle/BME: Your current look could be described as both artistic and erotic. You used to have quite a different look from what you have now. What triggered the dramatic transformation to über-femme and how has it changed how your audiences receive you?
Lucifire: I didn’t see my transformation as all that dramatic, it happened over a period of time. When I was younger I was a raging killer feminist. I had a lot to prove about female strength, independence and ability. Tank Girl was my teen idol, along with Ripley from Alien.
Over the years I would sometimes get into fancy dress as a “girl” just for a laugh. I did it more and more and got to like it. I was also getting quite heavily into the swing scene and loved the fashion. I had less to prove about my own strength and found it was even more subversive to look like an “über-femme” but do really hardcore things. It messes with people’s heads but is also more accessible.
“Straight” audiences will accept you easier if you look sweet n’ pretty but they find it harder to reconcile what you look like with what you do. It’s easy to understand and dismiss a butch girl doing butch or scary stuff; I love confusing them and breaking their preconceptions. If I can make someone question their stereotypes I’ve done a great job.
I looked like a baby Tank Girl for years and years. I had a shaved head with 2 little red horns, wore ripped tight shorts n’ braces, little bra tops and big bike boots. Most of my clothes came from army surplus stores.
Nowadays most of my clothing comes from vintage shops or I make myself from vintage patterns. I have shoulder length hair that is usually set in 40′s styles with rollers. I find it highly amusing that I am so granny-like, stocking up on setting lotion and gin. My hair is still bright fire red though and I still have my piercings. I am not trying to step back in time, just drag the 40′s and 50′s kicking and screaming into my world.
Danielle/BME: You seem to incorporate an element of sexuality into all facets of your art, from your onstage performances to the photographic sessions you in which you are the subject. Why is this?
Lucifire: I am fascinated by sexuality, gender, and what is deemed acceptable or arousing. I admit I’ve traded heavily on sex in my career for a couple of reasons; I am a very sexual person and can’t think of a more exciting and universal subject matter — it is easier to get into people’s heads and have them accept what you are doing if they find you sexually attractive. It messes with their heads when you are both sexy and repulsive at the same time, hence my term “Grotesque Burlesque”.
Sex is a great leveler in life. Almost everyone wants it, although I’ve discovered not many people are obsessed with it as I am. It’s been a big problem in my love life, finding someone or some two/three with an appetite to match mine.
Danielle/BME: Scarlet Mews is a new project of yours. What influenced you to get into producing erotica for the sake of art and erotica (as opposed to being erotic in your performance)?
Lucifire: I think this is just my most recent exploration into sexuality. I’ve reached a point where I feel comfortable in accepting my obsession with sex and have found a way to not only make it a business, but a business that allows me to flex a lot of creative muscles at the same time. Scarlet Mews will not just be a bunch of dirty pictures, but artfully and cleverly designed photo and video shoots as well as short stories and poetry. It encompasses all the arts (except music, at this stage I’ll save that for my band). I’m always looking for new projects; this is my current one.
Danielle/BME: I’m looking forward to seeing it advance. From the photos that are there of you, and those at your personal site one can easily see that you are in phenomenal physical shape; naturally this is necessary for your work. Do you do any special training to stay in top condition?
Lucifire: I go through phases of exercising. I trained as a dancer full time for several years so that got me into good shape then, the constant lugging of heavy cases and bags of kit (steel plates and power tools are pretty heavy you know), over the years I’ve done kickboxing, capoiera, yoga and lots of gym training, even the odd ballet class just to keep myself on top of things. At the moment pretty much all my training is sexcercise, there just aren’t enough hours in the day!
Danielle/BME: I hear that in itself can be phenomenal exercise. I can imagine that some of your stage work requires you to have a calm and clear mind. Do you engage in any form of meditation or centering activities to help you to focus better both in your personal life and in your performances?
Lucifire: The nearest I get to meditation is writing lists, I do that almost religiously and it makes me feel relaxed and that everything is under control.
Danielle/BME: I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who does that. It definitely helps to ease one’s worries. You’ve done a variety of different acts both on and off the stage; what’s the scariest thing you have done during a performance?
Lucifire: Every new show is terrifying, especially when there are other people in the show and we need to co-ordinate. Every time I try a stunt for the first time it’s scary but that usually passes quickly. Singing on stage the first few times was probably more terrifying for me than any stunt. The thing that still scares me is sticking a needle into my vein in my arm and draining it. It’s the psychological thing of messing with veins that’s scary, I’ve had a bad haematoma from it before and it scared me, thinking I was going to get collapsed veins or something. Stupid I know, junkies do it all the time and they’re not always in top mental form. I think it’s a mental barrier.
Another scary thing is when you come off stage and you have no idea what you just did because you were so transported by the moment, sometimes I can hardly even speak. This is particularly scary when you have injuries and you don’t know how or when. These are special occasions and I treasure them — these are the shows that keep me going, the reason I started and the reason I continue.
Danielle/BME: You must have quite a few stories to tell.
Lucifire: I remember one time being on tour with Killing Joke and suddenly being aware of where I was and what I was doing. I was at an outdoor rock festival in Belgium I think, the sun was shining and it was nearing the end of their set and I’d climbed up the lighting truss at the side of the stage with a mouthful of fuel and a lit torch, I was painted bright blue and wearing just a small loincloth, thirty feet up in the air hanging upside down from just the back of one knee, breathing fire. I was suddenly shocked by the fact I was there and how stupidly dangerous it was… for so many reasons. I loved that tour.
Danielle/BME: That sounds amazing. Though not quite exactly the same there are other artists who do similar work; Steve-O (see our interview with Steve-O from earlier this year), Eric Sprague (The Lizardman), and Tim Cridland (The Torture King) being just a few of those. Are you familiar with them and what do you think of the work that they do?
Lucifire: I’ve never seen any of the above mentioned live but I’ve seen them all on TV and met Lizardman briefly and Tim. I think Tim does amazing stunts. His Sufi training and his dedication has enabled him to do the most incredible piercing shows… not just piercing the skin but right through the middle of limbs.
Danielle/BME: It’s amazing stuff. Considering all you’ve seen and done thus far is there much that you are still curious about that you have seen and want to try?
Lucifire: Bungee jumping, parachuting, having kids, running my new website, bigger shows… everything I haven’t done yet.
Danielle/BME: What performances have you seen that you admire, but that you yourself would be hesitant to do?
Lucifire: Sword swallowing (I tried but didn’t like it, too much gagging), contortion such as Daniel Browning Smith (the Rubber Boy — because he’s an amazing performer, but also I just couldn’t ever physically do what he does), Tom Comet’s shows where he catches a bowling ball on his face, balances a running lawnmower on his upper lip and juggles chainsaws. Tim Cridland’s piercing shows.
Danielle/BME: At the time I sent this interview to you, you hadn’t yet experienced flesh-hook suspension. Now that you have what do you think about it and how has it changed you?
Lucifire: I did a suspension on a day off during the first “modern primitives” tour. John Kamikaze was doing a two-hook suspension every night in the show and was joking around with some of the other guys about them doing it. I wasn’t going to let an opportunity like that go by so I got him to string me up on a day off. It was just for fun, only a couple of friends were there and I used eight hooks instead of two, since I was just a beginner. I stayed up for about half an hour and it was a really amazing experience, feeling the waves of pain wash over me. It doesn’t so much hurt, as throb and pulse in waves. Hard to describe and very intense, not something I’d want to do everyday but I knew I’d definitely do it again.
Danielle/BME: That sounds familiar, most people who do suspensions can’t quite describe the sensations afterwards but they pretty much always want to give it another go. You did another suspension recently — however this time you decided to do it publicly. How was that for you?
Lucifire: The one I did recently was at the Metal Hammer Awards where I did an upright suspension from six-hooks, once more by Dave Tusk (can you guess yet?). It was all over a bit too quick — I didn’t want to come down. I did a “strung-up pin-up”. I was dressed in a sumptuous sequined burlesque outfit, dripping in diamantes, corseted and wearing glittering high heels. The suspension rig was decked out in white flowers and as the hooks were put in I posed sweetly and sang “I’ve got you under my skin”. The problem I have with a lot of “body art” acts, is that they take too long and lose their impact on the crowd and become self indulgent. It’s hard to find a way of presenting it quickly and powerfully. Allen Falkner of TSD is a master of that but his style is his own and would not work for me so I’m trying to develop this new strung up pin up style.
Danielle/BME: That sounds amazing — you can definitely put on an eye-catching show. Considering some of the other acts you do on stage I can’t see a flesh suspension as being your most “out there” and controversial act, however Miss Bathory, Rosemary’s Baby, and the Siamese Twins definitely come to mind. What would you consider your most controversial act?
Lucifire: I don’t consider anything I do as being very “out there”, every thing has come into existence through an organic process; it all makes perfect sense to me because I know the background.
Miss Bathory was very disturbing for the audience though. Xena’s (The Warrior Princess) stuntwoman was in the front row and passed out in the first five-minutes — that was a real compliment. A lot of our friends were so disturbed by it they had to leave halfway, and others wanted to “rescue” us. I think that was because, as well as all the blood play, the characters were all very disturbed women.
Rosemary’s baby was just a tribute to a film, although quite a gory and fun one.
As for the Siamese twins, I adore them. I love the characters and I love the show. Whenever I see them on video I still laugh out loud. That’s quite something when you created them and know them inside out. The show is so funny that it doesn’t seem harmful to me at all. Although I am not a “born freak” I feel the show was made very sympathetically, and I’ve worked in the Freakshow business for long enough to respect others’ conditions. It was not only a show about freaks and how we perceive them, but a metaphor for living with an incompatible other half, whether that is a sibling, lover, or your own darker side. That’s if you can be bothered to think about it, otherwise it’s just a grotesque comedy.
Then again, masturbating a girl with a pair of scissors on stage until her eyes bleed I guess could be seen as a little “out there”!
Danielle/BME: I could definitely see that as being considered a little bizarre. With all of these acts you play with the very real risk of extreme physical deformity, injury, and death. I assume that you are relatively at peace with the idea of death. Despite that, you must have some tangible fears?
Lucifire: Regrets, finding out that I missed out on something, being old and wishing I had the courage to follow my dreams.
Danielle/BME: I think many people share those fears. Despite how they may look, your performances aren’t about causing you pain — how would you define the acts that you do and why you do them?
Lucifire: I do what I do to entertain and to ask questions. I don’t have all the answers. That’s why I ask them. I want to show people new things and new ways of thinking; I want to point out the wonder of the human body and what it can do, and of course because it gives me a buzz.
Danielle/BME: If you can’t enjoy it there’s no point in doing it. When your performance time is up, do you have a retirement plan or another career you will pursue?
Lucifire: I’ll think of something, and it will be the right thing because it will result out of who I have become. I will not be the same person in ten years time, so how can I decide what that person will do?
Danielle/BME: That’s a good point. I’m sure twenty years ago you didn’t see yourself where you are now. Eventually, as morbid as this is, you will die — do you have any special requests for when that happens?
Lucifire: When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes put into a firework so I can be exploded over the sky. I think that would be very in keeping with my life and everyone close to me adores fireworks and explosives, I think it would be a fitting end.
Danielle/BME: What do you want people to say about you when you die?
Lucifire: That I had a good life and I was a good person.
Danielle/BME: I can’t see them saying otherwise. You have been great to get to know and I definitely wish you the best in your future endeavors. Thank you so much for taking the time to complete this interview with me. For the reading audience as a recap, what types of events do you entertain at and how can an interested person book you for an event or get ahold of you?
Lucifire: I do a lot of shows at fetish events, gay clubs, artsy or alternative cabarets, tattoo conventions and private parties. Anyone interested in booking me can contact me at [email protected].
Note that Lucifire does not limit herself to the UK or Scotland, she has performed all around the world. Find out more about her at her personal website Lucifire.com, her online livejournal, or her newest site Scarlet Mews.
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Copyright © 2003 Danielle Clark and BMEzine.com LLC. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published online August 20th, 2003 by BMEzine.com LLC in Tweed, Ontario, Canada.
When does modification become mutilation? [The Publisher’s Ring]
When does modification become mutilation? |
"Every good artist paints what he is ... The strangeness will wear off and I think we will discover the deeper meanings in modern art."– Jackson Pollock
I recently got the following question from a reporter in Seattle; variations on it are asked fairly regularly, and I think people tend to assume that their perception of “mutilation” (and just about everything else as well) is objective when it is in fact subjective. Anyway, the question:
Is there any point at which you would draw the line in body modification? To clarify, is there a line you wouldn’t cross and don’t feel others should either? A point at which you would say “Okay, that’s not modification. That’s mutilation.”
To me, the question seems strange. Let’s play Greek philosopher for a moment and imagine a dialogue between two people, Gerald and Charles, as they walk through an art gallery. They are in the abstract wing, looking at a series of Jackson Pollock paintings.
Gerald, the first man, points at The Key.
Gerald: Is that art?Charles: Yes, I think so. It invokes feelings in me and has meaning. I like looking at it… But that one, Number 8, it’s just scribbling. It does nothing for me. It’s not art, and I’d never hang something like that in my home.
Gerald: Perhaps you simply are unable to understand it due to your own shortcomings and life experiences. I see meaning in it, and I enjoy looking at it. It is art, and I’d be honoured to have it decorating my living room.
Charles: If you believe it is art, and I believe it is not, and each of us can experientially confirm our belief, then who is right?
Gerald: We both are.
Some things may really be defined only in the eye of the beholder. After all, some people don’t like chocolate. Some people do. Does that mean that we can definitively answer the question of “does chocolate taste good?” with a yes or a no? Of course not — the clear answer is “it depends on who’s eating it.”
Looking at it coldly, almost any change made to the body, even simple earrings, is mutilation. It is also modification. In this context the words mean effectively the same thing, one simply appends a condemnation of the act. Given that the interpretation of the modification (that is, “does it make me happy? has it improved my life?”) is up to the subject, I feel it is unreasonable for anyone to attach the label “mutilation” as long as they can answer those two questions affirmatively.
I posted this same question to the members of the iam.bmezine.com community, and on the whole the answer was an overwhelming “whatever makes you happy”:
“I think it all comes down to intent. If somebody wants to modify their body in a certain way and that’s what they want, who is to say that it is wrong? I don’t think it would be considered mutilation if they want it.”“The only line is the one that the individual draws personally. Hopefully anyone getting serious, extensive modifications has thought deeply about it and reflected within themselves. If they don’t feel the line has been crossed personally, there is no line. Hopefully, my line is not someone else’s line.“
– mal“One man’s treasure is another man’s junk! As long as you are making decisions for yourself and not forcing them on others, anything goes. Everyone needs to follow their own hearts and minds in their pursuits, but one also needs to accept responsibility for one’s actions, and the consequences, positive or otherwise.”
“To give an example, I would never consider amputation for myself, but I admire people who see that as a form of art and expression. I can appreciate their reasons behind it, and I don’t consider it to be mutilation for them, even though it would be if I did it.”
“I think the line is different for every person. I’m sure that I’ve done and continue to do a lot of things that most people would never do, but at the same time I wouldn’t cut my foot off… But mabye Joe would — that’s up to him and if he wants to do it, more power to him. It’s just not something I would do. Draw your own damn lines!”
“If what you do benefits you in positive manner spiritually and mentally and you are prepared for the implications, there isn’t a line. When I am branded, I am spiritually and mentally affected in a positive manner — I feel this within myself. Whatever others might think of my decision is unrelated to that truth. I do not feel I can draw lines for others, but I know my own personal limits. Knowing what is positive and negative for me; that is what matters.”
– Elysiat
That said, a number of people did point out that it was possible for a person to hurt themselves; that sometimes, even when a person desires something, their reasoning may be ultimately self destructive — that is, sacrificing one’s life to defend one’s family might be “good”, but sacrificing one’s life because someone called you “ugly” is not. Many readers recounted their own experiences with self-harm.
“I have ‘mods’ (scars) that were a result of what, at the time, was definitely mutilation… But, since then, I have begun to experiment with scarification and branding as a form of art and beauty, not as something to express all my hurt. I think it’s all highly personal, and up to each individual to decide… not for someone else to impose upon another person.”“It depends entirely on your motivation. If you are cutting yourself out of self-hate or loathing then it’s clearly harmful. If the motivations are positive then it’s a different story. Everyone has their own ‘line’ and we have no right to judge others based on what their line might be. Just because an act is physically harmful, doesn’t mean the result is.”
– punkass“When I was younger I was a self-cutter, and by no means was I attempting to modify my body. I was dealing with anger and frustration in the only way I knew how. Now I have many different mods that were painful to get, but were in no way related to emotional problems.”
– siogrrrl“It’s mutilation when the modification is done by an individual not in a sound state of mind… That is, incapable of understanding the full physical and/or social implications of the modification.”
A couple people pointed out that the line between self-harm and self-improvement may not lie only in the self. If a person chooses modifications that cripple them, even if the mods themselves make them happy, they may still place a burden on society. For example, does a self-amputee have the right to demand that their community pays for their prosthetics? Does a person who tattoos their face have the right to demand that if they are no longer “hireable” that the state provide them financial assistance?
“I think once they burden society around them it is going too far, but I don’t think it is ‘burdening society’ if some people just don’t like it.”– outsider“I draw the line with whatever won’t get me fired from work.”
– gorelord
My feeling is that if a modification is going to change the way you interact with society, that should of course be taken into consideration. We have the right to put extra burdens on ourselves, but not on others. Just because you like a body modification doesn’t mean that you have the right to take more from society than you put in.
All that said, I think Tankgirl gave perhaps the most relevant response:
I think a better question would be why do people in society in general think some of what we do is mutilation rather then modification?
It’s true — one really does have to wonder why some people are unable or unwilling to believe that different people might have different desires. After all, unless one takes the hardline stance that all mods are wrong (earrings and circumcision included), the hypocrisy should be clear. The pathology that goes into that closed-mindedness would be far more fascinating a study!
In any case, I hope it’s obvious that everyone has the right to define their own line and their own limits. How do you know for yourself when you’ve gone “far enough”? Since I keep bringing him up, I will use Jackson Pollock one last time. When he was asked how he knew when a painting was complete (they took a long time, sometimes years, to complete), he answered,
"How do you know when you're finished making love?"
My official answer to the initial question? “If a body modification activity makes the person who gets it happy, or it empowers or improves their life in some way, I will do everything I can to both help facilitate that process and defend their rights to enjoy life with it. That said, body modification is a serious and permanent act, and should not be taken lightly. The easiest way to be ‘mutilated’ is by acting without foresight. A person who enters body modification with a clear head and a clear heart will never be mutilated.”
So try not to mutilate yourself,
Shannon Larratt
BMEzine.com
PS. Shout-out to York University, Class of ’95 Bachelor of Fine Arts program… of course, I dropped out after a year to do my own thing!