Full Coverage: Links From All Over (March 6, 2009)

[Whoa, Momma!] So this slutty sex doll, whatshername, Barbie, took a break from getting abortions and giving herself roofies to get some tattoos, just in time for her 50th birthday! This week’s overblown and self-important tattoo-related outrage comes from various people who are VERY OFFENDED that international drug cartel Mattel has released “Totally Stylin’ Tattoo Barbie,” a children’s toy that comes with 40 different temporary tattoos that will keep this bitch from ever getting a job, as well as a “tattoo gun” for the kids to give themselves their own temporary tattoos, which is completely inappropriate, apparently.

Yes, that’s right, a tattoo gun so instead of applying it with a wet wash cloth, 8 year-olds can simulate that milestone in every minor’s life experience of actual needles pumping permanent dye into their growing bodies.

Again, this has nothing to do with tattoos for consenting adults, but everything to do with age-appropriate toys. And in my humble opinion, the age 5 designated on the box is off by about 20 years and a hepatitis C shot.

This piece was squeezed from the mindgrapes of the Suburban Diva herself, Tracey Henry, who is positively aghast that CHILDREN will be using a FAKE TATTOO GUN, which is really just a stamp, essentially, but righteous indignation over stamps doesn’t get you featured on CNN, I guess.

There will be some who disagree, pointing out that Barbie is just keeping up with what’s in style right now and that this is merely a toy that kids can play make-believe like other adult activities.

I counter that bellbottoms and leg-warmers didn’t need to be removed with laser treatments and Barbie’s Dream Wedding gown didn’t come with bottles of Tequila for a pretend open-bar reception.

In conclusion, Tracey Henry was probably paid to write this.

[The Live Feed] Because there aren’t quite enough tattoo-related television shows, it was just announced that A&E will be airing Tattoo Highway, a reality program in which Thomas Pendleton, formerly of A&E’s Inked, will continue to tattoo people on camera, but there’s an important twist:

In “Tattoo Highway,” Pendelton and his wife and business partner, Monica (who also appeared on “Inked”), have transformed a 1970s tour bus into a mobile tattoo parlor. They will travel to cities including Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Phoenix and Salt Lake City, inking customers.

Boom. Nailed it. The bus angle worked wonders for Bret Michaels and his skank-banging, so it should really come as no surprise that others are picking up on this as the next big thing. I see big, big things for the future of reality television—big, bus-related things. The network is clearly thrilled about the prospect:

Executive producer Bob Horowitz said the traveling element will differentiate the show from previous tattoo docusoaps.

“All the other series have been based in tattoo parlors,” he said. “Here the premise is this is the first tattoo parlor on wheels, and he goes where the stories are. Imagine all the things that can happen when you take something like this on the road and all the things that can happen.”

Never mind that Horowitz is shamelessly hyping what is by far the worst part of these tattoos shows—namely, that great tattoos must have some big and important story behind them—but man, how exciting does he think a husband and wife going on a road trip is going to be, vocation notwithstanding? Are they going to be chased by land pirates? Did Dennis Hopper plant a bomb on the bottom of the bus that’ll explode if the speed falls below 50 mph?

“From the creation of the art to the environment that I tattooed in, it has always been about my customers’ experience,” Pendelton said. “In a street shop, it was easy to forget just how personal that experience should be. Rolling up and parking the shop right in the middle of someone’s life, well, there is nothing more personal than that.”

AND THEN THE BUS EXPLODES! No? OK, fine, whatever.

(Hat-tip to Warming Glow, a new teevee blog venture by man’s man Matt Ufford. Go read it.)

[Needles and Sins] Speaking of new blog ventures, fiery redhead and friend of BME, Marisa Kakoulas DiMattia, has escaped the evil (not so evil?) clutches of Needled and has struck out on her own with Needles and Sins, which promises the same lurid, untamed filth we’ve come to expect from her. Today, she offers a thorough review of the iPhone’s new “Tattoo Shop” application, which lets users ruin their perfectly good photos with the demon’s ink. Some of her findings included:

- [T]he biggest problem: the choice of artwork or lack thereof — and I use “artwork” almost facetiously. SonicBoom partnered with flash peddlers TattooJohnny.com but instead of loading up on, say, the cool Bob Tyrrell and Tim Creed commercial designs, the app finds itself heavy on the old Cherry Creek-styled jammies — aka tribal armbands abound and pin-ups with big 80s hair.


- [T]he leafy panties on the female belly skin is just disturbing. It looks like lettuce is growing from her vulva to her waist. It did make me hungry for a nice Greek salad though. [Ed. note: Gotta say ... that description had the opposite effect on me. Thanks, though.]


- The coolest thing about the app: using your own photos or being able to take one on the spot. I shot my non-tattooed sis to let her see what she’s look like with a Tyson tribal on her face. As the kids say, “Hawt!”

Listen lady, I know you think you’re all hip now that you’re back in New York, but the kids aren’t saying “Hawt!” The kids are riding buses, everywhere, into each others’ lives, and raping each other, with Barbies. Nice blog, though.

36 thoughts on “Full Coverage: Links From All Over (March 6, 2009)

  1. I find it ridiculous that “tattoo barbie” is totally unacceptable, however “pregnant barbie” [which comes with a detachable pregnant stomach, and infant] is.

  2. I think it’s silly to get worked up about this stuff, but I would point out @ Radical Kiba that pregnant barbie was deemed unacceptable and was pulled from shelves at WalMart not long after it was released. Well, you know, like they say; If you don’t want an abortion, don’t want a gay marriage and don’t want your kids playing with a press-on tattoo guns: make sure no one else can have one either!

  3. Is anyone at least mildly disgusted at the thought of getting tattooed in a decades old rusty ass bus, who knows what happened to it during it’s use in the 70′s?

  4. LOL i saw the commercial for that barbie yesterday.
    i automatically thought of you guys xD
    and now…its on modblog! who knew!

    people are crazy.

  5. Parents really don’t have anything to worry about. If you point out to a 5 year old child that getting a real tattoo involves being poked with needles for hours, I think they’ll be perfectly content to stay with the stick-on fake ones for a very long time.

  6. Hahaha this is hilarious. How is a barbie with fake tattoos any different then kids buying temporary tattoos?!? Or face painting!?! I mean come on.

  7. my mother called me the other night about the new Barbie.
    she was so excited she held the phone up to the tv so i could hear the news broadcast about it… along w/ the anchor’s silly commentary.

    she’s going out to buy me one for my shop. haha.

  8. When I was a kid I made my two Barbies, no Ken involved, have sex! They produced babies and the likes. I didn’t know it was out of the “norm”. So does that mean my mom banned Barbies? Nope. She never knew. Are we supposed to ban everything? By this I mean that kids could already give Barbie a “tattoo” or “dye” her hair with permanent markers (I know I did). Does this mean anything? Nope. I even watched Aliens when I was 5yrs old and I’m not really scared or forever tainted due to watching it.

    People really need to get over this. Times have changed from the 1950′s; stop sheltering your kids!

  9. i played with action mans , and made them had sex with my sisters barbies LOL :-p
    and action man allready had a tattoo first doll ever i think to have a tattoo …

  10. I want to get that Barbie for my 7 year old sister.

    Best barbie I’ve seen for a while.

    I used to torture my Barbies when I was younger. When I wasn’t making them all have sex I was pulling off their heads and drowning the Kens. :D

  11. one of my piercer friends had some fun with the large bratz doll styling heads and a dermal punch *grin* maybe we can do the same to barbie?

    where do i find one of these tattooed slut barbies anyway? since woolworths closed down im a little lost :(

  12. Tattoos on dolls are unacceptable, but impossible body dimensions that are sure to skew a young girl’s body image in untold ways are just fine. Seriously, Barbie’s been the target of all kinds of criticism for that stuff for a looong time. If she were real, she couldn’t stand upright, and would be too thin to menstruate. Let’s not forget the first thing she ever uttered was “math is hard!”.

    These things are acceptable but tattoos are not? Selecting issues to bitch about? I feel bad for the shit girls are put through.

  13. I find this all rather entertaining.

    When I was a child I used to use scratch on nail decos to tattoo my barbies.

    The only aspect of this tattoo barbie that i find could be detrimental is how easy it is to put on the tattoo, whereas of course in real life it’s not that simple. Though, as a childs toy I find it perfectly acceptable. There are many worse things Barbie could be doing.

  14. How likely is it that children will want a tatoo after playing with this Barbie? Yup, they probably will, but so did I when I was that age, and the only tattoos my Barbies had were the ones I drew on myself.

    How likely is it that a 5 year old will manage to get said tattoo? Substantially less likely.

    Has society completely lost faith in out parenting skills? When little Susie asks her mother to take her to the tattoo parlour is mommy going to jump at the chance to fulfill “that milestone in every minor’s life”?
    I doubt it, Susie would probably get a gorey description of the process and would be lectured on the everlasting effect of that pink heart she wants on her arm.

    If anything, this encourages parents to educate their children on the risks of getting a tattoo.

    Just my opinion.

  15. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTFaVhiKPTo
    This lady actually says “I think it’s attracting kids that are too young and want to expose parts of their bodies to show off tattoos.”

    Because the rest of the whore barbies AREN’T showing off parts of their bodies.

    This is frustrating but I think people will get over it. There’s always going to be a war between people who understand and people who don’t understand.

  16. What about “knock-me-the-fuck-up Barby”. you could insert this creepy little baby doll into her uterus and than make Barby give birth. if you want to talk inappropriate for children. that would be it in my opinion. although i did appreciate how that one had a saggy gunt/stomach after the birthing process.

  17. Banshee Fay, I’ve actually been on the bus and it was really nice.

    Ps I might be on Tattoo Highway. I interviewed for the assistant to thomas part on the show (didn’t get it, bummer!) and the producers were interested in my tattoos and did a few shots for them. So I guess well see!

  18. They released a different tattoo Barbie in 1998, except she was called ‘Butterfly Art Barbie’
    Everyone made an enormous fuss and it was pulled from the shelves after a few months.

  19. i remember one night when i was like 5 i had this weird vision (that might have been a dream) of these complex, glowing characters floating in the air in my bedroom. later i had an EKG and was prescribed depakote, which my parents did not let me take…
    just thought i’d try to contribute to the discussion

  20. well it is an adult activity i can see the parents concern with that point but other than that who cares.

  21. “So this slutty sex doll, whatshername, Barbie, took a break from getting abortions… ”

    Nice that you managed to get that sexist stereotype in there!

  22. I think her clothes look far trashier than the fake tattoos would… but yeah I actually am totally planning to buy one of these..for real.

  23. This is easily my favorite on-line discussion at the moment. ;)

    #8: I’d like some of those too, and then can construct a mobile.

    #9: I thought of the same thing. I’ve seen fake/temporary tattoos in vending machines at grocery stores, available at booths in theme parks and in general they are fairly easy to purchase. But no one is making a big fuss about that. Let’s discourage the children from face painting too, as that can lead to wanting facial tattoos down the line, and god knows we can’t have that happening.

    #22: Oddly enough I have a vague memory of that doll. Most likely due to thinking to was cool at that time. *haha*

  24. i want that barbie! haha.
    they already sell fake tattoo “airbrush” guns in the toy section of wal-mart.
    is there a diffrence?

    and no thanks for another tattoo show, the rest already suck.

  25. ” * would have to crawl to support her top-heavy frame.
    * would only have room for a radius OR an ulna in her arms.
    * would only have room for a tibia OR a fibula in her legs.
    * would only have room for an esophogus OR a trachea in her neck (she could either eat OR breathe . . . we guess she must just breathe)
    * would wear a size 3 children’s shoe
    * would have a severly distorted face (like the pictures of aliens), due to the almost triple average size of her head. ”

    is this not a bad influence? the fake tattoos are not going to make barbie any worse..

  26. Some retailers aren’t selling the contemporary inked doll

    Published: March 12, 2009

    It appears tattoos are still taboo, even when they appear on Barbie.

    That’s right: Barbie got inked. Totally Stylin’ Tattoos Barbie was released last week by Mattel on the eve of the icon’s 50th anniversary.

    The doll retails for about $20, wears a sparkly pink top and jeans and comes with temporary “tattoos for you” and a tattoo gun “stamper.” The controversial new doll is, of course, a hot item.

    Several online and brick-and-mortar toy stores already are sold out of the doll, and dozens are listed for sale on eBay.

    But no need to jump on eBay just yet. Target and Kmart stores both said they have the doll in stock, and earlier this week, at least one local Target store had several on shelves.

    One notable omission: Walmart. The inked Barbie was not listed on the Web site and a spokeswoman declined to say whether the store planned to stock the doll or was avoiding controversy.

    Amazon. com reports the doll is currently No. 5 on the site’s list of bestselling dolls.

    The online retailer said it has seen an increase in sales of the doll but couldn’t provide specifics.

    Cheryl Johnston, manager of Kmart in Tulsa, said the story also had the doll but hadn’t seen much interest.

    Toys R Us did not return calls for this story, but at an Oklahoma City Toys R Us store earlier this week, the Barbie appeared to be sold out.

    Comments posted to Toys R Us, Amazon. com and other sites ranged from: “I love tattoo Barbie. She is edgy and cool,” to “I cannot believe this,” and “I think the doll encourages young girls to go off and show their bodies.

    Angie Scheer of Edmond said she wouldn’t buy a Totally Stylin’ Tattoos Barbie for her 11- and 13-year-old daughters because she doesn’t want them to think tattoos are OK.

    “Just because Barbie’s doing it doesn’t make it right,” she said.

    [Posted today on MySpace by: http://www.myspace.com/stoptattoodiscrimination

  27. Pingback: Totally stylin? or Totally trashy? « The Pierced Consumer

  28. so when i was little i did play with barbie. the game my neighbour and i would play was barbie as a sixteen year old forced to care for her wicked mother’s adopted child when she meets the love of her life 19 year old ken. kids were so much more wholesome in the old days, no? my parents probably would have LOVED if barbie was just getting stickers and not statutorily raped in the attack of the dream house.

  29. Pingback: BME: Tattoo, Piercing and Body Modification News » ModBlog » Running Diary: Tattoo Highway, Episode 1

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