Piercings for Grief

As I write this, Gabrielle has got eleven lip piercings, and depending on when you read this, she may have more. She explains,

“Piercings are my way of coping with the grief I’ve been struggling with since my father died. Getting pierced helps me to cope with my loss when I feel I’ve got absolutely nothing to live for. I am going to continue getting pierced until the internal pain goes away.”

zombieinatree.jpg

This entry was posted in ModBlog and tagged , by Shannon Larratt. Bookmark the permalink.

About Shannon Larratt

Shannon Larratt is the founder of BME (1994) and its former editor and publisher. After a four year hiatus between 2008 and 2012, Shannon is back adding his commentary to ModBlog. It should be noted that any comments in these entries are the opinion of Shannon Larratt and may or may not be shared by BMEzine.com LLC or the other staff or members of BME. Entry text Copyright © Shannon Larratt. Reproduced under license by BMEzine.com LLC. Pictures may be copyright to their respective owners. You can also find Shannon at Zentastic or on Facebook.

136 thoughts on “Piercings for Grief

  1. The reason to get piercing might not be the best (seeking professional help in this kind of situation would be better but that’s my opinion…) but at least it fits her very well so I guess she could keep them and still be happy with what she did which is great!

  2. Hey Paige is in the second picture :D yay.
    Whats wrong with getting piercings to cope with pain, it’s more constructive than her cutting herself imo.

  3. How is it more “constructive” than cutting yourself? More socially acceptable maybe but how is it more “constructive” exactly? Is it because it leaves holes rather than scars? How “constructive” it is depends on your ultimate goals. I really don’t see your point at all. Also doing something over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of………well I’m sure we all know what it is the definition of.

  4. “I am going to continue getting pierced until the internal pain goes away.”

    Honestly, I think she’s looking/relying for comfort in the wrong place. Piercing should be a positive experience, all of those piercings, if she really does believe in her own motivation, will forever have a negative connected to them. If they act up and need nursing, will it bring back that raw, unresolved feeling? If she’s using this to deal with the grief of losing her father, my guess is that it’s going to take a lot of time and needles. She could end up looking like Elaine Davidson and still feel as much grief as she does now. Somehow I feel that this is not the best solution. Sure, it may bring her comfort, like it does most, but I think she could do with something else to help her along.

  5. If she thinks it helps, then good for her. People should just get off her back and let her grieve in her own way.
    Yeah it’s not the best way to deal with it, but it’s hardly the worst either.

  6. I understand where she’s coming from. While I’m having also “medical” help for my problems, my last 2 piercings were about a stage of my grief/loss. I certainly would never judge her for finding bodmod as a mean to self-healing. I hope she feels better soon. Much support.

  7. Dylan, we are not scene kids. Way to go on your intellectual observation (Y)

    I’m in the second picture, and I know for fact that in real life, Gabrielles lip piercings look amazing.

    Kudos if she pierces to deal with grief, If its her coping mechanism, then leave her be with it. People can cut, take drugs or go around murdering people to deal with grief.

    Its even more cool that she can pull off so many piercings.

  8. Well, what’s better? Piercing or what mainstream society prescribes — tons of psychiatric medication?

    Really, I’d rather see someone pierced than medicated.

  9. i first started getting pierced so i wouldn’t cut myself.
    and it spiraled into this amazing experience in my life, and ended up giving me what i was looking for all alone.
    and that was to feel comfortable in my skin.
    so i am all for getting bodymods to cope with internal pain.

  10. if being pierced or being medicated were the only two options, I’d agree with you

    but there are other options, like talk therapy, or just having friends who are there for you. *shrug*

  11. poly – She has friends. Talking to people is great, but it’s not instant, and I doubt it really takes away the pain of your dad dying while you’re young.

  12. i could care less why she does it…i used to cut and i do admit it helps release stuff ehrn i get a piercing but thats not the only reason…its for the art and the beauty of it. of course the pain helps and is sometimes even pleasureable but i wopuld rather see anybody get pierced instead of start cutting cuz i was in a hospital for 3 years because of that shit. there is no really dumb reason to get modded unless it just was to be “kewl” in my opinion. to each their own.

  13. Who cares why this girl got her piercings? They look good on her and if that’s her way of dealing with things let it be. When I was depressed I would get piercings because I seen it as a better alternative to cutting myself. So give the girl a damn break.

  14. I find the whole “getting pierced because it’s a way of coping with grief” thing completely strange.
    I’ve a very close member of family die when I was very young so I know that it effects you but I just can’t comprehend how piercing could help with that.

    Guess people just cope with things differently.

  15. Jacques – in regard to the “getting pierced because it’s a way of coping with grief” thing…

    I couldn’t say how it helps this girl in particular, but a couple things made sense to me,

    its a talking point, especially when you’re always getting new piercings. A lot of people ask you – did it hurt, where’d you get it, why do you have so many etc. Like everyone has mentioned, when dealing with grief its nice to feel like you can connect with other people.

    Also, this may just be my own personal thing, but I always think of a new piercing a little like a baby. Its something you have to check up on, and take care of. You can even buy it things, and change its clothes(jewelry.

    So depending on how much time she spends taking care of her piercings, it may be a really rewarding distraction.

  16. If it helps her feel better after her loss, then why not.
    The things is, none of you people that are criticising arent her, so you dont know how her head works, so what right have you really got saying that there are other ways.

    Each to their own.
    And personally, I find them reather stunning.

  17. I will.
    Emotional masturbation, thats all. Stop excusing yourself and complain how bad is your life doing such a thing, it’s really ridiculous.
    Yeah the piercings are nice, and your story with motives are just piece of trash. Good day

  18. “their scene kids lmfao”

    Think of us what you will, at least we can use the word ‘their’ in its correct context. ;)

    “i first started getting pierced so i wouldn’t cut myself.
    and it spiraled into this amazing experience in my life, and ended up giving me what i was looking for all alone.
    and that was to feel comfortable in my skin.
    so i am all for getting bodymods to cope with internal pain.”

    I’m really glad for you, my piercings are also helping me become more comfortable with my external shell as well as helping heal my state of mind. Thank you for understanding.

  19. >>Really, I’d rather see someone pierced than medicated.

    I’d rather someone had long-term catharsis through psychiatry with a course of talking through and understanding grief rather than use it as a reason to pierce yourself.

    Her piercings will always remain a reminder of her grief and can act as a barrier to overcoming it.

  20. I don’t really think getting pierced is the best coping stratagy, and I would certainly reccomend she try other more healthier and effective ways of dealing with her grief. It’s basically on the same level as cutting. However, I actually like all the lip piercings, although I feel like they would be really annoying. I used to have two lip rings and they drove me crazy.

  21. “Well, what’s better? Piercing or what mainstream society prescribes — tons of psychiatric medication?

    Really, I’d rather see someone pierced than medicated.”

    yo, totally.

    Giles, its hard to say what THE answer is… piercing could help. im always one to say there are multiple paths of healing.

  22. There is absolutely no evidence to suggest piercings work as a way of dealing with grief. Nothing at all, anywhere.

  23. ovary, I’ve experienced something like that and I was never medicated. Everyone gets sad, it’s only certain people that do this kind of stuff though.
    And hell, I definitely think it was good for me to have had that experience at a young age.

    In any case time is always the best healer.

  24. It’s nice to see someone with a high number of facial piercings who’s actually taken their facial structure and an aesthetic balance into consideration rather than shoving a needle through everything in sight.

    And someone who can halfway decently apply makeup under their piercings.

  25. anthropologically speaking, body modification to deal with grief is quite common, perhaps just as common as body modification as a rite of passage. Who are we to say what is a ‘valid’ reason?

  26. winter, yes it is, but isn’t posting it on the net a cry for attention of sorts?
    Isn’t grief a private and personal thing?

  27. Jacques: I have to agree, it’s pretty much like all the emo kids who have blogs to complain and love the attention…

    So it’s not all right to cut yourself if it’s self mutilation in order to relieve psychological pain but it’s all right to get piercings yourself to do the same thing? Where do you draw the line between what is ok and what is not in self mutilation (because that’s what it is, the only difference is that she’s not the one who passes the needle through her skin!). I still believe that she would get over her pain much faster if she had a therapy and in the long run she wouldn’t regret it as much as she might regret those. Someday she might realize that all those piercings or the scars left by the holes will be in the way of her getting the job she wants, the boy she wants and so on… There isn’t much thought behind what she’s doing and she will still have to live with the consequences…

    I realize I sound like an old fart, but all my mods were done knowing that at some point they might become an hindrance and I do have a backup plan if I never manage to become a teacher and I find it sad that she might ruin her chances to become what she wants to be in life just because she can’t deal with her problem the right way. People who cut themselves do it on their arm and it can be hidden but if someone sent a picture of self mutilation on his face I’m quite sure the reaction would be negative for the same reasons I have a negative reaction to the pictures of this girl…

  28. Are you kidding me ??? No offence to anyone but i’m just not bying this Emo crap about “Getting pierced helps me to cope with my loss when I feel I’ve got absolutely nothing to live for”. Common you see bunch of emo kids of her age hanging out on the streets with that amount of piercing. I just wonder how long is she gonna keep this look !

  29. Giles/etc – Plenty of traditional cultures modified themselves as a way of dealing with grief, memorializing it, and/or reclaiming life. It’s a very traditional and very human way of handling the subject. Paying tens of thousands of dollars to a therapist and blabbing on about it for years, possibly while drugged? That’s a modern invention.

  30. I can understand doing something as a memorial to a dead person, but I don’t think (and I very well might be wrong) that that’s what she’s doing, and to me (and again I might be completely wrong) it just looks like a big cry for attention.
    I know that when I feel upset I would never consider posting something along those lines and as such it’s completely alien to me.
    Hell, for me the best form of therapy was to get a punching bag and to spend a few hours every day beating the shit out of it untill my knuckles were raw.

  31. I think it looks really good on her!!

    As for piercing as a way to hold the pain down, all I can say is I wish you peace, Gabriel. It’s SO horrible to lose a loved one. I don’t envy the pain you feel, and I’ll keep sending good vibes your way until your heart has started to mend from this pain…

  32. ahhhh Gabriel is a guys name…since im a girl i know it is…cuz my name is Gabrielle….

  33. “winter, yes it is, but isn’t posting it on the net a cry for attention of sorts?
    Isn’t grief a private and personal thing?”

    My father passed on a while back now, I was closed about my feelings about his death for a long time. The way I dealt and continue to deal with my grief is through body modification. I wasn’t attention seeking by submitting those three sentences, just putting the reasoning behind my piercings as additional notes. Getting pierced really helped me at what I consider to be the lowest point of my life.

    “I just wonder how long is she gonna keep this look !”

    That’s so typical a comment I’m not even going to touch it.

    Anyway, I don’t think I’m going to be checking back on this entry any more, so to anyone who comments after this: if you’re being positive/sharing your own experiences with grief and body modification, thank you for being supportive. If you’re going to reply calling me ‘emo’ or ‘attention seeking’ I just feel sorry for you.

  34. Jacques – Let’s assume for a moment that “cry for attention” as you put it is part of the motivation. I would suggest that when your world feels torn apart, taking control of your visage and modifying it in a way that changes the way the public sees you is a valid way to take control of that world again.

    I think this is an interesting entry because on one hand, it’s an expression of a “problem”, but on the other hand, I *KNOW* that a lot of people — maybe even the majority — of people reading it can relate to it in one way or another, even if it makes them uncomfortable. I think that one of the big problems in our world is that it’s not “ok” to express ones pain in this way, and that’s done us a lot of damage.

  35. Everyone has their own means of therapy. That’s all I’m goign to say in regards to that.

    Best of Luck Gabrielle.

  36. “I am going to continue getting pierced until the internal pain goes away.”

    I do hope the internal pain goes away soon. Her facial piercings are simply beautiful. Even when the pain goes away, I certainly hope she will continue to keep get facial piercings (and other piercings). Keeping the ones she has and adding many, many more over time, for positive reasons is even more attractive than feeling she has to get them for the pain.

  37. If this girl was 32 years old everyone would be agreeing that its a perfectly valid and thought out means of dealing with grief, but because she looks about 17 its ‘oh the dumb emo/scene kids and their cries for attention’. Way to be judgmental and just as ignorant as those kids you denigrate. And for the record, I’m 38- way too old to be any kind of ‘scene’.

  38. Gabrielle, thanks for putting your words there for us to read as well, a blog is certainly not the best way to get to know a situation so it’s good to read what you say about it.
    It might have just been the way those three sentences were written but to me they seemed to suggest a cry for attention, and I’ll take your word for it that that is not the case, and I apologise if I sounded like a bastard in my previous comments.

    Shannon, you’ve certainly got a point with that, but then that could also point towards some other problems. Why would someone feel the need to change the public’s perception of themselves to feel in control of their own lives? Don’t you think that might hint towards some other kinds of problem?
    I certainly agree that entries like this are interesting, it’s good being able to discuss a topic that doesn’t come up very often at all.

  39. Shannon: Stop saying that going through a therapy leads to taking drugs, there’s a difference between going to a psychologist and going to a psychiatrist and even if you go to a psychiatrist you can ask not to receive a prescription… Also spending thousands of dollars right now for a therapy or taking the risk not to get a job paying thousands of dollar more per year, you can do the maths… Any way, as far as I know, piercings cost money to, my labrets cost me 50$ each… so it would mean about 550$ worth of piercings around her lips at the time of this picture and probably a lot more before she gets over the death of her father…

  40. Giles: “There is absolutely no evidence to suggest piercings work as a way of dealing with grief. Nothing at all, anywhere.” Uh, except perhaps that she says that it helps her, right at the top of this very page! Why question that? I’m surprised how judgemental some people have been here. I can absolutely understand how body modification can be theraputic.

  41. As someone who has self harmed in the past and is currently getting therapy and taking medication (Shannon you may frown upon meds, but if they keep me from killing myself… well.. ya know.) I can honestly say that piercing is a very healing experience. It’s a way of taking charge of your own body. Some people go through a rough time and cut themselves, chop off all their hair, or any number of things to make them feel like they’re in control. You also end up taking better care of yourself physically when you have a fresh piercing because you know you have to in order to let it heal properly. That’s always going to help you feel better mentally.

    Are these Gabrielle’s reasons? I’m not sure. But kudos to you Gabrielle for finding an outlet for the grief. You look gorgeous, honey.

  42. Why does everyone on here constantly have to criticise everything? if it’s a straight edge thing, if it’s a vegan thing, if it’s a “i don’t give a fuck thing”, or if it¡s a grief thing..

    WHO CARES.

    we are all modified to certain degrees and we all have our reasons behind it. live and let live, anyone?

  43. Gabbi is no scene-ish drama queen.
    She’s a beautiful and intelligent young woman, she does what she wants, not because its cool, but because she can.
    Plus she looks amazing!

    much love xx

  44. cat: It is because we’re trying to forge a discourse on body modification. We need to discuss these things to understand ourselves, each other, and the community. If we simply say “hey cool” to everything, we learn nothing. We have to ask questions and talk about things. While some of it may be critical, it is still getting people to talk and think.

  45. Also, seriously, I think people are just worried about her. No one is calling her stupid (except the people saying she’s “scene”*). I think I, and everyone else, hopes she can get through her grief healthfully.

    * Using the term “scene” denotes stupidity

  46. “Well, what’s better? Piercing or what mainstream society prescribes — tons of psychiatric medication?”

    Wait, modblog is being edited by David Miscavige now?

  47. It doesn’t work for me, if I’m in a bad way I postpone piercings and suspensions (and for most of us, opportunities for those don’t come along every day) until I’m right in myself again.

    But, it works for others. I’d rather know someone has a few piercings than a whole lot of scars from hacking themselves up, risking bleeding to death or hitting nerves and doing long term damage and then leaving dirty big scars that make it harder to get employment than a few piercings (trust me on that)that you could remove at any time.

    Anyway, these ones look like they’re thought out. Not just stabbed through there.

  48. wow…her lips look so full and amazing…but now look very non-kissable :( *sad*…im not even going to touch the previous arguments about reasoning grieving.

  49. #37 – It’s a bit difficult comparing this situation to more “traditional” cultures. These cultures all participate in certain mortuary rituals which involve forms of modification. The cultural and social experience is essential to all of these rituals, to reaffirm status after a loss and cope with personal grief – social aspects which Gabrielle is lacking. I’m not saying her grief isn’t genuine, but it’s hard to compare her experience to traditional cultures as the social collectiveness is missing – which is a more important process than the modification itself in most cases.

  50. u say that 2 ur parnets just 2 get pearcings ok…. thats pretty dumb

    yh u need profissnal help pearcing 2 get the inrital pain away is a bunch of bullshit

    u dont see mthat depressed 2 me cuz ur hair ur makeu p is on if ur mega depressed i dont think ud have the energy 2 get out ur room or even 2 work for the money 2 get them eparcings

  51. I’m not saying I have a problem with people choosing psychiatry and drugs. I’m saying I have NO PROBLEM with supporting her in something she says works for her.

  52. what’s a better reason for getting pierced than grief? the way the piercings look on you? as in, vanity?

    i can think of far less justifiable reasons. you go grl.

  53. I think people are finally realising that OMG piercings aren’t just for aesthetical value. THEY CAN ACTUALLY HAVE SENTIMENTAL MEANING. gosh man.

    I’ve heard of people getting tattoos as a way of coping with self harm. Therapists really do jack shit. Well the ones on the NHS that is.

    I know during times of bad for me, instead of taking drugs or self harming, i’d get a piercing. That way instead of focusing on how crap everything around me felt, I could focus on the new piercing. Caring for somthing else takes a lot off of your mind.

  54. “u say that 2 ur parnets just 2 get pearcings ok…. ”

    Yep, I just whip out my ouija board to communicate and say ‘I miss you’ and I magically get piercings. That’s totally what’s going on, you see right through me.

    “yh u need profissnal help pearcing 2 get the inrital pain away is a bunch of bullshit”

    I don’t even understand what you’re trying to say here so I can’t even write a snarky response.

    “u dont see mthat depressed 2 me cuz ur hair ur makeu p is on if ur mega depressed i dont think ud have the energy 2 get out ur room or even 2 work for the money 2 get them eparcings”

    This may sound like an amazing concept to you, but my life cannot simply STOP just because I’ve lost people dear to me. I have to continue with my education or I may end up talking like you.

  55. I agree and disagree with many of the comments said here. I don’t think I necessarily accede with getting piercings as a way to cope with life however, but to each their own. At least the piercing work is well done and she’s not piercing herself with a toothpick in a public bathroom. That is when, I believe, it’s more feasible to make an observation about “being seventeen, emo/scene, and trying to get attention”. Attacking her age and appearance isn’t really justified, honestly.

    It doesn’t surprise me that this sparked up such a disputatious conversation. When I first read the headline, it gave me a chuckle. Now I wonder how valid it is. Does she really seek the attention of thousands of IAM and ModBlog viewers? Or is she just misunderstood? If she didn’t want the attention, she certainly has it now.

  56. “Now I wonder how valid it is.”
    Haha, what do you people want me to do? Regather my dad’s ashes and get pierced over them? XD

    “Does she really seek the attention of thousands of IAM and ModBlog viewers? Or is she just misunderstood? If she didn’t want the attention, she certainly has it now.”

    I’m pretty indifferent about it actually, it’s not like any of this changes my situation. Strangers can think what they like about me based on two photos and three sentences, it won’t reverse anything or change the way I feel about my mods. Support and stories from people with similar experiences is always nice, insults and catty remarks are nothing to me.

  57. I never insulted you or gave you a “catty remark”. I said nothing that was unfair, and I even mentioned that the piercings were well done.

    If you think these comments mean nothing to you, why do you feel the need to justify each and every comment made? You don’t care what people think, but you keep posting like you need to make it clear that you are misunderstood. What you say here will not change the opinions people may have of you now, and there is nothing you can do about it. Just shrug it off. You have your own way, and not everyone will agree to it. The same goes for anyone else.

  58. My father passed away 11 years ago on Good Friday (which is today). We were close and I still miss him a lot.
    But you can’t pierce yourself (or do anything really) to make the pain go away or until the pain goes away. Because it doesn’t. But time softens the pain and allows you to be able to look back at the memories fondly and recall the good things without the sharp shock hitting you like it does when things are fresh.
    It gets better. I promise. But you will always feel a loss because you love your dad. And nothing changes that.

  59. You know, if this was a memorial tattoo, you would all have nothing but nice things to say.

    You would think that in all places, BME would be the most receptive and understanding outlet for something like this. Gabrielle, you look beautiful, no matter what!

  60. “I never insulted you or gave you a “catty remark”.”

    I didn’t mean you specifically. :] I was really talking about people who are like OH MY GAWD UR NOT REALLY SAD UR DADZ DEAD IT’S ALL ATTENTION SEEKING.

    “If you think these comments mean nothing to you, why do you feel the need to justify each and every comment made?”

    Honestly? I have nothing better to do with my time.

    “You don’t care what people think, but you keep posting like you need to make it clear that you are misunderstood”

    I’m just trying to clear up misconceptions and assumptions about me, it’s really weird having a lot of people write things about me. I’m not used to it and it feels weird when people start telling me how I feel and what I must REALLY be doing getting pierced(like comment #61). Because I’m aware of this threads existence I just feel kind of compelled to be all “hey, wait… that’s not right” when people discuss me.

  61. #61 isn’t even comprehendable.

    I do understand where you are coming from. You should understand though that saying something like “Getting pierced helps me to cope with my loss when I feel I’ve got absolutely nothing to live for” is going to cause a reaction. It’s almost like you’re saying you want to die if you don’t get pierced. That’s taken as suicidal, and the piercings is just translated into cutting. When I first read it, I thought the same thing. And if you were a regular posting member here, saw this thread, you would probably think the same thing. No one is “out to get you”, but posting comments as such will only get 90% negative feedback. People will only continue to say things, so just ignore it.

  62. I love how Shannon assumed professional help means medication.

    If she wants piercings, then she should go ahead and get them, but I’d strongly advice grief counseling. Counseling, not medication. -Counseling-.

  63. Number 4 mayeb if you wern’t such a retard you would have seen the imo, In my opinion it is more constructive to get a piercing for coping with grief than cutting your self.
    You get your lip pierced and it looks nice, you don’t really risk slicing veins open and bleeding to death well depending on the piercing.
    you come out of a piercing with something extra than you do a cut, a piece of metal too!
    Where do a hell of a lot of your people get off on judging her way of dealing with emotional upset.
    c u all next bloody tuesday -_-

  64. I suppose with this debate going on I should mention that I did have therapy for a while but I didn’t find it to be beneficial, they wanted to put me on a drug called Sertraline and I declined the prescription. I was later transferred to another psychologist who also reccomended Sertraline after a couple of sessions, I accepted the prescription that time and later stopped taking it as after a few months I felt worse if anything and talking to someone I barely knew about my innermost thoughts wasn’t helping. Body modification offered me comfort and each piercing really marks a stage of acceptance with my grief, a step closer to emotionally healing. I don’t feel anything negative towards my mods, if anything when I look at them I feel pride as it’s like encouragement and ‘I can live through this’. I suppose that’s way more of my lifestory than anyone cares to hear, but yeah…

  65. yea…sometimes meds do more harm than good. i was put on something like that and it made me worse…more anger, suicidal you name it. people thought it wasn’t working so they upped it. made me worse and 2 years later the fuckers figured out it was the meds all along. i got off them and i’m fine. too much trouble. looking back if i would have had body modification…or the option of it my life probably would have been different. i think its a better alternative to meds because they can fuck you up and therapy…sometimes not even that helps. i think if you find something that works, do it. in therapy they call these “coping skills” and piercings are definalty a valid option. at least you don’t have to go fucking up your brain chemistry…if all you are left with are some pretty holes when you get piercings, do it. its safer in my opinion.

  66. I can definitely identify with her. I’ve never really had any goals or ambitions in life, so modifications to me are a great way to have something to look forward to, take care of, and be proud of. They bring that extra bit of meaning into my life. Kudos to her and everyone else who understands that – although why stop modding when the emotional pain goes away? Her piercings look fantastic, she should keep a good thing going!

  67. Chloe Olivie == 100% correct.

    It’s interesting that many people want piercings to be for vanity, but expect deep meaning from other modifications.

  68. Hannargh – You are the voice of reason and understanding on this subject. Practices that work in (for example) West Papua would have little to no bearing on someone in the US. Different culture, different type of society.

  69. I hope she can find peace wiht her internal pain- as far as i know- in various forms pain seems omni present- I stopped trying to find an *out*.. it is when I learned it didn’t have to consume my core that I found some solace- perhaps even some beauty in the pain. It is just part of me- and how much is a choice.

    These ~great~ intense~ experiences- the sometimes transcendental aspect of our reactions to the physical pain of certain body modifications might be a useful distraction- but please remember in all your grief that the hurt can only go as deeply as the love.

    Let yourself hurt sometimes- let it be the reminder of the vast significance the life of your father made to you- and I am sure others.

  70. LOL @ all the people calling her scene for the way she deals with things.

    I very much doubt that the majority of people saying this have had to deal with a death of a person close to you. It isn’t something you can just brush off and carry on with your life. IT HURTS. And showing emotion about it isn’t a bad thing. Why have we become a society where if we mention ways of dealing with pain, or something bad that’s happened to us, we automatically get mentioned an attention seeker or emo?

    I know Gabbi. She does not dress like a scene kid. She does not listen to the music that scene kids do. Hell, I’ve known her for quite a few months and she’s barely mentioned her Father to me, surely if she were attention seeking she would go on about it all the time.

    For the guy who seems to believe in therapy so much-therapy does not work for everyone. Just like drugs don’t work for everyone because hey, guess what-everyones different. You can read and refer to your text books as much as you want, but they never show the whole picture. If it were as simple as popping a pill or going to therapy and everything would be magically better, then I’m sure everyone who cuts, starves themselves, selfharms etc wouldn’t do so anymore.
    She isn’t cutting herself. She is’t starving herself. It’s similar to those who get tatttoos to remind themselves of certain times in their lives or the past experiences that make them. Gabbi is happy with her piercings and how she looks, so does it make much difference?
    Besides, I saw something mentioned about what she’ll do looking like that in the future. She doesn’t want a conventional job, therefore it doesn’t effect her. And it doesn’t effect you.

    “You are the voice of reason and understanding on this subject. Practices that work in (for example) West Papua would have little to no bearing on someone in the US. Different culture, different type of society.”
    Firstly, she lives in the UK, not US.
    And a lot of practicies done by tribes are actually implented in our society these days. There’s a method of bringing up babies based on a certain tribe, you carry the baby round constantly with you in a sling, you sleep with it, spend every moment with it until it reaches a certain age (can’t remember). And it’s proven to be a very succesful method for bringing up babies.
    Surely, by your logic, that shouldn’t work in Western society. But it does.

    Now if any of you want to have a go at her for being “OMG SCENE” or an attention seekr, I’ll impale you on by pelvic bones and hit you over the head with my handbag. Good day to you all!

  71. The comments on this post are so disgustingly judgmental. None of you knows what it’s like to be in this girl’s specific skin, how can you presume to know what’s best for her?

  72. >>And a lot of practicies done by tribes are actually implented in our society these days.

    That does not mean they work or act in the same way as they do in other cultures.

    I would suggest that other than visually her piercings are as far removed from those of indigenous tribes as possible.

    >>I very much doubt that the majority of people saying this have had to deal with a death of a person close to you.

    I would say that possibly EVERYONE has had to deal with the death of someone close at some point or other. It is one of the few absolutes in life.

  73. “That does not mean they work or act in the same way as they do in other cultures.”
    But that doesn’t mean they don’t work at all, like you were first implying.
    If it works for Gabbi, what’s the big deal? Like I said, it doesn’t effect you in any shape or form. It’s not hurting anyone. Therefore what’s the problem with it?

    “I would say that possibly EVERYONE has had to deal with the death of someone close at some point or other. It is one of the few absolutes in life.”
    Of course everyone has to deal with death in life. In my 17 years of life I’ve know 6 people that I can think of off the top of my head dying.

    My point is though that chances are the people who are calling her a scene kid and attention seeker for dealing with her greif and explaining why she does things probably haven’t had to experience someone close to them dying yet. Otherwise, chances are they wouldn’t call her a scene kid as they’d understand what she’s gone through.

  74. I think what Giles is trying to say it you can’t compare what this girl is doing to herself with things ancient cultures did because the whole thing for them was a ritual, it wasn’t just popping into a piercing shop and getting something pierced.

  75. Lmfao at all these mean comments!!!!

    I LOVE YOU GABBSTER!!!

    You always make me feel happy and keep me entertained!

    You’re piercings suit you and make you who you are, and tht is why i love you.

    I let you pierce my lip i love you that much :)

    BTW she is nowhere near a fucking emo Lmfao!!!
    Have you seen her appearance!
    She is waay too sexy to be Emo/Scene!!!

    NOW IM MAKING HER SOUND LIKE A CHAV LMFAO!!

    Dear god!! I am hyper today!

    ILY GABBSTER!!

  76. Gosh dang, thank you Mama Zombified for your first comment. Especially about the part for therapy. Like cute Gabrielle up there I use tattooing for the pain when I lost my grandmother, I can only slightly know where she’s coming from. I’ve also turned very OCD, but that’s a different story.

    No offense to Giles but it just seems like you’re dragging this on more than you should. You don’t know how it really calms her or soothes her, it’s HER coping mechanism NOT yours. Just because someone doesn’t do it the way “therapists” say it should be done doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way.

    I’m stopping before I lose my time to shower before work. If anyone replies to this comment I won’t reply back. I doubt I’ll look at this again.

    But rock on, Gabrielle. I hope you have a great life and your peace comes to you.

  77. Considering how many piercings she has and her saying “I am going to continue getting pierced until the internal pain goes away.” shows quite clearly they haven’t worked so far. I’m guessing they never truly will.

    Jacques – Spot on. Paying $60 seems to be the biggest ritual in many peoples’ life on here :-)

  78. #85 – Your example with babies is a bit silly. Dogs all over the world all nurse their puppies in the same way, it doesn’t mean they’ve learned it from each other and taken notes! Humans have an apparent innate idea that has been with us since the beginning that babies are helpless and need constant attention!

    And #83 Giles, I’m glad you think that, I’m in the middle of an Anthropology degree with a special subject of Mortuary Rituals :) Cheerful, I know.

  79. ‘I think what Giles is trying to say it you can’t compare what this girl is doing to herself with things ancient cultures did because the whole thing for them was a ritual, it wasn’t just popping into a piercing shop and getting something pierced.’

    I think it’s been made clear that this is a sort of ritual to her. Not just ‘getting something pierced’ as you so dismissively put it.

  80. What is wrong with you people? You are on modblog of all places and criticizing her reasons behind her piercings? I would think the body mod community would be more accepting! I’ve lost some faith in it now.

    Gabrielle you look beautiful, and I understand your reasons behind the piercings too.

    As #70 said, if this were a memorial tattoo, you all would have nothing but nice comments. What’s the difference? =\

  81. Jeez, kids, leave her alone. People go a little crazy when they’re mourning. Her piercings look great, and who made you people the arbiters of grief, anyway?

  82. I almost wish comments can be disabled on certain posts because of stuff like this.

    Gabrielle, I LOVE your hair, I love your piercings, and you can handle whatever you want however you want as long as you don’t hurt anyone else. I’m jealous that you have all those facial piercings and I have had to take almost all of mine out. My piercings have meaning too, and it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks about that. It’s for you, not them!

  83. Why do people have to be so judgemental?
    It’s pretty hilarious.
    I mean, don’t you have anything else to do with your life but judge people?

    Anyways….
    Nice piercings.
    I would get that many, but they wouldn’t look right on me.
    I’ll probably get them in weird places.

  84. “Your example with babies is a bit silly. Dogs all over the world all nurse their puppies in the same way, it doesn’t mean they’ve learned it from each other and taken notes!”

    Please don’t call my example silly unless you’ve actually researched first.
    I’ve remembered what the method is called now, it’s the continuum concept. It came from the book wrote by Jean Liedloff, who went and stayed with tribes whilst researching for it.

    The principles were based on those of tribes. I suggest you go research it before you try telling me I’m wrong again.

  85. Pidge, I was reffering to rituals in the sense of ancient cultures which have pretty much nothing to do with modern body piercing.

  86. i love how some people are like, well, she’s memorializing her dad.there is a big difference between memorializing something and going over the same area until there is nothing left.she’s getting pierced to get rid of pain, how is that any different than SI?

  87. never though i’d see people commenting on a modblog photo saying someone shouldn’t get piercings.

    everyone gets piercings for their own reasons, this is her reason so get over it?

  88. Pidge, I was reffering to rituals in the sense of ancient cultures which have pretty much nothing to do with modern body piercing.

    My point is that it’s still a ritual and was mostly directed at your ‘just popping into a piercing shop, ‘remark.

  89. Now I am almost sure that had shannon not posted the reason she got her piercings you guys wouldn’t be raising all this hell. Why do you care so much why she got them?

  90. OMG! you guys have the BEST HAIR EVER! what wonderfully polished looks!
    I love to do things for a reason, and such a great reason as a memorial…wow. nicely done. Cheers to you, and hope you find your peace.

  91. To Shannon and everyone else who touched on this subject,
    I would just like to say that being medicated isn’t always a bad thing. Yes, people today are WAY over-medicated, and SRIs and MAOIs and the like are often looked at as some kind of miracle solution, but there is still a time and place for them.
    Do I LIKE the fact that I need several kinds of medications to function? No, of course not, but it does make life a lot easier for me.

  92. i don’t see why everyone makes such fuss over such an insignificant thing as this. grief is pain. loss is hallowing. positivity can be derived from such acts as “piercing for grief”. if the loss felt is so overwhelming. piercing is a way for someone to feel alive again. to subject ones self to extreme acts such as this is a way to disconnect and start anew. like an awakening. just remember… everyones journey in this world does not lead them down the same roads, and we all don’t end up with the exact same frame of mind at the end. but life is life. stop bashing and realize we are all equals.

  93. This is really depressing… she’s a beautiful girl, I’m very sorry for her loss, but it seems this is more “self-mutilation” than “piercing experience”.

    Obviously all piercings can be considered “mutilation” but…I don’t know. I’m not even saying it’s wrong necessarily, I just believe this is a little heavier than your average extremely modded person because she’s doing it out of pain of loss rather than _______ (insert reason to be pierced).

  94. Get something to memorialize, sure, but to get pierced for the soul purpose of countering your internal pain because you can’t express it/deal with it seems very unhealthy and downright stupid, to be honest. It is behavior patterns like this that lead to more serious issues (even suicide) and in a sense can make the bodmod culture look bad by proxy (that we are a bunch of deviants that don’t know any other way of expressing ourselves than to get pierced/tattooed.

    Mind you this comes from a former cutter and heavily/visibly tattooed individual.

  95. oh, also, everything else aside, I think I’d rather die than be/hang out with someone who spends as much time on their appearance as these girls apparently do.

  96. My aren’t we pleasant?
    I don’t see what right anyone here has to prescribe a ‘better’ method of coping for her. Nor to make such rude and ignorant comments like above.
    She obviously found something that works for her, leave her be.

  97. 112. I think out of all the comments posted this one amuses me the most. It really doesn’t take that much effort to dye hair and put on eyeliner. You’d rather DIE than hang around with someone who spends twenty minutes (if that) on their appearance before leaving the house? Good lawd, that’s pretty… shallow.

  98. *Adds to collection* Fuck yeah, 43 points, 7 more and I’ll be able to trade them in for a stuffed panda.

  99. Haha Gabrielle. I love how you are taking all of this in stride. Keep your head up because I think your look is incredible and gorgeous. And I find the reasonings for your piercings very legit. Good luck on getting that panda haha =P

  100. Hey Shannon~
    I’m tattooed, and pierced, and a very successful professional, and a fan of the site, and an artist who deals with grief in my work… and I have been going to a fantastic therapist every week for 5 years, since my own father got cancer and died.

    AND, I recently went on meds. Having done a tremendous amounty of difficult and painful work for many years, I felt I deserved to investigate this option to help me make the most of my life.

    It is really fucking easy to hate on meds – but I strongly feel that the proper thing to do is hate on shitty doctors who mis-prescribe them or don’t pay close enough attention to their patients. They’re a powerful yet imperfect solution… and those of us who choose to use them have enough to deal with without the judgment and ignorance of so much of our society.

    As someone who supports a lot of heavily alternative lifestyles and does a bang up job of not judging people on this site who use recreational substances… I would like to ask you to think a little harder about your knee jerk reaction.

    And to the girl who is trying to pierce her pain away… sweetheart, your pain is proof that you are capable of deep love. It won’t kill you. It will transform you. Be good to yourself. Also, kickass bridge piercing.

  101. 112- That was completely uncalled for. You don’t know these girls. Who are you to judge them like that? Seriously, if you can’t find something nice to say, GTFO modblog.

  102. whoever the hell was talking about there being no evidence as to whether piercings help grief… WHAT?!
    you cant possibly experience another persons grief or judge on ‘evidence’ whether piercing would help that grief. who do you think you are?!

  103. I’m with Sbaby. I am a big believer in modern pharmacology. My meds – and there are a LOT of them – make my life bearable. Without them, I would be alone and in pain every day of my life…I know this because I’ve tried it. Meds are not for everybody, some people prefer to fight their demons in other ways. For me personally, meds allow me to live “normally” so I can enjoy life on my own terms, rather than being controlled by the various fucked up things in my head.

    Whenever I see someone trying the “meds are evil, we should be all-natural” argument, I get frustrated. It feels like the unspoken sentiment is “and since you take meds, there’s something WRONG with you.” No thanks, I don’t need to be all-natural, I’m perfectly fine even though I’m stuffing my body with chemicals. It’s a quality of life issue, 100%. Other people may prefer to hash things out their own way. I prefer to rely on science – that is, meds that I know work for me.

    Meds are not evil. If they work for an individual, why does anyone else have the right to criticize that person for taking them?

  104. I have spent a good time reading through all of these comments, and these girls have turned out to be the generic scene/emo hipster that they try so hard to be. What’s worse than accepting the fact is being in denial about the fact and as for points I think the most comes from being in denial about the fact.

    I am a hypocrite, I wear tight clothes and girls jeans but I have a vast array of friends and acquaintances, and none of them look like this – these are the sort of people you see hanging around your shopping mall feeling sorry for themselves. You ask them what the cuts on their arm are and they reply with ‘oh, my cat scratched me’ when really they just broke the plastic off their pen in class in a futile attempt to ‘escape from this horrible world’.

    On topic? I don’t believe a word that comes out of this girls mouth, but thats my opinion – she’s the exact replica of an ex of mine, who turned out to be an attention seeking whore. Her dad died, years ago yet she did the same thing this girl did, and she even resembles her!

    It’s not my place to say but you have to work hard to get over the death of your father and theres no better way than to talk to someone about it. If you are genuinely getting your body pierced to help you with your grief (which I do not believe you are) and not just seeking attention (which I do believe you are) then you’re just going to cause a barrier to be created which causes you an inability to get over your tragic event.

    And it wouldn’t hurt to calm down on the facial piercings, would it? I think thats what people see as the most attention seeking part of it all. Your body has thousands of places you can stick your metal in, but wont get you attention. But I forgot, attention seekers love to try their hardest to get attention.

  105. “#90 (Quote)Lmfao at all these mean comments!!!!
    I LOVE YOU GABBSTER!!!
    You always make me feel happy and keep me entertained!
    You’re piercings suit you and make you who you are, and tht is why i love you.
    I let you pierce my lip i love you that much :)
    BTW she is nowhere near a fucking emo Lmfao!!!
    Have you seen her appearance!
    She is waay too sexy to be Emo/Scene!!!
    NOW IM MAKING HER SOUND LIKE A CHAV LMFAO!!
    Dear god!! I am hyper today!
    ILY GABBSTER!!”

    Shut up.

  106. I find it amusing that you say “It’s not my place to say but you have to work hard to get over the death of your father and theres no better way than to talk to someone about it.”, but have presumed everything else about me.

    “Your body has thousands of places you can stick your metal in, but wont get you attention”

    ORLY? I didn’t know that. Never considered it. OH WAIT, those photos are only face portraits, you can’t SEE my non-facial mods.

  107. to 118-

    “It is really fucking easy to hate on meds – but I strongly feel that the proper thing to do is hate on shitty doctors who mis-prescribe them or don’t pay close enough attention to their patients. They’re a powerful yet imperfect solution… and those of us who choose to use them have enough to deal with without the judgment and ignorance of so much of our society.”

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

    someone is making sense!

    :)

  108. and archetype, i see where you’re coming from, really. but seriously, CALM DOWN. stop putting so much effort into judging someone you don’t even know. i PERSONALLY think if i saw her in a mall, yeah, i’d be like “lol, attention whore”, but the chance of her being like that is just as good as the chance of her NOT being like that. so really, you don’t know, and it’s stupid to get all nuts via internet. do i think it’s a little too much on her face, yes, but it’s her damned face and let her do what she will with it, whether she’s seeking attention or not.

    and comparing her to an ex? PLEASE. that’s just middle school.

  109. Linnie, the only reason I compared her to ‘an ex’ is because its the exact same situation and the exact same ‘reason’.

    And it was all attention whoring.

  110. Wow, i just managed reading all these comments in one sitting (minus a bathroom break). You really can’t judge someone by a couple of photos and a caption. These are photos, portraits, they portray a very spesific, minute facet of a person. We all deal with grief in our own ways, as many have already said, and the fact that Gabrielle is acknowledging her grief and working through it is extremely healthy. (and the peircings are georgeous).

    as for the conversation within a conversation on tribes who engage in modification to deal with grief and celebrate life… someone said that it is irrelavant as these are ancient and distant peoples? Are we not a tribe? interacting with each other on the streets, in shops, online… I’ve heard the term “body mods community” so many times, and that is exactly what we are. We modify and control our image and appearance all the time- i overheard a girl waiting for a bus the other day who was explaining to a friend how she cuts her hair “in times of crisis”. We control what we can when things are beyond our control.
    cheers and best wishes. <3

  111. I’m gonna stick up for her!

    If piercings help her cope, then so be it. We live in a “tough” (for want of a better word) world, people do all kinds of stuff to “cope”. Some people drive fast cars, play extreme sports, body build, overeat, smoke, go fishing, or whatever else, to “cope” with life and to find some escape or distraction from whatever it is that they wish to escape from.

    Similarly, lots of people get pierced (or tattooed, or branded, or suspend, and so on) because they like the pain and because it somehow helps them in life, for whatever reason. Give the girl a break. No-one can honestly tell me that the pain of body modification in any of it’s forms isn’t at least a small part of the enjoyment of the experience.

    (as a side note, like many people here, I also started getting pierced to stop myself from cutting, and I got my one and only tattoo to cope with grief. For a while I literally got a new piercing every month for about 18 months, but now I only get them if I actually want them (though I have no regrets about the number of piercings that I had, and I don’t think Gabrielle will regret hers either.) Now I get maybe a piercing every 2 years or so.

    I wish Gabrielle and all those who are like her in some way the best of luck.

  112. “No-one can honestly tell me that the pain of body modification in any of it’s forms isn’t at least a small part of the enjoyment of the experience.”

    That is one of the main parts of the experience.
    You have lost track somewhere if you’re coming out with that.

  113. ive never met someone who gets pierced for a reason like that i dont know what thats like but i understand you doing it and it makes you look really good keep going :)

  114. emo myspace picture..
    sorry.that’s what I think of when I see the
    ‘looking up at the camera all mad-like’ pictures.

    but I agree that’s not a good way to cope..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>