Set Straight Like A Perm


Oh, hello.

I didn’t hear you come in.

I’m Peck. You might know me from High Priestess. You might know me from my world-class lambada technique. You might know me from my collection of limited-edition Murphy beds. Whatever the case may be, I’m glad you were punctual. I can’t tell you how often photographers feel like I’m supposed to be on their schedule. Can you imagine? Can you even imagine?

Oh, that scent? Yes, pungent, isn’t it? It’s a fragrance made from lavender, space diamonds and endangered Condor eggs. It’s new. And by new, I mean I possess the only bottle. No, you may not see it.

Of course, just set your gear down anywhere you please. That’s a handsome strobe system you’ve got there. I did a shoot a while back where the photographer only brought hot lamps. “I want you to have a more natural glisten,” he told me. Do you believe it? Me, looking unnatural. What did I do? I showed him the body oil I have made of glacier water and pure Norwegian amniotic fluid, then I rubbed a thimbleful on my ample biceps, then I had him banished to one of the Mars colonies. That’s just how I roll. Oh, you didn’t know about those? Forget I said anything.

I’m ready for my close-up now. Best of luck.

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