No soap bottles on planes? How about snakes?

I posted the following on my personal (and more political and deranged) blog, Zentastic, but I thought I might as well spread the sedition around and mention it here, and add some so-called “perversion as proof” to emphasize that I’m not kidding when I write this.

So I’ve been watching the news incredulously, stunned at how clueless airline security is (to say nothing of how clueless the commentary is). In general, the “better” security is at finding bombs, the more invasive and inconvenient it is. And the problem is, bombs can be hidden in ways that would force screening that’s invasive to the point of making it pointless to bother at all.

I’ve mentioned this before, but take a look at BME/HARD’s “all things ass” section (or look at the free thumbnails in the video section on anal stretching, or for a more mild starter view, read this anal stretching interview. My feeling is that if you’re willing to blow yourself up, you should be willing to blow up your ass first. It’s certainly easier than learning to fly for example.

Can someone give me a serious explanation as to why someone can’t shove enough explosives up their ass to blow a hole in an airplane big enough to tear off a wing if the passender is sitting next to it? Or if they have other plans, why can’t they shove a gun and bullets up their ass? Drug mules are willing to do this. Is the tiny amount of money gained by drug mules for using their ass as storage though security and borders a stronger motivating factor than the gods of religious extremists?

Aww crap, now I’m probably gonna get ass-screened next time I fly.

Surprisingly, for once you can’t click the picture to uncensor it. That’s not what this entry is about. My point is that a reasonable person is happy to leave others alone if they’re allowed to express themselves. Because our world’s nations and religions are largely dedicated to arguing about what’s permitted and what’s not — when it’s obviously all neither permitted, nor forbidden; it just is — otherwise reasonable people are pushed into unreasonable actions. So instead of telling people they can’t blow up an airplane unless they’re willing to stick the bomb up their ass first, we might want to ask them why they want to blow up the plane in the first place and talk about it for a while…

Or we can shove bombs up our asses and see how that turns out. Whatever.

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About Shannon Larratt

Shannon Larratt is the founder of BME (1994) and its former editor and publisher. After a four year hiatus between 2008 and 2012, Shannon is back adding his commentary to ModBlog. It should be noted that any comments in these entries are the opinion of Shannon Larratt and may or may not be shared by LLC or the other staff or members of BME. Entry text Copyright © Shannon Larratt. Reproduced under license by LLC. Pictures may be copyright to their respective owners. You can also find Shannon at Zentastic or on Facebook.

23 thoughts on “No soap bottles on planes? How about snakes?

  1. Or any number of other ways. An evildoers might swallow condoms full of explosive and vomit them up, or even solid explosives.

    It’s time for them to shit or get off the pot. Either we fly naked for safety (I just love the way that phrase sounds) after individually being anally probed by dominating security officials, or we get to fly the same way we have been doing for decades.

    Enough fear. I’m all feared out. None left, and the store is closed. If authorities want to get more fear out of me they are going to have to come to my house and instill some. This bullshit has GOT to stop.

  2. Oddly enough, the first thing that came to mind to me wasn’t ass-accomodation, it was fake boobs.

    So…Will we all have the apocalypse brought upon us by a group of militant transexuals with semtex tits?


  3. Now Boarding on BME Airlines Flight 666 for Washington DC, Rows 1-14…please have your buttplug in place and seating vouchure ready for our stewards as you board. If you are able to fly standby, please let our attendents know…..

  4. I guess that if those fellas want to blow themselves up,
    ther’s really no point in vomiting the “c4″ condoms out before exploding, isnt there..

    Or is it called implosion?

  5. I suggested the same things to my friend. Also, how far fetched would a bomb surgically implanted under the skin be? (Not that far from the semtex boobies…)

  6. I think a lot of the security measures are to reassure people. There’s like an X-ray type thing they can use to see under your clothes and into body cavities, they were talking on the news about how it will never become common, cause people would get upset about invasion of privacy. I don’t get the big deal though. If everyone had to be probed before flying, it’s something I’d be prepaired to put up with. What’s worse, being blown up or probed?

  7. The current security measures do not reassure me at all! They make me think that the people running things are entirely incompetent, and don’t even understand the nature of the problem.

  8. By the way – I’m probably gonna do a run of ‘I have a beard but I’m not a terrorist’ T shirts if anyone wants one? ;)


  9. Huh? you’d honestly be okay with being probed before boarding a flight? you’d be okay with your child being probed as well? ’cause I mean apparently babies milk is now being tested at airports, so if the “Terrorists” are willing to bring babies onboard with explosives in their milk bottles they MUST also be willing to hide bombs in the children themselves right?

    It’s about fear and control. Not security. And it should not be accepted.

  10. shoving explosives or metal objetcs in your ass will still set off the metal detectors, and dogs can sniff out explosives, so it wouldn’t help to much, I would think?

  11. nerdcore (quality name btw; Frontalot for president of the Zooniverse) – check Shannon’s posts on zentastic regarding this.

    Drugs are routinely smuggled through customs without being detected by dogs…Explosives could be done in the same manner.

    As for metal objects…You need a couple of thin wires and a watch battery for a detonator. Many of us have copious amounts of metal in/through our bodies and don’t set off metal detectors.


  12. Caz and others have it right. It’s not about stopping terrorists. It’s about creating, fomenting and increasing fear so that the political party of fear stays in power.

    So much of what the current administration does is based on fear. Fear of terrorists. Fear of something threatening the family. I think it’s worth mentioning that Christianity, especially fundamentalism, speaks of fearing God. They are all about fear.

    A recent mainstream media poll showed that Americans feel that the Republicans are better handling the terrorist threat than the Democrats. So, if you can keep up the fear quotient, you will stay in power.

    It’s not about stopping terrorists. It’s about holding onto power. The Christian Fascists/Bush Theocracy are afraid of only one thing — getting voted out of office.

  13. No, I don’t feel any safer due to the new customs restrictions. But some people do, and I think the government (in the UK at least) is trying to convince people that it is in control of the situation. Obviously there is no way any government could ever be able to protect us from terrorists, and any security measures are merely token offerings cause it’s not like they can offer us anything else.

  14. Top 15 causes of death in 2001 in the U.S.:

    Diseases of heart 700,142
    Malignant neoplasms 553,768
    Cerebrovascular diseases 163,538
    Chronic lower respiratory diseases 123,013
    Accidents (unintentional injuries) 101,537
    Diabetes mellitus 71,372
    Influenza and pneumonia 62,034
    Alzheimer’s disease 53,852
    Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome and nephrosis 39,480
    Septicemia 32,238
    Intentional self-harm (suicide) 30,622
    Chronic liver disease and cirrhosis 27,035
    Assault (homicide) 20,308
    Essential (primary) hypertension and hypertensive renal disease 19,250
    Pneumonitis due to solids and liquids 17,301

    September 11 attacks: about 3000


    If the government really wants to save lives, they could take on any of the above more seriously.

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